Kingdom Hearts (c) Disney and Square Enix

Man, I don't know what's up with the Document editor thingit, but it's reaallly messin' my shit up. Holy crap. Good thing I didn't try and type this up in here first off.

Hm. So, first off, the Author's notes and rambles. Because I do that. Demyx and Xigbar, Yum. S'true. At the point of writing this, i have yet to finidh 358/2 Days, so this all takes place in the organization with no Roxas or anything to be heard of. So, before 358/2 Days.

Hopefully, if all goes according to plan, this will end up beign extremely violent. If not, it'll either dribble away, or turn into retarded fluff. EITHER WAY. Um, Xigbar's personality is extremely hard for me to grasp for some reason, and I made Demyx a stuttering, fast talking dork. But that's pretty much what he is, SO!

PLEASE tell me if there's anything that seems overly OOC, or if I mess anything up, because if you don't tell me, I won't notice and other people get to come after you being all "wtf."

Also, thanks to a fanfic I read a while back, I think maybe a Naruto one, sadly? Writing fanfics to the theme songs of whatever it is is SO beneficial. Really. I've been rocking out to Sanctuary the entire time of writing this. Hmm Hmm.

Sorry for the long, rambly intro. I just like talking to my readers. And, on that note, I am a TERRIBLE writer in the way that I get stuck a LOT, so by god, if you have an idea for this, message me about it, and I'll probably use it, and it'll get stuff DONE. I want input from you! What do you think so and so should do, think, any catchy lines, any cute moments you'd like me to flesh out?

Really, I'm so open, guys. Well! Here it goes, Please tell me if it's ok so I can work on continuing it while I'm in my fantarding phase. Hmm hmm.

"Well, I dunno, see..." The smaller boy trailed off again, planting his head in his palm in thought. "I like to think of it as... Ah, why d' we gotta go getting all these hearts when we can make our own, you know?"

Next to him, Xigbar tilted his head. "Make…?"

"Well, yeah! Like, ahhh, how do I explain it? Y'gotta find something that makes you happy. And uh – Well, isn't there anything that makes you feel? Like, even just a little bit? Something' you really like? I mean, if you look at us, everyone in the Organization has somethin' that they cling to. 'Cause it makes us something, right…? I have my music and Lux' has his card games. …Larxene has her loud mouth." The name made him cringe a little, but he laughed it off with a small head shake. "Doesn't something just make you… Smile? Laugh…?"

The older man tilted his head up, his one eye slowly sliding closed. The eternal moonlight of the castle was calm, the cooling breeze – he could feel that.

He cleared his mind and then his throat before speaking, "I don't think I have anything like that, really."

He opened his eye again and tilted it down to take in the other, whose iconic, easygoing grin had faded. It was strange, to see Demyx not smiling. After a moment, Xigbar decided he almost looked… sad. That was a stupid thought, even if Demyx had always been overly expressive for a Nobody.

"What..? Somethin' get you down, Runt?"

"Aah, naw. S'just… A shame, really. You gotta find something that makes this life seem like a life, seem worth living, right? Kick back, relax, and do what you love! Ain't that what everyone wants? …Right?"

More silence was his only reply. He frowned, leaping to his feet. "What's up with you, Xiggy? Why y'being so quiet? That's a little unlike you, don't you think? Not even a passing comment? Come on, man, I've spent a lot of time thinkin' about this stuff, you could give me a little feedback!" Demyx waved his hands in front of himself dramatically; leaning over the still seated Nobody. "…Please..?"

Xigbar shifted, reaching up to grab the wiry boy's coat. Demyx flinched, hard. He didn't like being touched in any way whatsoever, but he resisted the urge to leap back. Instead, he raised an eyebrow at the older man, who still wasn't looking up at him.

They stayed like that for a few moments, sitting on the cool stone rail. Then Xigbar raised himself up, avoiding eye contact until the last moment, when he was once again towering over the water user. He tugged him closer by the coat he was still gripping, causing Demyx to whine audibly. He really didn't like being touched.

"Don't you have a mission to be working on?" He asked after a long pause coloured only by his unwavering one-eyed stare.

Demyx winced back farther, a nervous smile following the stuttering laughter. "Ahh- Well, see, the thing with that was I was gonna ask you in a bit, s'why I asked you to come out here really, since it's on the way of something you're doin', if you could.."

"… Yeah, I'll get it. I saw the mission sheet. …No problem." He sighed and raised his eyebrow at the jumpy boy, releasing him from the grip. "I should get going, then. Don't forget to check in with Saix, and tell Luxord I can't make it to tonight's game, since I'll be out late, doing your double duty."

With that he turned, opened a corridor, and passed into it. Demyx stood still for a while, his arms still slightly raised in defense from an imaginary blow. He frowned again. When had he started flinching around like some sort of kicked puppy?

Shrugging it off, he likewise opened a corridor back to the castle, and stepped into the cold depths of it.

- -

Xigbar stopped and sighed for the thousandth time that day. It was stupid of him, and he knew it damn well, but he couldn't get what Demyx had said out of his head. 'Finding' your heart. Isn't that what they were doing? Finding the heart of all hearts, Kingdom Hearts!

But at the same time, something in him had started to doubt. It wasn't big, at all, but he had observed many times for himself how Demyx smiled and could play his Sitar for hours, that dreamy look on his face, or how pleased Luxord was when he played a good hand and had everyone else groaning at his mercy. His own guns, at the range…? Hitting always on the target, which made him smile, didn't it? Watching others marvel at him, a good day of work. He frowned.

He didn't much care for any of the other organization members – work was work and coworkers were coworkers. He wasn't number two for no reason. The frown deepened. It was a stupid thing to think about, especially when there was work to be done. He let his mood lighten a bit, sighed again, and slipped back into his portal. He had some Heartless to destroy, and if he wanted to return to the Castle in time to sleep, he'd better get a move on.

------

When he stepped out of the corridor at the castle, the first thing he did was quickly glance around for hard asses. Seeing none, he relaxed and strode over to his favorite couch, where he flopped down and summoned his Sitar. Standing not far off from him, Saix was checking the Mission log, his face as stoic as ever.

Demyx played a few notes, paused, and played a few more. Deciding it wasn't really worth it to fuss over stupid things; he cleared his mind and let his music carry him, feeling it soaking through his entire existence.

He stayed like that, on the couch in the Grey Area, playing nothing in particular on his Sitar, feeling the vibrations wash over him. He only paused momentarily to decline Luxord's enthusiastic round-up for the night's Poker game, and even remembered to mention that Xigbar wouldn't be able to make it. He didn't mention that it was because he was doing his collection, but hey, it's not like he was lying. Xigbar would be out late, so there!

It was amazing how many hours he could pass like this, calm and thoughtless, completely absorbed in the motions of his fingers, the strumming, the pressing of each string. He only stopped, finally, when Larxene got on his case, chewing him apart for being useless and giving her a headache with his annoying noise.

He scowled heavily as he picked up his beloved instrument and weapon, quickly relocating to his room; he wasn't up for a fight - even over his music. Not with Larxene, anyways. That woman was like the bane of his existence, always hounding him like some hateful witch. He wondered if she enjoyed toying with him.

The next handful of minutes were blank, the boy zoned out in a thoughtless hum, his Sitar in his lap and his hands completely still. When he snapped back he yawned slowly; deciding it was bed time, he set his Sitar against the wall next to his bed, and decided to call it a night. You could never get too much sleep!

Not to mention he needed it, after all the wheedling and whining he'd been doing lately. It was hard work, making others do everything for you!

After peeling off his Organization robes and boots, he crawled into bed, actually using the plain grey sheets rather than laying on top of them like he knew half the other organization members did. He didn't really care what anyone said, sleep was sleep and he liked to enjoy it when he got it.

His dreams were strange and wispy, flashes of a life he'd never known. It was nothing new to him, though, and they came and passed fluidly without him being any the wiser.

When he woke, it was the soft touch on the skin of his exposed back that lulled him from the weightless in-between. Shuddering but still rather unaware, he shifted, willing away whatever had woken him, and kicking to half-assedly fix one of his black pant legs, which had crawled up his leg in his sleep. Satisfied, he started to melt into the pillow again, the thick comfort of sleep returning to claim its victim.

Then the touch came again, and he heard words.

Words.

In his room. He snapped his eyes open, and was blinded by the blur of sleep; he froze, trying to pick out what they were saying.

"..thought I'd come since I finally got back…"

He stiffened more, piecing the words together. ..Xigbar!

Rolling over, Demyx rubbed his eyes, kicking the sheet from where it was wrapped around his leg, restricting his movement. Above him, Xigbar stood stiffly, his hand still slightly outstretched, his one eye wide and his expression surprisingly soft.

"... M'sleepin'…" Demyx managed around his parched tongue. How long had he already been asleep? It seemed like he had only just curled up...

Xigbar blinked and looked away for a moment. It was disturbing, how often he found himself lost for words with one of the most talkative Nobodies in the organization. He cleared his throat slowly, trying to keep his eyes from wandering over the moonlit form.

He looked away. Demyx had rolled over more, and was lifting himself up and rubbing one eye. "What're you doing' in here, you creep? Do you realize how fuckin' strange this is? "

"I..." Xigbar started, and then trailed off.

Demyx narrowed his eyes a little. Feeling completely awkward, Xigbar reached into his coat pocket to dig out the munny he had brought for the boy. "I was just going to drop off your prize for you, idiot. Here. Now go back to bed."

Throwing the munny bag at into the other's lap, Xigbar quickly straightened his coat and stepped back, leaving by way of one of his dark portals.

Demyx kept staring at the spot where the sharpshooter had disappeared. He felt pretty thoroughly violated, and it was a while after he had flopped back over onto his side that he managed to drift off to sleep.

Dreams swept in to snatch him up the instant his consciousness was drained away.

-

He was standing, he knew that much. He couldn't really see what was around him – a grey hue, that same grey that covered everything he'd ever known. Blotches of colour formed here and there. Voices. He was on a stage, at one moment. He felt himself swell, pride for himself, his accomplishments. How far he'd gotten in life! Everyone was screaming, cheering for him, for him!

Then pain, piercing his lower back. He stiffened, eyes wide. The pain radiated, crippled him, and tore through his spine. He crumpled, and the guitar he had been clutching clattered to the ground and skittered away. The crowd swirled and vanished.

He knew he'd been shot, though nothing he had seen had given any clue towards it.

His vision wavered, and he could see himself, the pink crystal-shaped bolt protruding from his back. He fell, writhed, tried his best to reach back and pull it out, but couldn't. Flat on the floor – hadn't it just been a stage? The marble of the Castle that Never Was, his room, a field.

His surroundings swirled, and he felt sick. He pried his eyes to the sky, swirling of different colours. Was it purple or red?

Above him, standing over him, Xigbar appeared, his laughter friendly as he brandished one of his guns as though showing off a cool trick. Demyx could taste blood. He shifted, the view shifted, and he could see it pooling out from his stomach, the pink shard glittering as the pain pierced through his very being.

As the blood spread, the warmth, he felt it fading, and the blackness came to save him, swirling around him and claiming him as its own.

-

Demyx cried out as he thrashed awake, the sheets entwined with his legs causing him to fumble and crash to the floor. He sat up, panting, his eyes wide and half-dried tears shining on his face. For a moment he just sat there, focusing on breathing and willing the white-hot pain from his spine.

He was shaking everywhere. Never had his dreams had such vivid… pain.

There was no way he was going to get back to sleep, now. Sighing, he rose to his feet and kicked his pant legs straight, adjusting the waistband shakily and rubbing his face to try and get the images out of his mind's eye. It didn't work very well.

Donning his coat, he gently lifted his Sitar up and brought it out into the Grey Area with him, where he habitually assumed his position on his favorite couch. He still couldn't shake that awful, gut wrenching feeling.

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