Warning: Spoilers for all the Mass Effect games.
Pairing: Male Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Notes: Originally a fill for the kink meme. Updated 04/20/2014, because I don't know how to leave things alone.

I. SINK OR SKIN

When Kaidan tells him he found them a place to stay, a place to live, John appears conflicted; he says that there are people who need it more than he does, more than them, and that it wouldn't feel right by him. But there are still months of physical therapy and being grounded, months of repairs before the Normandy can fly again, and, though he doesn't say it out loud, Kaidan thinks that maybe this time it's not about what John needs, but what he deserves. So he stops talking about it for a while, tries to find a better approach, discovers one while speaking with their friends. They, too, want the best for Shepard, and that counts, enough to convince him, though his smile is weaker than usual.

After that, Kaidan does what he can to make them move quickly. There isn't much to move per se, and their new place isn't even that far, but where there's paperwork (for the Alliance and the Council and a dozen other things) there is time lost and he doesn't want to lose any, doesn't want to come see Shepard and hear him say that he changed his mind. This is for him, he thinks when waiting for John's meds at the hospital. The next day, they're ready to go, and he's pleased when it doesn't take much for Shepard to leave the room he claimed for himself, and then chooses to share with others. That much space for one person was too much, he'd said; in the end, they couldn't make him bulge, the damn hero, couldn't make him forget his blighted idea. Kaidan wasn't happy and neither were their friends, but none of them had pushed. It was hard to refuse something right, and even harder to refuse the man himself.

Now that they were out of there, at last, Kaidan found himself able to breathe a little easier; and if the sky was rain gray, who'd care? They were together. He hoped that John felt the same as he did, but didn't ask; the other man was lost in thoughts, looking at something only he could see. It wasn't the first time - back before London, during the war, he'd do it, too. Now... now... now they're almost there; he can see the building and the beginning of the park in front. As they draw near, John starts to slow down, little by little. He never stops, simply seems to want a bit of time to take everything in; the less than pristine but still standing complex, the dampness in the air, the calcined woods. At the front door, he hesitates for a second before entering, but doesn't say anything, simply follows Kaidan to what is going to be their home. Home.

Soon, very soon, they'd live together. There had been — visits, yes, to Shepard's cabin, they had shared the Normandy, in a way, but nothing for them only. Until now. It would be a new experience for both, even if they had lived with other people before. For the hint of fear Kaidan felt, there are ten slices of happiness, though, and he simply decides not to dwell on it. They'd make it up step by step, much like they did during the war, against Saren, like Kaidan between Alchera and Horizon. It would be their chance to create, to have something of them, a haven, maybe; in any case, not to be shared with everyone and his neighbor, unlike many things before. More than that, John would finally be able to rest, and it was what mattered most.

A bit later, as Kaidan makes his way through the open lounge to the kitchen, he hears his lover pause before the large window in the living-room, turns to find him staring in the distance, then waits for John to say what he thinks of the odd furniture, of the place, something, anything, really, to break the silence, but it doesn't come. In his lover's gaze, there's only gray sky, the promise of deluge; it's a bit like looking in a mirror, a bit like nobody's home. Home. Something like apprehension worms its way through his heart but Kaidan chooses, ultimately, to ignore it. They still have things to do, still have time.