Everyone Has A Choice
Summary: 3x15 Julian gets shaken up by the thought of being used by Savitar again,
Pairings: Julian x Caitlin, Barry x Iris
Julian watched as Wally walked out of the room, clearly pissed off at Barry at the moment, he didn't blame the kid though, He knew what it felt like, having Savitar being in your mind, showing you things that you wish you could reverse he remembers the pain and agony he felt every time he woke up in a place that was unknown to him, not remembering how he got there it was something that taunted him every day.
"I need to speak to him again." Barry said, without asking Julian how he felt about it. Barry turned to look at Julian showing him a look that caused him to breath shakily.
'No.. No, not again, I won't let this happen.' Julian thought to himself as he looked over his gaze caught Caitlin's who looked distraught, he didn't want Caitlin to think of him as some monster. He wanted her to think of him as someone who she can move on with in the future.
"No… No, I won't let you use me as your personal walkie-talkie to him." Julian turned to look at Barry who seemed unphased by his reaction.
"Look Julian, we don't have a choice." Barry said firmly as he moved closer to Julian. "Please, for Iris's sake. "Julian took a deep breath his gaze went towards Caitlin who was looking at him with so much concern and worry which caused his heart to race against his chest.
"No. I refuse.. I'm sorry Allen. But I draw the line here." Julian said as he walked past the group, his head held down not wanting them to see how much this was effecting him. No he had to be strong for Caitlin. She needed him and he just couldn't bare to see the reaction when Savitar would speak through him, it would eat him up inside.
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Caitlin found him shortly after he had left the group, he should have known that she would follow him. He loved that she cared about him that much, He lifted up his head once he heard the door open then close, the sound of those heels that he knew too well.
"Come to talk me into it then?' He asked shakily as he looked at himself through the glass ,he saw Caitlin standing a few feet away from him.
"No.." He heard Caitlin say quietly, he gulped a little bit, the way her tone sounded made him want to turn around and hold her close to him but he stood his ground . He heard Caitlin shuffle closer, causing his breath to hitch slightly. His eyes danced as he looked up staring at himself through the glass.
"Barry's out of his bloody mind if he thinks I'm just going to let.. let Savitar abuse me again." Julian closed his eyes feeling himself slowly loosing a battle that he was trying to fight.
Caitlin looked at Julian her eyes swarmed with so much emotion, she tilted her head she tried to think of a way that would comfort him.
"Barry's just trying to protect Iris, Julian." She said quietly.
"We all are.." Julian snapped as he kept his head down he tried to gain his posture but he knew he wouldn't be able to. "But … Not like that." He said quietly, he closed his eyes as he tried to forget the times that he was being used by Savitar, he couldn't do it again. Not after he made a promise to himself.
Caitlin moved closer so she was almost touching his shoulder, "Do .. you not want to do this.. because you're afraid to let me see it ?' She asked softly,
Julian opened his eyes turning to look at Caitlin his heart raced at how close she was. No she shouldn't stand so close. He could almost smell the jasmine shampoo that she used in her hair. He turned to look back at the glass afraid that if he kept staring he would do something that would change their friendship forever.
"I just.. I'm afraid.. you won't see me as someone.. who you can look up to again if you hear his voice coming out of me." Julian said quietly , he felt a jolt of electricity shoot through his veins when he felt Caitlin's hand touch his, the smooth skin was too much to take. He tried to avert his eyes.
"You were still able to see the real me when.. I had someone else's voice.. I want you to trust me to know that I can do the same thing for you." She said softly squeezing his hand.
Julian turned to look at Caitlin, her eyes are what attracted him to her the most, the way she could so so much in those eyes made him feel like he could get lost in them forever.
He looked away for a moment before turning his gaze back to her, it was a bold move but he felt the need, those lips of hers were so inviting he just couldn't say no anymore.
He pressed his lips against hers gently he moved his hand up to her cheek rubbing it with the small of his thumb feeling her lean into his touch, he had been ecstatic when she didn't pull away, it was something that he had feared. He felt her kiss his lips back, he knew that this was a kiss for comfort, to show him that he had nothing to fear because she would be there with him.
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