For a moment she forgot. It was only for a
moment, the blur of a second, but it was enough
to make her blush with embarrassment at her own
foolishness. Enough to make her regret that
she'd ever agreed to take this case. It
happened when they went to see Gene Gogolak
about the basketball net that Mulder wanted in
the driveway. They were sitting so comfortably
on the couch that it began to feel natural;
Mulder's left arm around her back, his right
hand over her upper arm, so that he was hugging
her closely. Without thinking about her action,
Scully had placed her hand over his, stroking it
in an almost imperceptible motion. The keenest
eye would not have been able to detect that they
weren't really married.
That was when she forgot. Sitting there next to
her husband, discussing their home, their
basketball net, Scully felt as if the undercover
life that they had created was actually her
life. She was married, and she was concerned
about the CC&Rs, and she was in love. As
quickly as she had drifted into the delusion was
as quickly as she snapped out of it. Scully
looked down accusingly at the wedding ring she
wore as she removed her hand from Mulder's and
slightly straightened on the couch. It was
already too late; she was shaken. All of the
thoughts and desires that she had repressed from
the moment that she had slipped the wedding ring
onto her finger hit her with full force. She
really wanted this life to be real, only not
here. Somewhere, though, she wanted to live
with Mulder in a home like this, hear him play
basketball in the driveway, and yes, even make
him a sandwich.
Scully tried to stay attentive for the remainder
of their discussion with Gene Gogolak, but it
had become an impossible task. She had begun to
lose Scully, the strong, inscrutable FBI agent,
inside of Laura, a doting, smiling wife, and the
identity crisis was frazzling her nerves. She
knew that she'd been inexplicably cross with
Mulder, but it was the only way to hide from him
that she really did just want to play house.
"Something's up with him, Scully, ah, Laura,
don't you think?"
"Hm?" They were walking home from Gene
Gogolak's, shoulder to shoulder so that they
could talk without being overheard.
"I said, something's up with him. Don't you
think he's a little eccentric?"
Scully nodded vaguely, twirling the wedding ring
on her finger. "Well, I certainly wouldn't
choose him for a neighbor."
"Do you think he might be a suspect?"
Scully sighed. "I don't know, Mulder."
"Weren't you paying attention?" Mulder glanced
down at her. His question was gentle, but
Scully felt its weight. She hadn't been paying
attention and he knew it.
"Yes. Of course I was." Her reply unwillingly
came across as a bitter and annoyed snap.
"Ohhh-kay. Just checking. You seemed kind of,
I don't know, out of it. I figured that you
lost interest in the case or something."
"No, Mulder. I'm here to do this case just like
you are. FBI agents undercover."
"Okay. It's just -"
Scully squinted up at him in the fading
sunlight. " What is it, Mulder?"
Mulder held up a hand in protest. "Nothing.
Just wondering, that's all."
Scully consciously softened her tone.
"Wondering what?"
Mulder bit his lower lip, staring hard at the
ground as they walked. "I know that this isn't
the best case to start off on, and it's not as
if I was thrilled about taking it, but I'm
trying to actually solve this thing anyway. You
may not think so, but I'm trying to fool them.
I just didn't know if I made you feel-"
Before he could finish his sentence, Win stepped
out of his front door and waved to them.
Immediately Mulder's arm laced around Scully's
waist as he raised a hand in reply.
"Nice day for a walk, isn't it?" Win called
out.
"Yeah, great. Just great."
Scully couldn't tell if Mulder's response was
meant to be sarcastic or not. It would've been
a nice day for a walk if they weren't arguing.
She wasn't even sure if they had had an
argument. It had felt that way up until
Mulder's last sentence. As they walked up their
driveway, Scully pondered what Mulder had been
going to ask her. Did he make her feel happy?
Yes. Did he make her feel passionate? Yes.
Fulfilled? Yes, although that could be improved
upon. Beautiful? Yes. Aroused? Certainly.
She flushed at her last thought as they walked
into the house and Mulder's arm dropped from her
waist.
Scully lay in bed regretting a thousand and one
things that she had done that evening. Dinner
with the Shroeders had been tiring and
difficult. Mulder's constant touching and
teasing had rattled her before they had even sat
at the table to eat. By the time supper had
ended, she had rejected even a small hug from
her supposed husband because she couldn't bare
his arms around her, reminding her of what she
was missing out on, one more time. She
regretted that immensely as soon as it was done.
An air kiss didn't make up for her backing away
from his arms, something she would not have done
on any other day, as their own personas.
She also regretted that green facemask. It had
been a sudden decision, prompted by the shirt
Mulder threw past her head when they were in the
bedroom. The glimpse of his muscular chest made
her long for a barrier to construct between
them, and the mask was the first thing she was
able to put her hands on. Although, she
reasoned, without the mask, it would've been
nearly impossible to resist his offer to join
him on the bed.
Scully tossed herself onto her side, yanking the
sheet with her in frustration. What would have
been so wrong with lying next to her partner,
feeling his arms around her? Touching her.
Stroking. Caressing. "Come on, Laura, we're
married now." She cut her own thoughts off
abruptly. This case had been such a mistake.
She needed to put Mulder completely out of her
mind or else she wouldn't sleep at all. She
jerked at the covers again, trying desperately
to not fantasize about the facetious offer he'd
made.
"Scully?" His voice was a hoarse whisper from
the shadows of the doorway. In thinking about
him so intensely, she had not heard him come up
the stairs.
"Yes." She sat up in bed.
"You're awake." It was a statement rather than
a question.
"I know."
"No, I mean, you sound awake." Mulder's
shadowed form took on definition as he stepped
into the bedroom.
"Did you come all the way up here to tell me
that?"
Mulder hesitated. "No-o. I just- Scully, can
I come in?"
"Yeah." She resignedly patted the side of the
bed. "Come on in, Mulder. Tell me about the
case."
Mulder walked over to the bed and sat where she
had indicated, gazing at her dejectedly. "What
makes you think that I want to discuss the
case?"
"Well, I don't know. I guess because that's
all you ever really want to talk about when-"
"You think that's all I ever want to talk
about?"
Scully sighed heavily. She really felt as if it
was all he wanted to talk about sometimes, but
she was too tired to argue with him about it.
She waited for him to leave, expected him to,
but he just sat there, staring at her as if he
were trying to memorize her face. And then he
completely surprised her by leaning over and
pulling her into his arms, wrapping his upper
body around her in a fervent hug. They stayed
like that for many minutes, Scully's head
pressed against Mulder's chest; his arms circled
around her, one hand in her hair, the other at
her waist. They both understood that they were
now reconciled. They often did not apologize
verbally to each other. The unfulfilled desire
and frustration that regularly simmered beneath
the surface of their arguments was always left
unspoken, so it would've seemed trite to offer
words to heal the wounds.
Held tightly in Mulder's arms, Scully felt the
acrimony of the past two days melt away. The
teasing touches and marriage jokes he'd offered
since this case began lost their irksomeness,
and with every beat of his heart against her
ear, became endearing in memory. Her hands met
behind Mulder's back and she felt for the
wedding ring, slipping it off and dropping it
onto the bed. She would find it later, when she
resumed her alias in the morning, but for the
moment she only wanted to be Dana Scully.
Mulder moved first, gently pushing her off of
him and tenderly brushing a strand of hair from
her eyes. Again, she feared that he might
leave, but instead he moved up next to her and
joined her under the bedcovers. Scully laid
down so that her back was to him, sighing softly
with pleasure as he wrapped an arm around her
waist, so differently from the way Rob Petrie
held her, and pulled her against his chest. His
breath was warm against her neck as he spoke.
"I was going to ask you a stupid question
today."
"When was that?" Scully's question was
rhetorical. She knew that he was referring to
their aborted argument after visiting Gene
Gogolek, but she preferred to prompt Mulder
rather than let him know how affected she had
been by their sparring.
"I was going to ask you if I made you feel
uncomfortable, pretending to be your husband,
but that would've been a stupid question,
because I don't make you feel uncomfortable."
"No, you don't Mulder." Scully's voice was
surprisingly steady to her ears.
"I know. It doesn't feel uncomfortable. Or
awkward. It feels right. I feel it, too."
Mulder's hand began to make slow circular
patterns on her abdomen, causing a shiver to
ripple through Scully's body. "And I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about that, Scully."
Scully's voice was choked. "Sorry for what?"
She placed her hand lightly over his, feeling
his fingers moving gently beneath her own. She
felt for the wedding ring he still wore and
pulled it off of his finger, placing it on the
sheet next to her. Mulder ignored the gesture.
"Sorry that we had to take this case. A case
that has made you have to feel everything that
this job, that I, have denied you. A real
home." His hand strayed absently to the
waistband of her sleep pants. "Neighbors,
friends." His fingertips moved past the
waistband, tracing small patterns onto her skin
"A husband." He eased his hand away from her
lower waist and began to stroke under her ribs.
"A seemingly normal life." Mulder's hand found
the underside of her breast and rested there,
only his thumb still massaging her.
Scully's intake of breath in response to
Mulder's last touch was audible. She rolled
over in his arms so that she was facing him and
began to move her own hands imprecisely over his
chest. "Mulder, you don't have to apologize.
You have denied me nothing." She sighed,
leaning closer to place a kiss onto his neck.
"Mulder, these people, all they want is the
American dream. That's what they're trying to
find here. In this community. At least that's
how it probably started. And there was a time
when I would've thought that the American dream
could actually be found here."
Mulder exhaled shakily as she kissed the
underside of his chin. "But you don't anymore?"
His question was incredulous.
"No. Mulder, my life is with you. I don't need
a big house, or more friends, or strange
neighbors that buy dolphin-safe tuna." They
both laughed a bit uneasily, equally unsure as
to where this night would take them. "I don't
need or want a normal life, because it wouldn't
be with you. And being with you is the American
dream for me, Mulder."
Mulder's eyes clouded as he pressed his body up
against her and leaned his face close to her
own, stroking the side of her cheek with his
thumb. He then answered her statement by
placing his mouth over hers in a kiss. At first
his lips were gentle, testing to see if she
approved. To assure him of her acquiescence,
Scully deepened the kiss, lacing her arms around
his neck to bring his head down closer to her.
When they finally broke apart, they shared a
moment of laughter, borne of guilt and relief.
"You know, Scully, there was a moment today when
I forgot."
"Forgot what?"
"Forgot that we weren't really married. That
we're supposed to be only pretending that we're
in love. You know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you're my American dream, too."