A/N: This takes place immediately after Elegy, so spoilers for Elegy and for Never Again as well. I've never written for X Files and I've never written anything like this before, so I'm pretty nervous. Please review! But be nice. =]

"I'm going home," she had whispered, trying valiantly to hold in her tears.

I will not cry.

I will not cry over Mulder.

This had become her mantra over the past several months. At times, it took all the willpower she had to keep from bursting into tears when he asked her how she was or when he gave her one of those looks that he got when her nose began to bleed. Sometimes all he had to do was glance in her direction at the office and she thought she would lose it.

But she couldn't. Even now, dying of an incurable tumor, she could not give into her need for comfort.

So when he confronted her in the hallway, she had whispered to keep her voice from cracking and flew from the building as fast as she could.

Of course she then saw Harold in her car. She could not even be surprised at this point. Her life had become so ridiculous that she felt God was laughing at her. Why shouldn't she see Harold in her car? She was already dying, already had months of her life taken from her, already lost her sister. It didn't matter anymore.

She saw Harold. If Mulder's theory was correct, she was dying. Big fucking deal. People die every day. Maybe after all of the pain of the last four years, she wanted out. It shouldn't matter anymore.

But it did.

And as she turned back around to face the front, the tears she had tried so hard to hold in came pouring out. She cried for Melissa. She cried for her father. She cried for her cancer and for all the days she should have ahead of her but which were now impossible.

She desperately tried to reign in her tears and sobs, but she couldn't. It occurred to her that Mulder could walk out any moment and see her, but she did not care. In fact the thought of him just made her cry harder.

Mulder had a way of infuriating her and breaking her heart at the same time. Now that she had cancer he was treating her so delicately, like he expected her to break any moment. He was always asking her how she was, always rushing to her aid when her nose began to bleed. But she was sure at least half of it was driven by his never-ending feelings of guilt, and she wished that he had given her half as much attention when she had been well.

Because none of her life was about her anymore. It was about Mulder, about his needs, about finding Samantha. Her life was motel rooms and suitcases, Mulder's grief, and rushing to help him when he ran off without her.

The bastard did not even put her name on the door. Like she had told him, she did not even have a desk. And he was doubly a bastard because he knew it was not about the fucking desk and did not even care enough to ask her what was wrong. He just sat there and mocked her.

A knock on the window startled her. Son of a bitch. He would show up at the worst possible moment.

"Scully, roll down the window," he asked. "Dana, please."

She reluctantly complied. She did not even bother to wipe away her tears. He already knew she was crying, and at this point she did not think she could stop anyway. Tears continued to flow from her eyes and she tried her best to at least keep quiet.

"Let me drive you home, Scully." He had that look on his face he sometimes got, where he looked at her so tenderly she thought she would melt. Those were the times she thought he cared as deeply for her as she did for him. But then she would remember all the times he would ditch her. She remembered that the only time he would look at her like that was when she was upset. Any other time, she might as well be scenery.

"Go away, Mulder," she managed to spit out despite the tears.

"Scully, please. You're not okay to drive right now."

"So I'll sit here in the car," she snapped.

"Scully…" He reached in and laid his hand on hers atop the steering wheel.

"Fuck you, Mulder!" she exploded and slapped his hand. "Go home! I'll see you in the office on Monday."

"Scully…" he began, clearly not knowing how to calm her down.

"Go home!" she yelled at him. He paused a moment before backing up from the car. She rolled the window back up and waited for him to walk away.

She took several deep breaths to calm herself down. When she was feeling less hysterical she finally started her car and pulled out to make her way home.

Mulder did the only thing he could do and watched her from a discrete distance. He saw as she tried to calm herself down before she finally left to go home.

He had no idea what to do. It was fairly obvious that she was furious at him, but he had no idea what he had done. Since he had learned of her diagnosis he had done his best to assist her, to be there for her. But she always fended off his help with an "I'm fine."

It was driving him crazy. If he could not take her place, he wished more than anything to at least be able to help her. Watching her waste away while she denied what was happening was killing him.

She was his best friend. The only one he trusted. And she was going to die.

He pushed back his own tears and slipped into his car. He would go home and then figure out what he needed to do for her.

Scully practically collapsed through her doorway. She was exhausted and her head was pounding from all the crying she had done. She locked the door behind her and made her way into the bathroom. She drew herself a bath, hoping that the steam would help her head and calm her down a bit.

She had been anything but calm half an hour ago. Now that her anger was subsiding, she was slightly embarrassed by how she had reacted to Mulder. It was true she was upset with him, but he had only been trying to help her.

She slipped into her bath and laid her head back. As soon as she began to feel relaxed, she heard the chirping of her telephone in the living room. Groaning, she let it ring, deciding that if it were really important they would leave a message.

In all likelihood it was probably Mulder anyway, and she did not know how to talk to him at the moment. She was embarrassed, upset, and angry, and she needed a day to calm down. She worked enough hours; she could take this one weekend to relax.

Sure enough, she heard his voice drift over the machine. "Scully? Look, I know you're really upset and mad at me about something, but I'm worried about you. Call me, okay? Please."

She let out a sigh. He was nothing if not persistent. She laid in her bath for another 20 minutes before the water got too cold to enjoy. Slipping into her most comfortable pajamas, she picked up the phone and called him back.

"Mulder, it's me," she started.

"Scully!" he sounded surprised. "Are you okay?"

"Mulder…" she sighed. "I don't really want to get into any of this tonight. I'm exhausted. Can't we do this another time?"

"Let me come over tomorrow, then."

"Mulder…"

"Come on, Scully. We need to talk. Things are obviously not okay."

"Alright, Mulder. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes you will." He tried his best not to smile, knowing she would hear it over the phone. But he was relieved and shocked that she had given in.

She hung up the phone before she could change her mind. She crawled into bed and turned out the light. As much as she wished she could avoid it, they did need to talk and she was too tired to argue with him. She just hoped that it would resolve some things between them.

She had tossed and turned for hours the night before despite her exhaustion. She had taken a long time to think about what she wanted. About she wanted from Mulder.

It was so hard for her to be open with him. It was hard for her to be open with people in general, but especially so with Mulder. She cared too much about him. She was afraid of what would happen if she gave in completely and showed him how she felt. Would she become too reliant on him? Would he view her differently?

Did it matter? If this was truly the end, is this how she wanted to be spending her time? Was she too afraid to do what she secretly wanted: to crawl into his arms and let him protect her from the ugly reality of her impending death?

A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts.

Time to face the music.

He had no idea how this was going to go. More than anything, he wished to admit to her how he felt. He had known for a long time that he cared a lot more for her than simple friendship. He had held those feelings back out of worry that she did not feel the same or that she would leave. He had held back a lot out of fear of rejection.

But now that she was dying it did not seem to matter. He desperately wanted to hold her, to take away her pain if just for a little while. But she was steadfastly against it. Any time he made any effort to reach out to her she rejected his efforts.

He felt like she was rejecting him. It was breaking his heart.

He couldn't take it anymore. He was hurting because she would not let him closer. She was obviously hurting, if last night was any indication. He just needed to resolve this before they both self-destructed.

Taking a deep breath, he reached up and knocked on her door.

"Hi," she muttered, not quite reaching his eyes.

"Hello," he smiled. He looked down at her and examined her choice of clothing. Jeans and a pale pink V-neck shirt. She looked adorable. She also looked nervous as hell.

She waved him in and they wandered a few feet inside.

"Mulder…" she began. She paused to take a breath. Why was this so hard? "About last night. I just want to apologize. You were just trying to help and I snapped at you. I'm sorry."

"Scully, you don't need to apologize. I understand that this is hard for you." To his amazement, her eyes began to fill with tears. He took her gently by the arm and pulled her to sit down beside him. "I just want you to be honest with me. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because you're not there for me!" she let out. "It's never about me, Mulder. It's always been about you. Even now, you're only here because you feel bad for me and what's happened to me. But what about in the past, Mulder? How many times have you ditched me? When all I've done is try to help you!" She was getting increasingly upset, but she couldn't stop herself. "I've been there for you from the start. But you only pay me attention if I'm in critical danger. Once that's passed I might as well go back to doing my work at my imaginary desk!"

Mulder looked slightly taken aback. "Scully…"

"No, Mulder! I'm not done. You might want to be here for me now but how can you expect me to confide in you when you have distrusted me and lied to me in the past. I have followed you without question for the past four years and what has it gotten me? This damn cancer and a premature death!"

She tried to calm herself but the flood had been unleashed. She looked down at her lap, all her anger gone with her rant. Tears spilled into her lap and she ignored them as she waited for Mulder to speak. Instead he got up and made his way out of her living room. She looked up in shock. Was he really going to leave her now? But she heard him tinkering with glasses in her kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief.

Mulder got a glass down from her cupboard and poured her a glass of water. It was as much for him as it was for her. Her words had hurt him and he needed a second to regroup, as he knew she did.

He made his way back to the couch and handed her the glass. She sipped it without looking at him, calming slightly.

"Scully," he waited for her to look up at him. "Do you… blame me, for what happened to you?" Good lord please let her say no. I won't be able to take it if she blames me. I blame myself enough.

"No, Mulder," she immediately stated. "I don't blame you. It was my choices that led me here."

He read the truth in her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Do you regret those choices?"

She paused for a few moments. "I… I don't know."

"Scully, I'm sorry that you have felt that I have cared more about the work than about you. That hasn't been the case for a very long time."

"Mulder, you don't have to-"

He held up a hand. "Despite what you obviously think, I do care for you a great deal. I'm sorry that it hasn't always felt that way. I've been on my own a long time. I've gotten selfish." He made sure she was looking directly at him. "But don't ever think that I take our friendship for granted or that I don't appreciate all you've done for me," he went on. "You're my best friend and I trust you more than anyone. Even myself." He saw her eyes grow misty once more. "I can do better, Scully. I will do better. It kills me that you haven't seen how much I care about you. It kills me that you won't let me in." He started to tear up himself. She scooted closer and put a hand on his arm.

"I want to," she whispered.

"Then why can't you?" he whispered back, a tear breaking free and rolling down his cheek.

He saw her hesitation. "We have to be honest here, Scully. This is it." He saw she knew exactly what he meant. They were running out of time. They had no time to waste running circles around each other, no matter how comfortable it felt.

"A lot of reasons. I'm afraid of what you'll think of me. I'm afraid to show you how afraid I am," she paused. "I'm afraid that you don't…" In for a penny, in for a pound. "I'm afraid that you don't care for me as much as I do for you," she finished.

"That's impossible." He smiled through his tears. "You're my best friend, Scully, but you're more than that. You're…"

She moved closer to him. "I'm what, Mulder?"

He looked down at her, so close to him he could hear her breathing. He glanced down to her lips and saw her do the same. He leaned in and was overjoyed to see that she leaned in as well, closing the gap between them.

Her slight gasp excited him and he teased his lips over hers, barely pressing against her. She moved closer and pressed her lips more firmly against his, her lips slightly parting. She felt his hand come up to cradle her face, the other smoothing back a strand of her hair. She placed her hands on his chest when she felt him pull back.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked her.

"This is it," she repeated back to him. "If I'm really running out of time, I don't want to waste it. I want this. Do you?"

"Yes," he whispered, before once more capturing her lips with his. He parted his lips and snaked his tongue out to trace her bottom lip. He moved a hand under her shirt to caress the soft skin of her stomach.

She moved closer till she was sitting in his lap. She wound her arms around his neck, trying to get as close to him as possible. Was this really happening? His hands moved higher until his fingers were tracing the outline of the cups of her bra. She gasped against his lips and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth to slide against her own. He groaned as she slid her fingers into his hair and pulled him tighter against her.

He reached around behind her and unclasped her bra. He pulled back from her long enough to pull her shirt off and slide her bra down her arms. He stared at her chest for a moment, unable to tear his eyes away from the fullness of her breasts and the pale nipples which became taut with the cool air.

"You don't have to stare," she teased, but he could tell she was a bit self-conscious as well.

"Sure I do. I've waited for this long enough. And you're beautiful."

She rolled her eyes but was smiling. She reached down to pull off his own shirt, and as soon as it was over his head their lips met again. They groaned at the feeling of her nipples against his bare chest and the kiss turned more heated.

"Bedroom," she managed to gasp against his lips. He stood up with her in his lap, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel his erection pressing against her, and she rubbed herself against him.

"Oh god," he ground out. "I'm not gonna make it to the bedroom if you keep that up."

She laughed but was cut off when he kissed her again, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. They somehow made it to the bedroom and he lay her down gently on her bed. He stepped back a moment but she followed him, sitting on the edge of the bed as he stood before her. She unbuckled his belt and undid his button and zipper. She slowly slid his pants down but left his boxers on, caressing him through the soft fabric. He groaned at the contact, and she grasped him more fully, lightly stroking him. She looked up at him to see that he had his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open.

Grabbing the waistband of his boxer shorts, she pulled them down and out over his erection. He stepped out of his clothes while she eyed him. He was big, as she had always fantasized he would be. She reached up and grabbed him by the base before giving him a few short strokes. She swiped her thumb over the tip, grabbing the pearl of moisture there before spreading it back down over him.

She leaned forward and took the tip of him into her mouth. She smiled around him upon hearing his quick intake of breath. She moved farther forward, allowing more of him to slide into her mouth. She grabbed him firmly by the base, knowing she wouldn't be able to take all of him. She sucked hard and moved up and down, using her hand in time with her mouth. She dragged her tongue up the underside of his shaft, swiping it over his tip.

Mulder stared down at her, unable to believe that his partner and best friend was blowing him in her bedroom. This was absolutely the most erotic thing he had ever seen. He reached down and pushed her hair out of her face. She reached up with her other hand and fondled his balls. She sucked harder with his encouragement.

"Scully, you have to stop," he finally warned her. "You're going to kill me."

She released him with a pop and sat back to look at him. He picked her up and placed her farther into the center of the bed and covered her body with his. He bent down to kiss her, tasting his saltiness on her tongue. He trailed kisses down across her cheek and took a moment to suck at her neck.

She gasped at his attentions and he sucked harder. One hand reached up and cupped her breast. She pressed into him and he began to knead her before he moved downward with his kisses. His tongue darted out and teased her nipple before taking it firmly in his mouth.

She sucked in a breath and pressed up into him. His other hand came up to squeeze her other breast while he continued to suckle her. He moved his mouth to her other breast before moving his kisses down her stomach.

When he reached her jeans he sat up and unbuttoned them. He reached up and in one motion pulled down her jeans and panties. Oh god. They were lacey.

Flinging the clothing out of his way he looked down to her spread legs. He trailed his tongue on the inside of her thigh. His fingers traced her outer lips.

"Stop teasing me," she protested.

Finally giving into his desire, he placed his mouth over her core. She was so wet. He licked her from bottom to top, tasting her for the first time. She was sweet and salty and perfect. He looked up at her to see her playing with a nipple. If possible, he hardened further.

He slid one of his fingers into her and heard her gasp in response. He lapped at her clit and added a second finger before pumping in and out of her.

She was starting to lose control. He was too good at this. She squeezed her breast harder and moved her hips to increase the contact. He continued to move his fingers in and out of her, licking her like a greedy cat. Too soon she felt herself beginning to spasm around his fingers. With one last swipe of his tongue she came, arching her back and letting out breathy moans.

He pulled his fingers out of her and crawled up her body again. When she finally opened her eyes, they were filled with tears.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded quickly. "I love you." So simple. A statement of fact.

Tears gathered in his eyes as well. "I love you too."

He leaned down to kiss her and felt her reach down to stroke him. She spread her legs farther and guided him to her center. With a final look at one another he slowly pushed inside her, earning a moan from both of them.

He kissed her cheek and paused for a moment to allow her to adjust to him before he began to move. He moved slowly at first, wanting this moment to last.

Having already had an orgasm, Scully contented herself with watching him as he moved inside her. He felt incredible. It was hard to believe that yesterday she had been ready to kill him and today she had admitted that she loved him.

"Faster," she urged, and he quickly complied. She felt the heat spread from her core to the rest of her body and reached between them to swipe at her clit. He looked down at her movements and let out a groan. He picked up the pace and felt her walls begin to clench around him. She spasmed around him and cried out as she came around him. It was enough to send him over the edge as well, and he thrust into her a final time before coming inside her. They stayed still for a moment, his head against her neck.

He rolled over onto his back, pulling her with him. She rested her arm across his chest and cuddled into his side.

"No," she broke the silence. "I don't regret the choices I've made."

He looked down to her and placed a kiss on top of her head. "We are going to find a cure."

"Mulder, there very well might not be one."

"Well I'm not giving up. I can't give up."

She sat up and looked at him. "Thank you."

"We have to be in this together. I can't do this any other way."

"I can't either," she replied. She leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips.

Suddenly, together, their journey did not seem as frightening.