A/N: I don't own anything. I'm making no money, just playing with someone else's toys for a little while. I promise I'll give them back relatively unharmed...eventually. I love reviews and this is my first House fic so lemme know what you think. Enjoy.

Prompts: Apple slices. Locked out. "I told you no the first time."

"House!" There was more than a bit of irritation in Lisa Cuddy's voice as she rolled her eyes in his direction. Her daughter's high pitched laughter instantly dropped at least three registers and tapered away slightly. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He didn't even bother to give her his attention as he dipped into a nearby container and pulled out another apple slice. Rachel started giggling again when he held it above her head, taunting the child as if she were a dog. "Sit." Cuddy watched in half amused silence as her three year old instantly plopped down onto the carpet. The girl's eyes were fixed on the much taller man's face instead of the treat and it was obvious from the wide smile that turned her lips that she was enjoying his attention.

"She's a child not a pekinese." But the sheer look of joy on her daughter's face robbed her voice of most of the irritation.

"Speak." House flared the chunk of apple, dangling the fruit in his long fingers.

"Woof." Rachel barked, both of her small hands reaching up but falling far short of the prize. "Woof! Woof!"

"Good girl." House ducked awkwardly, bracing most of his weight on his cane so that he could pop the apple slice between the little girl's lips. As she chewed open mouthed at the fruit he tipped an index finger into her nose. "Now go play in traffic." Belying his words he scraped a palm companionably into the top of her head before straightening up and finally glancing in Cuddy's direction. At the pointed look she was giving him he sighed. "She knows I don't really mean-"

"House."

"It turns me on when you say my name like that. And your nipples get hard when you're irritated." He ducked away from the slap she aimed at his shoulder, a calculated turn of the lips softening the angled line of his jaw. "You must be really, really irritated." He leered at her chest.

"If nipples becomes my daughter's new favorite word I'm going to castrate you."

"Me too!" Rachel stood and stepped between the adults, her short body barely topping the bend of House's knees. "M'gonna cats ate House!" Her sticky fingers dug against his jeans, pulling into the fabric as she giggled and tried to recapture his full attention.

"Nice parenting Cuddy." Her palm was warm against his skin as she smacked him.

"I told you no the first time." Cuddy slapped his hand away from her shirt. "Keep your hands to yourself." House sighed as she redid the one button he had managed to undo and went back to her paperwork.

"You've been doing that forever." Slight pain tamped his jaw as he shifted, drawing himself higher on the couch so that he could reach her unbound hair. "I'm bored."

"It's called paperwork. I know it's an unfamiliar concept to you but some of us actually do it." As she spoke she tilted slightly, allowing him farther access to her hair as he fingers threaded through the curls. "Amuse yourself for another half hour while I finish this."

"But mom!"

"And don't do that. It's creepy." House sighed again, his jaw dropping as he pouted silently. His fingers kept shifting in her hair, agile fingers carefully stripping against the snarls and smoothing at the strands. She returned her full attention to the papers when he remained silent for almost a full minute. House watched her make notations in the margins of the PPTH budget report, examining the way she bit delicately at her bottom lip and angled her head as her reading glasses slipped incrementally down her nose. "Stop staring at me."

"But I'm bored." He repeated. "C'mon, it's almost midnight. Put away the paperwork." There was just enough gravel in his voice to draw her attention, her blue eyes meeting his over the black frames of her reading glasses. He gave her a slight smile, the motion of his turning lips breaking slightly against the lines of pain that were etched at the corner of each eye. As soon as he had her attention he slipped his fingers from her hair to her neck, trailing the blunted edges of his fingernails into her skin. "You know you want to."

"You can't always get what you want." It was almost an automatic response. Her body stretched into his touch as he slipped his warm palm inside the collar of the men's button down she was wearing. When his fingers nudged against the silky edges of her bra she sighed and flipped the folder closed. "Honestly, you're a child." His smile was wider than usual as he worked the buttons open. The budget slipped from her lap and accordioned to the floor, the papers wafting gently into the carpet. "And you made a mess."

"I'll pick it up later." House breathed the words, shoving up with one hand so that he could kiss against her lips. Cuddy sighed into his kiss, her lips parting easily. He licked against the roof of her mouth, lashing his tongue to run her teeth before biting against her lip. "And of course when I say I'll pick it up I mean I'll watch while you pick it up later."

"I know." Cuddy's lips were already swollen and her fair skin was starting to pick up a pink tinge from the brush of his scruff. "I'm not an idiot." With one hand he pulled the glasses from her nose and stretched sideways to drop them onto the coffee table. As he moved she watched the wince that faded against his smile.

"I never said you were. I was just elaborating on my previous statement." House braced against his leg and motioned for her to shift. "Making sure that whatever I may have said wasn't held against me in a court of Cuddy."

"Shut up." Without commenting on the careful way he supported his mangled thigh she moved around him, turning her body until she was curled hard into his side. Flaring her hips she draped a leg into his left thigh. "You're more attractive when your mouth is closed."

"That's not what you said last night when I was sucking on your—"

"House!"

"-delicious baked ziti." He finished with a smirk, easily adjusting to her closer and more accessible positioning. "Why do you instantly think I'm going to be crass?"

"Because you always are." Cuddy smirked at the way his jaw tensed when she rubbed her knee into his groin. "Experience has taught me that."

"That's funny, experience and common colloquialism say you can't teach an old dog-"

"Finish that sentence and you'll be a shoe in for high soprano in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir." Her knee nudged warningly against his hardening length, spiking pleasurable pain up into his stomach. The grunt that broke his chest was mostly lust.

"That's the second time you've threatened to castrate me today." House plaited one hand into Cuddy's hair, gathering it and using the hold to arch her neck. "Do you have some kind of vendetta against my balls that I should be aware of?"

"Always." Her voice was a near growl. "Watch your back House." She pulled against his hold, curving her head to the side and down so that she could nuzzle into his collarbone.

"It's not exactly my back I'm worried about Cuddy." He breathed hard, inhaling the citrus scent of her hair as she marked the prominent angle of his clavicle with a dark hickey. Her teeth closed sharply on his skin when he rolled her nipple between a thumb and forefinger. "Just promise me you'll give the boys a last hurrah before you do anything drastic."

"Shut up."

"We've been here already." House released her hair and caged both hands at her waist, his fingers sliding firmly up under her shirt. "I'm getting bored again." The muscles of his arms flexed as he tried to shift her over his hips.

"House."

"Mommy."

"I told you not to-" Her words stalled when House sighed, his hands slipping away from her skin to rest outside the shirt and against the flare of her hips.

"I didn't. The pekinese did."

"She wants you." Cuddy knotted her hair around her fist and quickly tucked it into a messy bun. "Apparently only you can tuck her in tonight."

"This is what happens when you feed strays." House rubbed his palm up the side of his jaw and into his hair, fingers digging against his scalp. "They never leave." His long body was still spread along her couch, his long legs raised up on one armrest. "I warned you and warned you. But do you ever listen to me?"

"The longer you whine the longer it's going to take." She ducked and started to pick up the spilled papers. "And I'm tired."

"Can't we just put her in the backyard with a bowl of kibble and some-"

"House!" Cuddy dumped the messily stacked pile of papers onto the coffee table so that she could anchor her hands at her hips. House sighed into the motion.

"Okay, okay." He resisted a childish urge to stick his tongue out at her and sat up, his upper body supported by both hands, his legs unmoving. "It was just a suggestion."

"Stuck it up your-"

"Language, Cuddy, language." He tutted, using both hands to shift his right leg off his left. "I know you're frustrated, but you said if we got you puppy you'd walk it and feed it and-"

"I'm going to bed. I'm locking the bedroom door. Goodnight." She flashed him a look, the blue of her eyes almost violet in the dimmed living room lighting. "Don't come scratching when you're done with the puppy, curl up on the couch like a good boy." House squinted, trying to read her expression and failing.

"I think you're taking the analogy too far." He offered, waiting until she bent to pick up the rest of the papers to settle his bad leg to the floor, his entire body shifting woodenly as his foot arched. One hand rubbed into the minor cramping, his fingers quickly working against his faded pajama pants.

"Let that be a lesson to you. One that will really sink in while you're sleeping out here on the couch." Cuddy gathered all of the paperwork together and dumped it into her bag before turning to give him a wide smile. "I might not be able to teach an old dog new tricks, but I can make him sleep in the dog house."

"Do it again." Rachel's voice had dipped and slowed. "Please?" Her eyes were following suit, lids drooping almost comically as she struggled to stay awake. House was settled in the chair that had been left at the side of the little girl's bed. The wooden kitchen chair was out of place against the pink and pastel room that Cuddy had created for her daughter but it had taken up residence shortly after he started splitting his nights between Cuddy's bed and his own. He shook his head slightly at the thought and dipped a little bit lower, bending at the waist so that his face loomed to fill Rachel's vision.

"Only if you promise to go to sleep." It was at least the fifth time he'd forced her into making the promise. "Really promise this time."

"I promise." The girl answered quickly. Too quickly. House scowled and squinted his eyes at her as he surreptitiously kneaded at his thigh.

"I think you're lying."

"M'not."

"Everybody lies kid." The little girl shook her head vaguely, blinking against sleep as she squirmed in the bed, either trying to get comfortable or just to keep herself awake with the motion. House assumed it was the later. "But if you go to sleep right now I promise, really promise to make mommy take us to the dog park to play with some puppies." He leaned even closer, settling his arms beside her pillow so that he could drop his head down next to hers.

"Tomorrow?" Rachel curled on her side and stilled, her face less than a foot from his. Her breath smelled like bubble gum toothpaste.

"Maybe not tomorrow. But this weekend for sure." The girl squinted at him, her dark eyes shining in the light form the nightlight as she searched his face for truth. What she found there must have satisfied her because she nodded.

"Uhkay." Rachel grinned at him and darted her head forwards, planting a quick kiss against his cheek before he could pull away. House feigned a grimace and swiped his palm across his face before dropping his head back down on his crossed arms.

"Ugh. Puppy slobber." Rachel giggled at his words and popped one hand out from under the covers. House allowed her to wrap her small fingers around his thumb. "Okay. So we're agreed. One more time, you go to sleep, and this weekend we make mommy take us to the dog park."

"Uh huh." House lifted his head slightly and pulled a breath. "Ready?" He nodded and she used her free hand to press against his nose. As soon as her fingers pressed he crossed his eyes and blew out the held breath, stretching his mouth open wide as he stuck his tongue out at her. House held the face until her giggles started to taper off.

"Okay. Now sleep. It's late."

"How late?"

"Late enough. Close your eyes." Rachel instantly obeyed him, her eyelids closing quickly as she scootched her face farther into the pillow and sighed.

"G'night House."

"Good night kid."

When Rachel's breathing evened out House stretched upright in the hard wooden chair, his back protesting with a snapped, crackle,and pop of vertebra. He carefully removed his thumb from her clasped grip and tucked the blanket tighter to her chin, fingers spreading back into her hair, smoothing the dark strands off her face. He continued swiping at her hair until his legs were steady underneath him, his right heel lifted slightly. As soon as he was sure he could move he tucked at her blankets once more before turning towards the door.

His steps were slower than usual as he made his way down the hall to Cuddy's door. He knew before he tested the knob that she hadn't been kidding. It was locked. There was still a bright glow edging out from under the closed door but the knob didn't turn.

"Cuddy?"

"You know where the extra pillows are." Her voice was slightly muffled but wide awake. House blew out a breath and leaned against the solid wood.

"The kid's asleep. I tucked her in and everything. Do I get a cookie?" He rolled his forehead into the hard surface. There were slight rustling sounds from inside the room and his extremely agile and slightly perverted mind insisted on flashing him images of Cuddy getting undressed and doing completely un-Cuddylike things behind the locked door.

"The kid's name is Rachel."

"Yeah. Her. This is cruel Cuddy. I mean, even for you." He knew she was close to the door because of the way the light changed, her feet throwing shadows out onto the pale hall carpeting. His tired mind kept insisting that she was either completely naked or duded up in kinky latex like the creepy guys in American Horror Story, just way, way hotter. And less murderous. "Cuddy?"

"Good night House." Her voice was directly on the other side of the door, the throaty whisper almost close enough for him to feel. "See you in the morning." House lifted his head and let it fall back into the wood with a thud.

"Okay. I'm willing to apologize for the old dog, new tricks comment. That was way out of line." He paused, "I'm sure you have no problem learning new tricks."

"Way to shoot yourself in the foot there, loverboy." Cuddy's fist rapped hard against the door, her aim almost dead on as the thunk traveled through the wood to ring at House's forehead. "Sleep tight." The shadows against the carpet lengthened and then disappeared, House could hear her drawing away from the door. With a sigh he shifted his stance and pressed his mouth to the small gap that ran above the locking plate and the knob. Instead of speaking he whined, caging the sound deep in his throat while he scratched his fingers into the wood, nails ticking into the glossy finish. Her laugh made him smirk through his whines. Forlornly he continued scratching at the wood as the shadows of her feet approached the door. "I suppose you'll pee on the floor if I don't let you in?"

"It's been known to happen." He offered. "Plus I might have to chew the crotch out of all your dirty panties."

"You're disgusting!" Cuddy twisted the knob and jerked the door open. House automatically ran a glance over her entire body, his eyes sliding over her form like a caress before he swallowed and grinned.

"Woof." She wasn't in kinky latex and she wasn't naked but her legs were long and bare underneath one of his dress shirts. "Double woof." He leaned both hands against his cane and slowly looked her over again, letting a leer draw against lips.

"You're gonna trip over your tongue if you're not careful." Cuddy stepped away from the doorway and turned back towards the bed. House had to stretch his leer a little bit longer, watching the way his shirt swayed against the backs of her thighs. "Get in here and stop being an ass."

"I feel the need to pontificate for a moment on the glorious shape of your ass." He carefully leaned most of his weight onto his left foot and his cane as he came through the doorway. "The way it curves, the way it sways-"

"If you feel the need to compose a sonnet or something go ahead." She gave him a look, her eyed narrowing slightly at he leaned and tensed way he was standing. "House-"

"Sonnet hell, I'm gonna compose a sestina. I'm gonna need six or seven synonyms for ass." He lurched slightly with each step but ignored Cuddy's suddenly worried look. "Seriously. And a couple for tits. Because you sure as hell have a couple." Cuddy watched him make his way around the foot of the bed, his bare feet extra careful as he slalomed through the small throw rugs she had spread across the glossy wooden floor.

"Are you-"

"Tits I mean. Damn. A tits and ass sestina. I'm composing as we speak." Cuddy sighed into his evasion and turned to her own side of the bed. In quick motions she pulled the extra pillows out from underneath the comforter and stacked them on the floor before stripping the blankets down.

"I'd join you but my alarm is going to go off in less than six hours. You have fun." She arched her body and slipped in between crisp white sheets. House watched her movements as he stripped off his watch and clattered it against the bedside table.

"I can do two things at once, I have a very nimble mind." House didn't release the can until he was seated on the mattress, only then did he hook it against the lip of the table, leaning it so that it would be close to hand. "And nimble hands." He made an awkward movement look practiced, bot hands latching onto his right knee and lifting as he leaned back into the pillows. His shoulders broke the entire stack, sinking into feathered softness as he arranged his leg and flicked the blanket up to his hips in one movement.

"You're hedging House." Cuddy rolled closer to his hip, one hand reaching out to stroke at his jaw. "Your leg hurts."

"My leg always hurts. Boring. Next topic." He turned his head into her touch. "Your nipples are hard." House remained flat on his back but one arm lifted so that Cuddy could lean into his chest. "Speaking of things that are hard..." Wrapping his arm down he tried to pull her even farther onto his chest.

"You're tired." Cuddy trailed her hand farther up his face, her fingertips brushing over his eyelids. House blew out a breath.

"I'm hard. That's where I was going with the speaking of things that are hard lead in." Twisting his shoulders he sat up and used his larger frame and greater strength to pull Cuddy up. She let off a laugh as he pulled her off balance, his wide palms lifting at her hips and settling her into his lap. As she settled against him she carefully curled her legs around his hips and into the pillows, leaning her weight forward instead of back onto his thighs.

"I knew where you were going." Cuddy assured him. Curving her back she shifted even more weight forwards, her breasts brushing his chest. House skimmed his hands up off her hips dragging against the soft cotton that covered her torso. Making short work of the buttons he brushed the shirt away from her breasts as he dropped a wet kiss in the notch between her collarbones. A slight shiver worker her muscles as she shrugged the fabric off her shoulders and gripped into either side of his head, her fingers caging his ears.

"Smart girl. I bet you even know where I'm planning on going next."