DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything...I wish I would though... I would love you to review this... but anyway... I hope you like it too...
There are some things in life, that you just cannot change. Some moments, you would wish to undo, but you just can't. You can't because you have become too lazy. You can't because you know it is too late and you know, that people who forgive themselves also forget... and that's what you do not want to do. You do not want to forgive, because you cannot forgive yourself, what you have done...
She took a deep breath and turned around, facing an unfamiliar men. He was not the one she had wanted to wake up next to, for the rest of her life. He was not the one, she had dreamed of for so long and not the one she had said yes to a while ago. He was handsome, he sure was. He could have been nice, but she would not know. The light that floated the room made it harder for her to keep her eyes open and as silently as she could, she got out of the bed.
She did not realize that she was crying until she noticed the black marks her mascara hat left on her white shirt, as she put it on. She was shaking as she tried to wipe off the tears she was trying to keep from falling. "Shit" she mumbled, while she tried to get into her high heels. The one's Logan had bought her only about a week ago. She smiled at the thought of him coming home, carrying a bag. He always loved to bring her something, whenever he came back from a business trip.
A sigh escaped her lips when she grabbed her purse. He would not notice, that she had been gone. She was in New York for the weekend, signing some contracts. She had known it from the start, she had known, that he would not really have a lot of time for her. That he would be busy, being responsible for his father's business after his dead, but she had not expected to be alone quite that often.
Sure she loved the house she lived in, she loved the clothes he bought for her and she loved her car. She loved the parties she got invited too, but she hated the fact, that she started to understand she life her grandmother lived. That she started to understand, why his mother was the way she was.
She felt like she was about to turn into one of those high society women and wondered what had happened to the little girl, whose best friend was her own mother. Who loved books and had always dreamed of her own career. She wondered if all those women had the same dreams, whenever they were young. If their life's had been cheerful and exciting... once a long time ago.
She drove through the rain. The only sound that floated through the car, was the sound of the windshield wiper. She slightly jumped when her phone rang and then smiled, slipping her hand into her purse and carefully getting her i-phone out of it. It grew a little wider when she noticed Logan's face on the display. She took a deep breath before she answered. "Hey Honey!" she said, stopping at a traffic light waiting for his answer. "Hello" he said in a cold tone and her heart skipped a beat. "What's up?" she asked trying to sound as casual as possible. "I dunno" he answered and she could hear that he was pouring some liquid into a glass. She could picture him in her head. He was standing at some bar, making the ice in his glass meet the edge of it. She took another deep breath. "What is wrong, hun?" she asked, speeding even a little more than usual. Suddenly a flashback crossed her mind. A thought about a long time ago, whenever she was late for a test at school and too scared to even cross the speed limit by five miles per hour. And then the deer had hit her. She successfully suppressed the chuckle that was about to escape her lips. "Where are you?" he asked and his voice seemed to be almost as cold as the ice in the glass must have been.
The rain had turned into a mixture of snow and rain and she could not help herself but think of her mom. She always loved snow. She could not wait for the first snow. "I am on my way home..." she said, surprised. Was there a way that he knew, that she had not spend the night at home. "Where are you?" she asked him curiously. "I am at home" he said and still she could not sense any change in his voice. "I have been home all night" he added and she could not reply. She kept on staring at the road, shaking slightly when her car started to aquaplane for a few seconds. "Logan" she mumbled. "Is there something you want to tell me?" he interrupted her and she could tell that tears started to make their way down her cheek again. "I..." she could not finish her sentence. She did not know what to say.
He had been cheating on all his girlfriends, accept for her and she, who had always hated those people that were cheating. Who had been sure, she would never be able to do something like that, had done it. "Oh my god" he said, realizing that something was going even more wrong that he had expected. He had just planned on giving her a hard time, because she was not home, and he had only waited for her to tell him, that she had been spending the night at Lane's or Sookie's or her grandparent's place. But that she obviously did not know what to say really was not a good sign. "Rory!" he said and sat down on the couch.
He stared out of the window and realized that it had started to snow. Lorelai had always loved the first snow. She had made him and Rory come out to her house, whenever it had started snowing and if he was honest, he had always loved it. It had been so different back then. Everything had been perfect and he had known that that had been what he had wanted. There was no need to have a huge house or anything, as long people were happy, that was what he had learned back then and although he had loved the house they lived in, he had known that that was not everything. The most important thing was, that Rory and he were spending time with each other, that they always took the time to go and visit Lorelai, but then his Dad had died and he had to start working. Lorelai had died in a car accident only a few weeks after his dad had died. Her death had been even harder for him, that the fact that his dad had gone too. He had loved her. She had showed him what life was about and now he was about to lose everything.
No matter what she had done, he could forgive her. He would forgive her. It might take him a while, but he surely would, because he loved her and she was all that was left of what he had wanted in his life. She was what he needed. "I love you Rory..." he suddenly said, stepping a little closer to the window.
A sudden impulse told her to just go and tell him, what had happened and she took a deep breath. "We go drunk last night, Paris, the girls" a sub interrupted her explanations, but she knew, that she would just say it all, be straight forward, for once. "I got drunk. I don't remember anything, but I woke up to somebody this morning. I am sorry" "It's snowing. Come home soon and be careful" was all he said, before he hung up on her. He hung up, before she could tell him, what was going on, before he could say anything he might regret later, because no matter what she had done. He still loved her.