Jack and David
By Aguachica
Summary: Slash. A Newsies parody of Romeo and Juliet, featuring Jack and David. Agua has rewritten Shakespeare! Kinda. . . *looks at people in distance waving torches and yelling "Burn the Heretic".* I think maybe now would be a good time for me to move.. . .
CAST: David Jacobs: Juliet Capulet Meyer Jacobs: Capulet Esther Jacobs: Lady Capulet Skittery: Tybalt Kid Blink: Other Capulet Specs: Other Capulet
Jack Kelly: Romeo Montague Kloppman: Montague Racetrack: Benvolio Mush: Mercutio Bumlets: Other Montague Snitch: Other Montague
Sarah Jacobs: Nurse Snyder: Prince Bryan Denton: Friar Lawrence Spot Conlon: Paris Les Jacobs: Montague Servant
~~Prologue/Disclaimer~~
Agua:
Two classes, both clashing in dignity,
In unfair Manhattan, where we lay our scene,
From unreasonable grudge comes proud mutiny,
Where all life deems all other life unclean.
From this story forth a writer makes her foes
As pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
A writer heard the One she overthrows
As Master rolls in his grave with strife.
The fearful passage of their deadly, forbidden love,
And the continuance of their city's rage,
Which not even their citizen martyrs could remove,
Is now the many-paged traffic of this website;
Hear me now, kind reader; with patient ears attend,
I do not own Newsies; something which I hope to mend.
~~ ACT ONE-SCENE ONE~~
*enter BLINK and DUTCHY, of the house of Jacobs, armed with sticks*
BLINK: I'm bored. Let's fight.
DUTCHY: But with whom?
BLINK: Who else do we pick on, bonehead? The Kellys, of course.
DUTCHY: Oh. Of course.
SPECS: Why, if I saw a Kelly right now, I'd spit on them.
*enter BUMLETS and SNITCH*
BLINK: PATOOIEE!
SNITCH: Ewww. . .
*SNITCH wipes spit off of his face*
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us, newsboy?
BLINK: I do spit, newsboy.
SNITCH: I could have told you that. . .
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us?
BLINK: *To DUTCHY* Would the bulls be on our side if I say yes?
DUTCHY: No.
BLINK: *to BUMLETS and SNITCH* I do not spit at you, but I do spit. Maybe in your general direction, but not AT you.
BUMLETS: You lookin' for a soakin'?
DUTCHY: *to BLINK* I see reinforcements coming.
BLINK: Yes, we will fight.
BUMLETS: DIE!
*they fight.*
*SKITTERY enters*
SKITTERY: Stop that!
*enter RACETRACK*
RACETRACK: Hey, you! Glum and Dumb! I'm gonna kill you!
SKITTERY: No, you dimwit! Don't fight me! Make those four stop fighting.
RACETRACK: What? Are you a coward?
SKITTERY: No. . .
RACETRACK: Yeah right. *snickers*
*they fight*
*enter others from Kellys and Jacobs.*
*enter citizens who attack the newsboys from both sides*
CITIZENS: Can't honest citizens get any rest around here anymore? Stop disturbing the peace!
*enter SNYDER*
*they stop fighting*
SNYDER: If there are any more fights between the Kellys and the Jacobs, I will KILL the people who started it. And I do not mean the figuratively. Do you understand me?
NEWSIES: Yes sir!
RACETRACK: I think I'll go find Jack. He owes me money.
*JACK enters*
RACETRACK: Hello, Jack. Isn't it a nice day?
JACK: I'll give you the money later. I spent it on beer.
RACETRACK: This concerns me, cousin. You have not been yourself lately. What's up?
JACK: My girl, Rosie, dumped me.
RACETRACK: Tough luck. But there are plenty of fish in the sea, Jack. You just have to wait for the right one.
JACK: I don't feel any better. . .
RACETRACK: Sooo. . . Have you checked out any other girls lately?
JACK: I don't want to check out other girls! I want Rosie!
RACETRACK: I'll make you forget her.
JACK: Yeah right. I'd like to see you try.
RACETRACK: Wanna bet on that?
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE TWO~~
*The Jacobs apartment. enter MRS JACOBS and MR JACOBS*
MRS JACOBS: I think it's time David met some nice girls. Don't you think?
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*MR JACOBS goes back to reading newspaper*
MRS JACOBS: What about having a party? We could rent Irving Hall. Wouldn't that be nice?
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*MR JACOBS doesn't even look up from his paper*
MRS JACOBS: I'm so glad you agree, dear! Les! Take this list and invite these people.
*MRS JACOBS gives long list to LES* LES: Sure, Mama! I'll be right back!
*LES runs out to the street.*
LES: Oops. I haven't learned to read yet.
*Enter RACETRACK and JACK*
JACK: Race, I don't feel any better.
RACETRACK: But Jack! We've been walking around looking at all the girls, and you're still not happy? Are you mad?
JACK: I feel. . . shut up. Like I'm locked in the Refuge, but I can't break free.
LES: 'scuse me, could you read this to me?
JACK: What's this?
LES: A party list for Mama's party at Irving Hall.
JACK: What is your Mama's name?
LES: Esther Jacobs.
JACK: I can't read. Scram, kid.
*LES exits*
JACK: Race, did you see that list? Rosie's going to be at the party.
RACETRACK: Let's sneak in. I'm sure Mrs. Jacobs won't mind.
JACK: Yeah, I'm sure she won't.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE THREE~~
*enter MRS JACOBS and SARAH*
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, where is your Brother, David?
SARAH: Davey! Get over here!
*enter DAVID*
DAVID: Who wants me?
SARAH: Mother. And she's the only one.
DAVID: What do you want, mama?
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, will you leave us for awhile?
DAVID: Yeah, Sarah. And don't come back.
MRS JACOBS: David, be nice to your sister. Now David, how do you feel about getting married?
DAVID: Very poorly. . .
SARAH: This will be amusing. . .
DAVID: Shut up, Sarah. And why are you still here, anyways?
MRS JACOBS: David! Be nice! We are going to find you a wife at the party at Irving Hall.
DAVID: I think I'll pass, Mama.
MRD JACOBS: That wasn't a question.
DAVID: Darn it! I mean, Yes Mama.
SARAH: Ha, Davey has to get married. Can I have his room?
MRS JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE FOUR~~
*enter JACK and RACETRACK and MUSH*
MUSH: So we're just going to crash the party? Just like that? What if we get caught?
RACETRACK: We won't.
MUSH: But what if we do?
RACETRACK: We'll only be there for a short while. What tragedy could happen withIn an hour or so?
JACK: The mind boggles.
RACETRACK: I see you are taking my side.
JACK: I take no side but Rosie's.
MUSH: *to RACETRACK* You're right; he's got it bad.
RACETRACK: Pay up.
MUSH: *pays Racetrack a quarter*
JACK: We're here. I thin we should put on masks. I mean, it IS a costume party and all. Plus, I don't think they'd like it is they recognized us.
MUSH: Really? You think not?
JACK: Right.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE FIVE~~
*enter MR JACOBS and DAVID*
MR JACOBS: David, have you met Jay yet? She is a very nice girl! I'm sure the two of you could get along very well.
DAVID: Dad, how can I meet anyone if you're dragging me around all the time? Let me meet the girls myself!
MR JACOBS: As you wish, David. But try not to do anything stupid, okay?
DAVID: Yeah, whatever.
*DAVID walks around*
JACK: *to RACETRACK* Race, I think I'm in love!
RACETRACK: *follows JACK'S gaze* But Jack! That's a guy!
JACK: I know.
RACETRACK: But that's a GUY! A MAN! A MALE!
JACK: *dreamily* I know. . .
RACETRACK: I'll. . . uh. . . see you in a while, Jack. Okay?
*RACETRACK exits*
JACK: I know.
*JACK stops LES, who is passing by*
JACK: Who is that boy over there?
LES: That's my brother, David. He's older.
JACK: Really? That's very interesting.
SKITTERY: *hears JACK* HEY! What's a Kelly doing here? MRS. JACOBS!
MRS JACOBS: Skittery! What are you yelling about? Yelling might spoil my David's party.
SKITTERY: But there's a Kelly here! A Jack Kelly! That scoundrel!
MRS JACOBS: Now, you mustn't spoil little David's party by killing him! Let him go!
SKITTERY: Yes, Mr. Jacobs.
*SKITTERY exits, fuming*
JACK: So, you're David?
DAVID: Yes.
JACK: You are beautiful. I like you.
DAVID: You're handsome. I like you too.
SARAH: Davey! Mama wants to talk to you!
JACK: Who's his mother?
SARAH: Mrs. Esther Jacobs.
JACK: Oops. This isn't looking good.
RACETRACK: I think we should leave now. . .
JACK: You could have said that BEFORE I fell in love with the oldest son of the Jacobs, couldn't you?
*All leave, except for DAVID and SARAH*
SARAH: So, did you meet anyone interesting?
DAVID: Hey Sarah, just out of curiosity, of course, who was that guy I was talking to?
SARAH: So you finally figured it out?
DAVID: Huh?
SARAH: That you like guys. I have, of course, known that for years.
DAVID: So, what's his name? Is he married? What's his favorite color?
SARAH: His name is Jack Kelly. He's with the Kellys. You know, the people we don't like?
DAVID: Oops. This isn't looking good.
*END SCENE*
By Aguachica
Summary: Slash. A Newsies parody of Romeo and Juliet, featuring Jack and David. Agua has rewritten Shakespeare! Kinda. . . *looks at people in distance waving torches and yelling "Burn the Heretic".* I think maybe now would be a good time for me to move.. . .
CAST: David Jacobs: Juliet Capulet Meyer Jacobs: Capulet Esther Jacobs: Lady Capulet Skittery: Tybalt Kid Blink: Other Capulet Specs: Other Capulet
Jack Kelly: Romeo Montague Kloppman: Montague Racetrack: Benvolio Mush: Mercutio Bumlets: Other Montague Snitch: Other Montague
Sarah Jacobs: Nurse Snyder: Prince Bryan Denton: Friar Lawrence Spot Conlon: Paris Les Jacobs: Montague Servant
~~Prologue/Disclaimer~~
Agua:
Two classes, both clashing in dignity,
In unfair Manhattan, where we lay our scene,
From unreasonable grudge comes proud mutiny,
Where all life deems all other life unclean.
From this story forth a writer makes her foes
As pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
A writer heard the One she overthrows
As Master rolls in his grave with strife.
The fearful passage of their deadly, forbidden love,
And the continuance of their city's rage,
Which not even their citizen martyrs could remove,
Is now the many-paged traffic of this website;
Hear me now, kind reader; with patient ears attend,
I do not own Newsies; something which I hope to mend.
~~ ACT ONE-SCENE ONE~~
*enter BLINK and DUTCHY, of the house of Jacobs, armed with sticks*
BLINK: I'm bored. Let's fight.
DUTCHY: But with whom?
BLINK: Who else do we pick on, bonehead? The Kellys, of course.
DUTCHY: Oh. Of course.
SPECS: Why, if I saw a Kelly right now, I'd spit on them.
*enter BUMLETS and SNITCH*
BLINK: PATOOIEE!
SNITCH: Ewww. . .
*SNITCH wipes spit off of his face*
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us, newsboy?
BLINK: I do spit, newsboy.
SNITCH: I could have told you that. . .
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us?
BLINK: *To DUTCHY* Would the bulls be on our side if I say yes?
DUTCHY: No.
BLINK: *to BUMLETS and SNITCH* I do not spit at you, but I do spit. Maybe in your general direction, but not AT you.
BUMLETS: You lookin' for a soakin'?
DUTCHY: *to BLINK* I see reinforcements coming.
BLINK: Yes, we will fight.
BUMLETS: DIE!
*they fight.*
*SKITTERY enters*
SKITTERY: Stop that!
*enter RACETRACK*
RACETRACK: Hey, you! Glum and Dumb! I'm gonna kill you!
SKITTERY: No, you dimwit! Don't fight me! Make those four stop fighting.
RACETRACK: What? Are you a coward?
SKITTERY: No. . .
RACETRACK: Yeah right. *snickers*
*they fight*
*enter others from Kellys and Jacobs.*
*enter citizens who attack the newsboys from both sides*
CITIZENS: Can't honest citizens get any rest around here anymore? Stop disturbing the peace!
*enter SNYDER*
*they stop fighting*
SNYDER: If there are any more fights between the Kellys and the Jacobs, I will KILL the people who started it. And I do not mean the figuratively. Do you understand me?
NEWSIES: Yes sir!
RACETRACK: I think I'll go find Jack. He owes me money.
*JACK enters*
RACETRACK: Hello, Jack. Isn't it a nice day?
JACK: I'll give you the money later. I spent it on beer.
RACETRACK: This concerns me, cousin. You have not been yourself lately. What's up?
JACK: My girl, Rosie, dumped me.
RACETRACK: Tough luck. But there are plenty of fish in the sea, Jack. You just have to wait for the right one.
JACK: I don't feel any better. . .
RACETRACK: Sooo. . . Have you checked out any other girls lately?
JACK: I don't want to check out other girls! I want Rosie!
RACETRACK: I'll make you forget her.
JACK: Yeah right. I'd like to see you try.
RACETRACK: Wanna bet on that?
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE TWO~~
*The Jacobs apartment. enter MRS JACOBS and MR JACOBS*
MRS JACOBS: I think it's time David met some nice girls. Don't you think?
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*MR JACOBS goes back to reading newspaper*
MRS JACOBS: What about having a party? We could rent Irving Hall. Wouldn't that be nice?
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*MR JACOBS doesn't even look up from his paper*
MRS JACOBS: I'm so glad you agree, dear! Les! Take this list and invite these people.
*MRS JACOBS gives long list to LES* LES: Sure, Mama! I'll be right back!
*LES runs out to the street.*
LES: Oops. I haven't learned to read yet.
*Enter RACETRACK and JACK*
JACK: Race, I don't feel any better.
RACETRACK: But Jack! We've been walking around looking at all the girls, and you're still not happy? Are you mad?
JACK: I feel. . . shut up. Like I'm locked in the Refuge, but I can't break free.
LES: 'scuse me, could you read this to me?
JACK: What's this?
LES: A party list for Mama's party at Irving Hall.
JACK: What is your Mama's name?
LES: Esther Jacobs.
JACK: I can't read. Scram, kid.
*LES exits*
JACK: Race, did you see that list? Rosie's going to be at the party.
RACETRACK: Let's sneak in. I'm sure Mrs. Jacobs won't mind.
JACK: Yeah, I'm sure she won't.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE THREE~~
*enter MRS JACOBS and SARAH*
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, where is your Brother, David?
SARAH: Davey! Get over here!
*enter DAVID*
DAVID: Who wants me?
SARAH: Mother. And she's the only one.
DAVID: What do you want, mama?
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, will you leave us for awhile?
DAVID: Yeah, Sarah. And don't come back.
MRS JACOBS: David, be nice to your sister. Now David, how do you feel about getting married?
DAVID: Very poorly. . .
SARAH: This will be amusing. . .
DAVID: Shut up, Sarah. And why are you still here, anyways?
MRS JACOBS: David! Be nice! We are going to find you a wife at the party at Irving Hall.
DAVID: I think I'll pass, Mama.
MRD JACOBS: That wasn't a question.
DAVID: Darn it! I mean, Yes Mama.
SARAH: Ha, Davey has to get married. Can I have his room?
MRS JACOBS: Yes, dear.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE FOUR~~
*enter JACK and RACETRACK and MUSH*
MUSH: So we're just going to crash the party? Just like that? What if we get caught?
RACETRACK: We won't.
MUSH: But what if we do?
RACETRACK: We'll only be there for a short while. What tragedy could happen withIn an hour or so?
JACK: The mind boggles.
RACETRACK: I see you are taking my side.
JACK: I take no side but Rosie's.
MUSH: *to RACETRACK* You're right; he's got it bad.
RACETRACK: Pay up.
MUSH: *pays Racetrack a quarter*
JACK: We're here. I thin we should put on masks. I mean, it IS a costume party and all. Plus, I don't think they'd like it is they recognized us.
MUSH: Really? You think not?
JACK: Right.
*END SCENE*
~~ACT ONE SCENE FIVE~~
*enter MR JACOBS and DAVID*
MR JACOBS: David, have you met Jay yet? She is a very nice girl! I'm sure the two of you could get along very well.
DAVID: Dad, how can I meet anyone if you're dragging me around all the time? Let me meet the girls myself!
MR JACOBS: As you wish, David. But try not to do anything stupid, okay?
DAVID: Yeah, whatever.
*DAVID walks around*
JACK: *to RACETRACK* Race, I think I'm in love!
RACETRACK: *follows JACK'S gaze* But Jack! That's a guy!
JACK: I know.
RACETRACK: But that's a GUY! A MAN! A MALE!
JACK: *dreamily* I know. . .
RACETRACK: I'll. . . uh. . . see you in a while, Jack. Okay?
*RACETRACK exits*
JACK: I know.
*JACK stops LES, who is passing by*
JACK: Who is that boy over there?
LES: That's my brother, David. He's older.
JACK: Really? That's very interesting.
SKITTERY: *hears JACK* HEY! What's a Kelly doing here? MRS. JACOBS!
MRS JACOBS: Skittery! What are you yelling about? Yelling might spoil my David's party.
SKITTERY: But there's a Kelly here! A Jack Kelly! That scoundrel!
MRS JACOBS: Now, you mustn't spoil little David's party by killing him! Let him go!
SKITTERY: Yes, Mr. Jacobs.
*SKITTERY exits, fuming*
JACK: So, you're David?
DAVID: Yes.
JACK: You are beautiful. I like you.
DAVID: You're handsome. I like you too.
SARAH: Davey! Mama wants to talk to you!
JACK: Who's his mother?
SARAH: Mrs. Esther Jacobs.
JACK: Oops. This isn't looking good.
RACETRACK: I think we should leave now. . .
JACK: You could have said that BEFORE I fell in love with the oldest son of the Jacobs, couldn't you?
*All leave, except for DAVID and SARAH*
SARAH: So, did you meet anyone interesting?
DAVID: Hey Sarah, just out of curiosity, of course, who was that guy I was talking to?
SARAH: So you finally figured it out?
DAVID: Huh?
SARAH: That you like guys. I have, of course, known that for years.
DAVID: So, what's his name? Is he married? What's his favorite color?
SARAH: His name is Jack Kelly. He's with the Kellys. You know, the people we don't like?
DAVID: Oops. This isn't looking good.
*END SCENE*