Concrete Jungle

click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack

The train chattered at a steady pace as it raced through the Connecticut countryside; the sun hanging low in the sky outside the clouded window like the ray of bright flashlight shining through a smudged piece of wax paper. Serena hated riding the train. It was usually crowded, dirty, loud, and annoying and she wasn't sure if she could handle any of the above today.

She would normally have taken a car sent by her mother to get home, but today was different and she couldn't be bothered with the wait. Not to mention the fact that her mother was the last person she wanted to accept anything from right now.

Serena blew a stray piece of blond hair from her face and let her head hit the dirty window with a thud as she thought about the conversation she'd had with her mom earlier that day. The conversation that finally shattered the remainder of the tactically created and put together Upper East Side facade that years of tradition and living with her ever elegant and proper mother had blessed her with.

"Serena, I really don't think that's necessary," Lily van der Woodsen sighed.

"Not necessary?" Serena demanded into her cell phone as she stomped up the stairs to her room at Hanover Academy for Girls attempting to find some privacy; a seemingly impossible task at an all girls boarding school. "You honestly think I'm going to listen to the person who got him where he is in the first place?"

"Watch your tone young lady," Lily snapped. "You have no idea what's been going on here lately so don't go throwing around rash accusations about this situation."

Serena sighed and took a deep breath. Now, after 17 years her mother had decided to actually mother? This was not the way to get information from Lily and right now that was exactly what Serena needed. She only cared about one thing, finding out if her brother was okay.

"I'm sorry Mom. It's just…I'm freaking out here. I can't stay at Hanover any more. I need to be with Eric. I'm coming home today and we can talk then."

"What about your classes?" Her mother was caving (not that it mattered, she would be leaving regardless), Serena could tell. Maybe the sole reason Lily had even called as soon as she had was for the very purpose of getting her daughter home so she wouldn't feel so guilty for leaving Eric alone for her afternoon teas and manicures or blow-outs at Frederik Fekkai. Serena couldn't help but sadly realize that, with her mother, such selfish acts were always a possibility.

"I don't care about that right now Mom, and frankly, I'm not sure how you could either," Serena snapped. "I know what I need to do, where I need to be." Why had it taken something like this to make her realize something she should have known all along? "I'll start back at Constance next week. I'm packing what I need and I'm leaving today."

Lily was silent for a moment on the other end of the line. "Assuming they let you back in," she clipped. "At least let me send a car for you."

"No, I could be halfway home before a car even gets here. I'll take a train. Just have someone pick me up at Grand Central this afternoon," Serena could feel the tears that had been threatening to spill since her mother had called welling up in the corners of her eyes and she swiped at them angrily with the back of her free hand. This was the icing on the cake that was the, mostly, self-made nightmare consisting of the past year of her life.

Lily almost whispered into the phone as if she didn't want her daughter to hear. "Fine. I will be at the Waldorf's this afternoon for an important party. You will come to the party and talk to me before you go anywhere else. Do you understand?"

"You're leaving him?! You can NOT be serious!" Serena yelped as she slammed her door and began tossing clothes into an open, dark gray Louis Vuitton suitcase with little brown L's and V's covering it. She couldn't help but wonder when and why petty shit like a designer suitcase was so important to her.

"Serena, he's in good hands. He's resting. There's nothing more I can do for him right now," Lily stated.

She was sick of her mother's excuses. "Except be there, but you were never very good at that were you Mom?" Serena dug, going for the jugular. No use holding back now. She was pissed, she was helpless, and she was scared and damnit to hell; someone was going to hear about it. Rationality had taken the first car out of town the minute her phone rang that morning.

She knew she'd gone too far when she was greeted by a moment of silence that lasted just a little too long. "I can't miss this party, and you will see me before seeing your brother. I'll make sure the driver is well aware of this." Lily said in a toneless voice.

"Fine." Serena spit through her tears as she slammed her phone shut. She sat hard on her stiff boarding school bed for the last time and he let her long blond hair shield her face from the world before she had to look up one more time and stare the reality of the situation right in the ugly face.

An hour and a half later and she was finally passing in to New York. Soon the serene peace of the country would fade and the concrete jungle would appear and she would be home again. And this time, everything would be different. She would make sure of that.

Just because you grew up a girl in this world, doesn't mean that you have to let this world determine the woman you are going to become.