The Last Time
You know… this world is made up of broken hearts that find a way to glue themselves back together. The broken promises we make, the lies we believe, the words that slip by mistake, and the tears that fall innocently... they push us to the edge. Waiting too see how much we can handle until we fall apart.
It's raining outside. The rain drops fall onto the ground softly. You can't really hear the sound of them hitting the pavement but you can see it. It's crystal clear and something about it seems so magnificent. It's just so hypnotizing... Or at least for him it feels like they are.
He's been staring at the constant rain for an hour now. He's not thinking of anything but just staring. He sits on a chair on his back porch and has his head leaning back, thinking how simple it must be to be a rain drop.
He closes his eyes for a quick second but the sound of laughter makes them open again. His neighbor's kids are playing in the rain. They're trying to soak in as much rain as they can because it's rare for it to rain around this time of the season. As he sees their parents come running out to get them back inside their house, he can't help but feel lonely. So damn lonely.
He has to be the loneliest bastard in the world! If there was a competition, he would have won for sure. The horrible relationship he has with his parents, the relationships that have failed, and his lack of keeping up with his friends only proves how lonely he is.
It's only after they've all gone inside their house that he let's himself think of the person he's been ignoring for awhile now, Ally Dawson. He's not sure where they went wrong. He's not sure what happened but it feels like just yesterday she was in his arms.
He slowly reaches for his phone from his pocket and searches for Ally in his contacts. He's cautious as he pushes new message. After all, it's only been about three months since he's talked to her... And it's only been six months since he's seen her. Nothing much to worry about if you think about it.
He keeps rewriting his message but the words he's trying to say keep coming out wrong. He know what he wants to tell her, what she needs to know, but he can't find the right sentence to write.
A silent sigh is let out as he closes his phone and pushes it away from him as far as he can. He knows it's best to stay away. He knows how the ending will turn out to be, the words that would be shared, and yet, he finds hope.
Hope that maybe this time the ending will change. Or that maybe this time they will both just let down their guard for one second to acknowledge the fact that they've been to stubborn to realize that what is done is done and nothing can be changed or altered. But with each blow they get, the harder it is to stand up. The harder it is to believe again. He knows how the story begins, how it is told, and how it ends.
He knows it so well that the edges of the book are worn out, and the pages look like they're about to fall out. But something about them: the pain, the laughs, the familiarity, the love they feels towards one another, pulls him right back in. And that's the reason why they find themselves in this situation again. They're not sure how it started or where it's heading to, but all they do know is that they need it.
They're past the casual conversation and playing twenty questions to get to know each other. They've stopped correcting people when they're asked if they're a couple. They've crossed the thin line that separates them from being friends and a couple too many times. Whether they like it or not, the truth is that they've fallen for one another when they desperately tried to avoid it at all costs.
They say they know each other but as soon as one of them chooses to cross the boundaries that makes them friends, they manage to see a stranger with the face of a friend. They learn something from each other that they didn't know before. And just as a pleasurable moment is made in a couple of hours, it is destroyed within a matter of seconds.
He runs through his fingers in frustration as he battles with himself whether he should call her not. Can he really take another rejection from her? Will he not have the same fear he always has when she asks him to tell her he loves her? Will they not get together to only break apart? And the stress and damage that comes along with this roller coaster makes him wonder how much more can she handle?
It began with stealing her song, and then she came back to give him a piece of her mind. It was followed by a partnership between them that they saw as a game. They took the chances they had to make their dreams come true and by the looks of it, their dreams are becoming a reality. They had their laughs, they had their fights. They've seen each other kiss another person and tell them they love them. They've grown together but they held their ground.
The real thing started with an innocent, sweet hello, an accidental touch of skin when they sat too close together on the piano bench, and the innocent compliments that they would give to one another. He'd whispered secrets in her ears and make her blush when no one was looking. She would look into his eyes and see the reflection of the person she wanted to be. When he first spoke to her, she wasn't as shy as people told him she was. She didn't have the smart mouth that the rumors said she had.
She fascinated him more than she should. He could talk more things with her than he would allow himself with other people. He would take the moment to tell her that she is beautiful. And every time she blushed, every time she whispered thank you, or gave him a compliment, he would feel his heart rate increase just a tad bit. The rush of it being thrilling. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach made him feel that something they were doing is correct.
He ignores his head for his heart and dials her number. With each ring that he hears he is ready to pull his hair out. The anticipation of hearing her voice eating him away. But he never does because she denies his call.
Enraged at the thought that she doesn't want to talk to him, he throws his phone across the yard. The sun's setting and the rain is starting to fade away but all he can think of is the last time they were together.
They were in his house. They were having one of those conversations. She was sitting across from him on the couch and the only sound that could be heard was their steady breaths.
"You know he misses her a lot," he whispered softly out of nowhere.
She kept dodging his gaze but she noticed the hurt in his voice. She realized that he was talking about himself. They hadn't been acting normal for the longest time and he knew that it was now or never to tell her how much he cared for her.
The kindergarten crush of staring at each other a little too long or holding hands at random circumstance was left behind a long time ago. They found themselves at a place where they weren't lovers but they weren't in the friend zone either.
"She misses him too," she tells him confidently.
They let silence fill the room before Austin asks a question that can break everything, "Why doesn't she choose him if she loves him?"
She stared at him wide eyed and wasn't quiet sure how to answer. She feels cornered at his words. They never been this clear with their feelings before, they never asked the other why they didn't just admit it already, and this was scaring the hell out of her.
She didn't like the vulnerable feeling that he made be in that moment and with nothing better to say, she simply replied with, "It's getting late Austin. I should be heading home."
She stood up abruptly as she tried to get her belongings in her hands but he was one step ahead. He had her purse in his hands. "Ally why doesn't she choose him?" He asks once again in a desperate tone.
It seemed like his life depended on the weight of her answer and if she kept ignoring him any longer he would break apart. Tears were threatening to fall down his face and tears had already slipped down hers.
She gave him a weak smile as she asked him to hand her purse over. She couldn't find a reason to not answer his question, but all she knew was that she was getting put on the spot... and she hates that feeling.
He slowly got up and walked towards her until he's stood in front of her and he whispered enough for her to hear, "He loves her you know? He really loves her. And it scares him so much to think that one person can have so much control over him but he doesn't care. Because he loves her."
She wiped a tear that slipped from his eye and she whispered back to him, "She doesn't choose him because she loves him too. And she doesn't like being vulnerable when he walks away after they fight. She doesn't want to let herself fall knowing that he'll leave when things become difficult."
Next thing they knew, he was pushing his lips against her and pulling her close as he possible could. They knew it was wrong. Considering that one of them was in a relationship at the moment but they couldn't stop. Every kiss, every touch felt right. Every lust that they had for one another became present as they poured themselves into that one kiss.
When they had to pull back for air he didn't stop just there. He slowly trailed kisses down her jawline to her neck as she played with his hair. They weren't sure where this was going but they couldn't go back.
Somehow they ended up on the couch with Ally straddling him as they were breathing hard, trying to catch their breaths. She was leaning her forehead into his and then she couldn't take it anymore. Everything they've been through in the past few months rushed through her mind: the fighting, the screaming, the name calling.
She'd yell at him, mentioning all the stupidities that he has recently done and he'd tell her what a judgmental, annoying, and boring person she is. They would bicker nonstop until he decided he had enough and disappear for awhile. He'd ignore her until the silence between them felt like it would have killed him.
She's seen him leave too many times after their fights. She has even asked him to leave in a few but she always hoped deep down that he wouldn't go. That by some miracle he might fight for her instead of hiding in the shadows. But the night that he did fight for her, she wasn't ready.
He had broken her heart too many times to believe the words he was telling her. She had been left alone trying to glue the broken pieces back together so often that she knew she had lost pieces along the way. She was done letting him play her and as she looked into his eyes one last time, she told him, "This isn't right. We should have never kissed."
By then she was untangling herself from his arms and was picking her sweater and shirt that got thrown in the process and grabbed her purse. Before he could have said anything else she's gone. The taste of her lips linger on his to only mock him what he almost had.
He slowly reaches for his lips as he remembers the way that they felt on hers. She was wrong. The kiss wasn't a mistake, it was perfect. And without a hesitation in his thought he grabs his phone, puts a sweater on, and runs as fast as he can to the house where he knows she'll be.
The scene that unfolds before his eyes is all too familiar. The same old tress, the same old houses, and the same cars parked outside those houses. He's done this too many times to count how many times he has. He's just letting his feet lead the way because he knows that in the end they'll lead him in the right direction.
He's tired of lying to himself that his heart's not breaking because of Ally. He's tired of saying that nothing exists between them and that he shouldn't have kisses her. He's tired of saying that Ally doesn't care about him because if she didn't, she would have answered his phone call.
Soon the familiar house is in his eyesight and he can imagine her in her room, thinking where they went wrong. As he sees the light in her room turn on, a spark of hope runs through his mind. He's thinking what words he should tell her this time to make up for the fact that he hurt her. He thinks how he's going to keep his promise this time because he needs her and he needs her to know this before she leaves for good.
By now he's standing right outside her door. He knows that this is part of the routine; part of a painful routine. He always seems to do this when she's about to slip away. Trying to show her how much he cares and to just give them another chance. He has one last time to make things right before things between them breaks permanently. He takes a deep breathe, wipes away the tears that are starting to form in his eyes and knocks on her door.
She freezes at the sound of the knock. She wasn't expecting him to come back but then again... he always comes back. She doesn't know what to feel at this moment but she slowly gets up.
She throws the blanket that she's been cuddling with around her as she goes down her stairs. She remembers the last time she saw him. The kiss they shared still lingers in her thoughts and even if she's unwilling to say it out loud, she would like another one.
She looks through the peephole to make sure that it's Austin and not some random stranger. She feels her heart rate speed up as she sees him with his hands in his pocket, looking like an innocent child that got in trouble.
She unlocks the door and tries to remind herself to stand her ground. After all, she can only get broken by the same person only so many times. As she observes him for the first time in six months, she realizes the same thing every time he turns up her front steps, that he's worth the pain she tends to go through.
"Hi," he says softly in a husky tone.
He's rocking back and forth in his heels and she leans against her door. His hair is covering his beautiful brown eyes and he looks like he has another apology playing at the tip of his tongue. She just stares at him cautiously before she opens her mouth to make the sound of a sweet, "Hello Austin."
He loves the way that his name sounds from her lips. A weak smile forms on his face and she can tell that he's been crying. They stare into each other's eyes but somehow being in each other's company, they feel better.
"I was in the neighborhood and I decided to stop by," he tries to start a conversation. There's tension in the air and both have their guard up as they are both unsure of what the other's going to say.
"Is there anything you want?" She asks him as she replays the words of the same conversation they always seem to have on this doorstep.
"I'm sorry Alls," he blurts out. He looks at the ground before he brings his eyes to look at hers as he repeats the words.
She doesn't know what to think of those two words anymore beside the fact that she's aching. She can't make up her mind whether she should believe them or not because they have been so overplayed to her ears.
Because she knows that he's confused himself as much as she was the last time they met, she knows she should forgive him for all the times he ran out on her. But waiting for him to realize her love is getting tiring. She is tired of waiting and getting broken. She gets her hopes up when he makes her the same overplayed promises and she believes that it's going to have a different ending this time because he showed her that he can't live without her, but it doesn't. But she believes; she HAS to believe.
"For what?" she responds like always.
"For everything," he replies.
And she knows he means every word of it. She knows that as he makes his promise to her right there he truly means it but as time passes he'll forget all about and leave them back to square one when they get in another fight.
"You know I'm the one that watches you leave after I let you in right?" she whispers softly to him.
He looks at the ground for a minute before he answers, "I know. I know you've heard the words that I'm about to tell you too many times but I promise this time I meant it Ally. This time I'm not leaving."
They both stare at each other critically. When do you know to stop believing a person who breaks their promises? Is it the first time, do they get three tries, or do you continue to believe them until you no longer can?
She opens her form words but not a sound is heard. She wants to believe, she really does, but it's just so damn hard when he has proved her too many times otherwise.
"Austin we know the ending of this story. The kiss might have not been a mistake but in these past few months of loving each other all we do is break one another. And I'm getting tired of the same outcome," she desperately pours her heart out to him.
He feels his heart breaking with each word he hears her say and then he decides to tell her, "This is the last time I'm asking you this, put my name at the top of your list."
This is the first time she hears him say that he'll let her be if they don't make this time. She opens her mouth to ask him why should should let him in but with a stern look on her face she settles for, "This is the last time I'm asking you why."
He only nods his head in agreement to the silent compromise they've made. He gets one last shot to prove to her that she belongs with him and that he won't leave her this time. She has one last chance to show him how much she loves him before letting things fall apart.
And just like always she steps aside to let him in, but not before saying, "This is the last time I'm letting you in."
He lets a tear fall down his face. He's not sure if it's because she's forgiven him again or if it's because he knows that if he screws this time up it's the end, but he only replies with, " This is the last time. I won't hurt you anymore."
He sees her form a smile on her face as his eyes sparkle with amusement. She's leaning in the door frame as she waits for him to go inside but he takes a moment to capture her beauty.
He leans close to her and in a hushed whisper asks her if this is ok. She nods her head in approve,net and soon his lips softly place themselves on hers. It's sweet, slow, and passionate.
As they pull away from each other, they stand there hopeless. For that split second they know that whether this is the last time or not, it doesn't matter. They'll keep playing this game until they finally get it right.
A/N; had to write it out and hope you liked it. I know sad but Taylor Swift, The last Time was playing in my mind and i had to write it. Hope you like it. Please review! :)