Suika on ESPN? What next? Yukari on live TV?
Disclaimer: ZUN/Team Shanghai Alice are the owner/creator of Touhou Project, and all of its official characters, locations, history, concepts, and etcetera. I don't own any cameos made referenced during the making of the story. I only own Sekai Ishtal and any original characters that emerge.
Author's Note: So we all saw Suika make a 30 second cameo on ESPN. It's only a matter of time before Touhou takes over America, and the Lunarians descend from the moon and we wholeheartedly welcome our bunny overlords. As you can see, this is pure PWP-ish humor and fourth wall breakage. And for some reason, I'm booting my Touhou Project profile of Sekai Ishtal into this.
"I still can't believe that Suika appeared on ESPN that night. If you hadn't send me that YouTube link, I wouldn't have believed you."
"The entire world saw it. Reimu wasn't all that happy our loli oni somehow stumbled by the barrier. Hell, I didn't know until I flipped the channel at the right moment and saw her on TV. And the fact the anchorman didn't bat an eyelash at Suika in the background was confusing."
"Not to mention when he was mocking the Mayweather Pacquio fight, he somehow had that image I took when we tried to make that home action film and she was too drunk to operate that camera model displayed on TV."
Yukari smiled. Once everyone learned of Suika's misadventure, she and Sekai gathered everyone around to watch the YouTube clip just to see Suika's cameo debut on ESPN. It happened at Remilia-sama's manor, of course.
"And to think all of us gathered at the Scarlet Manor just to see Suika cameo for thirty seconds," Sekai says with a chuckle escaping him.
"I can just see the comments the humans are making about how we'll take over America, and the Lunarians descend from the moon and proclaim themselves our bunny overlords," Yukari snickers with humor-laced tones.
"I think Reisen would enjoy that," Sekai said with a grin.
"If we ignore her storied background, of course," Yukari reminded the elf yōkai.
"Ah, right. Forgot about that little bit..."
"Who the hell are you? How did you get backstage?"
There stand Stephanie McMahon and Triple H; The Authority. And behind them were Seth Rollins, J&J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury), and Kane. Both yōkai (not that the humans knew) stared, surprised at first from the sudden voice of the woman speaking up. They have been minding their own business, and on a technicality were trespassing backstage. And it just so happens that they were in the part of backstage where a few tables and other stuff (storage boxes, leftover chairs, and backstage prop equipment) were abundant and leftover catering was still being served for the backstage WWE employees and wrestlers not on tonight's wrestling card.
"Yukari?" Sekai speaks up.
"Yes, Sekai?" Yukari responds.
"We're in deep (BEEP), aren't we?"
For the TV viewers, the word (BEEP) was bleeped out.
And the arena security appeared; ready to escort the trespassers out.
"Men, escort these two out the doors, please," orders Triple H, wanting the show to not get disrupted by any WWE fans trying to pull fast moves to get short TV air debuts or something.
"Now here's the thing, Sekai; I'm a lady so the men know they cannot manhandle a woman without looking like abusers. You don't get that luxury as you're a man," Yukari comments.
"True, Yukari. But they don't know how dangerous a fighter you are. More dangerous than UFC's Most Dangerous Woman in the World," Sekai speaks aloud.
Yukari grabs the offending limb that politely grabs her, twists and swiftly slammed the security guy flat onto his back, painfully. Sekai head butts the man in front of him, and swiftly chops at the two that flanked his sides, before lashing out with a high kick at the fourth guy. Yukari swung his folded-up parasol, clocking three more guys around side their skulls, before swiftly kicking the final guy right under the chin. Yes she did this stationary and with flexibility. The four other security arena guards react with more force.
As Triple H shielded his wife, the camera crew caught this action as backstage employers ran to safety from the sudden fight that broke out. The people in the trucks didn't have the sense to even blank this scene out; they just kept rolling (for some reason). Sekai grabs Yukari's arm and swung her, as she lashed out with a kick to catch one guy in the chest. She planted her feet and with surprising strength swung Sekai around and he clocks the same unfortunate human in the head, knocking him out cold. He ducks as Yukari monkey flipped over him, grabbing the nearest guy with a head lock and twists her body in a corkscrew, performing a head scissors takedown before swiftly rolling back onto her feet only to lash with a backwards heel kick.
Sekai's punches were fast in the solar plexus of the last of the two guards, before an uppercut stuns him. With Yukari, she kicks one guy right in the crotch, effectively stopping the poor human. Yukari then stood face to face with the opponent slightly to his side, tucks her own head under the guard's near arm, and reaches across the man's chest. The table that was nearby was used, as Yukari pretty much mimicked The Rock's signature wrestling move, the Rock Bottom. The last guy would feel the sensation of blacking out from pain after being submitted to a mimic of the GTS by Sekai.
It's pretty much arena security tactics versus two highly-trained martial artists.
"Suika appeared on ESPN, and here we are on the USA Network. Let's hope no one else tries to top us," Sekai told Yukari.
=0=0=0=0=
Back in Gensōkyō, Remilia sneezed. That threw off her aim and the thrown Gungnir impales the wall and not the picture of Edward Cullen who once was Cedric Diggory in a past life.
=0=0=0=0=
Yukari merely smiles, picking up her discarded parasol as the elf yōkai swiftly draws from his pockets a cluster of smoke bombs and threw them hard at the ground. The spheres exploded, filling the area with a wide cover of dark gray smoke. Everyone caught in the sudden smokescreen coughed and choked. When the smoke eventually cleared after three minutes, Sekai and Yukari have vanished.
Fans of Touhou Project would debate all night about it being some sort of weird publicity stunt, even though WWE would make statements about it "not being such", not understanding Japanese-only fandoms outside America all that much...
Well, Suika appeared on ESPN. And to respond to Suika's drunken stumble past the barrier and into the Outside World for a short time, Yukari was actually going to troll the corporate owner of CNN before Sekai changed her mind and convinced her to reveal herself briefly on a live televised show with him at her side.
WWE (and by extension USA Network) just so happened to be the chosen victim...
And the manhood of the security guards was put into question from that day forward.
She still pulls off a trolling prank on the CNN corporate owner in the end. She did this by somehow manipulating the closed captioning and the articles on CNN's website, basically applying Shovel Knight's Butt Mode onto CNN programming.
I'm weird. :P