So cold, I know you can't believe it
Sometimes you gotta face the feelin'
And if you don't care if you get up again
There's a thousand things I will not understand
The dreaming was the worst. So bad she wouldn't sleep. Couldn't.
Steve was worried. So was Sam. And Bruce.
She lied to them because that was what she always did and will always do when something was wrong. She was thankful Clint was off god knows where at the moment. He was the only one who saw through her.
The surprise was she hung out with Tony the most now. He was half drunk most the time and possibly slept less than she did. Sometimes they filled his workshop with sharp banter and verbal battles. Other times, they didn't speak at all.
JARVIS would ask her if she was alright when she would lie awake on the floor. She'd lie too and wish she could stay there forever. It was so cold and she welcomed it. It made her feel less.
She avoided Steve like the plague. Well, Steve thought it was him. No. It was his shadow.
'Bucky' had arrived the night before she stopped sleeping.
Her dreams were filled with blood and snow and the mother tongue and hidden night spent in stingy hotels and screams.
Now you're dealin' with the hell I put you through
If I had my way I would be right there next to you
There's certain things in life you cannot change
There's certain things
She snaps one day.
She's lounging in silence on a table in Tony's lab. He's tinkering on some new suit when Steve walks in, his shadow following behind.
She forces herself to relax and only looks at Steve as he explains that they were sparring and something happened to good 'ol Bucky's arm. But she can feel his eyes on her. Curious but hesitant. Wary.
It reminds her so much of before she turns away. Pretends to fiddle with her phone.
He's still watching her when Tony sits him down and starts inspecting his arm.
She jerks awake from pretending to play on her phone when Tony jumps up and declares he needs to grab some things before he begins.
Natasha knows he doesn't. He has all he needs in here. She thinks he knows more than he's letting on.
It's awkward when he leaves Steve standing in the corner, Bucky sitting down and her lounging on the table.
She can tell Steve wants to say something.
She hates she's pushed him away by avoiding his friend.
"Nat-" he begins but is interrupted when Bucky jerks up from where he was sitting.
The hairs on the back of her neck rise when he turns slowly and Natasha rises from where she has been lying slowly.
She has less than a second to get ready before he launches himself at her.
Their fights have always been hard, a brutal dance. In the Red Room. In Odessa. New York.
Halfway through she knows he's coming back to himself. Or one version. The Bucky version. He stops fighting attack and starts on defense because Natasha doesn't stop. She wants him to hurt like she's hurting.
He stumbles on one of Tony's cords and goes down. She doesn't hesitate to climb on him and hold him down. She grabs his head and knocks it into the ground, as if doing so would force the memories back in.
"Why" smack "don't' crack "you" smack "remember me?!" she's crying by the end and Steve's dragging her off an unconscious (dead?) body.
I hope you know I care
She cries herself to sleep that night and thinks maybe the dreams weren't the worst.
I've been alone too many nights
Too proud to tell you when you're right
A little patience would have helped me then
She hasn't left her apartment in the Stark Tower for two weeks.
Steve comes by a couple times, leaves cookies and food at her door before glumly walking off.
Tony leaves the finest Vodka.
JARVIS informs her that Bucky is alive and healing.
Clint comes back after going on a 'mission' with the Scarlett Witch. Natasha's not surprised. It was bound to happen. They were a good match.
When he knocks at her door, she lets him in and tells him everything. Or well, most of it. Her past is her own and even her most trusted friend will not know all of it.
Clint finally gets her out. Taking her to lunch with his new girlfriend Wanda, who, ignoring the whole Ultron things, is actually really funny and full of mischief.
She's the first one to make Natasha laugh since the 'incident' (as Clint's taking to call it) when she tells her the story of how she set her brother up with Thor's girlfriend's assistant, Darcy Lewis.
That was bound to be trouble from the start.
All the angels above the earth I prayed
Sent this message right into her head
There's certain things in life I cannot take
And I will wait
She's sitting on one of the couches in the community area when she hears the hushed, not so hushed, whispers of Steve and somebody else coming from behind the entrance. His shadow.
She stands up and calls out "I can hear you, you know."
There's a muffled 'fuck!' before the Winter Soldier is thrust out into the room. In a incredibly rare display of imbalance he stumbles and grabs on a nearby pot plant for leverage with his metal arm. He accidently snaps the small palm in half and tumbles down with it.
Natasha stays where she is. Hurt and guarded. (scared too)
He gets up and dusts himself off sheepishly, grinning a grin she had rarely seen yet dreamed of every time she slept.
He took a step forward, grin still in place.
"I remember you, Natalia."
I hope you know I care
Tell me what you think! i love them together by the way, i just think they'd be perfect in a broken, bittersweet way