I AM HEADING TO THE HOTEL NOW. I AM IN THE PENTHOUSE SUITE IF YOU WANT TO CALL.
Mark has been tracking me all day to make sure that I am alright. I am actually regretting having him on my find a friend app. I feel like he is stalking me right now. He was sad that he couldn't come with me, but he was scheduled to be in the studio and I didn't feel right having him blow it off for me. Besides Tim and Dad are here. Together we will get Mom through this.
Today has been a long day. Tim called in the middle of the night to say that they had rushed Mom to the hospital. She had a stroke. I called Teddy right away and she booked a jet to bring me here from L.A. I called Mark to let him know and he said that he would come with me, but I told him to hold off. Let me go and see how she is and I would keep him posted. He loved my mom like she was his own, but I couldn't have him jeopardize his new album to come with me, at least not until I had more details.
When I got to the Seattle Presbyterian Hospital, I met Tim and Dad who filled me in on all the details. It was a stroke. They needed to operate and it would take some time. It was early afternoon when I urged Dad and Tim to head home for some rest. They both looked exhausted. I told them that I would stay by Mom's side and call if there was any change. Although my Dad did not want to leave, Tim managed to convince him to go home and rest a bit. The doctors wouldn't give us more details about her chance of recovery, instead telling us that we need to wait and see. And that's what I had done until about 9pm when Tim and Dad showed up again telling me that it was my turn to get some rest.
Dad wanted me to go to their home, but the hotel was closer and I didn't want any paparazzi finding out I was in town or disrupting their neighborhood. Teddy had made all the travel arrangements and assured me that I would have privacy at this hotel, so I was a bit confused when I heard a knock at the door after I had just plopped myself down on the couch.
I got off the couch and looked through the peep hole, figuring that it was just the hotel ensuring that I was satisfied with the room, but there she stood. Even through the peep hole, she still looked stunning. She stared at the hole with a shy smile, knowing that I was looking on the other end. "Open the door Arizona", she said quietly. I did as she instructed. I opened and just stared. "How did you know I was here?" Three years. I hadn't seen her in three years, and just being near her made my whole body tingle. It's like my body instantly sought to reconnect with hers. I reached down for her hand to usher into the room. "Mark", was her reply. "He was worried about you and asked if I would come and check on you."
Of course it had to be Mark. My trip to Seattle didn't have time to make the news yet and she and Mark had got close while we were together. She pulled me into an embrace while whispering into my ear, "how is Barbara?" "We're not sure yet. She had a stroke and then surgery. Now we just need for her to wake up. I hate waiting. You know how impatient I am. The waiting is driving me crazy. I am exhausted both physically and emotionally and don't know what to do." I was crying in her arms…again. I had been so strong for Tim and Dad all day, and being in her arms, it all just hit me. Everything. Mom, her, my life. Where do I go from here?
I could feel her hands on my face as she wiped away my tears. "It's OK Arizona. Whatever happens, you'll get through it. I will help you. We'll be strong together," and with that, I realize that three years ago, I made the greatest mistake of my life. "Let's start by getting you into the shower. You need to wash off this day." She leads me into the bathroom, turns on the shower, "this will help you sleep. I will be waiting for you when you are done," and with that she walks out of the room and closes the door. I couldn't get the words out to ask her to join me. I just wanted to feel her naked body holding me under the hot water, but she had closed the door before I could say anything. I know it is selfish, but I just want to stay in her arms and forget everything else.
She was right. The shower was good for my body. I let the water beat down on me to help relieve some of the stress that I was carrying in my shoulders and back, but it did not provide emotional relief. Seeing her again has stirred up so many emotions. Of course she would be here to take care of me. It's what she does. She always took care of me, even as I decided to give up my one dream of being a doctor in favour of my other dream and passion of being a musician. She knew it would be hard, but she figured out a way to care for me while studying, while growing and excelling in her career. She surrounded me with people who could help my career. She made all this a reality. And what did I do to repay her? I left. I couldn't support her dream.
I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in the fluffy robe hanging on the door. I listened at the door but couldn't hear her. Maybe she had left. Maybe seeing me was too much for her. I need her to be there. I need her to be on the other side of the door waiting. Waiting. Calliope was always waiting for me. Waiting for my big break with me, waiting for me to catch up with her, waiting for me to understand her dreams and her passions. Her patience always amazed me.
As I open the door, I see that she is still there, tapping away on her cell phone. "Did you tell Mark that I'm alright?" "Yeah, he says he is going to try to get here in a few days. Now let's get you to bed. I assume you will want to head back to the hospital bright and early in the morning." "I need to be there for Tim and Dad", I say as I move towards the bedroom. I search through my bag to retrieve the boy shorts and tank that I brought as pyjamas. "Get your pyjamas on and I will tuck you into bed", she says as she closes the bedroom door.
After I am finished getting dressed, I open the door and she comes in. "This penthouse is huge. You've really made it, haven't you?" She looks around the room matter of factly. I know she is not really impressed given her family's list of hotels. She never cared about the money or the fame. She only cared about me. "Now let's get you into bed. You probably won't sleep much, but at least you can relax. I'll come by bright and early tomorrow and have breakfast with you before you head back to the hospital." She bends down to cover me with the blankets and leans in to gently kiss my forehead. The smell of her intoxicates me. How could I have let her go? As she pulls away, I reach out to grab her hand, "please don't go. Just lay with me. I always sleep when you're beside me." Her eyes stare into my soul. I know I am being selfish again, but I can't stand the thought of her leaving me tonight, or ever again.