Does It Ever End

Maggie was raised with the staunch belief that every nightmare would (and could) be countered with something good. When she was denied entry to her choice college, her father told her, as he dried her tears, that she would find something better than that dump. Naively, Maggie believed him, and accepted an admission to a university not far from home.

After the turn forced her family together, Hershel once again counseled her that God had a plan that would erase all the dark and scary times, and it would get better. Always a person of deep faith, Maggie was eager to turn to something that always served her well in the past. For awhile, things did get better. Inexplicably, Maggie met her future husband by chance, and even found a secure home in the prison.

Allowing herself to sink into a pattern of normalcy had been the biggest mistake she could have made while safely housed in the confines of the prison. When half its population came down with a virus, she maintained an attitude that pleased her father. When she lost everything after the prison fell, her walls were broken, but she refused to let it control her. Relocating to Alexandria after losing Beth, had been one instance where she felt the rarity of hope.

Hope was something that begged for her attention when she did not give it any; it sustained her through finding out she was pregnant, to believing she lost Glenn. The word was lost to her until she glimpsed the green balloons floating in the sky like a beacon. Reuniting with Glenn was like feeling an entire rainbow of emotion cascade through her.

Rolling over on the bed in the upstairs bedroom of her home in Alexandria, she barely remembered what it felt like to have something as powerful as hope go through her. Her pillow was wet, sticky with tears she expelled during the night. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Maggie's hand shook as she clasped the off-color grey shirt Glenn used to wear. Her hand still bore the wedding ring Glenn gave her, and her nighttime wardrobe consisted of his clothes.

It had been months since that fateful night they met the man they had heard so much about. Nine months since Negan strutted around his circle of victims while he swung Lucille around like a threat. In agony from the pain of a possible miscarriage, Maggie tried to stay still while their tormentor whistled under his breath. His smile unnerved her; it was the smile of someone who had done a lot to a lot of people.

Wiping the tears from her sleep-deprived eyes, Maggie sat up in bed and looked over at the newborn that was just starting to wake. If there was one thing she was grateful for, it was the little baby who had stolen her heart the moment she saw him at the Hilltop when the doctor delivered him. To her, he was the perfect combo of his mother, and the father he would never meet.

Carrying him down the long flight of steps, Maggie remembered the panic when Negan stopped at her husband. Her cries meant nothing to a man who carted around a baseball bat for punishments. Keeping her eyes locked on Glenn in spite of the tears that blinded her, Maggie watched in horror as Glenn was dragged to the center of the circle. Wanting to make an example out of their group, Negan killed him, and laughed at the misery of Glenn's people.

Setting Hershel Jr. down in a small carseat Tara found on a recent supply run, Maggie went through a routine that had become familiar to her after only a few weeks of perfecting it. Reaching for a baby bottle, Maggie expertly mixed the formula, and made sure it was hot enough for her baby. No stranger to doing this after Judith, Maggie knew she had the advantage.

"I'm comin', baby," Maggie murmured when Hershel began to fuss.

He was always a quiet baby, taking in the surroundings of a new world. His eyes, the exact color of Glenn's, followed her around the kitchen. When he was born, Maggie was overcome with a mixture of elation and sorrow. Elation that her baby was there, and sorrow for her husband. Glenn would have loved Hershel, and would have taken to fatherhood like he did everything.

Ridding her head of those thoughts, she saw a brief flash of someone moving outdoors. Keeping a wary eye in case of something bad, Maggie's hands juggled the baby and the bottle. Sitting down at the kitchen table, she rocked the newborn, and found herself singing one of many songs Beth used to belt. Never the singer in their family, Maggie often left the vocal art to her.

Jumping when the door opened, her hand closed around her weapon, before she immediately relaxed. An exhausted Tara was traipsing through the kitchen with a cloth bag of treats. Too worn out both emotionally and physically to make conversation, Maggie handed over the reigns to her best friend, and watched Tara take to the baby like she was really his aunt.

Still feeling the need to be with her son, Maggie hovered over Tara, and wiped the baby's nose when it needed it. Her friend threw her a look of annoyance, before returning to the cooing sounds she was making. If there was ever such a thing as a "new normal" that would have to be it. Waking up and making herself rise along with Hershel, and then moving through a routine that often included her group.

"No offense, but you look like crap," Tara informed her friend.

"So do you," Maggie countered. "And last I checked, you didn't push out a seven pound meatloaf."

Tara had the nerve to look offended, but Maggie knew her well enough to know it was an act. "Did you hear what your Mommy said about you?" Hershel did not, and was contentedly sucking on his bottle.

"What's in your stash?

"Only the best newborn-y stuff for little Hershel J," Tara announced. "Oh, and I also found a thing or two for you. Nothing special."

Maggie rolled her eyes, before taking the bag from where it had been hung around the chair. Placing it in her lap, she was prepared for almost anything with Tara being the supplier. However, when she loosened the strings, and peered inside, she was touched to see the one item she wanted.

"Tara, I-"

"You said you wanted to boob feed the kid, so I took a gander around some of the baby stores. Fair warning, the food aisle is a total dump." Tara smiled, but Maggie could see pain in her eyes for Glenn.

"I looked everywhere for this," Maggie whispered, holding the breast pump in complete shock. "I had G-Glenn make trips to find it."

"Yeah, well, this pseudo-auntie traveled, like, eons out of her way to the nearest market. I have to admit," Tara confessed, ducking her head. "I was humming 'this little piggie went to the market' when I was going down the aisle."

Maggie smiled through the pain that was still as fresh as it had been the first night when she was forced to return home without her husband by her side. All her life, she heard the pain would lessen, but she had yet to experience that. In truth, Maggie was not even sure she wanted the pain to leave her. The pain, as wretched as it was, reminded her of how real their love was. If it was not for the pain, she would have questioned her love for Glenn.

"I really appreciate this, Tara." Taking Hershel back once he was done feeding, she studied Tara, and noticed that her exhaustion was more pronounced than she thought. "How are you?"

"Good," Tara replied flippantly. "I've been taking classes from Shelley. Gotta make one more pint-sized Team GREATM shirt for the sprout."

"It's okay to be honest," Maggie assured her. "Glenn, and then you found out about Denise…"

"Please," Tara shot back, tears lining her eyes. "It's not like I've taken the cake for losing people. You lost your husband, and then before that, your sister and father."

"I don't need a retelling of every single person I lost. I just want you to be honest."

Tara nodded, wiping a smudge of dirt from around her eyes. "I'm okay. Let's go out, okay?"

"I'm in.

Maggie had to admit it felt good to step outside the walls of her home, and take in some fresh air that had been lacking in her life. In a world that was overrun with the dead, Maggie would not have been able to risk taking Hershel anywhere. Housed in Alexandria gave her that privilege.

Striding down the street with Tara by her side, it was hard to look at the manicured lawns and sprawling homes she once took for granted. Grateful to have the security, it did not escape her that this place was far from safe. The children playing on the streets, had no idea that a homicidal maniac was itching to take half their supplies.

Hershel fussed in her arms, but she already knew how to handle something like that. Taking his pacifier, she gently stuck it in his mouth, and waited until he was content before switching her focus to the platform they used. She had not been up there since before Glenn died, and she was eager to get a small taste of what life had been like for people.

Handing Hershel off to a willing Tara, she took one step at a time while she climbed the sturdy ladder. Once she reached the top, it was hard not to admire the utter beauty that eclipsed the outside. The street was devoid of the dead, and a pleasant breeze had made the weather bearable. Inhaling a lungful of air, she could almost feel Glenn wrapping his arms around her. Not much a believer of that sort of thing, it still comforted her.

The plans Deanna had for the community before she died, were now in her hands. It was her vision that enabled them to move past the shock of losing her so fast. The sketches provided a map of what needed to be done, and Maggie liked to think she and Rick had honored her wishes.

"What are you thinking about?" Tara asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Just thinkin' about gettin' my hands dirty."