Disclaimer: We don't own iCarly because there isn't a three-way relationship going on (but if a Nick show had a threesome, it would totally be iCarly)
A/N: This was written by both Champagnescene and I. We are huge seddie people, I like to think but fine with other ships made up of the trio but as the show keeps coming and more seasons keep airing, we can't bring ourselves to leave anyone out anymore because they are just so much more complete as a trio than any one pairing, a nice full circle. The ending session owes some credit to Vix's tatics oneshot.
Had to turn off anon reviews because someone was so insulted by the thought of another pairing besides seddie that they started spamming. I left the review by "Dan Scneider" though. Sorry man, totally didn't mean to be disrespectful to your work... though I'm pretty sure I've seen a Carly/Spencer fic floating around at some point so watch out for that one, dude. Might blow your mind.
--
"I don't enjoy being up this early on a Saturday."
Carly stated matter-of-factly, a tired tint to her voice acting as an indication of such. Her head was resting on Freddie's shoulder while they sat next to the windows, staring back into the classroom, letting the warm sunlight wash over them while waiting for everyone to pile in and for this punishment to start.
He just laughed, wrapping his arm around her waist and bringing her closer.
"Uh, pretty sure no one does. I think that's why they make Saturday detentions start so early. All apart of the plan to make the punishment seem more severe."
"Mission accomplished." She yawned out.
Carly and Freddie were the recipients of a shiny and brand new Saturday detention for acts of PDA (real meaning: public display of affection but according to Mr. Howard it means public display of awful and horrendous outbreak of teenage hormones, which totally doesn't fit at all to the abbreviation) after school yesterday. Freddie tried to argue that it technically shouldn't matter because school hours were over but arguing with Mr. Howard was never the right solution to any problem and what might have been just a write up, turned into Saturday detention. Carly wasn't too thrilled with him after that.
"It's just a few hours, I'm sure time will- " His voice trailed off when he looked over towards the clock, seeing the minute hand ticking ever so slowly, almost not at all. "- fly."
Carly followed his gaze and then mourned out. "Awh man, we're gonna be here forever."
After that they sat there in comfortable silence. Freddie was now staring at the clock, trying to confirm his theory that the faculty had somehow developed a time telling device that would go extra super slow so they could really torture kids while Carly was almost lulled back into sleep until the classroom door was pushed open recklessly and Sam scrolled in with her usual careless swagger. She gave the nod in greeting to a few regulars before finally catching sight of the two brunettes.
"Okay, I know we talked about going out more but following me to detention isn't what I had in mind. It's not exactly your scene." The blonde tossed out while walking over. Freddie shook his head as she took a seat on a nearby desktop and leaned back on her hands.
"Mr. Howard gave us detention." Carly informed her, watching the other girl with a small smile.
Sam grinned. "Yeah? What'd you two juvenile delinquents do?"
"Acts of PDAHOTH, according to Howard."
"And then Freddie provoked the old grumpster by arguing with him." Carly lifted her head from his shoulder as she spoke, poking him softly in the side.
"How come you guys didn't tell me?"
Freddie looked up from fending off Carly's finger. "Well, we tried calling my phone-- you know, the one you stole without asking from my room because you accidentally smashed yours for science but it was turned off."
Sam leaned back even further for a second and slipped Freddie's phone from her pocket. She tried pressing the power button a few times, growling a bit when nothing happened (causing Freddie to lean forward slightly paranoid his phone would be next to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces) but then the unruly blonde only shoved the device back into her pocket and looked back over at them, shrugging. "Batteries dead, guess I'll have to steal the charger next time."
Freddie just shook his head but Carly stood up and took the few steps over to Sam before stopping. She popped out her hip and crossed her arms in a way Carly thought was intimidating but Sam and Freddie (and everyone else in Seattle) just found pretty adorable.
"And what did you do to get Saturday detention, Sam." Carly asked in her most strictest of tones.
"Oh you know, this and that."
"Sam."
"It's cool, Shay. It's only illegal in like six states." Sam grinned over at Freddie who was trying to bite back on the one threatening to over take his lips just incase Carly looks back to him for support
That never happened due to Coach Campbell finally arriving and telling everyone to take a seat and to quote 'shut the hell up'. Sam stood up quickly, closing what little distance there was between her and Carly and placing a chaste kiss to the brunette's cheek before moving to take a seat at the back.
"Guess I'll have to tell ya` later."
--
"What's up with the coconut shampoo, Jeeves, makes you smell like a fruit salad." Sam commented from the desk behind him as she ran her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, doing her best to fluff it out.
"My name isn't Jeeves." He responded briskly without turning around.
"Jeeves and Giles are the only fitting names for a man servant and you don't look like a Giles, Benson."
""How many times do we have to go over this. I'm not a man servant." He pushed out through his teeth.
She grinned, fingers playing against the skin of his neck. "Not officially, you have to start wearing that uniform I got ya`. You clean up nice in a tux."
"Sam, stop calling me your butler. I'm in this relationship too."
"Negative, we don't date the help."
Freddie let out a sigh and turned his sights over to their girlfriend, who looked slightly bemused at the normal occurrence. He pleaded with her through his eyes and words.
"Carly."
"Tattle tell." Sam whispered into his ear, all of a sudden really close as she leaned forward into his personal space, resting her chin on his left shoulder for a second. Hands came to trail along his arms and then -- she pinched really hard at the skin on his forearms causing him to cry out.
"Ow!"
It was Carly's turn to sigh, looking over at the blonde with disappointment.
"Sam, you said you'd cut back on the physical abuse when we all started dating."
"Keep it down, Carls, don't preach it to the whole detention, I gotta reputation to keep up around here." Sam let out in harsh and low tones but a look of realization took her over and she continued on. "And no I didn't. I said I'd cut back on you finding out about the physical abuse. Gotta read the fine print."
Freddie laughed a bit, muttering to himself.
"Like you know anything about legal standards and pra-" Then Sam pinched him really hard again. "-ow, Sam!"
"Did that one really hurt, Freddifer, you want mama to kiss it and make it better?"
--
Freddie leaned back in his chair as far as he could, almost trying to lounge in the uncomfortable plastic while the minute hand on the clock refused to budge another inch. They were on hour two, which meant there was only two more to go.
Oh joy.
Carly was studying her notes at the desk to his side and Sam was sitting in the one behind him. He could hear not so lady-like snores hitting the air around him. Sleeping through detention must be her coping mechanism for dealing with the insane amount of detentions she actually gets. At this point it's gotta be the opposite for her. Every one else has a life and gets detention while Sam Puckett has detention and gets life; slight breaks from the four walls of this room.
Freddie's attention was drawn to the front of the room where Coach Campbell stood up and walked to the door. Slowly, the older man turned around and spoke in a low and oddly hushed tone.
"I'm going to have my lunch break. If you brought anything, feel free to have at it but stay in your damn seats and keep quiet."
And then he was gone.
And then all of a sudden Sam was bouncing out of her seat and over to Carly, closing the brunette's notebook and pulling her up.
"Come on, let's go find somewhere private." Sam paused, turning over to Freddie. "And yeah, you can come too. I guess."
"Weren't you just asleep like not even two seconds ago?"
"Nah, faking it. It's the only way Coach feels comfortable leaving the room and me unsupervised." She shrugged.
"Well, that's not surprising but this isn't the breakfast club, Sam. We can't just go walking around the school during detention."
"We aren't going to be walking around if you catch my drift, Benson." Her lewd winks are always the lewdest and most over-exaggerated. "But anyway, yes we can."
"No, we can't." He argued back at her causing her eyes to narrow and her arm to drop from it's position over Carly's shoulders so she could take a step forward.
"Yes we can."
"No we can't."
"Yes we can't."
"No we-"
Carly finally interrupting what would probably have gone on forever without outside influence.
"Come on, Freddie, lets get out of here while we can."
Freddie's mouth was still open from where she cut him off and now he didn't have any words to replace them with because Carly was agreeing with Sam and in this unconventional three-way relationship the trio had embarked on… well, two to one votes always win.
"I win." Sam stated smugly, taking Carly's hand in her own while avoiding another disapproving look from the brunette girl.
He just sighed, nodded and got up. Without thought he moved around the desk and went to take Sam's hand who quickly pulled it away, looking at the other detention regulars and then Freddie as if to ask 'dude, you stupid?'. He rolled his eyes, and then glared when he went to walk to Carly's other side and felt a sharp and subtle pinch to his ass from the rowdy blonde.
--
"Gee, Sam. The principals office was a great place to try and skip out on detention." Freddie tossed over at the blonde.
"Dude, that was like the first time Franklin has come in on a Saturday in six months, get off my case."
"Freddie, don't hassle Sam. Just be glad we only got another Saturday detention instead of like suspended or something worse."
The male brunette sank broodingly in his seat some more, muttering: "Whatever."
"You're just mad that you were the only one who didn't get serviced. My man servant theory hitting a little too close to home for you right now, isn't it dorkface."
"Enough." Carly stated firmly, causing both Sam and Freddie to look over at her with interest. She turned to Sam first. "How many time do we have to go over this. Sam, Freddie is not the hired help. He is in a relationship with us. Us, meaning you and I. Say it with me now. 'Freddie is in a relationship with us.'"
Sam looked over at three kids over in the other corner of the room, stubbornly chewing on her lip.
"Sam say it."
"Freddie is in a relationship with us." The blonde painfully mumbled out afterwards, looking at the ceiling.
"We can't hear you."
"Yeah, we can't hear you, Sam."
"Freddie, be quiet." Carly scolded him before looking back over to Sam. "Say it louder, Sam."
"Freddie is in a relationship with us." Sam pushed out each word with deadly force, eyes locked to the ceiling so she didn't have to look at Freddie's grinning face. When Carly looked over to Freddie, she continued in almost non-existent breath. "An employer-employee relationship."
"Okay, Freddie. You're turn."
His eyed widened in the slightest. "My turn what? What do I have to say?"
"Tell Sam how much you are in like with her."
Shouts of protest rang out at the same time.
"Keep your mouth shut, Benson!"
"She'll punch me in the throat if I do that!"
Carly just sighed, nothing was ever easy with these two. She knew she had lost her mind last December when, after coming out to Spencer and starting a relationship with Sam, she decided that she really couldn't live without Freddie in the same capacity either. And just when she thought she was insane, it was actually Sam who vocalized what Carly was feeling before the brunette could. Never in a million years did Carly think Sam would go for it, because she's Sam and Freddie is Freddie but hopefully someone grabbed Hitler a winter coat (because hell froze over).
After that, the now infamous three-way relationship (what Carly and Freddie liked to call it, Sam refers to it as two girls, a dork and a pizza place threesome) was quickly started because Freddie needed little to no pushing into it, though he was wary of it being a prank and Sam punching him. Kind of like now.
The brunette girl shook the cobwebs from her head, realizing she spaced for a few moments.
Looking over, she noticed Sam and Freddie were now thumb wresting and doing that eye flirting thing they always do and think she doesn't notice.
She's definitely lost her mind but these two were the only two people in the world who were worth it.
"Alright."
Everyone in the classroom looked over to where Coach Campbell stood at the door, pulling on his vintage (totally fake) leather jacket before continuing.
"You've served your time, get the hell out of here. Puckett, Rogars and Cole. See ya` next week."
"Later, dude." Sam let out while at the same time, completely destroying Freddie in their latest thumb wrestling match. "Looks like Carly is mine."
"Huh?" Freddie looked at her with an arched brow.
"That last match was for keeps. Carly is mine now."
"We weren't playing for keeps on our girlfriend, Sam. You can't just make up a bet after the fact."
The blonde stood up, stretching upwards while grinning.
"I didn't, I clearly said it right before we started."
Freddie looked deep in thought for a second before shouting out. "That's what you were mumbling? You said it was a cough, that's not fair, Sam!"
Another sigh and Carly took Sam's hand, motioning to Freddie with her other one to grab his stuff.
"Come on, you two. We have a session to record, and I think it's going to be a long one."
--
Unconventional, at best.
Sam nudged Freddie harshly in the side and he shot her annoyed look. She smirked, " Too close to my merchandise."
Revolting, at worst- well, at least in a teenage girl's dictionary.
"Sam, she isn't your merchandise." Freddie resumed his position next to Carly, throwing his arm over the girl's petite shoulders and looking back to the screen in front of the three.
Sam frowned, pushing him roughly to the side and throwing her own arm over Carly's shoulder with a smile. "Carls' reputation can't handle any more damage, Freddifer. What do you think would happen if it got out that not only was she sleeping with me, but also with the…" she looked him over. "The creepy, stalker-ish help."
"Sam," Carly interjected with a sigh, drawing her attention away from the kiss scene in "Wanted" to try and smooth out the kinks in her relationship. "Freddie is not the help, or a stalker. And Freddie…" Carly gave a helpless shrug. "I know we've been over this but can't you just let her have her way until the end of the movie."
"It's okay, Carls, you don't have to pacify him. Freddie is well aware of his social class- even if he tries to deny it." Sam gave another small tug to Carly, practically drawing her into her lap.
Freddie glared, his retort lost on his lips when as he met Carly's pleading eyes. He flopped back down on his beanbag in defeat. "This isn't over, Puckett," he insisted, "It's just on hold for now because I actually care about Carly."
Carly gave him a flat look the seemed to convey the message of 'not helping'. While Sam made a show of running her finger's through the brunette's hair. "Yeah, yeah," Sam laid her chin atop Carly's head. "Just as long as you 'care' from a five feet away distance."
"Guys, why can't we ever just watch a movie in peace." Carly took Freddie's hand in hers and tugged him closer, earning a scowl from Sam. "Sam, I like Freddie," she told the blonde. "Freddie, I like Sam," Freddie raised a questioning eyebrow at the brunette. "And, even if you won't admit it- Freddie, you like Sam and Sam, you like Freddie." Sam opened her mouth to disagree but Carly wouldn't allow it. "And don't try to deny it because I know what you're doing when you," she pointed to Sam, "Don't answer your phone and your mother," she wagged her finger at Freddie, "Hears strange noises at the night."
Freddie flushed as Sam shrugged.
"Freddie is simply the accessory to our relationship, Carls," Sam tried to clarified. "He's like the free toy inside the cereal box that you never really wanted but find yourself playing with anyways."
"Really, Sam," Freddie stared at her flatly.
"What? I said I played with you, didn't I? At least you weren't one of those lame free books- if you were, I would of gotten a restraining order against your ass ages ago."
"Guys, can we please just finish watching the movie. I promise, after it's over we'll have meeting…"
"Thirty seven," Freddie supplied.
"Yes, thirty seven about our relationship. We'll discuss any complaints and-"
"Do we have to have another dumb meeting?" Sam reached out to flick Freddie's forehead for no apparent reason. "We have a relationship," she gave Carly an affectionate pat to the cheek. "And he has a problem. I'm sure with immersive amounts of therapy he'll come to terms with the fact that his life has been one big delusion."
Carly sighed, "Let's just watch the movie."
--
Carly Shay: Carly Shay, seventeen, will be documenting via tape recorder the events of meeting number thirty seven of the trials of the SFC relationship.
Samantha Puckett: Serious, with the formalities and everything?
Freddie Benson: We wouldn't have to go to such extremes if you'd just be rational.
Carly Shay: Guys, please let me just get done with the introductions before you begin your bickering. As I was saying, on December third, 2012, Carly Shay, Freddie Benson, seventeen, and Sam Puckett, sixteen, commenced dating. Each other. At the same time, to be clear. December fourth, 2012 the first SFC relationship trial took place. From there, thirty six other meetings have taken place.
Samantha Puckett: (sighing) And what have we established from all these stupid meetings?
Freddie Benson: (Rolling his eyes) That I like you, you like Carly, Carly likes me, I like Carly, and Carly likes you. And do you really have to say I'm rolling my eyes?
Carly Shay: Yes. Now, this meeting is to address the issue of Sam refusing to acknowledge that Freddie is part of our- our referring to mine, Freddie's and Sam's- relationship.
Freddie Benson: I vote that if she can't acknowledge all members of this relationship she'd be voted out.
Samantha Puckett: This isn't survivor, Benson, you can't vote me off the island. If we were voting, though, you would have been thrown to the sharks the first episode.
Freddie Benson: (flatly) They didn't throw people to the sharks in survivor, Sam.
Samantha Puckett: (scoffing) This is survivor: Sam P. addition- it goes there.
Freddie Benson: (annoyed) You stole that from that one teen show, the Canadian one…um…
Carly Shay: (helpfully) Degrassi.
Samantha Puckett: Who cares? And how come you refer to Fredward as Freddie but me as 'Samantha", that's unfair.
Carly Shay: Noted, you will from here on be referred to as Sam Puckett. Can we get to the actual problem here, we need to find a solution before Spencer comes home.
Sam Puckett: Still haven't told the big brother that you're screwing the best friend and the help? At the same time.
Freddie Benson: I am not the help!
Carly Shay: (ignoring Freddie Benson's comment) He's still getting over the fact that I like girls.
Sam Puckett: Well, I'm sure the fact that you still like boys well soften the blow.
Carly Shay: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, 'Hey Spencer, you know how I said I liked girls? Well, the good news is that I like boys too. In fact, just to prove I really do like both genders I'm currently dating my best friend. What? You thought I was dating Sam? Silly, Spencer, I'm dating Sam and Freddie'
Sam Puckett: (shrugging) I mean, I'm sure he'd be a little disappointed in you for dating Freddifer here when you already got a smokin' hot babe like me, but you got two for the price of one- Mama be'd proud of ya.
Freddie Benson: And the reason these trials never work is…
Carly Shay: Spencer couldn't take it. He's just not ready for something…
Freddie Benson: Morally corrupt?
Sam Puckett: Overwhelmingly awesome?
Carly Shay: (nervously) I was going to go with strange. Oh, crap. We're getting off subject, sorry.
Freddie Benson: We were never on topic.
Sam Puckett: Why are still even doing this? I'm hungry.
Freddie Benson: You just ate, like, less than thirty minutes ago.
Sam Puckett: (suggestively) I'm not hungry for food.
(Freddie Benson looks to Carly in a suggestive way that seems to say, 'Can we go? I really want to' and then proceeds to wait for approval before letting out a sigh.)
Freddie Benson: (seemingly annoyed) My look did not convey that message or a message anywhere near that. And, again, must you say this all aloud?
Carly Shay: The tape recorder can't see our expressions, Freddie. We have to be as accurate as possible.
Sam Puckett: (cockily) Please, Benson, we all know you want me.
(Benson then proceeds to try and ravish the lovely and gracious Sam, but she rejects him for the obvious reasons.)
Carly Shay: Sam, that isn't what happened, you're giving an inaccurate record. Freddie did nothing but rolled his eyes.
Sam Puckett: It's in the subtext, Shay.
Freddie Benson: There was no subtext, believe me. Seriously though, it's getting annoying have to state our every movement, can we end this?
(Suggestive looks pass through the group. Note: suggestive look started from Sam Puckett and vaguely aimed in the direction of Freddie Benson therefore supporting the fact that both Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson do have feelings for each other.)
Freddie Benson: (flatly as Sam Puckett pulls at his own and Carly Shay's arms) We always make so much progress with these trials. Glad we have em'.