THE LUMPY SPACE ADVENTURESS
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This is not my first story for Adventure Time, but this is my first story about the original Adventure Time characters (as in, Finn, Jake, PB…yeah, you know what I mean). Take note that I won't be doing this often—I love the genderbent Adventure Time universe, and so that will mean if I write stories about Adventure Time, you'll be seeing more about Fionna and Cake than there are about Finn and Jake. (Don't worry, I'll still be writing about original Adventure Time after this—this won't be my last!) ^^
The story starts with Finn and Jake venturing into the Forest in search of the Forest Wizard.
"Hey, Jake, tell me again why are we here?" Finn asked Jake. It didn't make sense to him; Jake simply shook him awake this morning with a loud "Finn, come on, dude! The Forest Wizard's waiting!" then all but forced him to dress up and run to the woods. It had only taken two minutes.
"Look, Finn, when something's urgent you gotta get going no matter what—and no questions," Jake said, somehow dodging Finn's question.
"Well then, why are we walking? And not running?"
"Because it disturbs the peace of all the forest animals, dude."
"Jake, I know you're hiding something!" Finn said, eyeing his best friend suspiciously. "You're stalling!"
"Nope, man, I'm not. Can't you see it's too urgent to explain?"
"Well, why did you stop?"
"Huh?" Finn's question caught Jake off guard. He looked closely at himself and noticed that they really had stopped walking.
"Gotcha." Finn grinned.
"Okay, Finn, you caught me." Jake grimaced. "I heard the Forest Wizard's just discovered this new spell, and that he's offering to teach it. He invited us, saying 'You two are very much obliged to come.' "
"Well, what are we waiting for?" This time it was Finn who seemed to hit the urge to hurry. "Let'sgoJakelet'sgoJakele'tsgoJake!" He was talking so fast in his excitement that Jake almost couldn't figure out what he was saying.
Finn bolted ahead of his best friend just as Jake stretched his legs and overtook long bounds to keep up.
"Brothers, take a look at this spell I discovered!" the Forest Wizard enthused.
"You said you'd offer to teach it!" Finn said excitedly. Beside him, Jake was shaking with joy and anxiety.
"I will…but first, I do need a volunteer so I can show it to everyone else," the Forest Wizard said.
"Finn and Jake raised their hands, then were surprised when they heard someone say, "Like, oh my glob, this magic show just gets more and more exciting!"
Finn and Jake turned to see Lumpy Space Princess behind them.
"What are you doing here, Lumpy Space Princess?" Jake asked.
"This is a magic show, don't you know?" she answered.
The duo looked at each other in confusion then Finn turned to her: "Well, not exactly, Lumpy Space Princess…."
"Well, whatever. If it's got some hocus-pocus, then let the show begin!"
"You, dog! Come here." The Forest Wizard gestured for Jake to come.
Jake whispered to Finn, "This is going to be cool" then went toward the wizard.
"Since you are my volunteer, you are also the first one to learn the spell."
"Oh yeah!" Jake shouted.
"Hey, Finn," Lumpy Space Princess called in a lilting and seductive voice, sliding closer beside him.
Finn flinched. "Uh, hey, Lumpy Space Princess…."
"Now, do as I say, my volunteer. Snap your fingers twice, like so"—he demonstrated it just as Jake mimicked it—"take three deep breaths"—Jake did as he was instructed—"and imagine you're holding a ball."
"Can it be any ball?" Jake asked suddenly. "'Cause I want to imagine myself holding a baseball."
"Yes, a baseball, sure."
"Okay,"—Jake made his hands look like they were holding an invisible baseball—"then next…?"
"Say the words, Voluptarius somnium quod voluptarius nox noctis, somnus an infinitio dignitas of somnus, totus vox!" Then he added, "Direct it on someone…or something."
"Jake, Jake, direct it to me, dude!" Finn enthused, practically bouncing on his seat. "I wanna see what'll happen!"
"Okay, here goes"—Jake extended his arms pointedly and directly toward Finn—"Voluptarius somnium quod voluptarius nox noctis, somnus an infinitio dignitas of somnus, totus vox!"
A puffy green smoke enveloped Finn (Lumpy Space Princess ducked out of the way with an "Oh my glob—incoming!"), then Finn, strangely, stifled a yawn, then when the smoke cleared out:
"Like, hey, Finn's asleep!" Lumpy Space Princess screamed, her hands over her cheeks and her mouth a perfect "O."
Finn was sleeping peacefully on the forest floor, his mouth curved up in the form of a smile—which obviously indicated he was having pleasant dreams—and he snored lightly.
Jake recoiled in horror. "Hey! Why's Finn asleep?!"
The Forest Wizard looked at the sleeping human with a dumbfounded expression. "I…don't understand," he said. "The spell wasn't supposed to do that." He shook his head. "What went wrong…?"
The Forest Wizard immediately looked into one of his books, frantically flipping through the pages.
Jake shook the human vigorously. "Dude! C'mon, wake up!" His voice started to climb. "Hey, wake up, man!"
Lumpy Space Princess frowned. "Looks like Finn won't wake up no matter what you do."
"Thanks for stating the obvious, LSP," Jake muttered.
"Ah, I see what's wrong," the Forest Wizard said. "I got the words of the spell wrong—and it seems Finn's locked in an eternity's worth of sleep." He frowned.
"Oh. My. Glob!" LSP gasped.
"Gah! What do we do now?" Jake complained. "Don't you have a counter-spell for that?"
The Forest Wizard tsked and shook his head. "Nope, I'm afraid not—the spell's too powerful. The only way to wake Finn up from his eternal slumber is to make him drink the extract of a plant called the Wakening Ivy."
"What an un-original name," LSP commented.
"Where is it?" Jake immediately fired at the Forest Wizard, desperate to save Finn.
"It can be found within the deepest part of the Haunted Swamp. But be careful—the plant cannot easily be found; only a rare creature living there can show you its location," the Forest Wizard said.
"Okay, I'll go get it." And Jake trudged off toward the way to the Haunted Swamp.
"I'm coming with you, Jake," Lumpy Space Princess said, making the magical dog stop cold and twist about 360 degrees to stare at LSP with disbelief.
"Whaddya mean, you're coming with me?!"
"You know what I said! I'm coming with you on your dirty little quest to save your human best friend." Then he'll be so grateful he'll kiss me, she added to herself.
"Ah, fine, fine," Jake groaned. Then he stretched his legs and grew four times his size. He knelt down. "Hop in." Then he noticed LSP sliding Finn's backpack off and putting it on herself. "Hey, don't you touch that! It's Finn's!"
"You think Finn'll be able to use it himself while he's enjoying his trip to the dreamworld? Yeah, sure, in his dreams he will—I'll go and benefit from his stuff while we're on an adventure." Wearing Finn's backpack, LSP floated on to Jake's back.
Jake rolled his eyes.
The trip was a pain in the neck for Jake. Lumpy Space Princess kept commenting now and then with not-so-pleasant words, events of her life Jake wasn't interested in, and even a string of words and phrases that Jake was glad Finn wasn't around to hear.
"Ugh, LSP," Jake complained when he'd finally had enough enduring. "Your choice of words are so Rated R!"
"Like, whatever." LSP waved one hand dismissively. "I just, like, want to make this boring trip less boring. If it means talking all the way, then, like, chat away I SHALL!" And she launched onto a gossip she'd heard from Hotdog Princess passed on to Slime Princess passed on to Turtle Princess passed on to Cinnamon Bun overheard by her just when he'd been passing it on to some Fuzzy People.
Jake tried to shut out most of the words—after all, it's not like Lumpy Space Princess would even check to see whether he was listening or not (she was just too focused in her own stories)—and when he couldn't he suppressed himself a groan every now and then.
Finally (Jake sighed with relief with a "Thank GOODNESS" muttered under his breath), they reached the Haunted Swamp.
Lumpy Space Princess hopped (well, floated, rather) out of Jake's back. "Yuck! Look at this wasteland!"
"Now…where do we start looking?" Jake looked around.
"I'm hungry," LSP stated.
"What?! You're hungry now when we're finally here?!"
"I'm hungry," she repeated, oblivious to Jake's shocked outrage.
Jake felt like he wanted to blurt out words that were Rated R himself. He didn't feel like delaying the quest to find the cure for his hopefully-not-to-be-sleeping-forever best friend. Then he noticed what LSP was doing. "Hey! What're you doing with Finn's stuff?"
"I'm borrowing them," LSP said. Then she pulled out what looked like a bag of chips. "Good thing Finn brought some energy bars with him, and"—she pulled out Finn's sword—"hey, I sure could use this for my, like, self-defense." She swung Finn's sword around, slicing off leaves. "Like, oh, my glob, take that!"
"Hey!" Jake ducked out of the way as LSP accidentally took a swinging aim at the dog.
"Whoops. Like, why'd you put yourself there, Jake?"
Jake just rolled his eyes. "Look at this place. It can be anywhere." He strained through the extremely thick fog with hopes to find the certain rare creature who would lead them to the Wakening Ivy. "Let's split," he finally said. "I'll go here, and you go there."
"Fine with me," LSP said in an offhand tone; her voice was hardly intelligible because she was talking while munching on the chips. She still had Finn's sword in hand; the backpack of the human boy was still strapped onto her. "Ugly monsters, prepare to, like, go 'Oh my glob' at my shiny new sword!"
"That's Finn's sword," Jake sighed as he trudged off into the thick fog.
LSP wandered into the foggy swamp, all while keeping a steady grip on her "borrowed" sword.
"I wonder if it would be easier if I'd brought my car in this place," Lumpy Space Princess said to herself. It felt like venturing forever, since the fog was so thick there was nothing else she could see but herself and the nearby trees right next to her.
It was then she heard a strange sound that was a mish-mash of cooing and croaking. LSP gasped.
"Like, oh my glob, get away from me, you ugly!" LSP shouted viciously, though shakily holding out the sword as she rotated full circle, pointing it at things that weren't (or probably were) there. Her voice was trembling.
The kind of-coo, kind of-croak noise sounded like it was getting closer. LSP felt like her whole lumpy frame was shaking; the scenery was shaking like there was an earthquake.
Just then, something furry, and also kind of slimy touched her from the right.
Lumpy Space Princess screamed at the top of her lungs. "Like, OH. MY. GLOB!"
Jake:
"Ugh, I feel like I'll never find anything here," he muttered.
Even Jake wasn't getting much of a success with his search—all he found was a bunch of trees. Oh yeah, and nothing but nothing. Well, something if you counted the thick fog.
"I hope LSP's getting something good…wherever she is. How the heck can you find anything in a fog this thick?"
Jake kept at it, though; then pretty soon he gave up on his directionless wandering when he lost count of the hours he kept at it. He decided to turn around and try to find LSP, hoping she didn't do anything to Finn's stuff or to herself. Wouldn't want to leave a princess in distress, no matter how absurd she was or how little she cared about anything else but people falling in love with her lumps.
After another round of losing count of the hours, Jake came across something.
"Hey, it's Finn's bag!" he gasped in realization. He picked it up and noticed most of its contents were gone, specifically the food.
"Lumpy glutton," he muttered under his breath, then strapped Finn's bag onto his back. "Well, if Finn's bag is here, then the odds are LSP's not too far away—unless she got eaten, or worse…."
Not less than an hour after he found Finn's bag, he found the human boy's sword as well. "So much for 'ugly monsters preparing to go oh my glob.' "
Something occurred to him—the sword was facing to the northwest of the magical dog. It seemed to be giving him some…direction? Jake couldn't quite make it add up, but instead of thinking it through some more, he simply shrugged and said, "Ah, I'll follow anything" as he picked up the sword and followed the direction it was pointing at before he'd taken it.
The trip appeared just as empty as all the others, but it seemed like he knew where he was going this time. Oddly, it felt like this time, his trip wasn't going to amount to nothing anymore. He inhaled deeply and hoped his instincts were right.
Aah…I wrote this partly because I wondered what it would be like if Jake would be stuck with LSP for the day (or more than a day, since the unfortunate duo's quest to wake up sleeping Finn seems to be taking up more hours than ever) and partly because LSP's my fave princess and I want to make a fanfic starring her. I'll update this when I can. :-):
Oh, and I forgot: the Forest Wizard's spell is actually an incantation in Latin, that translates to "Pleasant dreams and pleasant nights, sleep an eternity's worth of sleep, all right!" (No wonder Finn's having a swell time in his sleep. :P)