Have some silly humour at Charlie's expense. Enjoy!
"She's up to something."
"She's texting."
"Yes, she's texting. And she's smiling, with that little - that glint in her eye. She's up to something."
Charlie does his best to gesture in Quill's direction to make a better point to his friends, but all this does is get Quill's attention and result in her berating him and telling him to get on with his work.
Once class has ended, Charlie returns to his previous point.
"I need to know what she's up to," he tells the others.
"What if what's she up to is just that she's actually made a friend that she likes texting?" April asks, trying to think of more pleasant solutions to a problem as per usual. Everyone else stares at her.
"You know, when you put it like that, I'm actually with him," Ram says, nodding towards Charlie. "Her being up to something is way more plausible than her making a friend."
"Ram ," April says, with disapproval.
"What? It's true."
Matteusz seems conflicted. "Anything is possible, and there are many types of people. Is not impossible that she could have made a friend."
"Matteusz ," Charlie protests.
"I understand why you are suspicious of her, but I don't think we should accuse with so little reason," Matteusz says firmly.
The next day, they are walking out to lunch, when they pass the Headmistress' office. She's standing in the doorway opposite Quill, and seems to be whispering something in her ear - something that's making Quill smirk.
When the two women see the teenagers, however, they straighten up, and Quill hurries off.
"The Headmistress," Charlie says. "She's conspiring with the Headmistress, I knew it."
Tanya has interpreted the interaction rather… differently. But she can only imagine how trying to convince Charlie of her personal theory would probably go, and decides she might as well keep quiet and see whether he really is as epically wrong as she believes.
"You know, I really think you might be onto something, alien boy," Ram says, nodding. "That Headmistress has been shady since day one. Super weird."
"Also, she threatened to shoot me, and nearly shot my shoe," Matteusz adds. "Although, she was mostly acting to save the planet at the time, and that should probably be taken into account."
"You're too understanding for your own good," Tanya says to him, rolling her eyes at how April has just nodded at his words.
"I did hit her with large candlestick," he replies.
"Wait, seriously?"
"She had a gun; it was causing a lot of problems."
"Fair enough, I guess."
"She's texting again."
Tanya doesn't even look up from her work. "Shock horror."
"She looks far too happy."
"Seriously, do you even hear yourself sometimes?"
"She only looks that happy when I suffer some kind of misfortune, or if she's killing something. Since she can't kill anything, she must be plotting my misfortune."
Tanya is about at her wit's end. "Has it ever occurred to you, your highness, that not everything is about you? That it's actually possible she's got something in her life that brings her enjoyment that doesn't relate to you at all?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Charlie scoffs.
"Charlie, Tanya has a point," Matteusz says, leaning forward from behind them and joining the conversation. "We know she likes cats. Maybe she is simply looking up different pictures of cats. Is very common, happens all the time at home."
Charlie shakes his head. "This is different. There are different patterns to her thumb movements. She's texting."
"Oh my god, give it a rest," Tanya tells him. "Seriously."
"I dunno...if she's planning something I'd prefer to know in advance so we could like, not die," Ram interrupts.
"Quill would not try and kill us, she physically can't, so can we stop worrying please?" April asks, sighing.
"Do you five have something urgent to share with the class?" Quill asks them loudly, making all the other students turn to look at them. "Any impending world ending disaster? A spot of gossip about the geography teacher? No? Then shut up and get back to work."
"Her gait is off."
April looks up at Charlie, who has slammed a book onto the library table upon his approaching her and Tanya, to make more dramatic an entrance.
"What?" April asks blankly.
"Quill. Her gait is off. She's walking funny."
For some reason, Tanya nearly chokes on the sip of water she's just taken, and upon recovering, turns her attention back to her work with a smirk on her lips.
April stares at her for a moment before looking back to Charlie. "So?"
"So, that must mean she's injured. Up to something," he insists.
"You're so thick," Tanya mutters under her breath, making April frown, and Charlie blink at her with confusion.
"Sorry, what was that?" Charlie asks, apparently having not quite caught the words.
"Nothing."
"I have her phone."
The group has been happily eating lunch when Charlie strides up to them, a familiar phone in his hands that does not belong to him. Several of them lift their eyebrows at him.
"How the hell did you get that?" April asks.
"I know her well enough," Charlie smirks. "I told her there was a kitten in the maths classrooms, then grabbed her phone and ran for it."
Tanya's focus is on something in the distance, and Ram follows her gaze and spies a familiar blonde figure some way off, heading for them.
"But didn't quite get away with it," Tanya says, making a face.
Charlie turns to where she is looking, and sees Quill. "Damn," he says, looking genuinely thrown that his rather dismal attempt at espionage has failed.
"It's not enough that you keep me as your slave and dictate everything I do, you have to steal my personal property now as well?" Quill furiously asks Charlie when she arrives.
"You're plotting against me!" Charlie retorts.
Quill stares at him, before just laughing rather strangely. "What?"
"You're always texting, and I've seen you with the Headmistress. You're planning something, I know it," Charlie says. "Don't bother trying to deny it."
Quill is still laughing. "My god, you're - you know what? Fine. Look at the messages. See if I care. See how obscenely wrong you are."
"I can't, I don't know the password."
"It's punchcharles, no capitals," Quill says, deadpan. Ram is sure she must be joking, and Charlie looks like he seems to think so too, but he types it in and the look on his face tells Ram that it must have worked.
Tanya and Ram can't quite hide their sniggers.
"Right, here we go, Dorothea Ames," he says, tapping something.
"You know, Charles, I really don't think you want to do this," Quill says, tilting her head at him and smirking a little.
"You're trying to cooperate so I stop pushing the matter, and it's not going to work," Charlie retorts. "Now, if you're not plotting something, what in the world could you possibly be texting the Headmistress about so extensively-"
He chokes on his words as he reads whatever it is that is on the screen. He turns an odd shade of purple, while Quill grins widely, and he stares at her with horror.
"You-"
"Yep," Quill says, sounding oddly proud.
"What? What is it?" Ram asks, and finds the phone thrown in his direction. He looks at the screen, sees the phrase fragment tie you down and lick and instinctively throws the phone away from him like it's a hot potato, x-rated images that he never ever wanted to think about searing themselves across his brain. He stares at Quill with a horror similar to Charlie's. "Oh my god, you've been sexting the Headmistress."
"And actually having sex with her, just to clarify that point," Quill adds, still looking proud of herself.
"Knew it," Tanya says with a grin, having caught the phone as it had gone flying towards Matteusz, much to Ram's horror. She glances at the phone and makes a face, locking the screen and offering it back to Quill. "Still, urgh."
"You knew ?!" Charlie, April, and Ram ask with amazement.
"Um, yeah, it was super obvious, the Headmistress is always making bedroom eyes at her," Tanya says, shaking her head. "You guys seriously missso much ."
"I admit, I also had my suspicions," Matteusz says.
"Wait, so when you were walking funny," Charlie says, only to turn a deeper shade of purple when Quill just smirks at him. "Oh god."
Quill pockets her phone. "Well, as amusing as this has been, I believe I'm overdue for a lunch date with the Headmistress. You know, the usual: tea, dirty talk, scones. Catch you later, you excruciatingly nosy adolescents."
As she leaves, looking far too pleased with herself, everyone but Charlie erupts into laughter.
"Sorry mate but… I don't think I've ever seen anyone bark up the wrong tree quite that badly before," Ram says, snorting.
Charlie stares at him with distressed bewilderment. "What in the world does this…. travesty have to do with trees?!"
"He means you had it totally wrong, because you're an idiot who seriously needs to chill out when it comes to Quill," Tanya replies.
"I did say she might have made a friend," April reminds them all.
"You said friend, you didn't say weird shady fuck buddy," Ram says to her, shaking his head with distaste like he had never, ever, ever, had a tiny weird little crush on Quill when she'd first started, before realising what a raging psycho bitch she was. "God, I can't believe I read that. I need new eyeballs, seriously."
"Me as well," Charlie agrees, sitting down by Matteusz, stunned, and leaning into his side.
Matteusz chuckles sympathetically and strokes Charlie's hair. "It is best I did not see the details, I think. But perhaps this is good lesson for you to allow her some privacy, yes?"
"Can we discuss moral lessons when I'm not busy thinking about Quill doing-" Charlie shudders, "that."
"Well, with any luck, she'll be in a better mood now that she's getting laid on the regular," Tanya says. "This is probably a good thing."
"Can we please stop talking about Quill having sex," Charlie asks, voice muffled where his face is pressed into Matteusz' shoulder.
"Seconded," Ram says, making a face. "I didn't ever need to know that our new Headmistress is topping our psycho alien physics teacher."
"She is top?" Matteusz asks with interest.
"From what I could make out, yeah, that was some kinky shit they were-"
"Ram!"
"Anyway, new topic. Um. Shit. All I can think about is - fuck. Where's an alien invasion when we need one, honestly?"
Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!