Deceit

"Not on your life!"

"Please, Bulma, it's just one little kiss!"

"Absolutely not!" the blue haired beauty screamed. "I'm already with Vegeta, if you haven't noticed, and I doubt he'll be very happy if I go around kissing some weird old Kai guy!"

"But Bulma," Goku begged as he followed her around the large Capsule Corp. mansion. "He helped us so much with our fight against Buu. He trained Gohan and even gave me his life!"

"He's dead too?" she gave him a look of complete disbelief. "Are you out of your skull? I don't even know what a Kai is for God sakes!"

"I told you before," he explained, growing exasperated from her stubbornness. Goku followed her all the way to the kitchen, where she finally stopped. "They're like the gods of the Other World and they're very powerful."

"If he's from the Other World, than he should just stay there for good!"

Goku heard a door slide open from behind him and saw that Vegeta had made his way to the kitchen as well. He felt his heart began to pound quickly in his chest, knowing full well what was about to go down.

"Kakarot?" he asked. "What are you doing?"

"N-nothing, Vegeta," Goku stammered. "Bulma and I are just discussion something."

"Discussing my ass," she screamed, and turned to Vegeta. "Are you aware of what your partner in crime has done?"

"It better not be what I think it is," he said, sending a nasty glare his rival's way.

"Wait," Bulma said, taken aback. "Don't tell me you knew about the kiss before me."

"I knew it!" he yelled as he threw a punch at Goku who had managed barely dodge the attack. The next one, however, he was not as lucky and saw stars as the smaller man got him right in the jaw. Within seconds the Saiyan Prince had managed to trap him in a headlock.

"Easy now, Vegeta," Bulma scolded. "Don't kill him."

"I thought this little bargain of yours was done with," Vegeta hissed, completely ignoring Bulma. "What are you pulling?"

"Let me go and I'll explain," Goku gasped and was soon released. "Well, remember how the dead get one day visit on earth? Well, apparently that rule is the same if you're a Kai as well. So, guess who came to visit me asking for his reward?"

Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, "You've got to be kidding me."

"I wish I were," the taller man sighed and buried his head in his hands. "He's sitting at my house right now as we speak. I thought Chichi was going to have an aneurysm, but the guy just won't go until he gets his kiss."

"Well he's not getting it," Vegeta huffed, crossing his arms. "There is no way a leachy old pervert is laying a hand on my woman!"

"You know, it doesn't have to be me who gives this guy the kiss," Bulma said with a grin. "Just someone who looks like me."

Goku raised his head from his hands, "But who do we know who looks exactly like you?"

The woman's grin widened and he finally realized what she meant, "Bulma you're a genius!"

"Wait," Vegeta interrupted, hating being left out of something. "What's going on?"

"Of course I am," Bulma laughed, ignoring Vegeta. "But come on, I want to get this over with."

With a nod, Goku grabbed her arm and teleported them out of sight.

"Ugh," Vegeta grunted in annoyance. "I hate it when he does that!"

A few hours later, Goku returned home to see that the Elder Kai was still sitting on his sofa. He saw that Chichi was taking a much longer sip from her tea than needed, Gohan was visibly awkward and that the only one who was actually talking to the old Kai was Goten

"So, is that why you're purple?" the boy asked from his seat on the floor. "Then why do you have that silly mustache on your lip?"

"Silly?" the old man frowned. "My boy, this mustache is the best thing since bubble gum and canned beer!"

"Is it really?" Goten asked and then looked up at his mother. "Mom, can I have a mustache too?"

His question was left unanswered, since at the precise moment Gohan noticed his father's arrival.

"Dad's back!" the teen announced, more than a little relived. He nodded to the door "Did you get...um...what you needed to get?"

"Sure did," Goku laughed nervously. "Um, Old Kai, I'm gonna need to step outside for a second. We can't...um...finish the transaction inside."

The Elder Kai nodded and slowly stepped outside. Goku followed quickly, barely missing Chichi's emotional breakdown.

"So?" the old man asked, looking around for the beauty he had been promised. "Where is she?"

Suddenly, Bulma slowly made her way from the back of the house and in front of the Old Kai. The Old man screamed in surprise, and began to drool.

"My dear, you're even prettier than your picture. Have you ever considered modeling?"

"Now nothing fancy, Old man," Goku warned. "She needs to get back home soon, so make it quick."

"No way," The Kai made a noise, "I have all day. I'm making this count!"

"What?!"

The Old Kai grinned and began to caress the woman's face, Bulma giggled, and the old man grinned wider. Goku felt the sudden need to gag.

"Ah, yes," he cooed. "You're much more beautiful than that old maid inside!"

"Old man," Goku growled. "Can you please hurry this up?"

"Oh fine," he sighed, and grabbed hold of Bulma's waist. "Alright baby, pucker up!"

The two slowly leaned in and preformed the most awkward peck kiss Goku had ever had the misfortune to see. Suddenly, there was a pop. The Old Kai opened his eyes to realize that he was no longer holding and kissing a beautiful, blue-haired woman, but a pig wearing suspenders. He threw poor Oolong onto the ground in a complete rage.

"ACK," The Old Kai screamed, as he spat onto the grass. "You tricked me!"

"I did not!" Goku fought. "You got your kiss, so now we're even!"

"But, you never said it was a pig!"

"Well, you never asked!"