Author Notes: I grew up loving Exosquad, especially Alec DeLeon and Maggie Weston. After recently re-watching the whole series, I find myself back in touch with both my love for the show and its characters and my outrage at how it ended on such a massive cliffhanger. I wanted to write about Alec's return a little bit more from his perspective, and I especially wanted to bring Maggie into it because dammit if I don't love Alec/Maggie. I am hoping that this story will be a prelude to a longer story that begins where the show left off. Please review and feel free to message me about the story. Thanks very much for reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own Exosquad or its characters, and I am definitely not making any money from this story. Thanks for please not suing me.
Everything's Not Lost
It was a strange thing to find oneself awake in a cloned body seemingly moments after uttering one's last words, but, supposed Alec DeLeon, it was no stranger than flying around space in a mechanical exoskeleton or genetically engineering an entire race. The first few moments of his—what ought he to call it… rebirth?—were particularly jarring as he realized he was in a different place and out of danger. His last feelings before death were also his first feelings in new life; tears welled in his perfect new eyes as he lived what would have been a full minute after he gave his desperate advice to Coleen at Tranquility Base. His mind raced to connect the last thing he'd known with what he experienced the second he opened his eyes. All of the mental agony was still there; the only thing missing was the pain from his injuries. Professor Algernon and a Neo Megan scientist named Galba were there to bring Alec into the present, but there was a lot of explaining to do. When the professor told him that the war had ended, Alec shed tears for the second time since he woke up. He of course wished he had been able to help in what sounded like a horrifying escalation in violence and fear for the final weeks, but mostly he felt relief that it was over and Phaeton was gone.
His new body was something of a riddle; it was a technically perfect copy based on his DNA, but because of that, it lacked some of the impressions of his life. Scars he'd had since he was a child were gone because this body had not seen the experiences that caused the damage. For a time, he could not stop staring at himself in mirrors, focusing only on perceived defects, for something to distract him from the scientific miracle of his second chance at living. He found none. Everything down to the texture of his skin was the same as it always had been. He then had to struggle with the question of his race. Physically, he was a Neo Mega, but in appearance and thought, he was still human. He still slept at night and ate the way he had, though he supposed he had a little less of an appetite. His sleep schedule was strange in and of itself for a physical Neo Mega, but the nightmares that came with it were even stranger. They were terrible, often blood-chilling terrors not as much about his own death as about the deaths of people for whom he cared a great deal. Algernon and Galba were of the opinion that his brain was Neo Megan, yes, but he himself was not, and his thought processes included feeling tired and sleeping even though his brain could probably have functioned just as well without it, and definitely better than it ever had before whether he slept or not. Ultimately, everything that made him Alec DeLeon was still firmly in tact. He might be missing some of the tangible evidence of his history, but he was alive, and he was himself. He finally settled away from "rebirth" and closer to "reawakening."
On the whole, his general existence troubled him more than the strangeness of his body. For all intents and purposes, he had died, but he seemed to have avoided the consequences. From a strictly philosophical standpoint, the fact that he could ponder his existence seemed to suggest that he was as alive as he ever had been, but there was the cloning process to consider. It was not necessarily the case that he had been brought back to life; that was too simple. All of the memories and knowledge and everything else that made up Alec DeLeon had been stored in his E-Frame and then, essentially, it was all downloaded into a clone of his body. Was he Alec DeLeon or Alec DeLeon II? Alternatively, Algernon had said the modified E-Frame was his mind, so maybe he was not a true duplicate after all. Maybe his mind stayed in the E-Frame when his body died; maybe it really was that simple. However it happened, he was alive, and it was because of his connection to his E-Frame. 'And to Maggie,' he often thought. Had she known what would happen when she gave the black box to Algernon? He had not meant it to fall into the professor's hands, but he was certainly glad it did. He owed his life to Maggie as much as to Algernon or his E-Frame, and he knew that he would give it to her if she would accept it. He asked the professor repeatedly to be allowed to contact Able Squad, but his requests were denied until Algernon and Galba were confident that he was safely alive. "It is only fair to them, Alec," said Algernon. "They can't lose you twice." It was true, of course.
His apprehension was not only caused by a need to reconnect with his friends, but also the growing tedium of his life in Algernon's research facility. Never one to shy away from new technology or discoveries, it was a wonderland for a while, but even Alec had had his fill after a few days. It was a big universe out there, and to be cooped up in even a large lab, especially if one had just recovered from death, was daunting. He would have gladly traded his freedom if it meant he could at least talk to Maggie, but it sounded as though she was as busy with post war damage control as he was bored. Without being conceited, he allowed himself to feel that she would be happy to see him. His heart ached for the pain she must be in, the hurt she must have felt when Coleen exited Tranquility Base without him and handed over his black box. What would he have felt like if it had been Maggie's death? The idea was repellent, as was the knowledge that she was out there somewhere believing that she would never see him again. He filled his countless hours of free time thinking about how he could make it up to her.
On occasion, Professor Algernon or even Galba would sit and talk with Alec about the news or his feelings about what he was going through in his new body. Most of their interests were related to physical matters, but they would listen to some of his more philosophical concerns. They were extremely busy, but they would often invite him to aid their efforts at cataloging Phaeton's research successes and failures. During those times, he would try to busy himself with the tasks given to him, but his mind always drifted to his friends and how they would react to his return. One such day, Alec was helping to organize the database of genetic research when Algernon stopped him and sat on the adjacent chair. He asked Alec what was on his mind and, as he usually did when Alec told the professor about his concerns, Algernon brushed them aside as something that was too obvious to be thinking very much about.
"You ought not to expect too much from them right away," Algernon said. "Perhaps you could slowly reintegrate yourself into their lives one person at a time."
Alec nodded and grinned a little at the professor's flippant attitude toward idle thoughts about one's feelings. "That's probably best. I'd like to start with—"
"Maggie Weston."
"Yes, Professor. I would like to see Maggie."
Algernon smiled. "Good," he said, "because I have taken the liberty of inviting Lieutenant Weston here under the pretense of some of our discoveries. She will arrive tomorrow."
Hours later, Alec was still smiling in a lazy way that others had found endearing since he was a toddler, though he did not know it. His eyes sparkled under the light above his bed as he rested on his back with his fingers knitted together behind his head. He was reliving every moment he could remember that had passed between he and Maggie. He remembered meeting her and immediately noticing a delicate spray of pale freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her hair was shorter then but still hung over dark blue eyes more alive than stars. She was shy, but it hadn't taken long for her to open up around her new squad, and she and Alec formed a close friendship almost right away. She used to joke that it was because Alec managed to damage his E-Frame significantly less than the rest of Able Squad and so she was able to have some semblance of free time that would otherwise have been impossible. He used to joke that he'd have to try harder to break something so he'd have an excuse to see her, but she almost always brushed his flirtations off with laughter and a response akin to "yeah, right." On occasion, though, she would grin wickedly and engage in the time-honored tradition of coy flirtations and sexual euphemisms.
He couldn't remember when his harmless flirting had become a meaningful attempt to charm Maggie Weston, but he was fairly certain it was before Australia. "Dream time," he whispered, smiling wider. He would always remember the night they spent with the Aborigines. Neo Warriors had been chasing them for hours, and after being desperately exhausted and dehydrated, a young man named Denny had invited them into his tribe's cave dwelling and offered them a safe place to rest. It was a strange kind of rest, though, because both Maggie and Alec had experienced tremendously vivid dreams. Something shifted in Alec's stomach when he remembered Maggie jumping awake beside him and calling out, "Alec!" Of all the things one might yell when startled awake, she chose his name, and it still warmed him all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes. It made him feel needed. It was sweet and genuine, like the brief kiss that followed after their rigged explosion destroyed the Neos. No matter how many lives he had, Alec would always remember that night as one of the best things that ever happened to him.
Upon awaking after a night of reminiscing, Alec could barely contain himself. Spending all of that time thinking about Maggie had wound him up into frenzy. He woke up early and spent the better part of his morning pestering Algernon with questions about when Maggie would arrive, could he greet her at the front door, how long was she expected to stay, and a million other things. Algernon would only say that he did not have a projected time for her arrival and that it would be too shocking for Maggie if the first person she saw was a friend whom she believed to be dead. Alec reluctantly agreed that he could not make an appearance until the situation was explained. Knowing Algernon was right did not make him feel any less apprehensive or excited. Because he was not to be seen until Maggie arrived, he had been asked to keep to the rooms in which he'd been living since he woke up, which is where he spent the better part of his day, pacing back and forth and occasionally brushing imaginary dust from his shirt. He tried to read, but he could not focus; he tried to watch television, but he didn't feel like it. There was very little he could do but pace and think. At one point in the early afternoon, he began to feel hungry and went to the facility's commissary for a snack. At least, he told himself he was hungry, but it might have been an excuse to pass the lab and see what Algernon was up to. He snuck past the door and took a quick glance, but nothing was happening; he couldn't even see Galba or Algernon. His mind was made up to go to the commissary after all when he finally heard a sign of the professor. Algernon was talking to someone deep in the lab where the clone tanks were. He was discussing what had recently become known as The Phaeton Copy Problem, but before he got very far, another voice broke in, and it did not belong to Galba. It was Maggie.
"Why did you bring me here, Professor?" she asked, and though he could not see her, Alec could tell from the tone of her voice that she was not interested in anything the Professor was saying. Her voice sounded tired and hollow; Alec didn't have to guess why. Algernon fielded her question to Galba, who explained some of Phaeton's genetic experiments involving Neo Megas who looked like humans and their purpose. Alec held his breath without realizing it as he listened to Galba describe his own duplication of that experiment with the distinction of transferring the memories and personality of a human into a similarly altered Neo Mega body. There was no mistaking the raw, questioning hope in Maggie's voice when she said, "Whose personality?" It drove him over the edge of restlessness. He couldn't wait any longer, and before Galba could finish his explanation, Alec stepped into the doorway of the lab.
"Maggie?" he breathed. Maggie turned abruptly away from Galba and Algernon and looked for the source of what she knew to be the voice of Alec DeLeon. It was impossible. It was completely impossible, and just imagining that it might not be was crushing the life out of her heart. Her eyes searched the doorway, but the figure standing there was still partially obscured by shadows. Alec's stomach lurched at the vision of emptiness in Maggie's eyes. He stepped fully into the light.
"Alec?" Maggie said, stepping closer and raising her arms slightly in Alec's direction, but still maintaining distance. "I-I don't understand," she gasped, "is it really you?"
"His internal organs are Neo Mega," Galba said, "but everything that made Alec DeLeon a unique individual is there."
Alec heard the words of the Neo Megan scientist, but all he noticed was Maggie's face. As Galba spoke, she looked him slowly up and down. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes were wide with curiosity and fear, but Alec knew she was not afraid of him. She was afraid it was too good to be true. Some of the stunning clarity he used to see in her eyes had returned, but she still held back and listened to the scientist. It didn't seem to matter how Maggie Weston felt; she would always look beautiful. He wished she would look into his eyes and let him show her that he was real, that he was who they said he was. All of the things he'd thought he might say had disappeared from his head, but when he stepped just a little closer as Galba finished talking, all he could think to say was exactly what he felt. "I knew you would save me, Maggie," he whispered, and he brought his hands up to gently touch her arms. She quickly grasped his shoulders and he pulled her closer.
"Oh, Alec," she sighed his name and smiled. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head and rubbed it lightly against her copper hair.
Algernon and Galba faded gracefully into the background as Alec led Maggie out of the lab with an arm around her waist. He took her to his quarters and offered to help her out of some of her flight suit gear so she could at least be physically comfortable despite the strangeness of the situation. He watched carefully set each piece of equipment on a table: first her diagnostic pack and yellow armour, then gauntlets and tubes of wires safely coiled up, and finally her gloves. He could tell her mind was racing as she methodically placed the items on the table. The truth was that she would have felt more comfortable with all of her gear still on, but taking it off was giving her the opportunity they both knew she wanted to stall any kind of exploration into his existence now that the shock was beginning to wear of. Alec knew she was ecstatic to have seen him, but she was also apprehensive, and he could not blame her. He had known he was alive for a while and had some time to adjust to the bizarre circumstances surrounding his existence, but, from her perspective, the whole thing was a lot like being visited by a ghost. When she was finished, she looked into his eyes for the first time since he stepped into the lab, and what he saw in her almost killed him a second time. She was only a few inches shorter than Alec, but without all of the extra layers of gear, he realized for the first time how much smaller she really was. She was long and lean, and the slimness of her frame was accented by her teal jumpsuit, though he knew her to be quite strong. "Is there anything I can get you?" he asked hoarsely; his mouth was suddenly very dry. "Do you need anything?"
Maggie hugged her ribs and bit her lip for a moment, but her eyes never left his face. Alec stepped closer, and she instinctively backed up. The moment her foot lifted from the ground and completed the maneuver, she felt like an ass. "Alec," she gasped, "I didn't mean it; I'm sorry." She instantly stepped forward and raised a hand to his elbow. "I was just, I don't know, just still really surprised and confused," she said quickly. "Can we try again?"
Alec smiled and held his arms open; the relief he felt when she instantly stepped into his embrace was immeasurable. "I understand," he said, and he hugged her, but with less reserve than in the lab. His left arm clutched her tightly and his right hand cradled her head against his shoulder. He pressed several tiny kisses onto the top of her head as his thumb began to stroke her face. He moved it gently from her ear across the apple of her cheek, smearing a fallen tear into her skin. His heart jumped a little, but he supposed it was something he ought to have expected. "I'm sorry," he whispered and kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Mags." She began to tremble just a little in his arms, and Alec realized she was trying hard not to let the tears out. He kept his lips pressed lightly on her forehead and repeated that he was sorry, but she only trembled more.
Maggie could not believe that she was crying, not only because she felt that she ought to have been happy, but also because she was sure she had used up all of her tears. Seeing Alec alive was too much, though. She was both overjoyed and confused. She was not affected by his physiology, but having spent the last several weeks trying to accept that she would never see him again, never have the chance to tell him all of the things she wanted to say, it was all she could do to keep from shaking with sobs, whether out of joy or sadness. His arms were strong, though, and he held her very tight.
It is the way of times like these that the simplest thing can either diffuse or enflame one's passions, and it was until a sudden, horrible thought struck Maggie Weston that she thought she might be able to pull herself together: what if she had not given the black box to Algernon? A strangled cry tore free from her throat and she shuddered violently. Before he could adjust his grip to stop it, Alec felt Maggie fall to her knees.
"Maggie!" he gasped, kneeling beside her. "Maggie, what is it?" He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, but she only shook more. Tears poured from her eyes and dripped onto the fabric of her jumpsuit. She made no effort to stop them; her arms hung limp at her sides. Alec adjusted his position so that he was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and pulled Maggie into his arms. He held her against his chest and rubbed her back gently. Her sobs died down after a few minutes, but she still shook periodically even as he squeezed her or kissed her hair. He did not try to comfort her with words because he had no idea what to say. He couldn't ask what was wrong; he already knew, or at least he thought he understood what might be. After a while, she was completely still except for the gentle rise and fall of her back beneath his hand as she breathed.
"I missed you," Maggie said in a soft, shy voice.
"Hmm?"
Maggie sat up and looked briefly into Alec's eyes before lowering her gaze to her lap. "I missed you, Alec," she said. "I missed you so much."
"I know, Mags, I know." Alec slid one of his hands from her shoulder to her face and tilted her head until he could see her eyes. Tears clung to her lashes like dew on flower petals, and the usually vibrant blue irises were pale and grey. "I'm so sorry," he said. "Please, Maggie, please tell me what you need from me."
"It isn't you," she said. "It's just… God, Alec, you died, and now you're here again, at least I think you are."
"I am here, Maggie."
"No, I know that; I just mean…" she trailed off and her eyes slowly grazed over his face for what seemed like hours but was only seconds. "I just mean that if I hadn't given that box to Algernon, well," she said, "you wouldn't be." Maggie smiled a little and sniffed. "I didn't know what he could do with it. I had no idea that you," she sniffed again, "that you could come back." Alec only sighed gently and nodded in response, but kept her head tilted up whenever she tried to look away. She would have been annoyed if the contact did not serve to constantly remind her that he was real. "I almost didn't give it to him," she whispered, "and if I hadn't, you wouldn't be here, and now that you are… How stupid is it that an hour ago I thought you were dead, and now you're not and all I can do is imagine that you might still have been if not for a random sequence of events?"
Alec smiled brilliantly and released her face only to tug gently at her headpieces so he could remove them. He set the com link and demi-cowl aside and ran both hands along her neck and into her hair slowly. She stared at him questioningly and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her hair fell freely between his fingers. "Maggie," he said, leaning in closer, "none of that matters. It's like I said: I knew you would save me, and you did." He kissed her mouth for less than a breath and pressed his forehead on hers. "Nothing else matters now except this," he whispered before kissing her again. He kissed her lower lip and her upper lip; he kissed her chin and her nose and the lids of both eyes. He ran his hands through her hair and kissed all along its part on the top of her head. He kissed both cheeks and all the way around her jaw and down her neck to her collar, and then he kissed her mouth again, but this time for longer than a heartbeat. It was not an earth shattering, amorous, come-hither kiss, but it was not meant to be. It was sweet and sincere and loving, and when Alec's lips pressed against Maggie's, a small part of the pain and destruction they had both known melted away. The kiss lasted for a little longer than a minute before Maggie tentatively pulled her head away. Alec smiled at the flush in her cheeks and pulled her closer so he could rest his chin on the top of her head.
They stayed that way for almost an hour, and Maggie thought of a million things to say, but acted on none of them. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against his chest. Having gotten over her initial shock at seeing him, she had begun to think about his death with less of the pain she'd felt in past weeks, though it still haunted her. She began to wonder if it haunted him and how he had managed to deal with it on his own. "Alec," she said quietly, "What was it like?"
"Which part?"
Maggie looked up through dark lashes. "Both, I think," she said. "If it's okay with you."
Of all the things he wanted to do or say, discussing his death and return were not at the top of his list, but he knew he had to set aside his own apprehension about both subjects in favor of Maggie. If there was anyone in the world who deserved to understand what happened to him than more Alec himself, it was Maggie. "I assume you know about the fight with Typhonus, so I'll skip to the, ah, end of it, which I guess is the beginning of all of this," he said. He knew it didn't sound elegant, but if there was a proper way to relay the account of one's death, he didn't know it. "I was trapped in my E-frame, and it told me I would not survive. I don't know how or why it knew, but it did. I was in so much pain I honestly didn't care, but there was a lot of work to be done," he said. "I started to feel myself dying. I could feel the blood pooling around me, but I don't remember knowing where it was coming from or how I was injured, just that it hurt very much, but not as much," he said, voice cracking, "as the knowledge that I was going to die without telling you that," he paused and swallowed hard before continuing, "that I loved you, that I had loved you for a very long time." Alec stopped speaking and closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, Maggie was staring directly at him. The emptiness was gone from her eyes and been replaced by something else that Alec didn't recognize. She laid a hand over his heart and waited for him to speak again. "Then I died," he said finally. "I told Colleen what I needed her to do, and I died. After that, the next thing I remember is waking up here," he said, indicating the research facility with a wave of his hand. "I was naked and freezing, but mostly I was confused. As far as I remembered, I had just said my goodbye and closed my eyes to die, and here I was in this place looking at Algernon. It was miserable and a little frightening, but I had no physical pain. More than anything, it was disorienting. It was days before I think I really believed it wasn't all a dream."
"Did you know that your black box could do this?"
"I had no idea; I don't think even Algernon knew right away. He seemed almost as mystified by the process as I did."
Maggie chewed her lip. "I wish," she said, "I wish I had been with you instead of Colleen."
Alec's eyes narrowed involuntarily and he shook his head. "No," he said, "No, you didn't need that. It's bad enough that you had to suffer at all, but the image of my dying breath would have been even worse."
"But we could have said so many things, Alec. We could have said all of the things we didn't say before."
"Maggie," Alec said softly, "trust me, I was there. It wasn't pretty, and the image of a broken man confessing his love to you seconds before death is not one I want you to ever have to live with." He kissed the top of her head and idly twirled her hair between his fingers. "Besides," he said, "we can say all those things now."
"It's a hell of a way to learn a lesson about speaking up."
Alec frowned for a moment and nodded. "I agree," he said. "I don't know why I didn't tell you sooner. I guess with the war and everything, it just seemed like it was never the right time."
"Maybe you were afraid of me," Maggie teased.
He ran his left hand through her hair and smiled. "You know," he said, "I was never afraid you would reject me."
"Presumptuous."
"You kissed me first." The pink flush returned to Maggie's cheeks, but she smiled, and Alec grinned. It was good to see the mirth returned to her eyes, and its presence lit up her face in a way no other light could. For whatever reason, it was at that moment that he realized he had never before seen her hair down. It fell to her shoulders from an uneven part on the side of her head. He brushed a few strands away from her face and, for at least a few seconds, wondered if she had those pale freckles anywhere else. "You're beautiful."
"So are you," she said, and she lifted a hand to touch his face. Her fingertips were soft and politely curious. She traced the golden edge of his right eyebrow and down his cheekbone to his jaw and throat. She dropped her hand to his shoulder and leaned on him to shift herself onto his lap with one leg on either side of him so they faced each other. She hugged him and whispered, "I love you."
Alec breathed in sharply and pressed his face against her neck. His hands fell to rest lightly at her hips and he smiled. "Who's presumptuous now?" She sighed in mock exasperation and tried to move off of him, but he held her where she sat. "Ah, ah, ah," he chided, "there are no acid-spitting Neos to take care of, so you're stuck." She giggled; he shivered. "Maggie, all joking aside, I do love you, and I'm sorry I didn't say so. I don't think there's much I could ever be more sorry about." She kissed him. "Maggie…" he half said, half moaned unintelligently. She kissed him slower, and concerns about things he ought to have done in the past left his mind and he instead began to think again about the possibility of hidden freckles.
THE END.