For my own protection, he'd said. To allow me to have a human life, free from vampires, free from the danger he claimed his kind posed. Immature, childish Bella was tormented over him and wept over him and pushed away one of her best friends in doing so. In retrospect, it's hard for me to pin down why I ever lost myself in him. I assume it was the most comfortable path of least resistance, forming my identity around him and failing to ever form one of my own. But I'd had a semblance of an identity before arriving in Forks. The bookish, dry-humored, stubborn, and self-sufficient teenager who moved north partially out of guilt for leaving her father alone and partially for fear of disrupting her mother's second chance at love and at a life with someone who could make her happy. It seems the warning signs were there all along. I couldn't comfortably live with my mother and decided instead to live with my father—I should have suggested to move somewhere else entirely, free from past acquaintances and free to form new relationships. But the truth is I moved to Forks. I lived with my father. I attended Forks High School. I fell in love with a vampire and adored those in his "family". Said vampire left me alone in the woods. And after saving that dumbass vampire's life from the "vampire police" in Italy—Italy of all places!—he apologized. The old Bella would have forgiven him and gladly pulled him into her arms. Isabella Marie turned him away and told him to never return.
NEW MESSAGE: JASMINE MARTINEZ
Plucker's tonite? Malcolm wants to go to Dave n' Busters afterwards too!
REPLY:
Who's going?
NEW MESSAGE: JASMINE MARTINEZ
Obvs. me & Malcolm, Bryan, his new girlfriend(?), Mark, Laura, Rick, John, and probs. Taylor and Audrina
REPLY:
Basically the entire dorm lol
NEW MESSAGE: JASMINE MARTINEZ
ha! pretty much... u down?
REPLY:
9?
NEW MESSAGE: JASMINE MARTINEZ
Ya betcha! See u there xx
It's not that essentially the entire dorm was going; I didn't mind the people. Having to get out of my pj's and into some semblance of a decent outfit was the issue. I'd already taken my bra off and was halfway through an episode of House of Cards. Of course, I didn't tell Jasmine this, otherwise she would've shown up at my door in twenty minutes and personally ensured I was ready in time to head over to the Plucker's on Greenville Avenue. My involvement on campus, English major and Women's and Gender Studies minor, calling home, and my internship kept me plenty busy. But Jas has been there for me when all I can do some days is binge-watch Netflix shows and eat popcorn. She's also the one who makes sure that despite all the distractions, I know I'm supposed to get my shit done. After all, I can't afford to lose the full ride Southern Methodist University continues to cover me with. Halfway into my sophomore year in this Texan landmark and I can confidently say that I am genuinely happy with where I am.
I sometimes worry about Charlie or lay at awake at night with concern for harebrained Renee. But such moments are so rare now with my continual business and investment into my experience in Dallas, Texas. They were a lot more frequent my first few weeks here, when Charlie would call daily in hopes of convincing me to return to Washington and attend the state school there.
Are you sure, Bells? I worry about you all alone by yourself down there.
I really think this will be good for me dad. I can already feel my Vitamin C levels going up! Perhaps slight cheeriness on my part would make him worry less.
If you're doing this because you want to forget that Ed—
–It's not about him anymore, dad. This place has been nothing but welcoming and I just need to be in the sun for a bit.
Your mom's in the sun in Florida. Arizona's in the sun. There's sun in California! I just don't see why you had to go all the way to Texas.
Are we going to have to talk about the undeniably great financial aid again?
I could hear a sigh on his end and sighed internally as well. How long was I going to have to defend my reasons for moving out here and starting anew? For too long I'd moped around Forks and couldn't get away from the memory of Edward. Getting back to the friends I'd too often ignored was worse because I realized how they too tried to dictate how I should act, how to live my life, who to hang out with. Jacob—though still my friend—was no better.
I left before I started living the stifled, complacent life most people in Forks led.