Years End
Sometimes I never thought I would make it this far. Working, slaving through the homework and problems and questions and life.
And he wasn't there.
There was something strange, about having your mother and father embrace you while you held a diploma in your arms. Something distinctly new and wonderful and odd and terrifying. It was strange....but as I breathed in my mothers perfume and got cheesy grins from my dad...I felt worlds older then I had only an hour ago, as if this night had suddenly made him so perfectly, indisputably--
"*We*'*re free*!"
A half turn before *thud* and Chloe was hanging off my back. I laughed out loud, trying to hug her as Pete strolled over with what had to be tears in his eyes, hugging us both for dear life. Oh, man. Oh...
Now I was sniffling.
He hadn't come. My lover, my friend, hadn't come to see me walk the stage and become a high school graduate. No matter how many times Id looked out into the crowd, no bald palate had reflected light right back at me. No come hither smile, no blue eyes. Nothing.
My own boyfriend had forgotten to come to my graduation.
"Clark...Clark?"
I looked up at my mother as she held out an envelope.
--*---
An hour later, as the festivities rolled under way and Chem. Free (helloooo to free stuff for the seniors...c'mooon boom box!) began, I didn't think twice about the letter tucked safely in my pants. Partied...drank grape soda until I sneezed purple, pigged out on pizza and swam in the pool.
Poker with Pete. Heh. I would have won, but x-raying was probably cheating, so I let him do the victory dance.
Around four, Chloe and I crawled into a rec room and switched on MTV. I listened to Five for Fighting, and her snores...angsting as I was wont to do, with Lex on my mind, and his print carefully scrawled over the envelope I held in my hand.
He hadn't showed up to my graduation. And because I'd finally let myself think those terrible words, I let the tears fall in grief. Damn him. Damn him and everything he stood for. Damn him for hurting me; damn him for making me feel this way. Damn him all together.
Damn him for being so lovable.
I considered very briefly tearing the envelope to shreds. It probably just said I'm sorry, anyway. Lex wasnt one for...oh.
Clark,
I never thought I would ever write one of these letters. Never. In my mind, and heart, I *knew* I would see you graduate....just like I *knew* I would be the one to kiss you and hug you first, to watch the tears light your eyes as you proudly displayed what you'd worked so hard for. I am so desperately sorry I could do neither of those things, so in turn, I'm writing you. Your big day. Oh, Clark. I couldn't be prouder of you then I am right now. You did it. You survived hell and back, you went through the devils playground and reached the end with a whole heart and a smile on your face. You came out perfection itself, and I am so grateful for having been here to witness it. I am proud of you for going through the trials and tribulations that *is* high school.
Clark, I need to make a confession to you, and I know this is just about the cheesiest line in the human language but....I love everything about you. I do. I love your smile and your laugh and your attitude. I love your mop of hair. I love the way you snicker and roll your eyes. I love your corny jokes, and I love the way you're so passionate about life and what it has to bring. I love the fact that you've found out who you are, and you embrace yourself and everything that entitles being you. I love that you're self-aware but not a bigot about it, and I love how you're able to make everything okay. I love that you have this whole new world to discover, and I love that I'll get to hold your hand when you finally understand what it is to live. You are truly one of a kind. Be great, Clark. Whatever it is that watches over us is going to make sure you make it. Don't make the wrong mistakes--follow your heart and it will lead you through.
Just remember. As you're sitting on the stage with your diploma in your hands, waiting for everyone to finish getting theirs, look at your name. Clark Jonah Kent, graduating class of 2005. The pride, the unfathomable pleasure and delight of owning a diploma, stating that you have completed something so huge that they gave you a right of passage for it. Think back on all those times you thought you'd never make it...all the times people picked on you, or told you that you weren't good enough. All the good times, too, your first best friend, learning how to read, and the melodrama of junior high. Look back on all of it and remember that you have finally reached the end, and you were victorious. You finished 13 years of school, and you made it. You learned nothing while they were giving you text books...just learned everything when they smiled at you. You learned how to love...and how to be loved in return.
The four years I've known you have been the best of my life. And while I was sitting on that stage, so long ago, with my diploma clutched in my hand and my heart in my throat...I knew I would find someone so special to share my life with. I hope after this night you know a little of what it's like to be free...because you are finally free, Clark. I love you, with everything that is capable in my heart of loving. You are the strength that keeps me going, the hope that keeps me living, and now I hope you can understand the pride that I hold in you.
I'm sorry I can't be there to hold your hand and kiss you and hug you as you finally let your excitement out...but I will. For now, I hope this is enough. You're more then my boyfriend, more then my lover. You're my best friend. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting me love you, and for the first time in my life, be loved in return.
And remember! Good friends help you move. Best friends help you move dead bodies.
Bwahah!
-Lex
"Clark? Clark? What...what's wrong?"
I looked up through the haze of tears and smiled at my dearest blond friend. "Nothing, now."
Sometimes I never thought I would make it this far. Working, slaving through the homework and problems and questions and life.
And he wasn't there.
There was something strange, about having your mother and father embrace you while you held a diploma in your arms. Something distinctly new and wonderful and odd and terrifying. It was strange....but as I breathed in my mothers perfume and got cheesy grins from my dad...I felt worlds older then I had only an hour ago, as if this night had suddenly made him so perfectly, indisputably--
"*We*'*re free*!"
A half turn before *thud* and Chloe was hanging off my back. I laughed out loud, trying to hug her as Pete strolled over with what had to be tears in his eyes, hugging us both for dear life. Oh, man. Oh...
Now I was sniffling.
He hadn't come. My lover, my friend, hadn't come to see me walk the stage and become a high school graduate. No matter how many times Id looked out into the crowd, no bald palate had reflected light right back at me. No come hither smile, no blue eyes. Nothing.
My own boyfriend had forgotten to come to my graduation.
"Clark...Clark?"
I looked up at my mother as she held out an envelope.
--*---
An hour later, as the festivities rolled under way and Chem. Free (helloooo to free stuff for the seniors...c'mooon boom box!) began, I didn't think twice about the letter tucked safely in my pants. Partied...drank grape soda until I sneezed purple, pigged out on pizza and swam in the pool.
Poker with Pete. Heh. I would have won, but x-raying was probably cheating, so I let him do the victory dance.
Around four, Chloe and I crawled into a rec room and switched on MTV. I listened to Five for Fighting, and her snores...angsting as I was wont to do, with Lex on my mind, and his print carefully scrawled over the envelope I held in my hand.
He hadn't showed up to my graduation. And because I'd finally let myself think those terrible words, I let the tears fall in grief. Damn him. Damn him and everything he stood for. Damn him for hurting me; damn him for making me feel this way. Damn him all together.
Damn him for being so lovable.
I considered very briefly tearing the envelope to shreds. It probably just said I'm sorry, anyway. Lex wasnt one for...oh.
Clark,
I never thought I would ever write one of these letters. Never. In my mind, and heart, I *knew* I would see you graduate....just like I *knew* I would be the one to kiss you and hug you first, to watch the tears light your eyes as you proudly displayed what you'd worked so hard for. I am so desperately sorry I could do neither of those things, so in turn, I'm writing you. Your big day. Oh, Clark. I couldn't be prouder of you then I am right now. You did it. You survived hell and back, you went through the devils playground and reached the end with a whole heart and a smile on your face. You came out perfection itself, and I am so grateful for having been here to witness it. I am proud of you for going through the trials and tribulations that *is* high school.
Clark, I need to make a confession to you, and I know this is just about the cheesiest line in the human language but....I love everything about you. I do. I love your smile and your laugh and your attitude. I love your mop of hair. I love the way you snicker and roll your eyes. I love your corny jokes, and I love the way you're so passionate about life and what it has to bring. I love the fact that you've found out who you are, and you embrace yourself and everything that entitles being you. I love that you're self-aware but not a bigot about it, and I love how you're able to make everything okay. I love that you have this whole new world to discover, and I love that I'll get to hold your hand when you finally understand what it is to live. You are truly one of a kind. Be great, Clark. Whatever it is that watches over us is going to make sure you make it. Don't make the wrong mistakes--follow your heart and it will lead you through.
Just remember. As you're sitting on the stage with your diploma in your hands, waiting for everyone to finish getting theirs, look at your name. Clark Jonah Kent, graduating class of 2005. The pride, the unfathomable pleasure and delight of owning a diploma, stating that you have completed something so huge that they gave you a right of passage for it. Think back on all those times you thought you'd never make it...all the times people picked on you, or told you that you weren't good enough. All the good times, too, your first best friend, learning how to read, and the melodrama of junior high. Look back on all of it and remember that you have finally reached the end, and you were victorious. You finished 13 years of school, and you made it. You learned nothing while they were giving you text books...just learned everything when they smiled at you. You learned how to love...and how to be loved in return.
The four years I've known you have been the best of my life. And while I was sitting on that stage, so long ago, with my diploma clutched in my hand and my heart in my throat...I knew I would find someone so special to share my life with. I hope after this night you know a little of what it's like to be free...because you are finally free, Clark. I love you, with everything that is capable in my heart of loving. You are the strength that keeps me going, the hope that keeps me living, and now I hope you can understand the pride that I hold in you.
I'm sorry I can't be there to hold your hand and kiss you and hug you as you finally let your excitement out...but I will. For now, I hope this is enough. You're more then my boyfriend, more then my lover. You're my best friend. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting me love you, and for the first time in my life, be loved in return.
And remember! Good friends help you move. Best friends help you move dead bodies.
Bwahah!
-Lex
"Clark? Clark? What...what's wrong?"
I looked up through the haze of tears and smiled at my dearest blond friend. "Nothing, now."