Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers nor do I have any affiliation with the creators thereof. All characters and such are copyright to their respective creators.

. . .

Best Kept a Secret

Summary: Amelia begins to come to terms with what she is doing to Xellos when she forces the monster to repeat her positive mantras. It's odd, she thinks, that she should care what he is feeling...why does she care?

Rated: K

Genre: Angst/Romance

. . .

"Be true to yourself! Be positive in every way, that's what I always say!"

Oh dear, I rhymed again, even I had to admit that saying it like that could have been rather annoying. Regardless, it seemed to work! I swelled with pride when I saw the monster cringe and repeat the phrase in mild irritation.

Wait...that's not what I was going for.

To be honest, I didn't know exactly what I was going for–I knew by now I would never make a dent on Xellos's monstrous ego. He is a monster after all; oh I am terrible at puns. But no one could change this, he is what he is.

I originally whipped out the positive mantra repetitions on Xellos to try and drain him of his powers. He did groan and moan whenever I forced him to be optimistic, but it didn't really make a difference as his powers were strong no matter what it seemed. I kept on doing it anyway, and now even I don't know what on earth my motivation could possibly be.

Looking at him now, I felt slightly deflated. His expression looked irritated as it usually did, but I had never really looked that closely before. And behind his annoyed frown, there was a hint of pain that he concealed almost perfectly. I found myself thinking further into what being positive must mean to a monster like him.

Xellos is a monster, as such, he thrives off of the negative feelings of others, mainly humans; it makes him happy I guess. Although it doesn't really make sense to me, this strange oxymoron, but it is the truth as far as I know. And now that I think about it, maybe my goal was to make Xellos happy. To make him feel joy and self-satisfaction! Why? I don't know really, the beauty of life is a terrible thing to waste! But, maybe I was wrong in doing this. Could it be that the Justice that I so firmly believe in have become, in this odd case, the real injustice?

Absurd!

Oh, who am I kidding! The truth is, Xellos and I are complete opposites! I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. I thrive off of happiness, joy, truth and most of all, JUSTICE! Could it be that the truth may have failed me? I am hurting someone to gain, what I thought, was my own...and his, benefit! It kind of makes me want to cry.

That monster…he takes it all so well. He's one of the few in the group who tolerates my 

justice loving personality and very clumsy behavior. Lina thinks I am ridiculous, Zelgadis thinks I am immature, not only that but he is too gloomy to care even I couldn't cheer him up…and Gourry, well, he is too clueless to have an opinion. Yet this monster, who is supposedly as evil as they get, who hates optimism, who could kill me without a second thought…he puts up with it, and he is the only one I actually hurt at all.

Now I feel gloomy.

Well, that depressing feeling at least did someone some good, Xellos looked up and now he is looking at me, perplexed. Oh dear I am nearly ever sad and far less am I gloomy, but at least it is making him feel better, he isn't in pain anymore I can sense it, he looks almost grateful to me and…wait, did it just get hot? The fire is on, that must be it. Well, now I'll smile as usual and…of course, I will trip over my cape again. Ow, I am such a klutz…wait, he is smiling, laughing! Why?

Oh right, my pain and depression are giving him the giggles.

Yet, it makes me happy to see him smile. Oh Amelia, this is ridiculous! Did you just give evidence to the possibility that you truly care how that evil monster feels? How could you possibly have feelings for him!

Wow, listen to yourself Amelia, you sound so silly. Oh dear, and I am talking to myself er-thinking to myself. I guess it's kind of hard to listen to yourself when your not making a noise. Even if you did have feelings for him, he would never return them, monsters couldn't possibly feel love.

You have a basis in white magic, and he is a monster for crying out loud and why does my face feel like it's burning off of my skull? It's so embarrassing here in front of everyone, I need to get away. I'll go on a walk perhaps…yes that sounds lovely.

Well it would have been lovely, to be out here alone, but unfortunately he just had to follow me out here. Maybe I'll just pretend I didn't see him. Just ignore him and—gee he looks so confused, it's actually kind of cute—damn I did not just think that! And here I am again, on the ground, maybe I really do need to get rid of this stupid cape like Zelgadis said…all it does is make me look like more of an idiot.

Nobody takes me seriously; my constant mistakes are probably part of the reason.

Now he just had to talk to me.

"Miss Amelia, you know you shouldn't go wondering off, it could be…dangerous." That malevolent grin just creeps me out.

I mustered up what I thought was a fairly decent glare.

"I can take care of myself, thank you!" I said, quite hotly if I may say so.

He chuckled, oh great, now I amuse him.

"Oh my, of course! Even your own cloak wouldn't dare challenge you again, after the way you trampled it twice to death in the last few minutes!" He sneered, angering me more.

What a rude man! The indignity of it all!



"Now you listen! Leave me alone you monster! I have had enough of your rude comments and jests, no matter what you say JUSTICE wil—hey! Wha-?"

BAM! Face to face, oh God, my face is searing hot…so close I just…

His expression is serious, and he says in an honesty that surprises me "Then, will you accept my apology? Amelia?"

Amelia…just Amelia. No Miss Amelia, the polite acquaintances are gone, I like how it sounds to hear it…just Amelia.

"I…um…I guess." I manage to stutter.

Oh stupid, Amelia that was horrible! But he smiles and straightens up, away from me again.

"Wonderful, then it's back to normal!"

He begins to walk away, I try to register, and against my will I call out.

"W-wait! Xellos!"

He stops and turns around, I fumble with my fingers looking anywhere but him.

"I-you see-I think…" I paused, "I think I lov…"

I couldn't say it, it was just too hard! I couldn't even believe I was about to say it, even he was chuckling. I am so embarrassed.

"Oh, I know Amelia-I have known for quite some time"

Shocked, I reply "Really? But, how?"

He put a finger to my lips smiling, then he pulled it away and winks, "That is a secret."

I couldn't help but giggle.

"Then does that mean…you?"

He smiled, "Amelia, I'll try to be optimistic but don't expect it to ever happen, you need to give me a chance to have my own happiness, however warped it is."

I smile, and I understand, "Wait…but the others—"

It wouldn't work, I couldn't deal with anymore from the other's, they already think I am strange. I feel so selfish now, asking this.

He nods understandingly, "It's just how it has to be."

"I'm sorry." I mutter.

His laughter, it makes me feel so warm.

"Oh it's quite alright, like I always say right?" He grins, winking. "Things like this are best kept…"

I put a finger to his lips then pull it back as he did to me! I winked, then whispered something that only that monster could understand.

"…a secret."

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Thank you for reading

ºÐino £ordº