The week-course
-DS-
"I will totally make it!" Dino was a little over-excited
"But I need it like... in a week. It's not as if I'm talented, really" Squalo was combing his hair while glancing in the mirror. He definitely avoided Dino's looks.
"I'm a good teacher, I really am! You can believe me! You will totally ride a horse within the next week!"
And that's how the drama started. Calling it a drama was slightly too delicate. It was a nightmare, an incubus and a disaster all at once.
The next day was the first day of hell for Squalo trying to learn how to ride a horse.
Squalo squeaked. Horses where much bigger than he expected.
Early in the morning, while Squalo was sleeping mildly in his dilapidated room full of clutter, pieces of glass, combs, brushes, Xanxu's shaver and a little fur, Dino decided to make Squalo's first day a Big-Bang. That's why he brought his very own horse into the room. The horse was big and brown – as of what Squalo could say later on, actually looking at it.
Nevertheless Dino's idea failed as soon as the horse passed the threshold of Squalo's property.
Dino was a bad teacher.
The horse went a little out of control and stood above Squalo, who was actually still asleep. The animal grabbed a little of Squalo's hair and pulled it, than forced it into his mighty jaw and masticated them.
Of course Dino didn't notice. He was busy looking at the tossed stuff all around – no offense, anyone would. The clutter was enormous. Pieces of almost everything were lying on the floor. All the apartment looked as if some kind of biological bomb detonated inside, leaving tons of debris and dead creatures. Dino really noticed a dead creature lying next to an empty bottle of "whatever-could-be-inside-earlier" liquid. Cavalone wondered if the animal died in consequence of drinking the beverage.
Than Squalo squeaked.
This was the worst yell anyone could possibly imagine: it was at a very high tone, it was manly and it sounded slightly gay. Dino thought, that if fishes could scream – that would be probably the way they would. Than optimistically he noted, that fishes can't scream. How neat of them.
The horse panicked, nighted and jibbed in terror. Squalo squeaked once again. This time Dino could hear some words.
"What the fuck is this fucking horse doing in my fucking room?!" there was more "fucking" in the sentence he said, but it was too hard for Dino to hear, because he was troubled by the horse. Anyway, he got the sense of it.
"I though I'd show You Linda" Dino said slowly pronouncing every word very carefully. He never actually learned how to speak Japanese fluently "After all, You're gonna ride her."
Squalo didn't want no excuses why Dino would have entered his room without asking for permission, and especially not if some random horse (whatever the name was) entered with him.
Dino was a bad teacher and that is how the first day of horror started.
Day One (Sunday) – 05. April
As Squalo and the horse calmed down and got to know each other a little better things started to look promising. At least in Squalo's head. After all horses were dumb – that's what Squalo noticed. They were totally predictable and it was easy to rub them on the neck, because it was actually difficult to miss, since it was so large. And they liked it. They liked the rubbing. Squalo though he was similar to horses – he like neck rubbing too. Too bad it happened really occasionally.
Linda looked as though she was rubbed regularly and with passion. It wasn't hard to guess, if one would notice the way she looked at Dino. And she looked at him with pure love. This even made Squalo smile.
Dino and Linda waited at the doorway as Squalo got a shower, dressed in some random old pants (he wasn't sure if those weren't Xanxu's pants, because they were slightly too big in the crotch) and a white shirt (he was pretty sure the shirt belonged to Xanxus, as he was the only one wearing white and actually enjoying it). This was how Dino told him to dress – it was comfortable and could get dirty with no harm.
Than Squalo joined his company and went on together with them to the place where Dino used to train. It was a countryside near Squalo's possession. The swordsman didn't even ever notice there was such a large piece of land and free space covered only by occasional trees and ever-fresh green grass. It looked like some damn fairytale. But the fairytale broke when Dino eventually tripped for the first ten times. Still Squalo was under impression. His teacher was capable of tripping and falling on the ground by just standing in one place. He wasn't even holding the horse. He was just (fucking) standing there!
That was the first time Squalo noticed Dino was a bad teacher. But as Freddy Mercury sang – Training must go on.
"This sure is a nice place" muttered Dino standing up from the ground and flicking his clothes out of dust.
"Indeed" said Squalo his thought far away, wondering how beautiful would it be if he discovered this place earlier. He would never become a swordsman of any kind. He would be a poet. And he'd write wonders on simple sheets of paper making the words sound wise and soft. He would mutter these words to the person he loved, to the one he would have only for himself. The One...
"So like, these are the reins" started Dino in an extremely annoying tone, ruining Squalo's imagination and bringing him drastically down to Earth.
"You put the reins on the horse..."
"With no offense, man, but what part of 'riding' a horse didn't you get?" Squalo learned how to use this tone by often chit-chats with Xanxus. Dino was the only person he could actually try his skills in 'tough conversation' on.
"Well... Riding is far more complex..." Dino tried to explain himself
"I want toride it, not put pieces of lace on it! Now equip it and lets get fucking started!" Squalo lost his temper due to the fact, that he was no poet, but a narrow-minded swordsman, who could hardly write his name.
"It's a she."
"I don't care, just do it quickly scum!" Squalo didn't believe what he just say "no wait... sorry. I.. I didn't mean to" he explained himself, as he remembered how he hated Xanxus calling him that
"What for?" Dino didn't seem to have heard what Squalo eventually screamed, for he was more concerned with how to tie the 'piece of lace' to Linda's bridle.
And that was the second time Squalo noticed the main theme: Dino was a bad teacher. Not only because he simply was a bad teacher but also because he had no idea how to equip a horse and Squalo was really looking forward to how would he explain the 'riding' part. It made him shiver a little.
But after about half an hour Dino finally made it and the horse looked rather equipped than not. But as Squalo looked at it, it seemed to him that something was missing. There was this stereotype of an equipped horse in western movies and Squalo watched them quite a lot. That's why something wasn't right. He looked at Linda from different angles to come to a brilliant conclusion.
"And where the hell is the saddle?" asked Squalo nervous
"Real man don't ride on saddles" answered Dino as it would be totally normal and just natural to ride a horse without any saddle. Of course, for Dino – it was normal.
Squalo felt a twinge of fear, as he remembered the famous fact, that riding a horse bare-back leaded to a very strong, in fact hellish-strong ass pain. And when it comes to asses, with men, as guts are quite close to their asses – meant also an incredible cock-pain.
This thought sucked so badly, that Squalo frowned, making his face even uglier than it normally was.
"Let's get started!" smiled the bad teacher
Squalo really didn't want to, but he had no choice – a one week ass and cock-pain was far better than the thing that would probably happen to him, if he actually didn't learn how to ride a horse within this week.
"You have to jump high, because of the lack of saddle, but I'm pretty sure You'll make it!" Dino casually stepped by the horse and lifted one leg, than gently jumped and there he was – sitting at Linda's back. She didn't even look distracted. That was the time, when Squalo admired Dino. Maybe he wasn't such a bad teacher after all. At least, Cavalone could actually ride a horse.
As the narrator's duty I find it necessary and extremely sad to say, that Squalo was very wrong.
Dino jumped over and got off the horse. Than stood next to her, grabbing her by the reins. She looked calm, but still he patted her of the nose and rubbed her neck (just like Squalo liked doing).
"Now You try it" said Cavalone
"I'm not sure, if I'm flexible enough..." started Squalo, but Dino looked kind of serious, than he has no choice
He stood next to Linda, just as Dino did and got sure his teacher held her tightly, so she won't move when Squalo tried to jump on one leg.
After the first attempt he made, he was really glad, that Xanxus was nowhere around to be seen. With one leg lifted up he tried jumping again and again he didn't reach. He looked at Dino with desperation.
"Go on, it's your first time, it doesn't have to be perfect!" encouraged him Dino
Than Squalo tried again and again until it really felt weird and he stopped feeling the lifted leg.
And than came the words, Squalo hoped never to hear from anyone.
"Here, let me help you" Dino stood by Squalo's side and grabbed the one lifted leg. Squalo felt a shiver. Something in his head screamed "TOO CLOSE!". But, of course, Dino did not hear the scream in Squalo's head, that's why he grabbed the other leg, or rather the thigh and lifted all Squalo's figure up with no effort at all. Than he forced Squalo on the top of the horse.
Dino looked happy, Squalo looked massacred.
"Thanks" grunted Squalo
Dino smiled and then Linda unexpectedly moved. Squalo squeaked and hitched on to her neck, which scared her even more. She jibbed kicking Dino on the ground. Squalo squeaked again. If Dino wouldn't have lost consciousness he probably would think of it as of a screaming fish.