It was a bright, sunny day in Gensokyo. Reimu was sitting on her porch enjoying some tea, when suddenly, she felt someone was watching her.

"Sigh, I know that's you, Yukari." Reimu said.

"I dunno who that is, but he sounds like a cool dude!"

That voice didn't sound like Yukari at all. It sounded too masculine for it to be her. Reimu turned around, and what she saw made her jump.

"JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST ON A GODDAMN POGO STICK!" Reimu screamed. What she saw was a big, hairy ape with a red tie around its neck.

"Woah woah woah! No need to be scared, little buddy!" The ape said, trying to calm Reimu down.

"Who the HELL are you?!" the shrine maiden asked, still bamboozled at what she was greeted by.

"Me? Well, I'm the one and only Donkey Kong!" The ape said proudly.

"...Who?" Reimu asked.

"Y'know, Donkey Kong! I'm the leader of the bunch, you know me well-"

"No, I don't. Now get the fuck off my property."

"Hey! No need to go bananas, buddy!"

"I'm not your 'buddy.' NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE OR SO HELP ME BOY I WILL SHOVE THIS STICK UP YOUR ANUS SO HARD THAT YOU'LL BE SPEWING WOOD CHUNKS OUT OF YOUR COCK!"

"Geez! Okay, I'm going!"

Donkey Kong ran off, leaving Reimu alone once again.

"I need some fucking kush after this shit." Reimu said to herself.

-later-

Donkey Kong was looking for his good pal, Diddy Kong, who I forgot to mention was in this because he's a little piece of hoo-hah shit. Anyways, good ol' Expand Dong came across a gate. Behind it was a huge ass mansion. The ape tried to get through, but was stopped by the gate guard, Hong Meiling.

"Halt! Who goes the-HOLY FUCKING ASS BALLS!" Meiling was bamboozled. "Who are you?!"

"I'm Donkey Kong, the first member of the DK crew, with a long kong dong that can fire in spurts!" The ape said proudly.

"...Oooookay then." Meiling didn't believe him, but she went along with it. "State your business."

"Well, ya see, I'm looking for my little buddy Diddy. I have to find that lil' nugget or else Cranky will give me the Banana Slamma." Donkey Kong casually said.

"Uhhh...ooookay. Umm, so you assume he went inside the Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

"I think so."

"...Is this some kind of goddamn joke?" Meiling was tired of the bullshit Expand Dong was giving her.

"No! I'm being honest! I have to find him, I don't wanna get Cranky's cane shoved up my-"

"OOOOOOOOKAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION! Alright, since you might be telling the truth...I'll let you pass."

"Coolio!" Donkey Kong exclaimed as he ran inside the mansion. "I'm coming, little buddy!"

"...What the fuck have I done?" Meiling questioned her sanity. She then turned around to see an orangutan that was doing handstands. Said orangutan wore a white shirt with blue overalls. It had really long arms. It also looked like it had no style, nor any grace. It had a pretty funny face as well.

"...Kill me now..." Meiling said to herself.

-TO BE CONTINUED-