Eyes
(A/N: I don't own The Host, or the movie or any of these characters. This fan fiction is purely for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who might care to read it.
This one is from Melanie's POV and takes place a few months after my previous stories. AND—this is just a teaser about Burns and his Calling as a Tech…and all of his cool gadgets. A long story about this and the various groups meeting our characters and getting together …is coming soon…)
"OK, Mel…do you feel—this? Does it hurt?"
"Not a bit Doc. I have a happy No Pain buzz right now. Off you go…"
Finally—after seven frustrating weeks of being stuck in the caves—I was at last getting my very own camo implant. In our little ragtag group of refugees, humans with such a device surgically implanted in their necks could—with just a touch—make their eyes 'light up' with a very convincing simulation of Soul bio-luminescence. After Doc was done with me, I could finally start going on raids again.
Burns had delivered my implant along with several others that morning and Doc—knowing I was antsy from cabin fever, bumped me near the top of his To Do list. Jeb had decreed—and rightly so—that only raiders with the extra safety of a camo implant could leave the caves.
Camouflage implants or, as Burns Living Flowers officially named them—neuro-luminescence simulation generators (…or NLSG for us non-scientific types) were not just a one-size-fits-all sort of a device. Each implant had to be specifically manufactured and attuned to the human who would use it. Burns, our travelling genius who invented the NLSG, had sampled my DNA to create my NLSG two and half months ago. But—according to him on his frequent visits to the Stryder Caverns—attuning my implant had been problematic—because of my time as Wanda's host.
But he had figured it out. Of course he had figured it out, even if it took a few frustrating extra weeks. Burns, that wonderful Soul, is a Tech. That Calling is like combining Da Vinci with a MIT engineer and MacGyver. Burns just invented the coolest things—and all of his created devices made our lives safer, easier, or just more efficient and comfortable.
Like...the camo implants.
Now, for the record-I, Melanie Stryder-human survivor, resistance
fighter...admit that am I just not always the sharpest tool in the shed. I'm great in a fight, quick on my feet, and handy to have around if you're hungry and have to quietly steal your dinner and get away clean. But—having spent so much time growing up alone, or just with Jamie…and later with only my little brother and Jared…I do sometimes forget to carefully consider other people's reactions and feelings.
And—I admit it-I was so excited about getting my new toy that I just never considered certain...effects...my camo implant might have on…some people.
Doc was done sealing the wound on my neck. He helped me to a sitting position and raised the head of his new surgical bed, supporting my upper half comfortably. "Ok Melanie...that should be it. Hold that mirror up where both of us can see..."
I did so and noted just my usual reflection, plain hazel eyes. Doc was pressing gently on my new scar at the back of my neck. Then... suddenly... my eyes started to glow...
"Wow…" I heard myself whisper.
Universal neuro- luminescence Wanda calls it. It's a complicated bit
of Soul biology and though Wanda tries to make her lessons about such things simple, I do get lost in her descriptions of her races' physiology. Yes, I had one-her-latched to my brain for over a year-but that doesn't make me an expert. And this shining silver ring around my irises was NOT that—exactly. It was a simulation…a convincing simulation that had already been tested countless times. I remained just me…Melanie…no Soul inside this head…
Strange…after all that time, how lonely that still felt…
But-I know Soul glowing eyes when I see them. I had seen ours in the mirror and reflected in people's eyes for a long time when Wanda and I were- cohabitating- as she puts it. And those eyes looking back at me...were just like my eyes-OUR EYES-from that time in our lives. Suddenly, I was looking at Wanda in the mirror again.
I started for that moment to think of myself in the plural again.
As Doc continued to tinker at the back of my neck, and before I could really grasp emotionally what I was seeing...the worst luck possible fell upon my day; Doc's lunch was delivered.
By Ian...
So help me...I guess I just wasn't thinking like an adult. For that moment I was the kid I never fully got to be and I had a shiny new toy and wanted to show it off. As I said, sometimes, I just ain't so bright.
"Hey Ian...check it out!" I faced my sister's partner and let him see my pretty silver eyes. "I finally got my implant."
Ian's face-just froze. He dropped the tray that he had brought Doc's
lunch on. Doc's cheeseburger and Cole slaw plopped on the ground with a splat. Afterward, the silence in the hospital was so complete I could hear Doc's breathing…my own heartbeat…a sighed exhalation of a held breath from my friend staring at me.
"Ian..? What's...?" Then I got it. Ian...my dear friend who I loved—the partner of my adopted sister-was looking at me...and seeing the person with whom he had fallen in love. Memories must have been flooding into his mind, his heart, as they had started to flow into mine…as I saw my eyes.
In that moment-I was his Wanda again...
"Uh…Doc...can you shut these eyes down please...?"
"Uh...no Mel...I just started charging your implant." I could feel the slight cold against the back of my neck and a glance in the mirror I still held showed me a glimpse of the Dr. Pepper can-one of Burns' improvised energy storage cells-resting sideways on my neck over the freshly healed implantation wound. "Burns says if we don't charge them a minimum of 45 minutes right after I place them...they never work just right. Sorry Mel. Ian? Are you ok? I never thought..."
"It's ok Doc. I guess I never thought either... Mel...?" He didn't know what to say to me. But his face was saying volumes.
"Ian...I am so sorry. I just wasn't thinking. I should have told you I was doing this today...had Wanda keep you busy or...something..."
"You couldn't have known I was coming in here. And this is hardly a surprise- I've got my own implant. I've seen my own eyes light up...seen Jared's…Jamie's...Kyle's. Besides-now that you finally have your own you're raiding with us this week. I would have seen it soon anyway..."
"Yes...you've seen everyone's eyes but mine. The last time you saw me
with Soul eyes..." I shrugged apologetically.
"Wanda was inside there...yeah. Mel-I'm embarrassed...I shouldn't be
acting this way...I know who you are...I know who Wanda is-what she
looks like now…"
"Of course you do Ian. And looking at me-my eyes-it hit me too. This is not about what we think...it's about feelings."
"You too?" he asked.
"Yep-just for that half a minute before you came in. I saw my reflection and almost spoke to Wanda inside my head...started to say 'we' instead of 'I'…"
Ian nodded and then looked down before saying, "I guess...I never...I guess I never really apologized."
"For what?"
"Melanie...I didn't know you then...I guess I only saw you-"
"As Wanda's body..."
"I hope I wasn't that bad-that narrow minded."
"No Ian-you weren't bad at all." I started to make a joke—something along the lines of '…you weren't bad at all after we got past the whole trying to choke us thing…' but the pain in Ian's eyes was clear. I decided against it. "You knew Wanda and I were a duo-even if Wanda was the one of us you really focused on..."
"You belonged to Jared...and he to you..."
"And Wanda brought us home to him...and Jamie...I remember it all Ian. I was listening when you spoke to Wanda AND when you addressed me directly. Wanda-bless her alien heart-abbreviated- what I said back
to you..."
He smiled a little crooked half smile. "You were usually telling me to go to hell I imagine."
"Afraid so...I didn't want you and Wanda enjoying each other's company in my body-with me having to watch from the cheap seats. And as much as I wanted to be with Jared-Wanda was…in the way...and all I could see and feel was him kissing HER. Made me crazy..."
We were quiet for awhile. When all this had started, Doc had gone to his desk as we talked-giving us some privacy-but now he was back, checking the status of my new implant's initial charging cycle.
"About half-way Melanie..." he said quietly into my ear, but loud enough for Ian to hear. I nodded and watched Ian as he scooped up the spilled food he had dropped. Doc patted my shoulder, cleared his throat and said, "Well—if you two could hold the fort for me here for a few minutes-I'll go fetch something to eat for myself..."
Ian brushed his hands clean over the trash can by the entrance and tossed the tray full of spilled and soiled lunch in as well. Then he looked up at me almost as an afterthought-and his face, again, froze. There was more than enough of Wanderer left inside my heart that I could easily interpret the almost hidden truth on his frozen face. The inner effort in his expression was like print on a page; he was trying to think with his head- -not see with his heart.
And I could see-this was still just killing him inside.
I needed back up. I closed my eyes and half-faking a stretch I let my mind wander into the 'other room' inside my head and with just a second or two of concentration, connected with my sister. Wanda was with Jamie, Candy and Lacey hanging wet clothes from the laundry on the drying lines there.
"Hey sis."
"Sister. Afternoon. OH! Problem?" Wanda caught on quickly.
"Yes..." I showed her a summary of the last half hour and she replied, "Be there in a minute." She added a word she learned on the Mists Planet that does not translate and cannot be replicated out loud by human speech organs. Wanderer did not cuss aloud-it was against her nature. But in our private thought conversations-she let herself use this word when she felt the need. And-she had been right when she had said it several times before about this colorful language: …itsounds better in Bear.
"Ian..?"
"Yes Mel?"
"It's ok you know...whatever you're feeling."
"I don't think so..."
"Yes-it is. We talked about this-we knew that this life we live at the end of the world and the complex drama that brought us all here together would forever...color...how we relate to one another. We talked it out and accepted it...and why did we do that again, Ian?"
Ian stared at me now. He did not sense Wanda approaching from the tunnel behind him-but then-Ian isn't telepathically aware of my sister like I am.
"Because we all love each other," he admitted with another half smile.
"And my sister is very lovable," said an arriving Soul-my adopted sister… my former co inhabitant and an alien life form from elsewhere in the universe.
And a person I loved with all my heart and all my human soul.
Wanda slid her arms around Ian and his features immediately seemed to relax...if only a little. He wrapped an arm around her slight form as well muttering, "How did you...? Oh...Doc…" Wanda slipped me a wink. We hadn't told anyone about the mind reading yet. We didn't know what to make of it ourselves and the boys already thought Wanda and I were a little crazy...so...
"Hey you," I said. "What do you think?" I asked pointing to my eyes.
She pretended to study me for a minute, as if we were comparing new dresses or some potatoes we'd gotten at the store. Ian watched us.
"Beautiful. Because those eyes will no doubt save your life someday all too soon. But honestly Melanie-I think they look better on me. I am, as they say, the genuine article after all."
"You girls are nuts..."
"Us? Books could be written about how sane and well adjusted we both are. But seriously—does me looking like this-bring back some memories Wanda?"
"It does...good memories and not so good ones... And I wouldn't trade either for a lifetime supply of Cheetos. Ian? Isn't my sister beautiful?"
"Uh...what?"
"You heard me. Isn't Melanie beautiful?"
"Well...yeah. Of course she is. And so are you…"
"It was me who once made her eyes glow like that. When you held my hand it was her hands you held and it was her lips you kissed when you kissed me. And doesn't she look like I did when you fell in love with me?"
"Wanderer-why are we talking about this?"
"Because you need to stop worrying about this. We are going to be out
in the world on supply raids and—thanks to these simulator implants- I won't be the only one in the group without sunglasses from now on. And I don't want your skills as our brave protector dulled because you feel guilty about looking at that beautiful face and remembering how it felt to fall in love with her...with me… I love her. And I love you. Our history and how it makes all of us…you…feel…does not bother me. And I don't want it to bother you." Wanda looked up into Ian's blue eyes and brushed his scruffy face with her palm. "Ok..?" she asked tenderly.
Ian wiped some wetness from his eyes. "Alright honey. I hear you."
"Melanie loves you too. But look at my eyes sweetie…mine are the original—the genuine article. Mine are the eyes of your partner…"
Ian nodded and tried to sniff back his tears…he failed of course. My eyes were damp too. Who needed television? Our lives were a soap opera…or more accurately…a space opera…
"You are right…as usual," Ian said. "Guess I should get used to that. Love ya Mel…"
"Love you too, Ian…" I said. Leave it to my sis…I knew she'd make it better.
Wanda gave me the most dazzling smile then she winked at me again and turned back to Ian. "So...now that we settled that…show me one more time who you bonded with as a partner…who you love?"
Ian smiled broadly for the first time since entering the hospital. He turned Wanda around slightly and lifted her long curly hair and touched the base of her slim neck. "This is who I love. You. Wanderer. Lives in the Stars. This little person, safe and warm...right in there. I love you…my partner..."
"My beloved..." and Wanda slid easily into his embrace and met his kiss halfway…just as partners should. Talk about memories…and here I was again, watching these two from the cheap seats. But this time I was smiling…about the past and about the present. I didn't mind a bit. Daydreaming about Jared and giving him a kiss like the one these two were sharing, I gave them a moment and turned my shiny eyes away.
A peek…still kissing…
And I gave them another one. I looked at the cracks in the cave ceiling. I studied my eyes in the mirror one more time. I frowned over the purple cavern dust stains on my shoes. Finally, I peeked at them again…
Still kissing…
Now THIS was bringing back some memories…I could swear my lips were tingling… I was tempted to try and pronounce that Bear obscenity…
"Uh...I would leave and give you guys some privacy...but I can't head for the 'other room' just yet." I pointed to the soda can battery on my neck: "I'm still charging here..."