The Paper Bag
A/N: This might come off very odd and stupid for those who aren't exactly familiar with Excel Saga. It's definitely not an anime for the serious… Like when I say "moving in a worm like fashion" I really mean that she's inching around the place like a worm…also if I've put any lines where she's talking to the narrator (anything in italics and '' is the narrator replying to her) or making a parody of something you don't have to question my sanity… I'm fine... really.
The stomach of the young and blonde, Excel grumble and growled loudly as she moved around the apartment in a worm-like fashion. She had a blank expression in her eyes, drool seeping from the corner of her lips, and that infamous tooth.
"Oh… this is what that damn dog, Menchi, is for." She whined as she exited the kitchen, still inching around.
Hyatt had left earlier with Menchi for whatever reason somewhere and left Excel to fend for herself for the time being. There was not even a crumb of bread crust around for her.
"What do you mean for whatever reason?" The blonde was standing and looking around.
'Ah, it's beyond me.'
"How is it beyond you? You're suppose to know everything"
'Am not'
"Yes huh… you're a terrible narrator" she concluded.
'Shut up and go back to starving, you're screwing up the story line.'
There came a knocking at the door as Excel had inched her way into the TV. Her big green eyes blinked away the blank stare and drool. She sat up, with her legs crossed and her chin in a hand, thoughtfully.
"Ah, who could that be?" She thought out loud staring at the door, "Could is be someone for Excel? Or maybe Hyatt? OR COULD IT BE AN ASSASSIN HERE TO KILL EXCEL?" The blonde glared at the door as she yelled the question.
Quickly and rather in a klutzy manner she made her way over to the door. Excel cracked open the door, took a glance around then opened the door completely. Using her hand as a visor she glanced up, left, and right.
"What… is going on here?"
She finally looked down to a see a brown paper bag. It was unlabeled and neatly folded.
"Oh, what's this?"
She leaned over the bag and prodded at it curiously.
"I wonder what's in it" she picked it up and turned back into the apartment. She began to open the bag slightly before pausing, "What if it explodes once I open it!?"
Excel looked up at the thought bubble that appearing over her, she watched it as it showed her exploding while opening the bag. Bits of the thought rained around her. The blonde yelped out loud and ran in circles around the bag.
The bag sat on the floor, still in one piece, still seemingly harmless.
Excel plopped in front of the bag and stared it down. The bag had completely made her forget her hunger.
"What if… it's from Hyatt and she wants to rid me so she can have Lord Il Palazzo to herself!" She gasped, "The NERVE."
"Or what if it something wonderful… like a gift from him?" She had big dreamy heart eyes.
"Or a bomb" She whined going back and forth between possibilities, "What to do."
"Maybe you should just open it" a fluffy brown afro haired man, Nabeshin, popped in behind her.
"HEY HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?" Excel was ready to tackle but he had speed off.
"Gotta run!" He waved.
"That guy is so weird" She watched with blank eyes and a sweatdrop, "Where'd he go?" She was baffled to see he didn't even use the front door. Eventually her attention fell upon the bag again. She took in a deep breath;
"Perhaps I should just open it... OR I'll take my chances and SMASH THE BAG WITH THIS CONVIENANTLY PLACED BATTLE MALET" she picked up the giant hammer that leaned against the wall. Her voice was loud and echoed through the wall where one could here the neighbor yell something like "Damnit will you keep it down over there you stupid…"
She held it high above her head and stood over the bag and blinked at the wall where she heard the voice then back at the bag. She reared the mallet back even further then let it fall heavy and hard onto the paper bag.
The ceiling of the people below cracked and random chunks even fell. Next door the neighbor was now cursing at the top of his lungs.
She lifted the hammer and began to whine frantically, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
She slumped in front of what was a freshly made sandwich and cookies that had been demolished by the mallet. The blonde was sobbing rivers.
Just then Hyatt had walked in with Menchi. They stared at the girl on the floor sitting in the remains of bag pieces and food. With out a doubt they were baffled.
"Perhaps, Senior Excel has lost a bit more of her mind in our absence yes?" Hyatt looked at the dog who stared.
Excel collapsed over, twitching.
"Oh my, and we were only gone for two hours."