Friendly Embrace
Hello! It's been a while hasn't it? Well yesterday after reading a tragedy story, the muse came HARD. Today, I wrote up to now four stories. Short, but four none the less. Now I am typing them. This was originally supposed to be called The Day I Decided to Tell Him I Love You Was the Day He Broke Up With Me, but it was such a long title that I changed it.
Edit: August 11th 2008
177
Disclaimer: I hope the muse stays a while longer. This is exhilarating.
Summary: Eiri's POV. It's the last straw for Shuichi and he decides to leave Eiri. The novelist expresses his feelings and all he needs to know is that there is still some connection to keep him from breaking. One-Shot
Friendly Embrace
Eiri's POV
The house was awfully quiet. Too quiet. To think I used to enjoy this quietness. That was a lie like everything else that I did. To be honest, I enjoyed the chaos that living with Shuichi brought to me. His presence lit up a room, but now his presence was nowhere to be seen. We had argued earlier this morning. One son of a bitch of an argument at that. Not our regular fights, this time I had really gone too far. To be truthful, I couldn't even remember what we were arguing about. I had just snapped at him and he snapped back. It ended up turning into one ugly fight. It finally came to an end when I told him to get the hell out of here and saying another handful of hurtful things.
When I had realized what I had done, I regretted it. For once I actually felt bad about something, I wanted to apologize badly. I tried calling him on his mobile, but because I had sent him out so quickly, he hadn't had the time to take his things. I looked at the picture on the flap of the device and I couldn't help but smile a sad smile. The brat had put a picture of us on that infamous date at the amusement park. To think that even that had turned into a mess.
I realized for the first time in six years that I had actually developed feelings for someone. I actually cared for him and I figured that after the fight we had this morning, he deserved to know how I felt. It was a small consolation, but maybe it would be the right start for us. I thought of calling him at NG, but what I wanted to say wasn't something you said over the phone and so I waited all day until evening to be able to see him. The thought of him not even showing up hadn't even crossed my mind. He just had to come.
Luckily for my sanity, he showed up at 6:30pm like every other night.
"Yuki, we need to talk." Indeed we did need to talk. What worried me was the way he said those words. It showed that he was still upset. I had really screwed up this time.
"I have something to tell you, can it wait?" I asked as calmly as possible.
"No Yuki, let me go first." I thought it over in my head. Letting him go first wouldn't be the end of the world. I nodded my head.
"I'm leaving." He said after a hesitant pause.
"What do you mean leaving?" I couldn't help but start to worry. He couldn't possible mean that he was…
"I want out, I don't want, I… we're over Yuki. I'm breaking up." He said in his calmest voice. This was not the scenario I had imagined. In my head, after that I had apologized and told him that I loved him, he would have been ecstatic and this whole argument would have been nothing but a bad memory. Instead, he was telling me that he was leaving me.
"But…" I tried to save whatever was left of our relationship, but it was no use.
"There are no buts' this time Yuki. This morning was the last straw. I'm tired of always making you feel miserable. I'm tired of seeing you hurt. I realized that I truly was just a bother to you so I'm leaving."
"…I, I love you." I managed to whisper through my shocked and dumbfounded lips. The boy looked at me with a sad smile.
"It's too late now Yuki. You had your chance." With one last hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, he put his shoes back on and left.
"Where are you going?" I yelled out. He couldn't really mean it when he had said that he was leaving.
"I'm going to Hiro's. I'll be back this weekend to get my things." Without a further word, he closed the door and left my life. I refused to believe what had happened. I went in my study and through cigarettes, tears, beers and coffees; I managed to write one of the best tragedies I had ever done. He still remained my muse and by staying awake for a straight seventy-eight hours, it allowed me to believe that this was in my head and Shuichi was simply on tour.
I was pushing eighty hours on Saturday morning when I heard the faint sound of the door bell. Through my lover's loud singing I managed to hear it a second time and I went to answer the door. I found Shuichi waiting outside looking nervous. Had he come back?
"Don't you have the keys?" I couldn't believe it was the only thing I was able to say even if I tried, I couldn't be kind.
"I don't live here anymore so it would be rude to simply walk in unannounced." So it wasn't a dream. The kid was really leaving me for good. Without any words, I opened the door wider and allowed him to walk in. Everything was done in silence. He took the same bag and box that he had used to move in and he used the same one to move out. I watched his every movement memorizing it and etching it in my mind.
It took him an hour in all to empty out the house of things that belonged to him. Once that was done, we both stood in the hallway. It felt awkward. As though we were both strangers.
"Well then, I guess I should be going." My eyes widened a bit. Of all the scenarios I had imagined, of everything I had written, it never came down to this. I couldn't find the words to make him stay.
"…One more time, please." I managed to say. He looked at me wondering what I meant by that.
"Just hug me one more time." He put his things on the floor and gave me a friendly embrace. I held on to him tightly, his pink hair tickling my chin. I etched the scent of his hair in my mind since it was probably the last time I would get to see him.
"I guess this is good bye." He said. I didn't say anything. I didn't trust myself with words.
"Good bye Yuki." The door closed behind me and Bad Luck's CD was replaced with Nittle Grasper's Sleepless Beauty.
I learnt something that day. I learnt not to take things for granted. I had thought that Shuichi would never leave no matter what I did to him. But once he realized just how bad and how much of a bastard I was, he left. Good for him. He didn't deserve this hell hole of a life.
My days seemed empty and they were spent drinking and smoking, smoking and drinking. I sat in front of my lap top, the black screen reflecting the colors of my heart and soul.
My life returned to what it was before; an empty hole. The house was empty of Shuichi. There was nothing left of him except for that one picture of him and I on my lap top and his mug that had been forgotten in the dishwasher. I held on to these two things dearly. They allowed me to stay in one piece and they made me move on from day to day.
When the cup broke one day, something inside of me broke as well. It had just fallen from its shelf. It was a sign. I had tried gluing the pieces back together, but there were too many pieces, just like my shattered heart.
I was surprised when he called me on my birthday. I wasn't expecting it, but I was glad none the less. We spoke for a few precious moments and it was all I needed. To hear his voice from time to time was all I needed. Interviews on TV weren't the same as having him talk to me directly.
It had been months since I had last seen him in the flesh. Tohma had asked me to pass by his office to pick something. Even though I didn't feel like going, I went anyways. When I opened the door I saw him standing there his back to me. It seemed as though gravity always pulled us back to each other in one way or another. When he turned around, his eyes widened in surprise.
"Ah Eiri-San, I'm glad you could make it. I was just talking with Shindo-San. Will you excuse me while I go and retrieve some important files?" There was nothing we could do so we both nodded. There was a heavy silence between the two of us. None of us really knew what to say to the other.
"I found a new place you know. It's small, but its fine for what I need." He said out of the blues. Just hearing his voice was comforting.
"Congratulations then." The silence was back. I hated it now. I used to always want the old silence back, but now I wanted the chaos.
"Well then, I guess I should be leaving. I have a meeting with the band." I nodded. I couldn't always put his life on hold because of me. He had his own things to do.
"…One more time, please." He nodded and approached me. He encircled his arms around my waist and I leaned my chin on his head. It was a friendly embrace, but it was all I needed to keep my sanity.
THE END
That's kind of sad… I don't know how to explain the genre of this fic… Anyways, please read and review like always and be on the lookout for many new stories from me these next few weeks. The muse is really tormenting me now…
Ja!
Op