A/N: I totally have another fic I should be working on but this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. Remember 4x12? Blair starts her powerful woman crusade, Blair gets annoyed that Dan is at her penthouse to see Serena, Blair tells Serena to treat Dan better, Blair follows Dan with her eyes, Blair approaches Dan, Blair beginning to realize that Dan gets her, Blair tells her mom about Dan, Blair invites herself to the movies with Dan and looks back at him as she goes to change. I've always thought those were the beginnings of a crush. So, I've decided to pursue that angle. The time frame is a little odd. Basically, I think this takes place after 4x17 but before 4x18. Later events will likely happen but I'll work them into my AU world of Waldorf stumbling over Humphrey. The important thing is that Blair and Dan have switched places in regards to their feelings for one another. Blair might seem out of character to some but I love her light hearted side that we saw so much of in the Dair s4 arc so I'm just running with that side of her. She's just a little more frazzled than usual. Rest assured, her signature snark will still be here. One last thing: Dair have a new internship together at a different magazine. Reviews are always welcomed and loved! :)
Blair spills her coffee. After she runs into a door. Before she stumbles over nothing.
"Oh. Just. Ugh." To top it all off she can't even form sentences. Get. It. Together. Blair. It was one dream. One dream that nobody knows anything about. One hot, really, really amazing dream that will never, ever be a reality. She's accepted this crush enough to know that's the real reason she's upset. Gone are the carefree days of plausible deniability. She wants Dan and she will never have him. Sure, she could scheme and get him. She doesn't want him like that, though. He's Dan. He's different. She wants him to want her. But he doesn't because she's a scheming, manipulative ice queen. Not to mention that he's in love with a personified ray of sunshine who also happens to be her best friend. He did kiss her, though. Well, more like she kissed him. But he was the one who showed up in her foyer with the all consuming, paralyzing thought. If he hadn't done that maybe she could have managed this. Now, she's like a Dan Humphrey monster. Friendship and banter aren't enough. Oh, but she can't have him like that. She just can't. C'est la vie. Grow up and get. Over. It.
"Blair?" Dan's bewildered voice interrupts her internal lecture. Apparently he saw her graceless entrance. Why did she get him an internship at the same magazine as her again? Oh, right, because she wants to be around him. Ok, so she did one little baby scheme. She will not do anything else, though! She looks over at him. His eyes get wide as he backs away from her. Oh, great. She must have accidentally snarled at him. Again. Way to make him fall, Waldorf.
"Are you going to cower like a kitten and stare all day or is there something you needed?" Might as well keep the icy facade going today.
"Sorry. You just..." His voice trails off in fear. Or is that sympathy? Pity? Great balls of fire. Dan Humphrey pities her? And she's only upset about that because she wants him to be impressed by her, not pity her? What is life?
"I just what, Humphrey? If you could get to the point today I would appreciate it. Some of us have actual responsibilities." She's reverted to the verbal equivalent of a seven year old boy pulling the pretty girl's pig tail on the playground. Thank God they have a history of friction. Oh, friction. Mmmmm...She's lost in her dream. Clothes flying. Hands gripping. One long, never ending kiss. Not close enough. Nails digging. Gasping and moaning. She can't think. She can barely process Dan's voice. What's he saying. She probably wants to hear this. Oh, but then there's more. He's in so deep. The only thing that might be better than fucking him is what he's saying right now. But, God, his skin feels good on hers. Oh, it's her name. She finally locks eyes with him. He's saying her name like a prayer. Like he can't believe they're here either, but he's so thankful they are. Jesus, Blair.
"Jesus, Blair." Oh. Worlds collide. Back to reality. Dan's waving his hand in her face. "You have been so out of it lately. I thought it was all of the stress of your old internship. But, today, it's... honestly, it's a new level. You're-you're frazzled." He says bemusedly. Eyes dancing as he takes her in more fully.
"What? No." She scoffs. He thinks about her? Hmmm. She goes to casually toss her hair over her shoulder. There's nothing there. Where is her hair? Wasn't it there this morning? She frantically touches her head. Oh, she wore it in a top bun today. Oh.
"Blair." He's laughing now. He registers her frown and downcast eyes. Finds it less funny. "Seriously, what is going on? Are you ok?"
"Since when do you care?" That's not fair. She knows he cares. That's why she's here. That's why she's out of it. He cares. There's nothing in it for him, but he cares. Despite who she is and everything she's done, he's come to care about her. As a friend, at least. Maybe it's not the way she wants him to care, but it's still there. "Don't answer that. Just-just stop caring. There's really no need; I am fine." There's a little too much pep in that last statement. Fight is not working. Time for flight. She turns to leave. She feels his hand gently close around her arm in an effort to pull her back. Her eyes close instantly at the contact. She lets out a sigh and drops her head down. She didn't even know she needed that.
"Hey," His voice is all soft and warm, like her favorite blanket. He moves his hand from her arm to stroke her cheek. She hesitantly raises her eyes to his. She sees concern and affection. Damn those eyes. She finds herself moving closer to him, leaning her cheek into his touch. "I care, you know that. You can tell me what's wrong. You're my friend, Blair. You can tell me anything." Boom goes the dynamite. Blair Waldorf is stuck in the friend zone with Dan Humphrey. This can't be real life. She huffs and backs away. Gesticulating wildly.
"You. Well. I. And. No. Even. Yeah. Nope. Not. Ok. But I am. Ok. Ok?" Alright, where have her syntax capabilities gone this morning? Her eyes are now darting between his face and the door. His eyes are now comically large. He's got his mouth quirked to the side in his absolutely adorable attempt to suppress his amusement. Oh, God. She's gone. Gone, gone, gone on Dan Humphrey. Get. It. Together. She smooths her dress and takes a breath. "Humphrey, that shirt is hideous." Finally, finally she's on her way out.
"Is that-Is that really the best you can come up with?" He asks in disbelief. He shakes his head slowly. Then more to himself than her, "Something is definitely wrong..." He's thinking something over, she can tell because he's got that little crease between his eyebrows and his mouth is stretched into a straight line. He opens his mouth to comment, his eyes look like he wants to say something, but he lets it go. He refocuses on her. "Look, Waldorf, my friendship won't be deterred by your half-hearted insults. Find me when you're ready to talk." And with that she storms away and slams the door. How dare he act like he knows her well enough to know that she's off her game! Who cares if he's right? Oh, yeah, she does. She leans against the door sullenly, pouting her lips. Then she remembers...she works in there. She throws her head back against the door in defeat. Oh, she's going to have to go back in. Damnit.
She tries to stealthily glide back through the office a few minutes later. Head high, Waldorf gait. She sees him see her. She's expecting that Humphrey smirk and wink that she would usually find obnoxious but not now because she is ass backwards crushing on Dan Humphrey. She's greeted instead with something that's somehow even better: he's crossing the room to offer her a fresh cup of coffee. He doesn't say another word as she hesitantly takes the cup. He gives her a sympathetic tilt of his head and an encouraging smile before he simply walks away. Oh, that helped. She wants him. She is mentally stomping her feet. She really wants him, universe. If this is Dan's friendship what's his more than friendship like? And that kiss. Oh, she can't take it. Since when does Blair Waldorf leave anything to chance? He just needs a minuscule push. And, really, what's one more teeny tiny little infant scheme? It'd be harmless, really. Surely a scheme in the name of romance can't be all that bad, right? Especially an innocent scheme! Yes, this will be a romantic comedy kind of scheme, not a dark thriller kind of scheme. Oh, it'll be just like one of those classic screw-ball movies they love to watch! She'll put Howard Hawks to shame! It'll be adorable and he'll laugh lovingly at her hijinks as she falls coquetteishly into his arms and the credits roll. Oh, she's talking herself into scheming for Dan Humphrey's affection. Christ, she's falling for him. Oh.