A/N: Hello! This is another one-shot from the Koryn's Responsible For This series. Seriously, my friend keeps giving me prompts and they're quicker to write than everything else I've got to (which may be why I'm prioritising them). That and they're supposed to be funny, so xD Anyway, it's probably OOC, and it might not make much sense but... Well, it's a crackfic. Oh, and by the way, the 'Alex' I mention later on is one of my OCs from my story Unearthly, called Alexandra. I hope you like it!
Don't Blink, Call the Winchesters, Text Sherlock.
Koryn and Eira were browsing the web when they found a picture — one that said "Keep Calm, Don't Blink, Call the Winchesters and Text Sherlock". They exchanged a glance, and Eira nodded. Do it, went unsaid.
Koryn took out her mobile and dialled a number, making a call. Then she texted someone, and waited a good five minutes before looking back up at her friend and saying, "Ma'am, the Winchesters and Sherlock are busy 'cos Sam is grieving another girl he has banged and who has afterwards died; Cass is trying to avoid Dean 'cos all he says is 'You're adorable' to him and it's worrying him; and Sherlock is 'having fun' with John."
"Holy shit." Eira sighed and dialled the Winchester's number. "Sam, I thought we'd agreed you'd stay alone forever! Cass, don't worry, Dean has had a wee too much to drink. Dean, stop it, you're scaring Cass." Then she left Sherlock and John a voice note, "Sherlock! John! This is not professional! Stop it!"
Koryn shook her head. "I think John and Sherlock can't hear you." She checked her mobile once more. "Oh my God, Dean's still chasing Cass. DEAN, STOP IT!" she shouted. Then she addressed her friend, "Eira, you made Sam cry, now fix this!"
"Uh... Here, Sam, you can have an Alex," Eira improvised. "She's not going to die any time soon and if she does, she'll come back, don't worry. Uh... DEAN, CALM YOUR TITS, MATE." She then turned to Koryn. "You think Sherlock's still got the Irene Adler ringtone? Surely they'll pay attention to that one."
"Well, it doesn't hurt to try," Koryn replied.
Eira then spammed Sherlock with messages that said "Meow". "Do you think he's getting them?" she asked as she kept typing.
"I don't know, and I don't want to go to their house. I'm scared I might walk in on something..."
"Maybe we should ask Mrs. Hudson?" Eira proposed.
Koryn shook her head. "No, that poor woman."
There was a pause, and then Eira clicked her fingers. "Oh, I know! We could ask Mycroft."
"I think Moriarty would be more up to it," Koryn told her. "In a weird-ish Moriarty way."
"That would actually be funny. Can you get him to go and bring them here?" Eira asked.
"Sure, lemme call." Koryn dialled the bloke's number. When she spoke up again, it was so out of the blue that it startled Eira so much she almost fell off her chair. "Oh my God! HE'S WATCHING THEM WITH BINOCULARS!" she shouted happily. "I told him to send us the video."
"That'll be great for blackmail," Eira commented. "Still, can he interrupt them?"
Koryn asks him. "He says he doesn't want to..."
"Ugh. Tell him we'll send him more Johnlock moments if he interrupts them this once." As Koryn did so, Eira commented, "Wouldn't it be better if you put it on speaker?"
"Good idea." Koryn did it.
"I want ten fanfics per day, then," came Moriarty's voice.
"YOU BASTARD, WE'RE NOT ROBOTS!" Koryn yelled into the phone.
"Give him your protection or something, you're Satan!" Eira told her friend, to which Moriarty laughed.
"She's already given me her protection, honey."
"Yeah, he's done so many things, he's already earned it. I mean, seriously, I'm ready to give him immortality, he's a very performing follower, really useful," Koryn explained.
"THEN DO IT!" Eira shouted.
"Nah, I need to really think about it, 'cos I can't take it back, and imagine if I get stuck with Moriarty for eternity — I mean, I love the guy, but for eternity; oh my devils, I would eat him alive after roasting him!" she babbled.
"No, you wouldn't — I'd make eternity worth its time."
"Ugh, fine. We'll give you Johnlock and Janto. Because nobody can resist Janto," Eira proposed.
"That is true." Moriarty considered it.
"JANTO!" That was Koryn. "I'M GONNA GO CRY IN A CORNER NOW!"
"Oh, no, NOT YOU TOO!" Eira was ready to throw it all to the bin. Then she remembered. "Oi! You're Satan! You can bring him back to life!"
"Too busy crying about it," Koryn replied from her corner.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, IF YOU BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE YOU WON'T HAVE TO FUCKING CRY!"
"Can I go back to my full-time spying now?" Moriarty asked, sounding annoyed.
"Ugh. Sure, go ahead." Eira hung up, then paused. "Why did we do this again? Oh, right, the Don't blink thingy. Wait, why weren't we supposed to—" Eira blinked.
And suddenly she wasn't at her flat anymore but in what seemed to be 1495 or something around that age. If her surroundings were anything to go by. I didn't see that Weeping Angel there, she thought.
Aloud, she mumbled, "Bloody Angels."