Mercy

Author Note: This story is AU.

Takes a different turn after Face the Raven because right now I don't know how this current season will end – so I'm taking it AU down an alternative route after Clara's death that sees the Doctor leave in his Tardis and meet up months later with Ashildr.

With the direction this plot goes in, it always would have gone very AU anyway, but just thought I'd add a few lines to explain at what point I take the plot off in a (very) alternative direction.

Summary:

AU. After Clara's death, the Doctor leaves Ashildr with a stern warning never to cross his path again, only holding back his rage because of Clara's request that there be no revenge.

But a few short weeks later the Doctor returns to the place that leads to the hidden trap street, as he tries to lay memories of the past to rest – and finds a tearful Ashildr, who tells him the street is no more due to a riot and her loss of control over those who dwell there – she tells him she has lost everything, including the control of the Quantum Shade, which was taken from her when the residents of the street rebelled against her strict ruling - and the Doctor can't help but feel satisfaction to know all her power has now slipped through her fingers.

The Doctor has a heated confrontation with her, and when Ashildr follows him back to the Tardis as she begs him to listen and to understand that she had not meant for Clara to die, events take an unexpected turn as Ashildr reveals her complicated feelings towards the man who gave her the curse of immortality - and feeling angry but emotional, the Doctor crosses a line when Ashildr attempts to embrace him - leading to a rough encounter that has nothing to do with love and everything to do with anger, no matter how Ashildr tries to persuade him to see it differently...

The Doctor then tells her to leave, and travels far from the place where Clara met her death. But just as he is coming to terms with the past and starting to look forward once more, a call comes through from UNIT- that call is from Kate Stewart, who he considers a good friend as well as a sometimes lover.

But when he arrives back on Earth to meet with her, Kate does not seem at all warm and welcoming – and when he finds out why, the Doctor is shocked:

Kate informs him that a young woman was involved in an accident, and a chip was found inside her body that appears to be of alien origin. When the Doctor sees an image of the chip, he realises it belongs to Ashildr – and assumes she is dead. Then Kate explains the young woman is still alive, but seriously injured. And then she adds that she was heavily pregnant, and the child has since been delivered and found to have two hearts - and the child's DNA confirms the father can only be the Doctor...

The Doctor is shocked by this news, and after explaining everything to Kate, says he wants nothing to do with Ashildr. But Kate persuades him to see the baby, and once the Doctor holds his child in his arms, he knows he can not deny the love he feels for his own daughter. But there is still the matter of Ashildr, who is now mortal and has no memory of any of the long years she has lived, and certainly no memory of her part in Clara's death...

Purely out of love for his child, the Doctor agrees to take responsibility for Ashildr, but his decision will lead to walking a fine line between hate and forgiveness as he struggles with the now vulnerable and damaged young woman, making for a volatile relationship that he struggles with for the love of his child, as he wonders just how much capacity he truly has to find forgiveness in his twin hearts.

But when he starts to see strange visions that make no sense, he starts to fear the strain of coping with this new situation may cause him to doubt his own sanity...

Rated M/ Warnings : AU. Don't like, don't read. Adult themes and situations, sexual scenes, (some het some slash) also some harsh bad language from the outset, and a lot of anger. Emotional story line.

Pairings – 12/ Ashildr some 12/Kate. Also some OC Future Doctor X OC alien Slash and depictions of a three way bisexual relationship.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and write for love of the fandom.

Chapter 1

The Doctor felt numb. He was sure it was everything to do with rage and nothing to do with grief, because grief was what he had felt when Clara had died, and he didn't doubt that would linger for a very long time - but anger, that was so much stronger.

His hand had been clenched into a fist but kept at his side as he had looked into the eyes of the deceptively young looking immortal who wore the Quantum Shade, and then he whispered his words:

"If I ever see you again, I will kill you. Never cross my path again. Clara is dead and I am fully aware of your part in this. I don't want to hear how sorry you are, I just want you to listen. Keep away from me or I will end you, understand? I will destroy you. Clara's dead now. I'm entitled to anger...I hate you, Ashildr. And when a Time Lord hates, you should worry!"

And then he had felt the world around him melt away, and as it reappeared, he felt the teleport device fall from his arm.

He was home.

Back to the Tardis.

At least the bitch had spared him from capture, even if she had been unable to control the shade and save Clara at the last minute...

The Doctor didn't wait.

He left that place with anger burning in his hearts, and vowed never to return...

That vow hadn't lasted long.

His head was full of memories of the woman he had been so close to, the one who had been his friend, looked out for him and more or less held him together. He had often looked at Clara and thought there could have been more. Now he regretted not taking that chance.

And it was thoughts and regrets and his two aching hearts that took him back to those familiar streets, where he felt compelled to return to, as if hoping to catch sight of Clara's ghost...

The streets looked the same, the shops were still there, the people were still busy as they went about their daily lives. But of course there was no Clara, and when he came to the entrance to the trap street, he found nothing at all.

Nothing.

It was gone...

The Doctor looked about the street, then back to the place where the hidden world had been concealed:

Nothing?

It had been closed down, or moved on?

He thought of Ashildr and her role as Mayor and her use of the Quantum Shade. Of course, that situation must have blown up in her face in the end, her strict ruling, her death sentences, people afraid for their lives.

At least it had happened sooner rather than later...

He felt cold inside as he thought of how he had made the mistake of giving her immortality on the day he had put that alien chip inside her.

She didn't deserve eternity, not for how she had allowed it to make her so cold and twisted her values and reasoning.

How had that sweet girl become so ruthless?

He guessed he only had time to blame for it, and the fact that humans were not supposed to be immortal in the first place. For that, he could only blame himself...

"Doctor?"

On hearing her voice, he felt sure every muscle in his body had gone tight as his anger rose behind ice blue eyes that regarded her coldly as he turned to face her.

"You must have a death wish," he said in a low voice.

Ashildr looked so ordinary, out there on the ordinary street, her face pale and her eyes wide as she looked up the furious TimeLord.

"They rioted," she said, her voice a hushed whisper, "They revolted against my rules. Another took over. He took the Quantum Shade from me. He took everything. They relocated and I was cast out."

The Doctor stepped closer to her.

Ashildr backed away, into the blind alley where no hidden street remained, and her back hit a brick wall as he took another step closer, away from the shoppers, out of sight of the crowds as he placed his hand on her jaw and gripped it gently, looking at her in such a way that it seemed he could, and indeed would, decide to increase that pressure and snap her bones any time he felt like it...

"I told you to keep away from me!" he said sharply, "You wanted me to know you lost everything? Good, it makes me happy! You know what would have made me happier?"

Fear reflected in her eyes as he leant closer and she felt his breath on her face.

"I would have been much happier if you had saved Clara!"

Then he let go, and she took in a shaken breath.

"There was nothing I could do! I would have saved her if I could -"

"Shut up. Please, for your own sake Ashildr, keep your mouth shut. Clara is dead and I have no reason to ignore my anger now. I told you to keep away from me!"

He was doing it again, and he knew it:

His right hand was at his side, clenched into a solid fist.

He stopped doing that, because he had his sense of decency and was afraid this immortal who had cost him Clara would push him to an extreme he had once thought himself incapable of.

"If I kill you, it won't be by my hands or my fists," he said in a low voice, "I'm better than that. I'll find another way. Now fuck off forever. Leave while you still can."

"I never asked to live forever," she whispered as she looked up at him, "And I have hated you for that, for making me live on while others around me died...But I am thankful for my life. I want you to know that."

"And Clara would have been thankful to have kept hers!"

"She took the chrono lock! That was her choice, not my doing -"

As her back hit the wall again and she felt the heaviness of his hands on her shoulders as he held her there, rage burned in his eyes like blue fire.

"You could have taken her place!"

"I know that!"

Tears filled her eyes.

The Doctor let go of her.

"Keep away. Last warning," was all he said, then he turned his back and went out into the street, and headed straight for his Tardis.

The sound of the door closing behind him was a welcome one. Now the Doctor was back in his blue box, ready to leave, ready to take some quiet time to himself to come to terms with his loss. He had all of time and space to do that, the Tardis would be silent without her and he would be lonely without his Clara for company, but he would make her proud. He would get on with life, he knew he was strong enough to do that.

And he was ready to leave, but the door of the Tardis opened and then closed again, and he heard footsteps approaching him as his back was turned and his gaze was set on the console.

The Doctor froze.

Why the hell had the Tardis let her in?

Did she want him to commit murder?

"Turn around and go back out of that door NOW."

"Please listen to me...Please! Kill me if you must. Destroy me, do it any way you wish, tear the chip out of my head if it makes you feel better! But know that I am sorry!"

He turned around.

She stepped closer and grabbed him by the lapels of his velvet jacket.

"I never would have let harm come to her! I remember Clara from so long ago, I have always liked her, she was such a kind young woman!"

He didn't want her hands on his jacket, so he gripped her wrists and enjoyed the way she froze now he had her under control.

"I know she was," he said as anger tightened in his throat, "She was beautiful and clever and so many things you could never understand - and I will never forgive you for the part you played in her death!"

"Clara brought it on herself! I could not reverse it!"

Ashildr gave a gasp as his grip on her wrists turned bruising, and he saw pain in her eyes and sharply let go.

"I know how reckless she was. But you could have saved her!"

And he looked about the empty console room, thinking how Clara would never walk in again and how he would never have to fight off one of her unexpected hugs. It hit him hard, and he wanted to weep. He knew he would miss her for a very long time, and that hurt.

"If I could have that moment again, I would have taken her place," she whispered as she blinked away tears, "But that moment is gone."

And for a brief second as he looked at her he saw that innocent, sweet Viking girl who he had restored to life. Then he remembered she was deceptively youthful, the truth was that she was centuries old and had grown cold with it, because immortality had made her bitter.

"You became cold and bitter and your values became corrupted because I let you live far too long!"

"No," she replied, "I became all of those things because my lifetimes faded into the past, I could only recall those I loved through my journals. Loss did this to me."

And the Doctor looked back at her as he wondered for a moment if loss was making him bitter, too...

"I want you to leave," he said again, and turned his back to her.

The room was silent save for the sound of her stifled sob, and then she spoke again.

"I do not want to spend the rest of eternity knowing you hate me. I have lost everything too! Clara was your life but mine was the Trap Street and it is gone! I have paid for my mistakes! You gave me life. You restored me from death. I can not spend forever running from you and from this! Please, Doctor?"

He turned back to face her.

The look in her eyes was one he was not expecting.

"Allow us to make peace," she said pleadingly, and she embraced him.

The Doctor froze. Then his hearts lurched as he recalled the last person to hold him like that had been Clara. His grief got the better of him as tears blinded his eyes and he stiffly embraced her as he held back from weeping and closed his eyes, imagining for one moment that this was Clara...

"Forgive me."

Her lips touched his and the Doctor snapped his eyes open, brought back to reality sharply as anger rose inside him.

"Get off me!"

"Forgive me," she said again.

Her body was pressed close to his as she looked up at him, and for a moment it caught him again as he recalled how she used to be, long ago before the woman who had lived had turned cold.

"Let us part as friends," she said softly as she clung to him, "We both have our losses...please, let there be no war between us."

And she was closer once more, looking into his eyes as her lips were a fraction from his.

"Let go of me. I don't know what I'm doing right now, Ashildr... I think you should leave -"

"All these years," she said quietly as her gaze locked with his, "Did you really never think I might have imagined..."

He was grieving, he was emotional and caught between fury and the urge to break down and weep. He saw fear in her eyes, and that fear was mixed with longing.

They had both lost everything...

It suddenly occurred to him that he was still holding her in his embrace.

"Don't look at me like that," he warned her, "Don't play with fire, because that's what I am. The kind of fire that can and will destroy you."

Still that look was in her eyes, and it needed no words.

As he pulled her close and kissed her, he felt his anger rising as he thought again of Clara. He still blamed her for her death, but as he kissed her hard and pushed up her skirt and tugged down her underwear and she caught her breath and he heard cotton rip, he wondered how something that was meant to be an act of love could be so full of anger.

She clung to him, her arms around his shoulders and one leg up against his hip as he kissed her roughly and then freed his erection and slammed into her. She cried out sharply and it was not a cry of pleasure, and he closed his eyes and thought of the time he had taken his UNIT colleague and friend with benefits Kate Stewart for a flight on his private plane, where they had got drunk together in the private lounge and he had taken her on the floor.

What had she said as she grabbed him and laughed as desire sparkled in her eyes?

He remembered it:

Fuck me, Mister President...

That did it. That was enough for him to finish the job and come hard, before pulling away from her and leaning on the console to get his breath back as he avoided her gaze as he tidied his clothing, and tried to tell himself that what he just did with Ashildr was best forgotten, and quickly.

"Doctor..."

She reached for him.

He pulled up his zip, avoiding her grasp as he paused to buckle his belt.

"That meant nothing," he said quietly, "It was rough and full of anger and it was a moment of weakness for both of us. You should go now."

She stood there, smoothing down her creased skirt with a look of hurt in her eyes that surprised him.

"But I thought -"

"You thought wrong," he replied, "You have the face and the eyes of a virgin but the attitude a thousand year old lady of the night. Maybe that's not the right phrase. Perhaps whore would be more precise. You really think sex can change my mind about you?"

She stared at him.

"No, I swear, that was not my intention -"

"Get out, let's leave it there. I'd hate for things to get ugly, let's draw a line under it and go our separate ways."

She still looked stunned.

"Didn't you listen to what I said?"

"Bye," he replied, and he looked hard at her.

She looked back at him, and then she turned to leave.

As the Tardis door closed behind her it got through to him, through that swirl of grief and anger - Ashildr had actually seemed hurt by his rejection - genuinely hurt.

But the Tardis still seemed too big and quiet without Clara.

He threw a lever and the Tardis took off, taking him back out into the inky starlit space that he called home, where the Doctor decided to stay for a while, because now it was the only place that truly gave him the comfort that he needed.

The Doctor spent the next few months doing what he loved best – travelling. He kept out of trouble and lived quietly, and missing Clara and remembering how she had died and why, was enough to kill his own urges to be reckless, at least for now.

And he had no intention of returning to Earth for a long time...

But then his mobile phone rang, and that call changed everything.

"Doctor, I need to see you," said Kate Stewart, and she sounded tense.

"What's wrong?" the Doctor had asked as he reached for the console and changed course for a return flight to Earth.

"This needs to be said face to face," she told him, "Just come back, Doctor. Now. It's urgent!"

"Okay. I'm on my -"

She hung up.

"...way..." he said, finishing the sentence as the line fell silent.

Then he put the phone in his pocket and turned his attention back to the console, preparing to land the Tardis on Earth as he wondered why Kate had called him suddenly - and why she sounded so strangely tense and unusually cold towards him...