Don't even say it, I already know… Anyway, I just had to write this. I was getting sick of waiting for someone to write about these two. Now, I will not apologize for writing this but I am warning whoever is reading this to not read if they are deeply against this kind of thing. For the rest of you, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Two and a Half Man or any of the characters that are mentioned in the fanfic.

Who would have thought that too many drinks would lead to this? Charlie/Alan, Incest/Yaoi, One-Shot

"Talking"

Thinking

Wow!

"Oh, man, my head is killing me," Alan groans as he sits up on his bed, or more so Charlie's bed.

He looks around confused trying to remember why he was in his brother bed, or more so his bedroom, when he suddenly feels his stomach acids shooting up is throat as his body was forcing the late night liquid out of his system. He ran as soon as he could out of the bed and then stuck his head in the toilet just in time for the bile to leave his mouth.

A minute or so after he had entered the bathroom he stops throwing-up.

"Man, what the hell happened yesterday?" he asked himself as he sat down on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

He blinked in confusing as he tried to figure out why the tiles felt so cold against his clothed body when he noticed that he wasn't wearing anything. And not only that, but he also noticed that there was a shooting pain going up his spine and a strange liquid dripping out of his anus. He rubbed his eyes as he tried to think what could possibly be the cause of that when it finally hit him.

"Oh, crap!"

He gets up and walks as best he can back to the room only to see Charlie under the covers and clothing thrown everywhere.

"Double crap!"

"You know what Charlie?" Alan said as he took a swing at his beer.

"No, Alan, I don't know. Enlighten me!" Charlie says sarcastically as he takes a good long swing of his beer.

"Women suck, all they ever do his open their legs and then get mad at you for the simplest of things."

"Yep, you got that one right," was Charlie's response to Alan's comment even though he hadn't the slightest idea what he was talking about. Years of having to deal with his brother taught him how to tune-out people pretty well, just like he was doing right at that instant with his brother.

"And, and, and you know something else?" he said while stuttering as he always did when he found something funny, or was nervous. "I'm giving up on women, men here I come!"

Charlie snapped out of his tune-out mode and turned to look at his brother as if he was crazy, again.

"Didn't you already try this?" he asked as he tried to process the reason why his idiotic brother would try going down that road again.

"Well, yeah, but this time is going to be different. I'm going to lower my standards," he said smiling to himself as he got up to get another beer.

Charlie got equally up but for a different reason all together. "You mean they are going to lower their standards because, damn look at what happen the last time."

"Hey, wait a minute! That guy had no sense of taste and you have no idea what happened on that date."

"Yeah, but I sure as hell can image it," Charlie said while smiling at his brother's expense.

"Oh, ha, ha…" Alan said sarcastically as he glared daggers at Charlie.

"Hey, don't get mad at me just because you have no luck with women, or men."

"Oh, shut up!" Alan said as he handed Charlie a beer.

Charlie just smiled and walk to the living room with Alan behind him. They sat on the coach and resumed their drinking; it seemed that after their conversation all that was left was an awkward silence. The only sound made was by their drinking and the noise of loud sighs after taking a swing of their beer.

Over time they began thinking about their earlier conversation. Charlie thinking about how much of an idiot his brother was. Alan thinking about how he was going to work this out. He had never been with a man, the closes he had come to that was when he had that date with Greg and was shot down before he could even find out if he was gay or not. I mean, he didn't even get the chance to know what kissing a guy felt like. Would it have been the same as kissing women or would he feel something different?

Who knows…?

"Hey, Alan," Charlie said as he put the bottle of beer in the coffee table.

"Yeah?" he asked as he turned his head.

"You still want to try this whole…guy thing?"

Alan was a little taken aback by Charlie's words; he made it sound as if he was planning something. His brother just didn't ask things like that out of the blue without having something up his sleeve.

"Well, is not really try as much as do, but, um…yeah. Why?"

Charlie nods to himself and then stands up, leaving the beer on the table while making his way up the stairs. He stops and looks back at Alan, "What are you waiting for, come on."

Alan thinks about it for a second and then shrugs. Heh, let's see what he has in mind.

Slowly, they make their way to Charlie's room and once there Charlie turns to face Alan who was standing in the doorway with a perplexed expression.

"Charlie, exactly what does coming here has to do with me trying men?"

"Oh, it has everything to do with you trying men, again. I mean, just look at you. Not even I would want to try you out if I was gay."

A look of pure horror and disgust passes through Alan's face before he response's to Charlie's…awkward and plain disgusting…comment, or statement. "Well, Charlie, I'll have you know that as much as that comment relaxes me a little, it also perturbs me hearing you say something like that."

Charlie just shakes-off Alan's words and sits on his bed. He looks up at Alan and then pats the space next to him.

Alan, with as much curiosity as anyone could have about their brother's motives, sits in that spot. He wonders exactly what Charlie's thinking when he sees his brother move to face him. Perplexed, he does the same.

"What?" he asked as Charlie does nothing.

Charlie just narrow's his eyes and then sighs as if he was about to do the hardest thing anyone could do. He moved closer to Alan and then…waited.

Moving back a little, "Charlie?"

"Oh, just shut up and close our eyes!"

Doing as his brother said, he closes his eyes and waits for whatever it is that Charlie has planned when he feels lips press against his own. He shoots up from the bed like lighting and stares at Charlie with a look worst than pure horror and disgust put together. He just didn't know how to react to all of this.

Tense silence was all that filled the room. From all the things Charlie could have done, he went with that one. He got kissed by his brother, his macho, womanizer, hot piece of-whoa! Where did that come from?

Now Alan was really starting to panic. Did I just almost think that Charlie is a hot piece of ass? No, no, no, no, no, that's can't be right. I- I would never think like that. Charlie is definitely not some hot piece of ass that anyone would die to hock-up with. Ok, ok, women are on that list…and Greg, which means gays also go along those lines. This meaning that I- Alan began feeling dizzy with the route his thoughts were taking. This was not helping him at all; he needed to get out of there.

Charlie narrowed his eyes when he noticed Alan moving to leave. He got up immediately and swung Alan around then shoved him on the bed.

Alan, taken by surprise, didn't have time to fight Charlie's assault. Promptly ending with him being shoved face-first into the bed, feet dangling to the side. He felt Charlie climb behind him and that when he really began to panic.

"Cha-Cha-Charlie! What the hell's going on?"

"You said you want to do this whole guy thing, right? So I'm going to teach you how to pleasure a man."

"What!"

Charlie moved Alan so that he was lying on his back, taking hold of his hands and forcing them on either side of Alan's head. Sitting on Alan's thighs, he began to grind against Alan's crotch, stimulating their lower bodies.

"Ohh, Charlie," Alan moaned unconsciously. He snapped out of his little trance and began fighting Charlie's tight grip.

"Char- Charlie, stop!"

Charlie looks down at Alan and smirks as he begins to move faster and harder. "Come on, Alan. Are you really going to pass the chance to learn how to please a man?"

"F-for your information I am a man and I sure as hell know how to please myself."

Charlie stopped all movement and glared at Alan. "Just because you know what gets you off, it doesn't mean that it's going to get whoever is dumb enough to try you off. So shut up, pay attention, and thank me later."

Alan tried to protest but his words were swallowed as Charlie forced their lips together in a bruising kiss.

Alan notices Charlie moving from the corner of his eye and sighs deeply. How in the hell was he suppose to explain this to Charlie now that he was waking up? He could hardly believe they did what they did. If he was freaking out then who knew how Charlie was going to react to all this?

"God, my head is killing me," Charlie said he was sat up.

He looked down at himself and found he had no shirt on - cross that out - had no clothing. When did I take them off?

Shaking the thought off he made a move to get out of bed when he noticed Alan standing by the bathroom doorway. Now that made him stop; one, because his brother was naked and two, because of the death glare he was receiving.

"Alan? Why are you…? Why am I…? What the hell is going on?" he finally managed to say after he had had enough of the glare.

Alan just narrowed his eyes at him and intensified his glare. He sure as hell wasn't going to let Charlie forget what happened while he had to live with that memory for the rest of his live.

"Oh, you should know, it was your damn idea!"

Charlie, still as confused as he had been from the beginning just gave him a disbelieving look. "What are you talking about?"

Alan felt like he wanted to yank his hair off, how could Charlie not remember while he did? Charlie, the one that came up with the idea of teaching his brother about pleasuring men. Charlie, the one that made him do…all those…disgusting yet, extremely arousing things.

Oh, come on, that's just not fair!

"Come one, Alan. Is this how you're planning to get laid?" asked Charlie as Alan bobbed his head up and down his shaft. His very thick and large shaft, which wasn't even half hard.

"Well, excuse me for my inexperience!" Alan was getting tired of Charlie's negative comments and anyway, he wasn't the one that decided to blow his brother. If anything, Charlie was the one that practically shoved himself inside Alan's mouth.

Charlie paid no mind to the words spoken by his brother and shoved himself inside Alan's hot cavern.

Alan struggled against Charlie's grip but it was to no use, he was a weak drunk. This meaning that you could get him to do almost anything as long as he was physically unable to fight back, which landed him here.

"Now, try swirling your tongue."

Alan tried, I mean, he really, really tired. But he was extremely inexperienced, there wasn't really much you could ask of someone that knew nothing of this. He has barley had blowjobs in his live, so going by a sort of memory was not an option.

After about five minutes of more insults and being throat hammered by his brother, Alan gave up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said you could stop."

Alan stood up from his kneeling position in between his brother's legs, "Charlie, my jaw hurts and this is insane. In fact, I don't even know why I'm letting you force me into this."

Charlie just rolled his eyes at Alan's whining and stood up as well, "If you're going to be baby about it then I'll just have to do the rest."

Alan raised a brow when he noticed his brother taking his clothes off, he wanted to ask but didn't think it to be a good idea. But then again, he never had many good ideas. So, knowing full well that he was going to regret this, he asked Charlie what he was doing.

"Taking my clothes off," he said.

Alan had a feeling that the statement would have ended with a "duh" had it not been for his brother thinking better about using the word.

"Why?"

"God, Alan you can't seriously be this stupid now can you?"

Alan wasn't exactly sure what to say. He was a little lost; he was going to admit that. Maybe it was all the alcohol that had him doing this, and no his brother. Because Charlie could never convince Alan to give him a blowjob, that's for sure.

"What the-" Alan said when he noticed that he back in the bed with Charlie on top of him naked and on his way to get him naked.

"So you're telling me that I forced you into having sex with me?"

"For the hundredth time, yes!" Alan yelled.

Why couldn't Charlie just believe him? Well, it made sense that he wouldn't, but why would Alan make up a story like that one?

"I just can't see it happening that way…"

"For the lo- what? What do you mean you just can't see it happening that way?"

"Well, look at it this way. You and I are brothers, so why would I want to bang you?"

"I don't know…because you were drunk?"

Charlie smiled and Alan was a little taken aback, "Yes, I was drunk but that doesn't mean that I would have banged you."

"But you did!" Now Alan didn't know where all this was going. Maybe his brother was still a little drunk from yesterday? Of course that was highly illogical but Alan just had to think of something that made sense.

"Well…yeah, but who says that I was the one that forced myself onto you? What if it was the other way around?"

Alan would have argued with Charlie had it not been for his lack of total knowledge on what happened the night before. Like mentioned before, he did remember but he just didn't remember all of it. Man, everything was just a complete mess.

"Ahh," Alan whimpered as Charlie scissored him.

"Alan you have to relax or else we'll be doing this the whole night."

"Oh, shut up! When you get fingers shoved up your ass then you can tell me to relax!"

"Hey, there's no need to get snappy with me."

Oh, but there was. What the hell had Alan been thinking when he followed Charlie to his room?

"Ah!" Alan screamed when Charlie put the third finger in. Freaking damn it, it hurt like hell!

"Sorry," was his response.

"Like hell you are! Get those out of me, this is over!"

Alan sat up from the bed; he tried to move to get away from Charlie's fingers when he pulled them out. Alan gave a sigh of relief and began to get up when Charlie shoved him face-first into the mattress, again. Seriously, this was getting old…

Alan sighed in defeat when he felt Charlie pull his cheeks apart, knowing that there was nothing he could do. He raised his lower body to allow better access to Charlie and less discomfort for him. Gripping the sheets and grinding his teeth, he forced himself to make a little noise of discomfort as possible as Charlie penetrated him. The stretching was torture, the fingers had done nothing to ease the penetration and now he was regretting telling Charlie stop early.

What am I thinking? One minute I'm fighting him and now I'm just… Maybe his blood had completely left his head because even with all that had been happening he had been throughoutly aroused, still was, actually.

"Try pushing me out, it'll make this less painful."

For a moment Alan thought that Charlie had talked him with a soothing voice, but that couldn't be true. Charlie was almost never nice to him, much less soothing. So why would he begin now?

"Nnh," Alan whimpered as Charlie settled himself deeply inside of him. Alcohol will never touch my lips, ever!

Charlie made sure to wait a minute or before he began moving; Alan was grateful for that, he truly was. But that didn't mean that he was ok with all this happening.

It hurt, like hell; at first. But as Charlie's thrust increased in pace, so did the pleasure. Of course, he wasn't about to accept that. He rather deny it then let himself admit to the fact that he was enjoy this more than he should. And it wasn't as if he was in his right mind, for all he knew it was just his alcohol induce state that left him feeling all of this things.

"Ah!" he wasn't even sure when it was that he began to moan. Maybe it was when the pain had begun to lessen, or maybe he had been moaning like a bitch the whole time. Who knew?

Charlie, of course knew. He had begun noticing the pain-filled whimpers turn into moans of pleasure. He was quite surprise to say the least, he hadn't really expected Alan to react so fast. Everyone was right about Alan being gay, I mean; it was the only reason why he was moaning so much. But what did that say about Charlie?

Alan felt himself moan even louder than before when he saw a flash of white in front of his eyes and the most intense pleasure he had yet to experience. His body arching as Charlie plunged in deeper than before, if that was even possible.

"Ha-harder!" he did not just say that.

"Whatever you say," and so began the best sex Alan had even had.

First it began with Charlie turning Alan on his back, which gave him better access to his legs, which he promptly took advantage of by pushing them further apart. Allowing him to drive himself deeper into the quenching heat that was his brother's body, if that was even possible; the first thrust weren't as mind-numbing for Alan as the rest since Charlie had to angle himself to be able to hear those euphoric moans from Alan.

He would never say it out loud, but that night had the best sex he had ever had with anyone he had ever slept with. Of course, his only sexual experience was with women but that didn't change the fact that he was very much enjoying this as much as Alan was…maybe even more.

Charlie blinked when that little bit of information made its way back to his brain. Oh, he was so never going to speak of this ever again. Or let Alan know that he was the best shag he had ever had. He looked at Alan from the corner of his eye and saw his glaring daggers at his direction. He narrowed his eyes at the childish display of hatred, if it was even that, and got off the bed.

"Look Alan, I have no idea what the hell happened last night. So just forget about whatever it is you remember and let's move on with our live. No one needs to know about this, understood?"

Alan might have not been happy with the idea of just forgetting about something as big as this, but he was willing to compromise. If he could just make Charlie remember some of the things that happened the night before then he would let it but damn it! He would be damned before he let this go being the only one remembering something!

"Fine, but only if you tell me what you remember, or at least try and explain the reason why you told me to come here only…to…you know," God this was harder then should have been.

Charlie wanted to bang his head against something, or maybe bang Alan's head. It would make the whole ordeal so much easier if he just let it go.

"Alan, I already told you, I don't remember. And quite frankly, I don't want to."

Alan sighed in defeat and stood up as well. No reason for him staying in here any longer, he walked to where his underwear was and for some reason could have sworn he felt Charlie's eyes on him. He dismissed it as…well he wasn't sure as to what to dismiss it as. Maybe imagination, yes, he must have imagined it.

Once he had his clothes he put them on and left Charlie's room, better he did it now then wait any longer.

Hope you guys enjoyed it.

R&R