A/N: This is written purely and utterly because this archive needs an installment of the Very Secret Diaries. Thank you to Cassie Claire for the original idea - she's a mastermind, I tell you. Complete genius.
Apologies if characters are out of character - but that's the point.
Enjoy!
Cronus
Day One
Bored. Utterly bored. Nothing happening anywhere – funny little midgets running around. Popped into the future, bought a TV and watched Gossip Girl all day. Great show. Not so bored now.
Day Two
Mummy's now bored. Have offered for her to watch Gossip Girl with me, but said no. Wants us kids to do something to cheer her up. Gave me a funny stick and told me to swing it at Daddy. Chopped off his bits – opps. Threw them in the sea so Mummy wouldn't realise. Think she noticed – four new siblings were born from Daddy's – uh – bits.
Day Three
Mummy's really not happy with me now. Thrown her and the rest of the family in Tarturus so I don't have to deal with their sulking. Daddy keeps talking v. high-pitched, giving me a headache.
In other news, am now king of the world!
Day Four
Watched all of season three of Gossip Girl, feeling v. sorry for Jenny.
Day One Hundred and Twenty-Eight
Rhea keeps talking about babies, getting v. annoying. Almost as bad as Daddy's new voice. I mean, why would she want screaming offspring running around everywhere?
Still, am king of the world!
Day Three Hundred and Forty-Two
Rhea has become a baby machine, now too many screaming offspring running around. Will have to do something about them…
Day Four Hundred and Five
Oh Hades, no! Mummy's said that screaming offspring will rise up against me. Must act quickly, as Gossip Girl comes on in an hour…
Later…
Decided to eat screaming offspring.
Like to see them try to take my crown now.
Day Four Hundred and Seventy-Five
Mistook a rock for a screaming offspring. Opps.
Think I'm going to be si-
Day Four Hundred and Seventy-Six
Rock tasted worse than Mummy's cooking. Also threw up offspring. The unswallowed one's a real git. Better keep an eye on him.
Rhea not talking to me. Was it something I said?
Day Five Hundred and Eleven
Knew that kid would be a pain. Gone and sprung everyone out of Tarturus. Who does he think he is? I'm the king around here!
Day Five Hundred and Thirty-Two
Oh, for the love of Hades, little git is throwing thunderbolts at me, right when Gossip Girl is on. Made the telly go all funny. Blasted kid. Should throw him in Tarturus to show him I'm king.
Day Five Hundred and Forty
Little git took his brothers shopping. One of them got a nice helmet. Looks v. nice, might go and buy one myself. Have duties to uphold as the king – must be best dressed, always.
Day Five Hundred and Fifty-Three
Left for some shopping. Found a v. nice new toga and scythe. Rhea's a lucky Titan.
Got back and find that the idiot offspring have taken over. Great. I was the king! Not fair!
Other bad news; stuck in maximum security cell in Tarturus. No telly, and Gossip Girl is on tonight!
Day Five Hundred and Fifty-Four
Checked planetary cycles, am going to be stuck for another four thousand years. Can't take it, will be v. angry when I get out.
Do they know how many episodes of Gossip Girl I'm missing? VENGANCE, DESTRUCTION AND BLAIR'S GORGEOUS SHOES WILL BE MINE!