Disclaimer #1: We do not own anything that relates to "Elimidate". Why
would we? Have you not seen our bio? Read it, you'll understand.
Disclaimer #2: FANTA!!! (We don't own) We also don't own anything Buffy related that is owned by someone else. Joss, we're lookin' at you!
Pairing: This is for us to know and you to wonder at!! Bwahahah...oh. Um...B/A, B/S, B/R, B/B, B/Andrew. You'll understand.
Author's Notes from Tutu: Kay, we are lacking sanity in this fic. Are we sorry? You'd think we would be! But nooooooooo! We like being insane. We are evil partners in crime. Yes, we are evil! Well, no. We're actually really goody-two-shoes. We have this one friend who tells us that everyday. But he's not here right now, are ya, you bastard! J/K You're a good guy when you're not annoying. Wow...I'm still typing. I should stop...
Author's Notes from Fire: I fended off the bug! He tried to eat me but I rolled up some papers and swatted at him. He tried to come after me, but I triumphed!!! Um...anyways. Yeah. We wrote a fic. About Buffy. And Angel. And Spike. And Riley, and Andrew, and Ben. Does anyone even really remember Ben that much? Tutu is suprisingly more insane than I. Yup it's true! Bwahahahaha@haha.evilorg!!!!
Dedication: To that stinkin' fly! And to Gerry, just 'cuz we mentioned you in the notes. You hate Buffy, and you're never gonna see this, but since this is most likely the only thing that'll get dedicated to you, be happy! And to the football player I haven't seen in 4 whole weeks!!! Look, Tutu, see? I am not getting mushy! ::dreamy look:: um...what were we talking about? Oh, right. Dedications. And Little Debbie for so many happy lunches!
Feedback: Ner der. Of course we want some. It's the only thing that keeps us going. Except for FANTA!
**************************************
A lone blonde walks, poised, through a crowded mall-way (get it? Mall, hallway, hahaha!) Um...where was I? Oh, yeah. A large Green Demon steps out of the shadows.
She wanders aimlessly, in search of her one true love.
Green Demon : And today is her lucky day!
Suddenly, this 'poised' (*authors laughs terribly) young, blonde is surrounded by thousands of cameras! Well, not thousands, but imagine that there's a lot of them.
Buffy: Stay away! I'll slay you!
Green Demon: No you won't! Because your Slayer senses automatically register I am in fact a good demon and will cause no harm to you or your family. Why might you ask?
Buffy: Why?
Green Demon (who is Lorne by the way): Because you are our newest contestant for "ELIMIDATE!"
Audience applauds. I'm sorry, audience applauds *wildly*. Buffy looks around for audience, sees none, shrugs, and then asks about the prizes she'll get.
Buffy: What kind of prizes will I get?
Lorne: Shush you small Blonde. Anyway, would you like to see your five fabulous suitors?
Buffy: I'm still confused.
Lorne: I know. Well, here we go!
Three suitors walk in, (though one saunters), all wearing matching navy suits. Riley Finn, Andrew (ya know, Tucker's little brother), and Ben when suddenly, a blanket comes running across the mall.
Spike: I'm not a bloody blanket you sodding writers! And I know neither of you are British so don't go along butchering my bloody language!
*Authors shake nervously*
Buffy: Who are you? Wait! Lemme guess. you were once a gruesome, terrible vampire who caused pain all over Europe, 'til you were infamously known for your evil ways! But then you were cursed with a soul from a Gypsy clan 'cuz you accidentally ate their favorite daughter! Now you're a brooding man/demon trying to atone for all of the lives you've taken.
Spike: No! I'm Spike! Why do people keep trying to turn me into an Angel- copy?
While flustering in his anger, he threw off the blanket, forgetting there was a large skylight above him. So he quickly turned to dust and Buffy weeped. But then the authors realized that we needed him, so he reappeared in a flash of blinding light!
Spike: Thanks for nothing! Now can we please skip my extreme character flaws and move onto the story?
Lorne&Buffy: Sure.
Spike: Thank you. Now, back to my original point before I was so rudely killed, how are we supposed to do this dating thing when two of us can't be in the sunlight?
Buffy: There's two of you?
Spike: Yes, Angel's brooding behind the "Le Sux at Baking" bakery. He won't come out until later tonight. He's got a major sweet tooth, you see.
Buffy: Who's Angel? Oh! Lemme guess.
Lorne: Hold on there lil' miss yapper! This show's only 30 minutes long. We need to wrap this up.
Buffy: So the dates are almost over?
Lorne: Of course not. The producers just don't like it when you ramble about things that you know about but only pretend that you don't know about.
Spike: Hey! What about my question! How are we two ruggishly handsome vampires supposed to be a part of this with the frilly sun up?
Lorne: Don't worry. The producers are working on changing the vampire lore. By tomorrow you two will be able to walk out in the sun with only minimal skin damage.
Buffy: Wait, how long is this date gonna be?
Lorne: Well lil' miss annoying, it's gonna be a week long. Depending on how many of the suitors live of course.
Riley: Yippee! Does this mean sex?
Lorne: Absolutely! Sex sells you know.
Ben: I know.
Andrew: How would you know anything about sex?
Ben: Because I have been in successful porn films such as "Buffy the Vampire Layer" and "Honey, I Didn't Shrink the Kids".
Riley: Oh yeah, I've seen those. You look a lot buffer on t.v.
Ben: That's because I had a very bad accident with Botox a couple of months ago. Don't ever get plastic surgery done by a drunken biker.
Lorne: Well that was about as interesting as Whitney Houston singing Puddle of Mudd. Now, we can all shut up and get the date groove on.
*Dances to terrible Diana Ross music* (However, one of the authors pouts 'cuz she's a fan of The Supremes)
Buffy: Stop that.
Lorne: Make me!
Buffy kicks his green ass over to the discount section.
Lorne: Ha! I can't be hurt, because I'm the Host.
Buffy kicks his green ass again.
Lorne: Stop that lil' miss skinny.
Lorne kicks her skinny ass over to the 50% off section.
So naturally, she comes back and the fighting ensues so badly that the authors jump into the computer screen and try to make it stop. They do since they're the authors and have control over everything. Bwahahaha@haha.evilorg.
Lorne: Okay, now the dating shall commence. For real!
Riley: Yippee! Sex!
************************************
TBC. see? No sanity!
Disclaimer #2: FANTA!!! (We don't own) We also don't own anything Buffy related that is owned by someone else. Joss, we're lookin' at you!
Pairing: This is for us to know and you to wonder at!! Bwahahah...oh. Um...B/A, B/S, B/R, B/B, B/Andrew. You'll understand.
Author's Notes from Tutu: Kay, we are lacking sanity in this fic. Are we sorry? You'd think we would be! But nooooooooo! We like being insane. We are evil partners in crime. Yes, we are evil! Well, no. We're actually really goody-two-shoes. We have this one friend who tells us that everyday. But he's not here right now, are ya, you bastard! J/K You're a good guy when you're not annoying. Wow...I'm still typing. I should stop...
Author's Notes from Fire: I fended off the bug! He tried to eat me but I rolled up some papers and swatted at him. He tried to come after me, but I triumphed!!! Um...anyways. Yeah. We wrote a fic. About Buffy. And Angel. And Spike. And Riley, and Andrew, and Ben. Does anyone even really remember Ben that much? Tutu is suprisingly more insane than I. Yup it's true! Bwahahahaha@haha.evilorg!!!!
Dedication: To that stinkin' fly! And to Gerry, just 'cuz we mentioned you in the notes. You hate Buffy, and you're never gonna see this, but since this is most likely the only thing that'll get dedicated to you, be happy! And to the football player I haven't seen in 4 whole weeks!!! Look, Tutu, see? I am not getting mushy! ::dreamy look:: um...what were we talking about? Oh, right. Dedications. And Little Debbie for so many happy lunches!
Feedback: Ner der. Of course we want some. It's the only thing that keeps us going. Except for FANTA!
**************************************
A lone blonde walks, poised, through a crowded mall-way (get it? Mall, hallway, hahaha!) Um...where was I? Oh, yeah. A large Green Demon steps out of the shadows.
She wanders aimlessly, in search of her one true love.
Green Demon : And today is her lucky day!
Suddenly, this 'poised' (*authors laughs terribly) young, blonde is surrounded by thousands of cameras! Well, not thousands, but imagine that there's a lot of them.
Buffy: Stay away! I'll slay you!
Green Demon: No you won't! Because your Slayer senses automatically register I am in fact a good demon and will cause no harm to you or your family. Why might you ask?
Buffy: Why?
Green Demon (who is Lorne by the way): Because you are our newest contestant for "ELIMIDATE!"
Audience applauds. I'm sorry, audience applauds *wildly*. Buffy looks around for audience, sees none, shrugs, and then asks about the prizes she'll get.
Buffy: What kind of prizes will I get?
Lorne: Shush you small Blonde. Anyway, would you like to see your five fabulous suitors?
Buffy: I'm still confused.
Lorne: I know. Well, here we go!
Three suitors walk in, (though one saunters), all wearing matching navy suits. Riley Finn, Andrew (ya know, Tucker's little brother), and Ben when suddenly, a blanket comes running across the mall.
Spike: I'm not a bloody blanket you sodding writers! And I know neither of you are British so don't go along butchering my bloody language!
*Authors shake nervously*
Buffy: Who are you? Wait! Lemme guess. you were once a gruesome, terrible vampire who caused pain all over Europe, 'til you were infamously known for your evil ways! But then you were cursed with a soul from a Gypsy clan 'cuz you accidentally ate their favorite daughter! Now you're a brooding man/demon trying to atone for all of the lives you've taken.
Spike: No! I'm Spike! Why do people keep trying to turn me into an Angel- copy?
While flustering in his anger, he threw off the blanket, forgetting there was a large skylight above him. So he quickly turned to dust and Buffy weeped. But then the authors realized that we needed him, so he reappeared in a flash of blinding light!
Spike: Thanks for nothing! Now can we please skip my extreme character flaws and move onto the story?
Lorne&Buffy: Sure.
Spike: Thank you. Now, back to my original point before I was so rudely killed, how are we supposed to do this dating thing when two of us can't be in the sunlight?
Buffy: There's two of you?
Spike: Yes, Angel's brooding behind the "Le Sux at Baking" bakery. He won't come out until later tonight. He's got a major sweet tooth, you see.
Buffy: Who's Angel? Oh! Lemme guess.
Lorne: Hold on there lil' miss yapper! This show's only 30 minutes long. We need to wrap this up.
Buffy: So the dates are almost over?
Lorne: Of course not. The producers just don't like it when you ramble about things that you know about but only pretend that you don't know about.
Spike: Hey! What about my question! How are we two ruggishly handsome vampires supposed to be a part of this with the frilly sun up?
Lorne: Don't worry. The producers are working on changing the vampire lore. By tomorrow you two will be able to walk out in the sun with only minimal skin damage.
Buffy: Wait, how long is this date gonna be?
Lorne: Well lil' miss annoying, it's gonna be a week long. Depending on how many of the suitors live of course.
Riley: Yippee! Does this mean sex?
Lorne: Absolutely! Sex sells you know.
Ben: I know.
Andrew: How would you know anything about sex?
Ben: Because I have been in successful porn films such as "Buffy the Vampire Layer" and "Honey, I Didn't Shrink the Kids".
Riley: Oh yeah, I've seen those. You look a lot buffer on t.v.
Ben: That's because I had a very bad accident with Botox a couple of months ago. Don't ever get plastic surgery done by a drunken biker.
Lorne: Well that was about as interesting as Whitney Houston singing Puddle of Mudd. Now, we can all shut up and get the date groove on.
*Dances to terrible Diana Ross music* (However, one of the authors pouts 'cuz she's a fan of The Supremes)
Buffy: Stop that.
Lorne: Make me!
Buffy kicks his green ass over to the discount section.
Lorne: Ha! I can't be hurt, because I'm the Host.
Buffy kicks his green ass again.
Lorne: Stop that lil' miss skinny.
Lorne kicks her skinny ass over to the 50% off section.
So naturally, she comes back and the fighting ensues so badly that the authors jump into the computer screen and try to make it stop. They do since they're the authors and have control over everything. Bwahahaha@haha.evilorg.
Lorne: Okay, now the dating shall commence. For real!
Riley: Yippee! Sex!
************************************
TBC. see? No sanity!