I posted this on Tumblr but I thought I'd see how it does here. Enjoy!
I do not own anything~!
EDIT: I'm changing the rating because there's swearing in here and I'm trying to be safe.
It was getting out of control. At first, it was cute. Or, well, Blaine was cute, and because it was Blaine, Kurt indulged him. He never thought it would go this far though. Blaine had been getting solos for almost as long as he had been a Warbler, so why was this behavior appearing now?
Well, it all started when they were at the mall one weekend, sipping coffee at a table in the food court. A trio of girls was walking by when there was a high-pitched squeal and a few frantic whispers. Blaine, as oblivious as ever, was stirring sugar into his coffee "because, Kurt, it always needs more sugar" when the group of girls approached the table.
"Hi, you're Blaine, right? Of the Warblers?" A brunette near the front of them asked. "You're like, a really good singer. Can we have your autograph?" The two girls behind her proceeded to thrust a pen and a small notepad forward. Blaine's hand froze on the stir stick and he glanced at Kurt as if to ask if this was really happening. Kurt smiled and shifted his eyes to the girls, who made that noise again when Blaine took the utensils offered.
Later, Blaine was still wide-eyed over the encounter. "They recognized me, Kurt," Blaine told him, as if he hadn't been there to see. "I'm… famous."
In hindsight, Kurt would remember the gleam in Blaine's eyes as he said that. He'd wish he hadn't said what he did next.
"Yep, Blaine, you're famous. We'll be awaiting your list of demands at the Warbler meeting tomorrow."
The first sign did indeed surface during Warbler practice the next day.
"Kurt!"
Kurt jerked his head up.
"Where's Blaine?" Wes pointed to the ornate clock on the wall. "He's late."
"I'm not sure, I haven't se—"
The doors swung open wide, revealing Blaine in his pink shades as he strode into the room. "Warblers, I am late."
Wes made a face at him and David mumbled, "No shit."
Wes banged his gavel, "No matter, five minutes is not a big deal."
Blaine got a gleeful look on his face and thrust his shades up on top of his head. "You mean that?"
Kurt put his hand to his face as Wes answered, "Sure, Blaine, have a seat so we can get started."
Somehow Kurt knew that wasn't the end of that. Blaine looked way too happy to be excused for being late for that to be it. His fears were confirmed when Blaine showed up at the next meeting with a list:
*All final decisions regarding solos belong to me as the most recognized member of the Warblers. ("Blaine three girls saw you at the mall, are you really pulling this?"
"Shut up, Kurt, I'm famous.")
*Casual Fridays are now to be a regular edition to all future Warbler meetings. ("But you love the blazer."
"They confiscated my sunglasses, Kurt; I'm nothing without my sunglasses.")
*The floor in the Warbler room is lava. In order to keep the lead soloist (me) healthy, a team of Warblers must always make sure he (I) makes it to the hallway safely without touching the floor.
("Blaine, get off the counsel desk."
"No! The floor is lava. I must be escorted!"
"Blaine. Get. Off. The. Desk."
"Did you just hit me? You didn't have to hit me.")
*The gavel is now mine. Suck it, Wes. ("Blaine this is severely uncalled for."
"He hit me with it, Kurt. He's violent and he must be stopped."
"You climbed on the desk and started singing "I shall not be moved."
"But the floor is lava. Do you want me to die?")
His demands seemed more or less harmless at first. Kurt enjoyed Casual Fridays and convinced the other Warbler members to comply with the demands as long as they did not get worse. Wes was still upset about the gavel, as Blaine took it with him to every meeting and waved it around when he talked, but agreed to comply as long as Kurt made sure they didn't get worse.
Everything was running more or less smoothly until Kurt walked in on Blaine having an argument with one of the members from atop the back of the couch.
"But you have to!"
"You have legs; you can get there on your own." The Warbler, Jeff, threw up his arms and muttered swear words as he stalked out of the room.
"Kurt!" Blaine smiled brightly at him. Kurt froze, he'd been spotted. "Kurt, come here." Maybe… maybe if he didn't move Blaine would forget he was there. "Kuuuurt." Blaine's voice was getting steadily whinier, so he sighed and stepped forward.
"Yes, Blaine?"
"Jeff left me in here alone so can I have a piggy back ride?"
Kurt blinked at him.
"PIGGY BACK RIDE, Kurt, pleaassee?"
"What?"
"Well I can't just walk to the door." Blaine's arms reached forward and he made grabby hands at Kurt.
"Why?"
"THERE'S NO FURNITURE."
"So... use the floor."
"I CAN'T."
"Why not?"
"BECAUSE," Blaine lowered his voice considerably and looked around like he didn't want to be overheard. "THE FLOOR... IS LAVA."
"If I do this, you have to calm down. You're acting like a nutcase." He turned around and motioned for Blaine to hop on.
Kurt hoped that Blaine would stop after that, but when he arrived at the next Warblers meeting, Blaine was back with another list:
*The counsel is mean and Thad stole the gavel ("You can't prove that!"
"I know it was you!") so now I will help lead the counsel.
*We will use red blazers with blue piping for some of our performances.
("That much red is tacky."
"No it's not, Kurt, you're just hateful."
"Tacky!"
"Hateful!")
*You will refer to me as King Blaine.
("More like Queen."
"HATEFUL.")
If Kurt was being honest with himself, he was getting a little worried. Especially when the meeting after Blaine laid down his "rules" (He'd punctuated his last one by sprawling across the counsel desk and shouting, "Move over counsel, King Blaine is in charge now!") he showed up wearing cape and—
"Blaine?"
"It's 'your majesty.'"
"….Okay, well 'your majesty'?"
"You didn't bow."
"What?"
"You're supposed to bow before you talk."
"…You're…. you're kidding right?"
"It's okay, Kurt, I'll forgive you this time. You may proceed."
"Why are you wearing my prom queen tiara?"
"…Never mind that!"
Kurt was sure Blaine was going off the deep end. This was further confirmed later, when Blaine was having a tantrum over the fact that a few of the Warblers refused to follow him around humming theme music.
He had been seated on the back of the couch, always one for wanting to be the tallest in the room, when he grabbed a throw pillow and chucked it in a vague direction. Kurt made a mental note to look up "Anger Management Exercises."
"Who did that?" Blaine pointed at the pillow.
"Did what?"
"Who hurt the furniture?"
"What?" Kurt's bewildered gaze went between the pillow and Blaine.
"The pillow, it's on the ground!"
"….That's because you threw it, Blaine."
"…NO!"
After the Warbler meeting, Kurt took it upon himself to confront Blaine about his bizarre behavior. It was a Friday, so Kurt invited Blaine over for the weekend. The drive was long so Kurt decided it was as good a time as any to get to the bottom of things. He waited until there were twenty minutes left in the car to work up the courage to ask.
"What is going on, Blaine? You've been acting really weird and it's getting on everyone's nerves."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Blaine grinned and looked out the window.
Kurt glanced over while they were stopped at a light, "You must. You've been wonky for weeks!"
"Nope, I have no idea what your problem is." Blaine shifted his eyes to meet Kurt's and batted his eyelashes innocently.
"Are-Are you serious right now?"
"Kurt, the light's green."
Kurt stepped on the gas lightly. He was quiet for a few minutes, something fishy was going on.
Before he knew it, they were pulling into the driveway. Kurt turned off the car and leaned back in the seat for a moment.
"Kurt?" Blaine leaned over the center console to address him, "by the way… I'm not really loony; I just really like fucking with the Warblers." He smiled smugly and exited the car, leaving Kurt gaping with his mouth open.
After his brain caught up with the situation, he scrambled out of the car. "Blaine!"
Blaine turned, halfway up the porch.
"Why'd you do it?"
"I've always wanted to do something the Warblers never let me do."
"Wear a new blazer?"
"That, too, but no, I've always wanted to see how big of a Diva I could get away with being."
"Blaine, honey, being a diva is mine… and when it's not mine, it's Rachel's!"
Blaine threw his head back and laughed before he strode up to the front door. Kurt smiled to himself, yep, Blaine was crazy, but he supposed it was only fair, since Kurt was crazy about him.
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