Dearest people of the internet, I am here to continue my trapesing around in the fields of smutty crack fic that entirely lacks in smut and crack, with a sequel of sorts of Mrs Lovett and the Warrior Women. Seriously, this makes like jack shit sense without the previous story. It is a series of oneshots focusing around Nellie and Bellatrix's new lives together, and well yeah. Enjoy, and remember, it's all in good fun.

I don't even own my car, I certainly don't own anything related to Harry Potter or Sweeney Todd, and I am certainly not making any money off of either. If I were I would be a much happier camper.

"Bella, tell me about your husband." The uncharacteristically quiet voice barely traveled through Bellatrix's hair and into her ears. She had spent the last hour engrossed in the copy of the Daily Prophet she had managed to acquire, while Nellie had been upstairs trying to get a conversation out of Sweeney. Though the paper was currently in its infancy (it didn't even cover Quidditch yet) and hadn't completely entangled itself with the ministry and bribery and every other enemy of journalistic integrity, the signs of tampering were still evident to the raven haired witch. After all, Bellatrix had threatened and tortured enough reporters in her time to recognize the writing of a forced hand.

Whoever was pulling the strings was the one in charge, and therefore the one Bellatrix needed to target to bring the wizarding world to its knees. All of this planning naturally required a massive amount of concentration, something Bellatrix had precious little of to begin with, much less when Nellie decided to chat her up.

"What?!"

"Well, you're married, ain't ya? Ya got that wedding band after all."

Completely confused, Bellatrix looked down to ponder for the first time in years, the ring on her finger. Bellatrix hadn't even wanted to put the damn thing on. It was because of Narcissa after Bellatrix had come back from Azkaban, blubbering about sentimentality and romance, and "saving love from the attacks of the ministry" and "appearances." In the end Bellatrix slipped it on to shut Narcissa up, and promptly forgot about it until just now. And this time, to shut Nellie up, she would have to talk about the hunk of metal too.

"I guess I am married. Why?"
"Well, he's your husband. Or was if he's dead. You wouldn't happen to be a widow too would you. Look at us a couple marry widows. But even if he weren't your 'one true love' or any of that blather, he's a part of ya, a part of your past. Do you think about him, much?" Somewhere in her babbling Nellie has found her way across the room and into Bellatrix's lap. She wrapped her arms around Bellatrix's shoulders and gave her the most pathetic look of want Bellatrix had ever seen. She was like a malnourished little puppy begging for food with its big brown eyes.

All care about The Prophet disappeared into Nellie's pout just above her, and her cleavage which happened to rest just at eye level. As her breasts fluttered under her bodice with each breath, Bellatrix couldn't help but think they resembled two tiny snow owls cuddled together in a nest. She wondered if she were to pluck the owls and make pillows from them, if the pillows would be as soft as –

"Well? Bellatrix! Are you listenin' to me?" The adorable little pout had been replaced by stern thin lips and a raised eyebrow. It was the raised eyebrow of expectation.

"Let me think!" And Bellatrix really did need to think to try and remember anything of Rodolphus, really.

Had she even held a full conversation with him after the break out?

Had they spoken at all outside of meetings?

Was he even at any of the meetings? Aside from a couple extraordinary cowards, all the other Death Eaters had a tendency to blend together, especially when within any appreciable proximity to the Dark Lord and his awe-inspiring self.

But it wouldn't do to dwell on Him, especially now, with a coup to plan and Nellie waiting expectantly.

"He was acceptable. Is? I'm not sure if I'm actually married. I mean, he isn't alive yet," Bellatrix remembered the battle "and even in relation to my own time, he's probably dead, or gotten the kiss." Bellatrix caught Nellie opening her mouth for another question from the corner of her eye, and hurried to speak so that she wouldn't have the chance to ask. She wanted the conversation to end sometime before they both died. "He's dead! Let's just say he's dead. Merry widows and all, right?"

Satisfied that Nellie wasn't going to interrupt just yet, Bellatrix continued. "There were worse duelists, I suppose. He rarely got in my way and required little correction. We shared similar politics, and wealth, so I never had to listen to any preaching, and he kept my parents at bay with the 'propriety' and 'familial duty.' I could have done worse. But really he wasn't anything special. I certainly don't refer to him as 'poor old Rodolphus.'" she concluded with a pointed look at Nellie.

Bellatrix could see how Nellie's feathers were ruffled at the comment. It was rather attractive.

"Albert were a good enough man who didn't deserve what 'e got in life. Poor bugger did the best he could for me, even if I didn't love him like he wanted." Now Bellatrix felt the need to interrupt.

"What he deserved? But you're the one who killed him aren't you?" Nellie's head whipped around and her eyes widened in terror.

"Shush your bleedin' mouth!" Nellie clasped a hand over Bellatrix's mouth and Bellatrix laughed as Nellie raised her voice a little, staring at the door in terror. "Don't know what you're talking about! Where on Earth would you get an idea like that? Albert died in his sleep 'e did."

Bellatrix pried Nellie's hand from her mouth and replaced it on her shoulder. Whispering to Mrs. Lovett (even though there was no need, the whole room had a silencing charm as Nellie would have remembered had she not flown into a panic) "But Nellie Nellie Nell, I saw it." Bellatrix playfully poked Nellie just in the center of her forehead. Nothing made Nellie Lovett, a woman of many secrets as Bellatrix had learned, more furious than when the witch either used Legilimency on her or mentioned her use of it. It made her feel weak, which was a feeling Bellatrix loved to see, she also couldn't help her attraction to an angry Mrs. Lovett. And now, as Nellie stiffened in Bellatrix's lap and her eyes blackened, the woman obviously seething, Bellatrix wanted desperately to ravish her. But she wanted to sate her curiosity just a little bit more than her lust at the moment, and decided to coax an answer out of Nellie's lips with a short, chaste kiss. The woman took it as an apology (even if it wasn't) and after a further moment of stillness, she relaxed a little again and began to speak.

"It was a mercy killing, really." The corner of Nellie's mouth twisted up just a little, "For both of us. The man was sick with just about every illness God could think to give him. He was miserable and never went a moment without telling everyone within earshot, which near the end was me, myself, and I, all about it. Drove me half mad 'e did, and goodness knows I could barely so much as do the dishes when I was busy waiting on him hand 'n foot! So one night, when he started wailing away again, I pulled the pillow out from under me 'ead 'n sent him home to Jesus." Bellatrix had been expecting something just a little bit colder from the cannibalistic mastermind in her lap. But she supposed, the woman did have a heart much too big for her own good.

"Was the best night of sleep I ever had." There it was. Bellatrix was impressed, actually. Over the brief time she had lived in the house on Fleet Street, Bellatrix had very quickly noted Nellie's devotion and adoration to Sweeney Todd (something she could sympathize with, though she would be damned to admit it) and had attributed Nellie's more violent tendencies to her willingness to please and take care of the man, especially compared to her care of the boy, and her constant dragging to the park to talk on and on about the seaside.

"Next mornin', all I had to do was fake up a few tears, wander down to the doctor to tell him Albert had finally passed in the night. Then before I knew it poor ol' Albert was in the ground and I was free to sleep much as I liked."

When it came down to it, with Nellie's brilliant reuse of the bodies, her murder of her husband, or the way she would use just the right sway of her hips and seductive smile to talk Bellatrix into doing most anything she asked, the woman was as cunning and resilient as Bellatrix herself, and if she weren't a filthy muggle, she surely would have been a Slytherin. What else could Bellatrix want from a pet? She was clever, and attractive, never forcing any of her silly romantic notions on Bellatrix (those were still wrapped around the barber upstairs; Bellatrix quickly reminded herself that she was not jealous), and absolutely fantastic in bed. Had she a wand Nellie could have been a perfect second in command, devious and devoted.

But still, the conversation with Sweeney must have had some effect on the woman in her lap. Her ever present smile was hollow, and Nellie seemed distracted. Deciding to bring the baker's attention back to herself and off of the pacing on the ceiling (alright, she was jealous, but of the attention, not the love. Bellatrix had never been one to share.) Bellatrix put on a cheeky grin and turned the redhead to face her.

"Nellie Lovett, if you were a witch I would marry you."

Nellie chuckled darkly, but her eyes lit up. "I dunno, love, I think we both may be bad luck for spouses. Wouldn't want to have to smother you, dear, would I?" Then a devilish smirk took over her face. "How are you with affairs?"

This time, Bellatrix did not suppress the urge to ravish her.