Title: All the right things. Chapter 1

Category: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: K+

Author's notes: This chapter is set right before Abandon All Hope

I'd like to thank my Beta Reader - RhiannonNymph for editing. You're awesome!

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Chapter 1

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Dean Winchester was lying on a bed with his hands behind his head. It was another dark and dusty motel room, one more in a long line of the thousands he's been in. The lights were off, and the street lamps outside the window threw pale beams across the room, making patterns on the wall.

The late evening was cold and unwelcoming. Dean wondered what was taking his brother so long. Sam was out checking the few leads they had - nothing too serious or promising for Dean to join him. He only hoped his little brother wouldn't forget to grab a pie on his way back.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a rustle coming from the dark. Dean turned his head, startled. He wondered how he could miss the sound of the opening door and glanced at it, expecting to see his brother. But it was not Sam.

"Cas?" surprise was evident in his voice. He'd heard nothing from the angel for a week. He knew Castiel was busy trying to find God, and Dean tried to be patient. He decided there was simply no news to share. However, he was glad to finally see his friend.

He wanted to complain about Cas popping in without knocking but, when he saw the angel's face, he decided not to.

Castiel looked worn and tired. His hair was tousled and his shoulders were hunched in an unusual manner. Dean wondered if everything was okay. He sat up and watched the angel curiously.

"Hello Dean." Castiel's eyes were on the floor, his arms hanging limply along his slender form. It seemed like he was trying to avoid glancing at the hunter.

"Cas, are you ok?" Dean asked, worry evident in his voice.

"I… I don't know…"

"Are you hurt?" the hunter was more anxious now, his eyes scanned the angel's body searching for injuries, but saw nothing in the dimmed light. Castiel noticed his concern.

"I'm fine Dean… my vessel is fine, too…" His voice was rougher than usual. "Where is Sam?"

"He's out"

"Can I…can I stay here for a while?" he asked.

"Yeah… yeah sure, Cas, c'mere" Dean moved aside to make space for him.

Castiel approached him and sat on the edge of the bed silently.

"So… do you want to talk?" the hunter asked carefully. He didn't know what to do. He wasn't very good at comforting. It was always Sam who did all those heart-to-heart talks.

"C'mon, tell me what happened, dude".

"That's the problem, Dean," the angel replied bitterly still not looking the hunter in the eyes. "Nothing has happened".

Dean frowned in confusion and Castiel replied to his unspoken question.

"I cannot find him, Dean… I cannot find my Father… " his voice broke. "Everything I do is useless…"

"Oh, Cas," Dean sighed. So that's what it was. Relief washed over Dean.

Castiel shook his head. His lips were quivering.

"I… I don't know what else to do, Dean." the angel continued. "I did all within my powers. I have obeyed orders. And I've broken so many rules. I rose against my family. I have betrayed my brothers and sisters…" he finally looked at Dean.

In the dim light of the room Dean saw tears glistening in his eyes. He looked so fragile, so defenseless. Nothing resembling the Castiel he knew. The hunter's chest tightened. He felt a sudden urge to protect him, to wrap his arms around him, but he held back. Cas didn't need protection. He was a soldier of the Lord. And Dean realized that his feelings for Castiel were irrational. He was worried about him. It was something he only felt for Sammy before. He cared.

"I did all of this and I thought it was the right thing to do." Castiel's slender fingers gripped the edge of the bed. His knuckles whitened.

"It was, Cas. It was a right thing. You did nothing wrong." Dean assured him. But Castiel shook his head frantically.

"No, Dean… I think…" he swallowed. "I think… maybe… Raphael was right…"

"What d'you mean Raphael was right?" Dean asked worriedly. It hurt so much to see Castiel like that.

"Maybe he did leave us" the angel finally muttered. "Maybe… our Father is not here anymore…".

"No, no, no, no." Dean shook his head. "Don't say that, Cas." his hands reached over to grab his friend's shoulders. He tilted his head to look Castiel right in his eyes. "Listen to me. Raphael was wrong. You shouldn't let yourself lose your faith, Cas".

Despite his own attitude towards God, Dean was sure that everybody should have something to believe in. Faith makes people stronger. And not only people.

Castiel looked at him searchingly. "How do you do it, Dean?" he finally whispered. "How can you be so sure in everything you do? How do you never doubt?"

Dean bit his lower lip. He knew exactly what Cas was feeling. He'd spent so many sleepless nights in doubt. So many times he had questioned John's actions. But he never showed that. Because he had Sam. He needed to be strong – for his little brother.

But Castiel, he had nobody. He had been banished from Heaven and he was alone.

"I have, Cas," he finally whispered, not fully trusting his voice. "I have doubted. Hundreds of times." he squeezed the angel's shoulders and felt the warmth radiating from his body. "But I have never, never lost my faith in him." And it was truth.

He saw the first tear rolling down the angel's cheek. On impulse, Dean reached out and wiped it away with his thumb.

Castiel's skin was smooth and soft under his fingertips. Their eyes met.

"Please, Cas," he whispered. "Please, don't lose your faith". I need your faith, he wanted to add. But that was too chick flick of a moment. He tried to ignore the angel's warm breath on his face. They were so close Dean could count his eyelashes. He was amazed at how long and thick they were. Though Dean couldn't say why exactly he was thinking about Castiel's eyelashes. He ignored that thought and added quietly: "If we give up now, they will win."

More tears rolled down Castiel's face. Dean wondered whether he was crying for the first time in his life. After few seconds of hesitation he bent forward and wrapped his arms around him. The angel was stiff at first but then slowly melted into the hug, wrapping his own arms around Dean. In an instant, it wasn't awkward anymore. It was warm and comforting. Dean felt Castiel relax and bury his face in his shoulder.

"Yeah, that's right … let it go," the hunter whispered in his hair, stroking his back in a soothing motion. It felt strangely natural to do so. He knew it was a right thing to do.

Pleasant warmth started growing inside his chest and Dean wondered what that was about. He never questioned the nature of his feelings too much and simply gave in to it. He only wished his heart wasn't pounding so hard and loud against his ribcage for no obvious reason. It was just Cas after all. Dean sighed and further relaxed.

They sat like that until Castiel stopped crying and was sobbing quietly, arms still wrapped around Dean. It was hard to say how much time passed. Dean thought that he might have drifted off for a while.

Suddenly Castiel lifted his head, looking Dean in the eyes. Dean glanced at him questioningly.

"What is it?" his voice was hoarse as if the hunter was crying himself.

"I have to go." Castiel muttered and freed himself from Dean's embrace.

"Cas, wait." Dean's hand chased his shoulder but the angel had already stood up.

"Thank you, Dean." he said before disappearing into the dark.

"Cas" Dean made one more attempt to stop him but it was too late. Castiel was gone.

"Feathery bastard" he muttered to himself.

The room felt cold and empty again. Even emptier than before.

The next moment Dean heard the door opening. Then Sam came in.

"Hey, I brought you a pie," he said as he tossed some paper bags on the table.

Dean didn't reply. He was staring into the dark thoughtfully.

"By the way, nothing interesting on our case" Sam added, a bit surprised by the lack of response from his brother. "Dean? Are you okay? You look… dumbfounded."

"Um... I'm fine," Dean said and then stood up approaching the table.

Sam reached for his laptop and started it, eyeing his brother suspiciously.

Dean opened the paper bag and withdrew a plastic fork and his pie. He dug in absent-mindedly and frowned. The food was tasteless. He threw the fork on the table and resumed his spot on the bed.

"What is it?" Sam asked, concerned.

That was a good question. One Dean wanted to get an answer to himself. What was it all about?

"Guess I'm not hungry anymore".

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Thats all for now. More chapters are coming. Would be great to know what you think so reviews are welcome!