Edge of the Knife
I don't own Frozen.
Anna closed her door and let out a deep sigh. Locking the door she went over to her desk and taking out a key hidden behind a book opened her locked drawer. Reaching in she took out a knife, a small dagger she kept razor sharp. Setting it down she undressed to her skin and stood in front of her vanity mirror completely naked. She looked at the light white scars that crisscrossed her body, each one a mark of her many mistakes, her inadequacies. She touched one near her pelvis, which she gave herself when she was eight for crashing into the suit of armor. Another on her abdomen when her tutor had told her parents about her failure in her lessons. One down her stomach when she had accidentally broke that window when she was twelve. Each one was a memory, starting when she was six, when not only the loneliness of her separation of her sister but the disapproval of everyone when she couldn't measure up to Elsa led to more than she could handle. She never blamed Elsa. No Elsa was perfect. She was the stupid one, the foolish one, the one who never grew up. The pain inside her had become so bad she had played rougher, purposefully bruising herself. The pain outside drove away the pain inside, but it wasn't enough. She was always tougher then she looked, and the pain never lasted long and neither did the bruises. It was when she had accidentally cut herself on the same armors sword that she found a better way. The first few times she had used the knights sword, cutting her hand on it at least once a day, as punishment for not getting Elsa out of her room, or bothering her parents, or some other problem she caused, but that had ended when her mother had found out. Anna had convinced her it was an accident with her usual smile, but afterward she had found her dagger in the old treasure room which no one paid attention to anymore. She had carefully sharpened it and after careful thought (strange for her) had realized that she had to hide the cuts from everyone and after cutting her arms a time or two found that that wouldn't work. So she had stripped down, stood in front of her mirror and made her first cut, right above her heart. Seeing the blade bite into her skin, feeling the sharp pain and her blood flow out had given her a sense of relief from the pain inside, from the disapproval and rejection and failure. More than that, it gave her a punishment for her failure. When she failed at her lessons her parents would give her warm encouragement and she would give herself a scar. When she accidentally broke something she would get a pat on the head and a scar. It got to the point where at the end of each day she would count up her mistakes and make the appropriate cuts. She fingered the scar over each breast, the most recent ones. One for what she did to her sister at her coronation, and one for when she fell for Hans. Today's scar was for making a fool of her sister again. She had taken Elsa's place at the council meeting as she was busy elsewhere and had tried her best to keep up with the statistics and numbers being thrown around as a new trade partner was being discussed, when the minister of commerce began laying into Elsa for severing ties with Wesleton and the Southern Isles.
"What her majesty has done is a tragedy. I understand you are upset for the, misunderstandings of both Prince Hans and the Duke, but try to look at the situation through their eyes. Considering the situation the kingdom was in at the time, can they really be blamed for what was at the time a rather reasonable reaction?" He asked. Anna's blood boiled as she surged to her feet.
"How dare you. Hans and the Duke tried to kill my sister your Queen she shouted at him". The minister's face turned red.
"How dare you." He growled back
"You were the one who fell for the prince, and pushed your sister into freezing the kingdom with your childish, selfish need for love and attention. If anything, the price for our lost trade should be on your head. How the king and queen bless them could give birth to such a spoiled, incompetent, ineffective, useless sop of a spare is a mystery that begs belief!" he shouted red faced. The entire room was silent, every other member of the cabinet looking at the man aghast. Anna stared at the man for a long moment as she spoke slowly and clearly.
"Fortunately, you're right. I am the spare. I have no power to restore trade with either the Southern isles or Weaseltown" she stressed earning a sneer from the man.
"I am afraid you will have to discuss the matter with the Queen, but I assure you she will tell you the same thing" She said.
"If that is all?" She asked
"No it is not" The man growled but the other officials chimed in agreement with Anna. They rose and bowed to her as she left, the others following. As soon as she was around the corner she ran and didn't stop until she was safely in her room.
Anna shook the recent memory away and drug the knife across her skin.
…
Elsa put the finishing touches on her little project.
"So what do you think?" She asked her co-conspirators.
"Wow" was all Olaf said.
"You said it" Kristoff agreed and Elsa smiled. Anna had made a suggestion to her a few days ago as the days grew hot about using her powers in one of the parks to make ice play equipment for children to deal with the heat.
"I don't remember but I bet you kept us nice and comfy cool during the dog days of summer and I think some of the kids and a lot of adults would love it too. I mane not that your skating rink isn't great because it is, but if one of the parks were nice and frosty it would be a good place just to relax" Ann had said blushing slightly.
"Sorry, that's probably a stupid idea" She said, but Elsa's mind had been set to racing at the brilliant notion. Now as she saw the kids laughing and playing, the adult's sitting comfortably on the icy benches, and kids lying in the small snow piles she realized just how brilliant it was.
"So let's go get Anna" Elsa said.
"Yes she'll love it, I just know it" Olaf said.
"I hope the council didn't give her too much trouble" Elsa wondered out loud. She had been concerned about canceling the council meeting, until Anna had told her that she would take her place.
"Don't worry Elsa. I'll listen and report back to you. It's not like I have any authority to screw up anything and Kai will be right there to keep an eye on me" Anna had said so casually and off handedly that Elsa had been pushed out the door and was down the hall before the words actually registered. She had complete and total faith in her sister, particularly when she heard how Anna had handled things after the kingdom froze.
"You know, I wish I could be half as good in a crisis as Anna is" Elsa said as they walked.
"Really?" Kristoff asked as they walked.
"Really. It seems that the worse the situation the more she knows what to do" Elsa said.
"You've got a point there. Even if it seems crazy at the time it always seems to work out in the end" Kristoff said, thinking about other times Anna had done something hair brained that worked out for the best.
"Did I ever tell you how she saved a kid from drowning using a pair of stockings a pair of clogs and a chocolate pie?" Kristoff asked.
"No" Elsa said. By the time they reached the castle they were both smiling at the amazing ingenuity of their favorite red head when they saw Kai waiting for them at the door.
"Kai, what's the matter? Did the council meeting go alright?" Elsa asked.
"Not exactly" Kai said.
"Anna didn't do anything rash did she?" Elsa asked. As much as she trusted her sister, Anna did look before she leapt and while that worked with saving drowning boys with pies, it did not work so well with politics.
"Not exactly" Kai said again.
"Kai" Elsa warned.
"Let us talk inside" Kai said. He led them all the way to Elsa's office and closed and locked the door before explaining exactly what happened in the council meeting. As soon as he finished the temperature in the room dropped to where he saw his breath. Elsa's face had become a frozen mask and Kristoff looked like he wanted to put his fist through something, or someone.
"Get the minister of commerce in here now" She growled.
"Already done" He said as a knock came at the door. Elsa sat behind her desk, back ramrod straight as the door opened and the glowering man stalked in escorted by two guards. He opened his mouth to speak.
"Silence" She spat coldly and the man's mouth clicked shut as the Queen rose to her feet, a flurry beginning to swirl around the room.
"What you have done is unforgivable. Not only have you openly allied yourself with two men, who conspired to murder me and my sister, you have insulted one of the most beloved figures in this kingdom" Elsa said, as the snow swirled around them. The man's face reddened.
"You would really end trade with two lucrative partners over a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding caused by your blithering failure of a sister?" He growled. The snow in the room stopped dead as Elsa glared at the man, rage like she had never felt before coursing through her. There was no fear, no self doubt, just anger, cold and clear.
"You are relieved of your duties and hereby banished from Arendelle. If you should ever show your face in this kingdom again, you will be summarily executed" She said softly.
"Your majesty" The man said, his face going white as the two guards with barely perceptible smiles grabbed the man by either arm and dragged him away.
"I already have choices for his replacement ready" Kai said a large smile on his face. He had never liked the man.
"Excellent. Now where is Anna, I need to make sure she is alright" Elsa said. Kai's face fell.
"As to that. There is something you should know" Kai said.
Years ago Gerda had found Anna trying to bandage herself up from her first cuts. Somehow the girl had managed to extract a promise from her not to tell anyone. Maybe it was the fact that they had hidden away Elsa's powers, or the fact that even the King and Queen wouldn't be able to stop the girl from doing what she was doing. Maybe Gerda saw it as a way for the poor child to deal with the loneliness and misery that she didn't understand. Whatever the reason Gerda had kept the girls secret, helping tend to herself inflicted wounds only revealing to Kai. It was only later she began to understand why Anna did it, and it almost tore her heart out. After hearing about the council meeting from Kai, about the horrible things the Minister of Commerce had said to her, Gerda had gone to fetch bandages and ointment knowing the princess would need them. She was walking to Anna's room when the last voice she wanted to hear swept up behind her like an arctic wind.
"Gerda" Elsa said as she stalked up the hallway, Kristoff and Olaf at her heels. When Kai had told her about Anna's secret cutting she hadn't believed him. Her sister was so positive, so immune to sadness, so indestructible it seemed completely insane. Now as she saw Gerda loaded down with bandages and walking toward her sister's room, she began to believe.
"Gerda, please tell me it isn't true?" Elsa asked. Gerda looked at her Queen, who right now looked like a girl scared for her sister, and sighed. As much as she was going to give it to Kai later, she understood his reasoning. Sighing she explained.
"Your sister has always been hardest on herself. No matter what praise is given her, or assurance, even from your parents, she always thinks the worst of herself, and she takes those mistakes out on herself with the edge of a knife" Gerda said, and felt the temperature drop.
"But, I haven't seen any scars. Her arms were clean at the coronation" Elsa said.
"Her midsection from her breasts on down is littered with scars" Gerda said but Elsa was already sweeping past her.
"Elsa wait" Kristoff said stepping in front of her.
"What do you mean wait?" Elsa cried only to have the man quiet her.
"If Anna hears us coming she'll ditch the knife throw on some cloths and pretend like nothing's wrong. Worse, she'll refuse to be tended too if we're there" He said and Gerda nodded.
"Then what do we do?" Elsa asked.
"I have an idea" Olaf said.
Anna had only intended to put the one cut down her right side for the failed council meeting, but found that the pain was still there, roiling. She stood there, the long gash bleeding.
"It's not enough. I'll never measure up" She thought as she brought the knife up and scraped it down her other side, hissing at the outer pain, but letting it dull her inner turmoil. She was so subsumed in the sensation that she didn't hear the slight click of her door unlocking.
The three of them peered through the crack of the door, and what Elsa saw made her heart stop. She could see Anna in her mirror, completely naked two long gashes down each side of her body, long thin white scars from her breasts to her pelvis. Her sister raised the knife again about to drag it across her body when Elsa surged into the room and before Anna could react had her in a bone tight hug, arms around her body, holding the knife in place.
"Please stop Anna" Elsa cried as Anna froze in her sister's embrace, multiple emotions going through her. Shame, guilt, anger, and sadness roared through her as she broke down in tears and sunk to her knees, Elsa following, the knife dropping from limp fingers.
"It hurts" Anna chocked through her tears.
"It hurts inside when I can't be what everyone wants. When I can't measure up, and the only way to make the hurting inside stop is to hurt outside" She said. Elsa wrapped her sister in an even tighter embrace.
"All these years I thought she was just sad and lonely, I never thought she was hurting this much" Elsa said.
"I'm sorry. I screwed up again at the council meeting just like always" Anna said putting her face in her hands. Elsa just held her, soothing her hair until she was all cried out.
"Anna, you are not a failure. You are not worthless. You are a brave, selfless, incredible women, and I am so proud of you and everything you do" Elsa whispered.
"But the commerce minister" Anna chocked.
"Has been banished, with the threat of execution if he ever returns" Elsa said smiling.
"Elsa you can't!" Anna gasped pushing away from her and wiping her eyes.
"You can't keep turning the kingdom upside down for me" Anna said.
"I would burn this kingdom to the ground if it meant you were safe and happy" Elsa said with deadly seriousness.
"That would be kind of hard for you" Anna said with a small smile and Elsa chuckled.
"Anna promise me you'll stop doing this to yourself, please" Elsa pleaded.
"I'll try Elsa. But I've been doing this so long, it's kind of ingrained" Anna said.
"Anna and I are so alike sometimes. Just like I had troubled with my powers, she's going to have trouble dealing with this" Elsa thought.
"I'll be here to help you, just like you've always been there for me" Elsa said.
"Ahem, your majesty, if you don't mind" Gerda said standing over them. Elsa looked form the woman to her sister, who still had two bleeding wounds.
"Oh" She said standing up Anna standing with her. Elsa watched as Gerda handed Anna the bandages and her sister patched up her wounds with a deftness and delicacy she rarely ever showed.
"She must have been doing this for years to be this good at it" Elsa thought her heart sinking as she once again looked at all the scars.
"There are so many of them" Elsa thought
"Never again" Elsa said as her sister dressed in her day ware.
"What are you doing?" Elsa asked.
"Getting dressed" Anna said.
"No, you should be in bed" Elsa said.
"Elsa, I used to patch myself up afterward and go right to dinner" Anna said and Elsa felt herself swallow at the thought of Anna butchering herself before going down to dinner. The few quiet dinners she had with her family Anna was always smiling, trying to keep things light and Elsa never suspected there might be bandages under her cloths.
"How often?" Elsa asked weakly as Anna fixed her hair. By this time Olaf and Kristoff had slipped into the room. Anna stopped what she was doing and sighed.
"Often enough" She said idly touching her side, not even wincing at the pain.
"How can she be so strong, and so fragile at the same time" Elsa wondered.
"Um Anna, there's something we want to show you" Olaf said quietly.
"What?" Anna asked. Smiling Elsa took her sisters hand and led her out of the castle and down into the town, and into the park.
"I…don't believe it" Anna said as she looked at her idea come to life.
"It was a great idea" Elsa said kissing her sisters on the cheek.
"Princess Anna" A small voice cried and a dozen children ran up to her.
"Come play with us, come play with us" They shouted taking her hands.
"Alright, alright I'm coming" She said and ran off like she didn't have a care in the world.
"But she does. I'm not the only one who concealed. I'm going to make sure she knows just how important she is to the kingdom and to me" Elsa thought as she saw her sister start a snowball fight with some of children, the parents looking on with warmth and adoration at the princess who felt no shame playing with their children.
Just a little Character study I decided to do. From listening to making today a perfect day, it sounded like Anna is pretty much loved by Arendelle's population, at least the commoners, but given her personality, I wondered what the actual leadership would think of her. I also wanted to emphasize her low opinion of herself, even as she brightens everyone else's day and what kind of affect the isolation and the opinion of her as a spare would have on her.