So I Married An Evil King?
A Ganondorf/Impa Shippy Story!
By Galaxy Girl and Sailor Zel
Hiyo, it's me, Galaxy Girl. Zel and I are going to alternate chapters on this one, so I'll write this part, Zel will write the next, and so on.
Authors Note: The events in this story will make more sense if you've read Big Brother Darunia, by me.
Prologue: The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times
It was a sunny day in Gerudo (or Groovy, depending on who you asked) Valley. But then again, when WASN'T it a sunny day?
Ganondorf Dragmire, the King of Thieves (or the King of Hippies, depending on who you asked) stood at the school bus stop just in front of Gerudo/Groovy Fortress with his wife, Impa Zappa Dragmire, the Queen of Thieves (or hippies, depending on who you asked).
It really was a long story on how this former Evil King met and married this Sage of Shadow, devoted to peace and good. If you really want to know, why don't you ask them?
Next to them stood their children, 5 year old twins Moon Unit Alpha and Superfly. Superfly was wearing a black backpack filled up with school supplies and carrying a lunchbox. Moon Unit carried a purple backpack and lunchbox.
"Mommy, I don't wanna go to school!" Moon Unit whined, tugging on her mother's leg.
"You have to go, Moon Unit. How will you ever learn to spell and read and write if you don't?" Impa told her.
"And how to cast curses!" her husband added.
Impa elbowed him in the ribs.
"Sorry Dear..."
Half a mile away, the big yellow school bus was struggling through the deep sand. The driver, a Goron known as Ed, was punching the gas pedal.
"I told you we should have put the bus stop out on the field," another Goron who served as bus aide said smugly.
"Aw, SHADDUP!" Bus Driver Ed snapped.
"Hey Mista..." a small Hylian kid said.
"Shut up Kid, I'm drivin'!" Bus Driver Ed said.
"Hey Mista, how're you gonna get over the bridge?"
"What bridge?"
SNAP!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Ganondorf checked his watch nervously. "Hey, that bus is late! It should have been here five seconds ago!"
Impa sighed. "Ganny-Poo, I don't want to send the kids off on their own!"
Ganondorf patted her hand. "Oh sweetie, we have to! After all, where are they gonna learn to read and write and spell?"
"I'LL TEACH THEM!" Impa screamed.
Superfly whispered into his sister's ear. "Uh oh... Mommy's having another nervous breakdown!"
Two Gerudo/Groovy guards ran up to their king. "Ganondorf, the school bus just flew over the cliff into a raging river of DEATH!"
"AGAIN?" he said in dismay. "Wow... first the milk truck, then the mail truck, then that shipment of crazy ducks..."
"OWWWW! DR. NABOORU, THERE'S A DUCK IN YOUR OFFICE AND IT JUST TORE OFF PART OF MY SCALP!"
"Get the fire hose!"
Ganondorf snapped his fingers, and the school bus full of screaming children appeared right in front of them.
Bus Driver Ed went on screaming, then noticed that he wasn't dead. "Oh, thank you again, Mr. Dragmire!"
Ganondorf shrugged. "No problem."
The bus doors slid open, and Impa gave her children great big hugs. "I love you guys! Now, have fun at school!"
"OK Mommy," said Moon Unit.
"Yes Mother," said Superfly.
The kids stepped up onto the steps, and Impa added, "Don't eat any paste!"
"Yes mother," the twins chimed.
"And don't be mean to other kids!"
"Yes mother."
"And don't drink any raw sewage!"
"Yes mother..."
"And don't draw on any walls!"
"Yes mother,"
"And don't eat any soap!"
"Yes mom."
"And don't steal anything!"
"Yes mom,"
"And don't talk to ANY Gorons, Zoras, or Hylians you don't know!"
"Yes mom."
"And..."
Ganondorf stopped her. "Um, darling, I think the kids can handle themselves."
"Oh, right. BYE KIDS! MOMMY LOVES YOU!"
She gave Superfly a kiss on the cheek, and he hopped into the bus. Then the doors closed, and Impa stepped back.
"GOODBYE MY DARLINGS!" she cried. Then she burst into tears.
"What's wrong, honey?" asked Ganondorf.
"Our little babies are all grown up!"
"Actually sweetie, they're only 5..."
Moon Unit and Superfly walked back on the bus aisle. There were kids of all races and sizes, girls and boys. They found an empty seat, and Moon Unit slipped over next to the window. Superfly took a seat next to her, and a Zora kid leaned over form behind them.
"Hey, your skin is green!" the Zora laughed.
"Hey, your skin is blue!" Superfly laughed back.
"Hey, do you need your mommy to give you a kiss before you go to school?" the kid asked.
"Shut up! I love my Mommy!" Superfly snapped.
"Superfly, hush! He's awful big!" Moon Unit hissed.
"I bet my dad could beat up your dad," the Zora said.
"I don't think so," Superfly retorted.
"Yeah, my dad could take your dad any day!" the Zora kid teased.
Just before the bus drove away, the Zora caught a glimpse in the window next to him. Ganondorf stood there, glaring at him with evil eyes.
"AAAAAAAGGGH!"
The Zora kid slid back into his chair, and Superfly winked at his dad.
Impa watched the bus drive away, and Ganondorf put his arm around her shoulder.
"Come on sweetie, The Price Is Right is on!" he said.
They climbed the steps to their spacious home carved out in the fortress stone, and as they crossed the doorway, Ganondorf smacked his head into the doorframe.
"D'OH! I always forget about that!"
Impa dragged herself inside and flopped down on the couch.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Ganondorf asked.
"Ganny... I miss the kids!"
"They've only been gone five minutes, sweetie. You got a while to go."
She burst out crying. "I MISS MY KIDS! I WANT TO WAIT ON THEM AND GIVE THEM STUFF ANF CLEAN UP AFTER THEM!"
"They have to go to school, sweetie."
"Stupid school system! I never went to school, and I turned out fine!" she snapped.
"... You were home schooled?"
"No. I taught myself," she said. "Didn't you?"
"... NO! I went to school!"
"I've never seen your high school diploma!"
He sighed and kicked at the floor. "Well... I never... really..."
"Ganondorf, you DIDN'T!"
"I was in high school, I just failed too many classes to graduate!" he said. "Really. I went... Or... I was dropped off... but..."
"You dropped out of high school!? GANON! How are we going to bring up the kids properly if their father never even graduated from high school?"
He scowled. "I was the only guy in my class... You'd of thought I would have stayed a while. HORMONES AHOY!"
She threw a pillow at him. "But I still miss the kids!"
He sighed and sat on the couch. "Hey look, your favorite show is on, Impy-Wuvvy!"
"I don't feel like watching the Golden Girls, sweetie..."
Impa stood up and decided to take a walk through the house. "If I can't talk to the kids, I'll pick up after them!"
"You do that," Ganondorf said. "That always makes you happy!"
Impa raced through the hall, picking up toys and books and dirty underwear.
"Ganondorf, I told you I put two laundry bins in the bathroom, one for clothes and one for poo-poo undies, OK?"
"OK dear... but I told you not to bring that up anymore!"
Half an hour later, Impa had picked up the whole house, and the Golden Girls was just ending. "I MISS THE KIDS!" she wailed.
Ganondorf shrugged. "I don't know! It's only 11:30. They get out of school at 2:00... you have three hours to go!"
Impa sighed. "AAAAW, I MISS THE KIDS!"
She stumbled by the mantle, when she saw something that caught her eye. A picture in a frame.
"Ganondorf, where did this picture come from?"
"What is it?"
"It's our wedding!" she cooed. "Look, there's my dad strangling your Uncle Bob!"
He chuckled.
"Do you remember our wedding, Ganny-Poo?" she said, sitting next to him on the couch.
"How could I forget? Being knocked unconscious... by a stick... and a candy groom's head... and a camera... and a Bible... Yeah, good times... good times..."
"It was so beautiful!" Impa sighed.
"I know, and so were you!"
"AWWWW!"
Impa held the picture so Ganondorf could see it.
"Yeah," Ganondorf said. "I remember it like it was yesterday..."
(flashback music)
DOOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Ganondorf/Impa Shippy Story!
By Galaxy Girl and Sailor Zel
Hiyo, it's me, Galaxy Girl. Zel and I are going to alternate chapters on this one, so I'll write this part, Zel will write the next, and so on.
Authors Note: The events in this story will make more sense if you've read Big Brother Darunia, by me.
Prologue: The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times
It was a sunny day in Gerudo (or Groovy, depending on who you asked) Valley. But then again, when WASN'T it a sunny day?
Ganondorf Dragmire, the King of Thieves (or the King of Hippies, depending on who you asked) stood at the school bus stop just in front of Gerudo/Groovy Fortress with his wife, Impa Zappa Dragmire, the Queen of Thieves (or hippies, depending on who you asked).
It really was a long story on how this former Evil King met and married this Sage of Shadow, devoted to peace and good. If you really want to know, why don't you ask them?
Next to them stood their children, 5 year old twins Moon Unit Alpha and Superfly. Superfly was wearing a black backpack filled up with school supplies and carrying a lunchbox. Moon Unit carried a purple backpack and lunchbox.
"Mommy, I don't wanna go to school!" Moon Unit whined, tugging on her mother's leg.
"You have to go, Moon Unit. How will you ever learn to spell and read and write if you don't?" Impa told her.
"And how to cast curses!" her husband added.
Impa elbowed him in the ribs.
"Sorry Dear..."
Half a mile away, the big yellow school bus was struggling through the deep sand. The driver, a Goron known as Ed, was punching the gas pedal.
"I told you we should have put the bus stop out on the field," another Goron who served as bus aide said smugly.
"Aw, SHADDUP!" Bus Driver Ed snapped.
"Hey Mista..." a small Hylian kid said.
"Shut up Kid, I'm drivin'!" Bus Driver Ed said.
"Hey Mista, how're you gonna get over the bridge?"
"What bridge?"
SNAP!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Ganondorf checked his watch nervously. "Hey, that bus is late! It should have been here five seconds ago!"
Impa sighed. "Ganny-Poo, I don't want to send the kids off on their own!"
Ganondorf patted her hand. "Oh sweetie, we have to! After all, where are they gonna learn to read and write and spell?"
"I'LL TEACH THEM!" Impa screamed.
Superfly whispered into his sister's ear. "Uh oh... Mommy's having another nervous breakdown!"
Two Gerudo/Groovy guards ran up to their king. "Ganondorf, the school bus just flew over the cliff into a raging river of DEATH!"
"AGAIN?" he said in dismay. "Wow... first the milk truck, then the mail truck, then that shipment of crazy ducks..."
"OWWWW! DR. NABOORU, THERE'S A DUCK IN YOUR OFFICE AND IT JUST TORE OFF PART OF MY SCALP!"
"Get the fire hose!"
Ganondorf snapped his fingers, and the school bus full of screaming children appeared right in front of them.
Bus Driver Ed went on screaming, then noticed that he wasn't dead. "Oh, thank you again, Mr. Dragmire!"
Ganondorf shrugged. "No problem."
The bus doors slid open, and Impa gave her children great big hugs. "I love you guys! Now, have fun at school!"
"OK Mommy," said Moon Unit.
"Yes Mother," said Superfly.
The kids stepped up onto the steps, and Impa added, "Don't eat any paste!"
"Yes mother," the twins chimed.
"And don't be mean to other kids!"
"Yes mother."
"And don't drink any raw sewage!"
"Yes mother..."
"And don't draw on any walls!"
"Yes mother,"
"And don't eat any soap!"
"Yes mom."
"And don't steal anything!"
"Yes mom,"
"And don't talk to ANY Gorons, Zoras, or Hylians you don't know!"
"Yes mom."
"And..."
Ganondorf stopped her. "Um, darling, I think the kids can handle themselves."
"Oh, right. BYE KIDS! MOMMY LOVES YOU!"
She gave Superfly a kiss on the cheek, and he hopped into the bus. Then the doors closed, and Impa stepped back.
"GOODBYE MY DARLINGS!" she cried. Then she burst into tears.
"What's wrong, honey?" asked Ganondorf.
"Our little babies are all grown up!"
"Actually sweetie, they're only 5..."
Moon Unit and Superfly walked back on the bus aisle. There were kids of all races and sizes, girls and boys. They found an empty seat, and Moon Unit slipped over next to the window. Superfly took a seat next to her, and a Zora kid leaned over form behind them.
"Hey, your skin is green!" the Zora laughed.
"Hey, your skin is blue!" Superfly laughed back.
"Hey, do you need your mommy to give you a kiss before you go to school?" the kid asked.
"Shut up! I love my Mommy!" Superfly snapped.
"Superfly, hush! He's awful big!" Moon Unit hissed.
"I bet my dad could beat up your dad," the Zora said.
"I don't think so," Superfly retorted.
"Yeah, my dad could take your dad any day!" the Zora kid teased.
Just before the bus drove away, the Zora caught a glimpse in the window next to him. Ganondorf stood there, glaring at him with evil eyes.
"AAAAAAAGGGH!"
The Zora kid slid back into his chair, and Superfly winked at his dad.
Impa watched the bus drive away, and Ganondorf put his arm around her shoulder.
"Come on sweetie, The Price Is Right is on!" he said.
They climbed the steps to their spacious home carved out in the fortress stone, and as they crossed the doorway, Ganondorf smacked his head into the doorframe.
"D'OH! I always forget about that!"
Impa dragged herself inside and flopped down on the couch.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Ganondorf asked.
"Ganny... I miss the kids!"
"They've only been gone five minutes, sweetie. You got a while to go."
She burst out crying. "I MISS MY KIDS! I WANT TO WAIT ON THEM AND GIVE THEM STUFF ANF CLEAN UP AFTER THEM!"
"They have to go to school, sweetie."
"Stupid school system! I never went to school, and I turned out fine!" she snapped.
"... You were home schooled?"
"No. I taught myself," she said. "Didn't you?"
"... NO! I went to school!"
"I've never seen your high school diploma!"
He sighed and kicked at the floor. "Well... I never... really..."
"Ganondorf, you DIDN'T!"
"I was in high school, I just failed too many classes to graduate!" he said. "Really. I went... Or... I was dropped off... but..."
"You dropped out of high school!? GANON! How are we going to bring up the kids properly if their father never even graduated from high school?"
He scowled. "I was the only guy in my class... You'd of thought I would have stayed a while. HORMONES AHOY!"
She threw a pillow at him. "But I still miss the kids!"
He sighed and sat on the couch. "Hey look, your favorite show is on, Impy-Wuvvy!"
"I don't feel like watching the Golden Girls, sweetie..."
Impa stood up and decided to take a walk through the house. "If I can't talk to the kids, I'll pick up after them!"
"You do that," Ganondorf said. "That always makes you happy!"
Impa raced through the hall, picking up toys and books and dirty underwear.
"Ganondorf, I told you I put two laundry bins in the bathroom, one for clothes and one for poo-poo undies, OK?"
"OK dear... but I told you not to bring that up anymore!"
Half an hour later, Impa had picked up the whole house, and the Golden Girls was just ending. "I MISS THE KIDS!" she wailed.
Ganondorf shrugged. "I don't know! It's only 11:30. They get out of school at 2:00... you have three hours to go!"
Impa sighed. "AAAAW, I MISS THE KIDS!"
She stumbled by the mantle, when she saw something that caught her eye. A picture in a frame.
"Ganondorf, where did this picture come from?"
"What is it?"
"It's our wedding!" she cooed. "Look, there's my dad strangling your Uncle Bob!"
He chuckled.
"Do you remember our wedding, Ganny-Poo?" she said, sitting next to him on the couch.
"How could I forget? Being knocked unconscious... by a stick... and a candy groom's head... and a camera... and a Bible... Yeah, good times... good times..."
"It was so beautiful!" Impa sighed.
"I know, and so were you!"
"AWWWW!"
Impa held the picture so Ganondorf could see it.
"Yeah," Ganondorf said. "I remember it like it was yesterday..."
(flashback music)
DOOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~