Greg/Nick slash songfic. Set to NIN song hurt. Angsty. May go on for more than one chapter if I can find a song I love to go with it. Right, I just thought of one. There will be two chapters. Oooh… another one. Three chapters.
Also, plain text is normal writing, italics are lyrics, bold is Greg's thoughts. I don't really like doing them bold, but that's the only way I can think of to do it.
Greg looked at his CDs, and then at the empty space next to them. It was only a small empty space, but it was Nick's space. Nick's CDs had been there. And Greg had honestly hated them, but they were Nick's, and he loved Nick. So they were there. But now they were gone, and so was Nick.
And Nick had left an empty space in his heat much bigger than where his CDs had been. Greg felt completely numb.
Greg picked up a CD. Nine Inch Nails. Perfect. He smiled slightly, but it was a bitter smile. There was nothing to make you feel better and worse at the same time than a bit of Nine Inch Nails.
He knew what track he wanted. It wasn't a particularly typical one of NIN, but it was just perfect for this situation.
I
hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I do. I feel so much. So much loss and sadness. This is where you left me. I don't smile. I don't laugh. Because every time I do, it reminds me of you.
I
focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
Pain is the only thing you left me with. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I can't do anything without you. Because everything I do reminds me of you.
The
needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
The old familiar sting. But not this time, because every time you left I knew you'd come back. But now you're back in Dallas. And I don't even know how to deal with it.
Try
to kill it all away
But I remember everything
Kill it away. That's a good idea. But I can't.
Greg
stood up from where he had been sat leaning against the wall and
wandered into the kitchen. He got a beer out the fridge and picked up
the ashtray. He walked back into the living room and slid down the
wall slowly to the floor again. What
have I become?
My sweetest friend
If only you could see me now. See what you've made me become. I'm sat here drinking and smoking. And I'm not going to stop until I pass out. Because of you.
Everyone
I know
Goes away in the end
Maybe I really am depressing. Sara won't talk to me anymore. Catherine tried to help, but the only person who can help me is you, Nicky. Why did you go?
You
could have it all
My empire of dirt
I would have given it all to you. Everything I had, everything I would ever have. I would have given you my life Nicky, if you were only here to take it.
I
will let you down
I will make you hurt
Because that's what I do. I can't help it. I don't know what I do, but I must do something wrong.
I
wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken
thoughts
I cannot repair
I lie and I force myself through life, wearing a mask. And I never open up and let people see how I feel, because if I did I would die Nicky. I messed up. And I can't do anything about it.
Beneath
the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone
else
I am still right here
Maybe
the feelings do disappear for you. They don't for me. Six months
now. And I am
still right here. Drinking myself to sleep every night. What
have I become?
My sweetest friend
What have I become? I'm on my final warning at work. For being late, not turning up, turning up drunk of off my face on coke or something. Did I mention that? I've tried everything to get over you.
Everyone
I know
Goes away in the end
And
if I lose my job, where will I be then? I'll have no friends.
There's the guy I buy coke off down the road I guess. I got a DB
next door to me last week. I wish it could have been me that the
psycho stabbed. Because without you I'm nothing. You
could have it all
My empire of dirt
And that's all I have now, dirt. Complete shit. But I'd still give everything to you. I'd give you my life, if only you'd take it. Please take it. In the literal sense, not the romantic one. I can't live without you.
I
will let you down
I will make you hurt
Because I can't help myself and I can't stop myself.
If
I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I
would find a way
Because without you I'm nothing and I never will be.
Greg couldn't stop the tears. He lit another cigarette and opened another beer. He couldn't live without Nick.