Author's Note: Shounen ai, shoujo ai. My version of the 02 ending. Basic couples… Hiyako, Daiken, Taito, Jyoushirou, Mira. Also some Sorato and Kenyako. But not really, because I HATE those couples. With all of my cold, black, twisted heart.
The song 'I Will Remember You' is by Sarah McLachlan, and the lyrics belong to her.
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. If it had been, then ending would have been completely different, seeing as how I do not smoke crack. Unlike the ACTUAL producers. An astronaut… sheesh.
I Will Remember You
By Madhatter
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Yes, I married Yamato. Yes, I loved him. Is that so wrong? I thought he would be able to love me, too. After all, we'd been through so much together.
I was wrong.
You know, I really did love him. I don't anymore, but I did when we got married. I was so happy.
But after years of marriage, hell, after only a few months, I realized he didn't love me. We were friends, yes, but there was no real love there. He did what he had to, but there was no real love in it.
I tried to make everything work, I really did. I did everything I could to make him love me, but none of it worked.
Damn you, Taichi.
No… I'm not really angry. Not anymore. I know who I really want, too, now. I think that's a good thing. I should have realized long ago, after all, I knew she loved me. But I can't leave, it's too late for that.
I guess we're stuck. I'm supposed to be the Keeper of Love, but I seem to have messed up my own love life and the lifes of so many of my friends. Sad, isn't it?
But perhaps one day, things will change for the better…
Sora-chan, I wish you had looked at me. But it's wonderful that you are happy. It would have been an added bonus if you were happy with me, but it's okay that you aren't. As long as you know how I feel.
And you do know how I feel. I remember it vividly. I pulled you aside during a party, on one of my visits home, and told you how I felt. You were kind about it, as kind as you could be, at least. You were nervous around me for awhile afterwards, but I expected that.
I can be realistic. I knew you wouldn't return my feelings. I knew you wouldn't say 'Oh, Mimi, I have always loved you,' and run into my arms. I didn't expect anything like that to happen. You reacted just the way I thought you would. And I'm content with that.
I think I was the only one who was so true to myself. All the others, they never spoke up. They never told the ones that they loved. I couldn't deny my feelings, I had no choice but to do it.
I was so young then, only fourteen or fifteen, and it's been so long. I still care for you as much as I did then, though, Sora. You've grown up so much.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I used to love him. I used to love him so much… he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Especially when he smiled. I wanted him to smile at me… and whenever he did, it was like the sun has just come out from behind a cloud.
Yamato…
I miss you so much. I should never have let you go. You meant so much to me, and I never told you. And then, when you started dating Sora and we fought… you thought I wanted her.
You were wrong. It was you I wanted, the whole time.
And now… now it's too late. I slowly stopped hanging out with you when you spent more and more time with Sora. I didn't want to see the looks you gave each other, the light kisses exchanged when you parted for the day. It hurt me too much.
And after that… I slowly stopped talking to you, as well. Our friendship faded away, until all I had left was the faint ache of love unfulfilled and opportunities lost. Eventually, I thought I was over it… but…
But…
When I got the invitation to your wedding, I couldn't help it. I cried. It hurt so much, even though I hadn't talked to you for years. I couldn't go. I figured you wouldn't miss me, hell, I was surprised I even got an invitation.
That was probably Sora's doing. She was so full of love for all of us, I somehow doubt she would have completely forgotten me.
I wonder if she noticed that I didn't come?
I wish…
I wish I could have told you. Back before you began to date Sora. Even if I never had a chance, even if you don't like men, I could have at least gotten it off my chest. Now it's eating me up inside.
You'd think I get over it, wouldn't you? Even if the wedding invitation opened up my old wounds… it's been years since then. But no.
Heh, you think maybe keeping me on your 'family announcement' mailing list helped a little?
I got a letter everytime you had a kid, or every time something important happened. And I read them, each and every one. After all, I still care.
But at the bottom of the letters… "Love, Sora and Yamato".
And I think, why couldn't it have been me? I had the Crest of Courage, why didn't I have the courage to speak up? Then, maybe, just maybe, it would say "Love, Taichi and Yamato" instead.
That will never happen now. I've missed my chance.
But I still want you…
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Unspoken love can eat at your insides. I wouldn't be surprised if one day it gave me an ulcer.
That would be kind of funny, actually. Jyou, the health-conscious (sometimes too much so) doctor, giving himself an ulcer because he's too shy to admit his own feelings.
No, that wouldn't be funny. That'd be pathetic.
What was I talking about? Oh yes. Unspoken love. Silly that I'd never said anything, despite being shown what hesitation can do. Just look at Taichi and Yamato, or Daisuke and Ken. All those lost opportunities, those lost loves. You'd think I could learn something from them, but no.
I'm just too shy, I think. And of course, the object of my affections won't look away from the computer screen long enough to notice me.
But I'm not mad at him for that. How could I be? That would be unfair. I've never told him, so I shouldn't expect him to know.
That would be silly.
It's sad that I get to see so few of the other Chosen Children nowadays. The only one I seem to see on a regular basis is Jyou. It's not as if I dislike seeing Jyou (far from it, in fact), but it would be nice to see how that others are doing. The only way I keep up with them is through Sora's family newsletters, and those only talk about her and Yamato.
I'm certain I would have been informed if anything truly important had happened, however. I was told when Miyako and Ken had their children (and of course I went to their wedding).
It would be nice to see everyone again, though. Sometimes I wonder why Jyou has kept in touch with me, but nobody else had. We all went through so much together, why are we now so distant? This shouldn't have happened.
I wonder if Jyou feels the same way.
Why do my thoughts keep coming back to him?
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
Was it a mistake? I thought that maybe I loved her. I thought that even if I didn't love her, I cared enough about her to learn how to love her.
Apparently I was wrong. I don't love her.
Well, that's not true. I do love her. I love her like a friend, like a sister.
I haven't slept with her in… years. Not since our last son was conceived. I don't enjoy it, not really. And she doesn't seem to miss it, either.
I feel bad for this, even though I haven't done anything.
I tried to do my best, Sora…
I would never give up my children. I love them. But sometimes I wonder if I didn't make a mistake. Sometimes I wish I hadn't just left things at friendship with Taichi.
But then, friendship is my strong point. Love is not.
That's what I tell myself. I tell myself that if I'd tried anything, it would be doomed to failure. I don't know how to love. At least, not romantically. I do love my children, but that's entirely different.
I suppose I did love Taichi. But I'm not sure if I could have loved him. Could I have kept up a relationship? I couldn't even keep up my dream, my band. It fell into ruins, my bandmates left to pursue other interests. So I did too.
Would the same thing have happened if I pursued a relationship with Taichi? Would it have crumbled, falling into ruins?
I've learned that love isn't necessary for a comfortable relationship. If I had been in love with Sora, would we have lasted this long?
Maybe love isn't as strong as everyone thinks. Maybe love destroys.
…sometimes, I hope it does. Because if not, I've wasted my life because of my fear of losing Taichi forever.
I'm such an idiot. I have lost Taichi. We used to be nearly inseperable. Taichi and Yamato, the best friends, who fight all the time but are never apart.
We haven't talked in years, I haven't seen him in nearly as long.
But at least this way…
He doesn't hate me.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Ken is such a sweet man.
He's my best friend now, I think. We married to please our families, but it did bring us closer in so many ways.
We shouldn't be together, though. If only fate had taken us in different ways...
Hikari.
She likes children, doesn't she?
I have three, now. I wish I could raise them with her.
I lost so many opportunities. I didn't really want to be a housewife, I wanted to do something with computers. But I don't regret missing out on that, really. My children have given me so much. I love them, they are the best thing to come out of this marriage that Ken and I have.
I know he doesn't feel as close to them as I do, and I'm not surprised. I spent so much more time with them, and he was gone so often. It's not really a bad thing, though. I'm certain that one day we'll split up, get a divorce and go our separate ways.
Pursue our true loves.
When that happens, I will take the children.
I will take the children, and I will find Hikari again.
The light of my future.
Everyone expected Takeru and I to get married.
We didn't even date.
Takeru was my best friend, and still is. But we were never in love. We both had other dreams and destinies to pursue, although neither of us have achieved what we dream of, yet. I think he gave me a little of his Hope, though, because I can't seem to give up.
I can't look elsewhere for love, although Miyako may never return my feelings. It doesn't really matter, in my mind. I love her, and as long as she's happy, so am I.
I used to visit her and Ken. Their children were so lovely. I could spend hours just playing with them.
But eventually I realized that I wasn't doing anything to help, and everytime I visited, Miyako looked sad. I didn't want to make her sad, so I stopped visiting, and eventually moved away.
That was only a few years ago, her children wouldn't be too much older now. Perhaps some day I will be able to go visit them again, and see smiles on the faces of Miyako and her children.
That is what I want more than anything.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
Daisuke, you were my best friend. You still are. We aren't as close as we used to be, though.
I'm really just happy that you're still talking to me, and visiting sometimes. I wouldn't want us to be like Taichi and Yamato. I think everyone knows what happened there.
It's exactly what could have happened to us. But by some twist of fate, it didn't.
I love you, you know. I truly do.
You love me, too. I know it. After all, you told me.
You walked up to me on the day before Miyako and I got married, and told me. You said you loved me. You said it hurt you horribly to see me marrying Miyako. You said you'd realized how you felt about me the day I told you Miyako and I were engaged, but by then it was too late.
If only you'd told me before. I would have found some way to convince my parents to let me stay with you.
They wanted children. That's why I married Miyako. She was my best female friend, and although we didn't and still don't love each other romantically, we agreed that since my parents would be crushed if I told them I was gay, I should marry her.
You see, she was certain she'd never have her love reciprocated, either.
So we got married. We're happy. We're still great friends, of course. We even had children, so all our parents would be happy. But neither of us ever got what we really wanted.
I've been in love with you for such a long time, Daisuke. Ever since our Digimon jogressed… no, before that. I've loved you ever since I became myself again, ever since you wouldn't leave me alone. Ever since you saved me. Join us, you said. Be my friend, you said.
Oh god, I loved you so much. When I felt our hearts beating in time, I realized it. But somehow… I knew you didn't feel the same way. So I didn't say anything.
Not long after our adventure ended, my parents began. Marry a nice girl. Have children. Carry on the Ichijouji family name.
How was I supposed to tell them I was gay?
So I married Miyako.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish we could have been together. I wish we still could. But I have my children to think about. Miyako can't take care of them alone. It's cruel to say, but… if I thought she could, I would leave. I've given my parents what they wanted. I have no real connection with my children. Miyako raised them, she takes care of them. I'm just the man who fathered them.
But I can't leave, not now. I'm sorry.
I love you, Daisuke…
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Oh, Ken. My Ken-chan.
You're probably still beating yourself up over your marriage to Miyako. You always did blame yourself for everything. I'm not angry with you at all, though. I love you.
It did hurt me to see you marry Miyako, I won't deny that. It felt like my heart had broken into pieces, and the pieces were stabbing my insides. But the pain has dulled after all these years.
It helps to know that you love me, too.
I know we'll never be close friends like we used to be. There's too much pain lurking in your eyes when you look at me, and when I'm around you too long the urge to touch you, to take you in my arms and never let you go, is just too much. So we can't spend much time around each other. However, I absolutely refuse to let you go. I love you too much.
And maybe someday, in the future, we'll be able to be together.
Until then, though, I'll have to stay at a distance. I don't want to ruin things, you seem pretty happy with Miyako. I can't keep myself from wanting you, though.
I've changed a lot from when I was younger. I think we all have. I mean, obviously I have changed, see? I was thinking. That didn't used to happen very often.
Heh heh. I haven't changed that much, though.
Ne, Ken-chan… I won't give you up so easily. I won't fade into the background, not when I love you, too. I'll always be here, and one day I'll have you, too. I know it!
Well, I don't know it. Not really. But I'm an optimist. It'll happen.
I know at least that I have your heart, that you love me too. We'll be friends forever, no matter what.
Daisuke Motomiya and Ken Ichijouji, together forever, as friends or lovers.
I'm never going to abandon you. Never.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Everybody is so unhappy.
I can see it. Why can't they? Why didn't they all seize their chances for happiness when they had it?
I'm going to do something. I'm going to give them all another chance. I'm sure some of them won't welcome it, but damnit, I know what's good for them.
Heh. Takeru Takaishi, therapist for the Digidestined. How sad.
I want at least Oniisan to be happy… I know that's sort of selfish, but if my plan only works for him and no one else, I'll still be happy.
Of course, in order for him to be happy, Taichi will have to be happy as well…
Two birds with one stone. Heh heh.
But this had better work, I'm tired of watching my friends being miserable. The only ones who are even remotely happy are Jyou and Koushirou, and they're both too damn shy to do anything. The only thing different is that they don't have to watch the one they love with someone else.
Argh, my friends are all so irritating. They denied what they could have had, or they lost it, and now they're miserable. I'm glad that never happened to me.
So what if I'm not married? So what if I haven't been on a date for almost a year? I'm not pining away over someone that I could have had. I'm really perfectly happy, if just a little lonely. And everybody's lonely sometimes, right?
So I'm going to be a good friend, and I'm going to make sure everyone else has a happy ending.
And they're going to like it, god damnit.
This could be more fun then I expected.
Weep not for the memories…
Ending Note: I will probably write sequels to this fic. I want happy endings for my favorite couples! If you couldn't tell, the viewpoints are, in order: Sora, Mimi, Taichi, Jyou, Koushirou, Yamato, Miyako, Hikari, Ken, Daisuke, and Takeru. All the Digidestined except Iori. Why not Iori? Because I couldn't think of anything for him, and I have plans for him later. Don't worry, this is set in the 02 ending… he's not dead or anything. He'll be back. If I write more, that is…