Chapter 1: Identity

The nightmares still came to Amelia.

She thought they would leave; she thought they were temporary. Except it's been five years now and it felt like nothing had changed. She was still afraid he'd come back for her and hurt her or someone else close to her. It was a risk she wasn't going to take by going back home to those she loved.

She'd been young, so fucking young. He stole an innocence from her that she'd never get back and there was nothing she could do now except hope he'd never find her.

She had escaped to New York, knowing he lived in Los Angeles. She wanted an entire country between them. She had left her old life behind by running from him, but over the years she found that she could build a life here.

Waitressing at a dive bar wasn't exactly her dream job, but she liked the money and she found a family in the other workers. Her boss, Paul Larken, was a major hard-ass but he protected her and the other girls like a big brother. That's why when he asked her to come in to cover for the new girl she couldn't refuse him. No one else wanted to give up their Friday night plans to help and it would be selfish of Amelia to say no when she had no plans of her own.

The shift was insanely busy, but she had managed just fine so far. At one in the morning when things got slower, she decided a break was needed and headed to the back room.
Amelia's best friend and fellow waitress followed her with an excited look on her face. "Oh my God, Amy, I have the best news ever."

Typical Kenzie. Everything Kenzie had to share was "the best news ever." She said the same thing last week about getting a consultation for a boob job and then said the same thing again this morning over the phone about finally getting a raspberry seed out from between her teeth. She was excitable to say the least, which always made talking to her extremely entertaining, but also extremely exhausting.

"Let me guess," Amelia said, "You found a dime on the sidewalk outside?"

Kenzie smirked, knowing very well that she did tend to make a big deal over things, "No, smartass. I got us Sinners concert tickets!" Kenzie squealed with excitement and began bouncing up and down like a child about to get candy.

Amelia's face paled, anxiety filling her body at the thought. She had many triggers, no doubt about it. However, the biggest trigger for her was rock stars. She made it a point to stay away from all men in general, but bad boy musicians sat at the top of her list to avoid.

The Sinners were sexy and wild; she'd seen them in the press before. Who hadn't heard of the Sinners? They were one of the most popular metal bands on the charts right now. But that didn't change anything about the situation. The thought of seeing them sent chills up Amelia's spine.

Kenzie's voice snapped her back into reality, "Um, hello! Earth to Amelia, why aren't you jumping around and cheering with me?"

Amelia loved Kenzie like a sister, but she swore to never speak of what happened to her. She had put it behind her and it was in the past along with every other bad memory she had.

"It's just," she started, avoiding eye contact with Kenzie. Those big brown eyes were enough to make Amelia do about anything. "I don't like metal music."

She lied. She used to love metal music. It made her feel wild and adventurous even though in reality she was quite timid and shy. The feeling of letting the music overtake her and her senses used to make her feel like she could do anything if she succumbed to the rhythm.

Then again, succumbing to the dangerous music is what got her into trouble before. Unfortunately, that's what forced her to stop listening to it. Too many open wounds still left behind.

Kenzie wouldn't take no for an answer though, Amelia could tell already by the furrow of her brows and determined slant of her chin. There was no way she could ever win a fight with Kenzie in a million years.

"Bullshit, Amy. Every time I play their music I can tell you love it. You close your eyes and listen, sometimes even smile and sing along." She was scowling at Amelia, testing to see how long it would take her to break her down so she'd go.

Amelia knew this game of Kenzie's all too well, "I hate concerts. The crowds make me nervous and it's so loud. I won't even go see Billy Joel when he tours and I love him more than anyone."

"But this is different," she whines, "It's my birthday on Sunday and this is all I wanted. All you have to do is go with me, the ticket is my treat."

"Take your brothers or something," Amelia groaned in the hopes that Kenzie would leave her alone.

"My brothers went back to Salt Lake City last week. I just want to go to a rockin' concert with my best friend tomorrow for my birthday." Kenzie stared down at Amelia with big eyes that looked right through her, "I'd do it for you, Amy."

Of Kenzie knew the secret then she wouldn't force her to go with her. Kenzie was a tad ditzy, but she put everyone else before herself. That's why it really sucked because there was no way to turn her down and not feel like a complete asshole. In reality she is right, she would do anything that Amelia wanted or needed.

That thought alone is what made Amelia succumb to the power of persuasion. "Ugh, when are you picking me up?"

The shriek of electric guitars in the pitch black darkness awakened the crowd into a fit of screams and cheers. A steady drum beat followed, along with a smooth bass line. Then the primal and throaty growl into the mic sent the crowd into hysterics and craziness.

This was only the beginning.

When the bright lights hit the stage to show who was behind the amazing and sensual music, Amelia couldn't help but stare in awe. This was it, she was at a Sinners concert. She hadn't felt this exhilarated in years.

She had been terrified since Kenzie picked her up in her crappy little blue Toyota. The last concert she had been to marked the day of her freedom from that monster. She packed her bags and never looked back. Yet, here she was at a Sinners concert where she was facing her fears. Rock gods wouldn't scare her forever and here she was taking the first step at moving on from her past.

With every passing song Amelia lost herself to the music and the mosh pit. She closed her eyes and absorbed the sound of hard rock music that made her skin tingle and her mind clear. There was something about swaying in a crowd of sweaty bodies while rhythmic guitar music and sexy growls flooded her eardrums. It instantly loosened Amelia up and made her feel young and carefree again.

She had been so lost in the music that she hadn't really even taken time to admire the band. They were all gorgeous because obviously a big time band like them had to keep up appearances, but Amelia honestly wasn't there to gawk at their good looks. All she wanted was the hear the stellar music they played as they rocked her world.

Songs passed in succession and slowly but surely Amelia and Kenzie were falling into the trance of the Sinner's music. It was like they had cast a spell over the crowd, causing them to either go bat-shit crazy or allowing them to break free and let go of troubles. It was an insane feeling of what can only be described as magic.

When the concert ended and Kenzie looked at Amelia with a wide grin they both started laughing at each other's appearances. Kenzie's hair was all ratty from her running her fingers through it and her clothes were askew from the constant rubbing of bodies that took place on the floor level. Kenzie told Amelia that her eye makeup had smudged all under her eyes which made her look like a raccoon, plus her body was covered in a layer of sweat from all the dancing and jumping.

A sudden wave of sleepiness fell over Amelia and she yawned, "I'm so glad we did this, Kenzie, but I'm not gonna lie I'm exhausted."

Kenzie attempted to smooth out her dark brown hair before smiling even bigger than usual, "Well, don't fall asleep on me yet. You'll never believe what I did!"

"Oh shit," Amelia whispered. Surprises from Kenzie were usually trouble.

"No, I swear you're going to love me forever," she said, pulling Amelia by the wrist so she'd follow her through the crowd.

Amelia tried prying her arm free of Kenzie's grasp, but honestly loosening up a bear trap would be easier than loosening up Kenzie's grip.

"Mackenzie Cooper, you better tell me why you're pulling me in the opposite direction of the exit." Amelia tried to sound like she was keeping her cool, but inside she was dying. She hated surprises and she really didn't want any surprises that involved staying here after the concert.

Kenzie was relentless, though, and kept pulling Amelia until they were in a sea of fangirls yelling at a bodyguard who was blocking the backstage area. He was huge with broad shoulders and a hefty frame. He honestly could just look the girls and snap them in half.

Kenzie, still determined and pushy, managed to get through the raging hormone sea until they were right in front of the scary bodyguard man. When he looked up and saw her, his eyes lit up with joy and he brought her in for a big bear hug.

"Sweetheart, how are you?" He asked her.

She laughed and batted her eyelashes in typical Kenzie fashion, "I'm great, Uncle Bobby, the show was amazing!"

Typical Kenzie.

What are the chances her uncle worked as personal bodyguards for the Sinners?

His bright green eyes were lit with excitement when he asked, "You ladies came to see the band, right?"

Kenzie nodded and smiled like the most innocent child who ever existed. The Virgin Mary couldn't have looked more innocent in that very moment which was really confusing considering Kenzie was wearing thigh high boots with a mini-skirt and crop top that left little to the imagination.

Uncle Bobby winked before moving aside to let the girls pass, while continuing to wrangle the jealous fans that tried to move passed too. Amelia stopped Kenzie by grabbing her hand and saying, "Kenzie let's go. I don't want to meet the band. I'd be-uh- too nervous."

"Don't worry, Amy, they're cool guys. They're used to girls getting all nervous around them." Kenzie turned and pulled Amelia with her again down a hallway that stretched for ages.

Amelia thought she was going to throw up. Her hands went clammy and her breathing increased. She swore to never again do something like this again. Then again, Kenzie wouldn't leave her alone would she?

"Everything would be okay," Amelia whispered to herself.

Kenzie wouldn't let anyone go near her and Amelia certainly wasn't as stupid as she once was. She could always leave; she didn't have to stay if she didn't want to. Although with Kenzie it was pretty obvious that Amelia would never be allowed to miss out on a once and a lifetime experience of meeting the members of Sinners.

Kenzie was practically busting with excitement by the time they got to the dressing rooms and Amelia didn't even try to hide the fact that she was terrified and the second Kenzie stopped jumping up and down to look at her, she paused, "Amy, it's okay. My brothers met them in Vegas and said they were like the coolest guys ever. Don't be nervous."

"This w-was a b-bad idea," Amelia stuttered out.

She froze instantly. It had been so long since she stuttered. Kenzie had only really known about the stutter, she had never actually seen it happen.

Kenzie's face dropped once she realized what had just happened and Amelia felt awful for killing her friend's radiant energy.

"Amy, what has you so spooked right now? Honey, they're regular people." Kenzie smiled sadly, "We don't have to go in."

Fuck, a straight punch to Amelia's stomach would have hurt less than that. Kenzie did everything for Amelia and all she wanted more than anything was to meet the Sinners. Amelia really didn't deserve a friend like Makenzie because she knew Kenzie was fearless and even if she didn't want to do something, she would still power through for Amelia without a doubt.

More than anything, Amelia wanted to tell her best friend about why she was so terrified. Unfortunately, Amelia wasn't just a bad friend; she was also the world's biggest coward.

"No," Amelia said without stuttering, "We're doing this."

Maybe it would feel good to stand up to her fear, or maybe it would be terrifying. It didn't matter though because she wasn't her old self and she was smarter now than she was before. She wasn't the dumb little girl she had been.

She was Amelia Martin and she wasn't going to let fear take over her life forever. Although a little alcohol to calm her nerves wouldn't hurt either.

With a big breath and a confident smile, she took Kenzie's hand and finished the track down the hallway, "Let's finish this night the right way!"