A/N: I was watching Cheaper by the Dozen with my sister, when she visited and thought that this was a cutely snazzy idea. But this is like a one-shot unless it should be more...let me know! This was a great form of procrastination.
Disclaimer: Guess what?! I own iCarly!! Bow down now! Oh.yeah! I own it! Uh uh! BOW!! (people bow) Actually, I was just kidding. (smug face) I was. (people chase me with pitch forks and torches) It was just a joke! Help!!
Lucky Number
By. Aimie
Freddie and I met way back when I was about 7 at a beach. He was a dork and a computer nerd and I was the tough girl that beat people up.
And strangely enough, we made a perfect match.
But he became more than a computer nerd he became a director. He wanted to direct a movie, one really great movie and I wanted to be a pastry chef. I wanted to make wedding cakes (and eat them), make yummy brownies and cupcakes for a restaurant that I owned.
I always did love food and he always did love his cameras.
We loved what we did. But our careers came to a halt when we realized that we had too many children to make our dreams come true.
First came Jolie, she came with me to the restaurant I worked in for a while. She would come in and eat every cake I made.
Then came Steve, he was a cutie and he still is. Only taller and with more muscle.
After Steve came Annie. Then Adelaide, then Leonardo, then the first set of fraternal twins Hilary and Laila (named after my mother). After Jake (named after Freddie's best friend) we decided to try to pull the plug.
And oddly enough, it didn't work. We vacationed in Hawaii for two months and came back with Max (named after my father, I guess we had just begun to lose creativity when he happened.). After Max came Shane and then we seriously had had enough.
I forced Freddie to go to the doctor and get neutered (funny story on that actually…he told me he wasn't a dog so neutered wouldn't really be a good way to say it) and he had the procedure done. We went to a party and had a few drinks and BAM! Our next set of twins Harry and Dylan.
I guess the doctors neglected on telling us that the procedure would become effective the week after he had it done. Ahhh, life.
But we wouldn't be the 14 Bensons if we hadn't had them. 14 was always one of my lucky numbers. 14 counting Freddie and I of course.
12 has been a lucky number for us as well.
Though we have decided to take time off from our dreams we never regret this thing called 'family' and we never thought that one day we'd end up with 12 members in our familes. I knew that Freddie wanted a big family and I knew I wanted a big family.
Always, as a child he had a lack of children to play with (except for me and Carly) because of his crazy mother. Funny, I'm her daughter-in-law now. Seriously, I was always laughing at her. She's actually very sane...when you get to know her.
As for me, I always wanted a lot of children just because as a kid I was alone all the time. Sure, I had Carly but when I went home all I had was a cat-yeller for a mother. She was never of any good influence on me.
We wanted at least 8. But we got more than we bargained for. 12 is a big number.
A big number indeed.
"Annie, pass the salt!" he yelled frying some eggs. Freddie turned his head and looked at Leonardo cleaning his camera lens. "Leo, can you at least help me here?"
"I am cleaning my camera lens father. I will get back to you on that." Leo flipped his wavy blond hair and walked out of the room.
"Thanks for the help!" Freddie yelled sarcastically. Then Annie walked in.
"You needed this?" she handed him the salt.
"Yeah, thanks" Freddie grabbed the salt. "What would I do without you Annie?"
"Clearly," she looked around and tossed her straight blonde hair aside. "Nothing."
He laughed. Annie walked out. Sam walked into the room.
"Everything alright, dork?" asked Sam ruffling Freddie's hair.
"Sam, our children aren't very helpful." he scowled.
"Sure they are." smiled Sam helping him. "I have Steve, Hilary and Laila on bread duty. Adelaide, Max and Shane on buttering duty. Buttering or jellying. Whichever they prefer."
"And the boys?"
"Harry and Dylan? They're being tended to by Jake." Sam smirked. "Stop worrying, you remind me of your mom."
"I do not!"
Sam walked to the kitchen and began to take out the orange juice. "Yes, you are."
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Did Annie go back into the bathroom?"
"You know her, she's been hanging around with Carly too much." Sam began to pour the orange juice into 11 cups.
"Yeah, should we get her away?"
"Nah. Adelaide got another detention."
"Again? From who? She just got over being suspended form soccer!"
"Who else? The only teacher that gives us a hard time. Miss. Martinez. Seriously, she needs to find a new job she scares the kids away." Sam placed each cup on the table.
"With what?"
"Her singing! During a parent-teacher conference, she began to sing the translated version of our national anthem, not pretty."
Freddie made a disgusted face. "What language?"
The kids poured into the kitchen each taking their respective places. Sam made a face and rolled her eyes.
"Indian"
"What?"
"Yeah, I don't know." Sam sat down. "Adelaide,"
"Hmm?" Adelaide looked up.
"Your suspension from soccer is over, you can go now." Sam smiled happily and passed the bread around. Adelaide smiled and cheered.
"Leo, I have no idea why you'd want to do this but—your technology classes start today at 4:00, don't be late" Sam poured more orange juice in his cup.
Leo smiled and took a bite of his bread. "Does this mean I'm a dork now?"
"That's exactly what that means." Sam pointed at him. "Attention everyone!"
Everyone looked at Sam. "Your brother is a dork now."
"Which one?" asked Hilary
"Leo."
"Wasn't he always?" Hilary rolled her eyes. Leo made a face at Hilary and continued eating. Sam laughed.
Freddie took a sip of his juice. "Hilly?"
Hilary looked at Freddie. "Dad?"
"You're teacher said to stop correcting her in the middle of class." he joked.
Hilary rolled her eyes. "That's gonna be hard, Daddy."
"I know. Laila, you too."
Laila sighed. "Fine." then she mumbled "Our teacher is so stupid..."
Sam looked at Laila. "What was that?"
"Nothing!" Laila put a huge peace of bread in her mouth.
"Mom," said Jake. "I need a new skateboard."
"Jake, not now." Sam smiled. "Eat your breakfast."
"I wanted a toasted jelly bagel with grape jelly!" screamed Harry pounding his fists on the table.
"If he wants one, I do too!" screamed Dylan.
"BAGEL! BAGEL!" they started to say pounding the table with their forks.
Freddie sighed and got up. "Not now guys. You can have one later."
Sam smirked as he sat down next to her once more. "You know they're going to work with you…" she whispered into his ear.
"What?"
"Yep, it's your turn."
Freddie groaned. "Dad, can I play hockey?" asked Shane.
"Sure…but why?"
"Uncle Jake says it's good for your health."
"Oh really?" Freddie looked at Sam. "He must have a new hobby."
Sam laughed. Jake Crandall's last hobby hadn't been the best. He had loved it but Carly had hated it.
"You know, I'm thinking of getting into football." said Steve putting some jelly on his bread.
"Football? Steve that's dangerous, you could get hurt I—"
Sam put a hand over Freddie's mouth. "Go ahead. We'll cheer you on."
Steve smiled. "Hey, where's Max?" asked Adelaide.
"Huh?"
Just then, as if by fate or something, Max came in holding his dog, Ryder. Ryder was a puppy and he was very…very hyper.
"Ryder…he's…I..." Max accidentally let go of Ryder and the puppy ran and went on top of the table and smack dab into the eggs.
The eggs splattered on everyone. Annie squirmed, Adelaide yelled "Gross!" Harry and Dylan licked the eggs off their faces and the rest of the boys just struggled to get the eggs off.
Ryder began to run all over the table. "GET THAT DOG!" Freddie screamed.
Ryder ran down. Sam ran to the door and blocked it. "Freddie, I got this door covered, block the other one."
Freddie blocked the other door. "I got it."
They chased after Ryder effortlessly and grabbed him. "I got him!" said Freddie, he then proceeded across the room to give Ryder back to Max. "Maxwell, put the dog in his house."
"Yes, dad." Max slowly tried to walk back but slipped on the eggs that were on the floor. They heard some shattering of glass and Max then knew he was in trouble. While falling, Max had let go of Ryder and Ryder had gotten on the countertop and destroyed Sam's fine china that was given to her on her wedding day by Carly.
Sam's eyes were closed. "Is it all gone?"
Freddie sighed.
"The plate with our names on it…gone?" her eyes were still closed.
"Take Ryder and put him in his dog house now." scolded Freddie.
Max grabbed Ryder and nodded. "Yes, sir."
"Nice move, Dork." said Adelaide as Max walked out.
"Sorry Sam." Freddie walked over to Sam. Sam opened her eyes and winced. He patted her on the back.
"I…always hated those." said Sam. Of course, she didn't really mean that.
It's crazy. But it's our life. And that FINE CHINA, I always hated those. Pshh, I don't need anything else from China. Everything is from there anyway…
So here I am. Not exactly a real pastry chef and not exactly a bum. I work at a restaurant nearby and I'm writing a cook book with all of my pastry goodness. Freddie is directing a short film.
We've had our ups and our downs but—
"Mom?"
"Yes?" Sam said.
"I am so over Jolie's hand me downs. I mean really! I…" Annie started.
"Not now, Annie."
But sometimes I do wonder….what would my life be like without these 12 crazy kids?
Probably nothing…
A/N: Can a guy get neutered? I dunno…but they go through this medical procedure or whatever. Go along with it, please. This was fun to write.
Lemme know what you think!!,
Aimie