I know that I should really be updating my other stories… but I'm kind of stuck so I thought a one-shot might help. :)
WARNING: This contains mature themes (sex), so if you aren't comfortable reading about that kind of thing than consider yourself warned!
DISCLAIMER: yadda yadda yadda I don't own iCarly
Chapter 1: Sam's POV
You know what's the worst class in school?
Health class.
You know what makes health class even worse?
Having your crush in that class. And having him sit right next to you.
Health class is made to be the most awkward, boring, yet kind of interesting class ever. But having your crush there makes the awkward ten times worse.
In 11th grade health, you basically just learn about sex. But this topic is also slightly amusing and enjoyable, when you have a bad teacher like I do.
And with sex you think about your crush…. In those ways. Which makes you feel gross and even more awkward.
Thank God that girls can't get erections.
But the worst thing about health class this year? Freddie Benson, my crush, is in it.
"Alirghty class… today we are learning about how to use condoms." Ms. Greenwood says in a bored tone. The class snickers. Ms. Greenwood glares at us. "Yeah yeah, I know it's funny, but unless you plan on getting someone pregnant while you're in high school then I suggest that you shut up." We shut up. "Now, can anyone explain to the class what condoms are used for?"
Nobody raises their hand.
Ms. Greenwood sighs. "Whoever answers will get an extra five points added to the next test grade."
Gibby's head shot up from its sleeping position on the desk at the mention of extra credit. He's the only one who really needs it in this class.
"Teacher! Teacher! I know the answer!" Gibby yells.
Ms. Greenwood sighs again. "Gibby, I told you to stop calling me teacher."
"Sorry, teacher." There is so much wrong with him.
"Whatever. Just answer the question." Says an exasperated Ms. Greenwood.
"Uhm… well… aren't condoms those sheet protector things that keep the mattress from getting messy when your… doing it?" Gibby asks uncertainly.
The class laughs at Gibby's dumbness while Ms. Greenwood pours some Advil pills into her mouth.
After Ms. Greenwood swallows she slowly opens her bloodshot eyes. "No, Gibby. That is not what a condom is."
"Sorry, teacher." Gibby says, ashamed.
"Can anyone answer this question correctly?" Ms. Greenwood pleads.
Freddie, of course, raises his hand. "A condom is a thin sheath, usually of very thin rubber, worn over the penis during sexual intercourse to prevent conception or sexually transmitted disease."
This class laughs again while I mentally slap myself. Why'd I fall in love with the biggest dorks of all time?
After this I zone out, starting to think about how Freddie knew this. Does he look up this kind of stuff during his free time? Does he watch porn? Does he try to please himself?
Ugh! I have to stop thinking like this… it's just so gross! Why must teenagers have so many hormones?
After Ms. Greenwood explains the history of condoms, she goes around the class and gives us each a small packet that contains a condom.
Some of us look at it like it's the grossest thing in the world, while others rip it open to get an up-close look at it. I look to the right of me to see what Freddie did with his, and I wish that I hadn't looked. He was joking around with one of his nerd AV friends by rolling the condom onto his finger and laughing uncontrollably.
It just… didn't seem like the normal Freddie. But I liked it. It seemed like he was… I don't know, growing up I guess? He didn't act as nerdy outside of the classroom, and joined the gym and started to be more fun to hang around with. It's like he loosened up. He actually makes decent jokes and it seems like our fighting is turning into flirting, which I like very much.
Gibby was trying to rip his condom to see how strong it was. He couldn't rip it open though (weakling), so I guess that he found it strong enough not to break.
"Teacher?" Gibby asked.
Ms. Greenwood looked at him sharply. "What?"
"Can I go to the bathroom to try it on?"
At this the class started laughing uncontrollably while Gibby smiled sheepishly.
"No, Gibby!" Ms. Greenwood snapped.
Freddie raised his hand. "Can I go try mine on then?"
Ms. Greenwood looked shocked before slumping down in her seat and rubbing her temples.
While the class was laughing at Gibby and Freddie's question, I was in shock too. I can't believe that the biggest nerd of all time just tried to be funny in class. And succeeded.
Freddie leaned towards me and whispered seductively, "Maybe after school you could come over and help me try it on." I froze, refusing to look at him.
Was he serious? Cause I mean… I-I… well um… ugh, I can't even think right now!
I force myself to turn my gaze to meet his and I see him smirking at me. That bitch! He was just messing with me!
I slapped him in the face and turned around. All boys think about is sex sex sex sex sex, and they say stuff about it out loud too! At least us girls keep our sexual comments to ourselves.
I turned my attention back towards the front of the room. Ms. Greenwood was in the process of rolling a condom onto a banana. Oh, wow, that's awkward.
When the condom completely covered the banana, it snapped in half and fell onto the floor, which caused the class to laugh.
Ms. Greenwood looked embarrassed. "Well… um… whenever this happens, it usually means that the condom is too small. So you should try a larger size," She said, flustered while all of the boys, including Freddie, whooped and pumped their fists at the idea of a larger condom.
After she finally successfully covered the banana, she told us that we'd have to put one on a banana with our partners. Oh shit. Freddie's my partner.
Freddie scooted his desk over to mine while Ms. Greenwood passed out the bananas and another condom for those that had already broken theirs.
Freddie noticed my pissed off face and laughed. "Oh c'mon Sam, are you afraid of condoms?" He teased.
"No!" I scoffed. "This class is just annoying, and so are you."
"Aww. That hurt my feelings. Aren't you gonna apologize?" He pouted jokefully.
"No, I'm GLAD that I hurt your feelings, Benson." I sneered, still fuming from what he had whispered to me earlier.
"Well, maybe you can apologize later, at my house…"
I could feel the banana that I was holding in my hand smush as the insides of the banana dripped all over my hand.
Freddie's eyes widened. "Uhm, actually, maybe not." I knew he was thinking 'What if that was my dick instead of the banana?'
For the rest of the day, whenever I saw him he would look at me longingly. Maybe he had the same weird fantasies that I had?
No, he couldn't. He was just trying to get me mad when he said all that stuff.
During eighth period I just usually roam around the hallways since it's my off period. The problem is, Freddie has a free period then too. Now I had to make sure that I didn't run into him, otherwise it would be awkward.
I was sneaking around the science wing hallways, when a hand reached out from the science supply closet and pulled me in. I tried to shriek but the hand went over my mouth. The lights turned on and I saw that it was none other than Fredward Benson.
I sneered. "What the hell do you want?"
He looked at me with his big, gorgeous brown eyes. "Look, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said earlier. That was really stupid and wrong of me, and I shouldn't have said it. It's just that, now that I'm almost seventeen I've been getting these… urges, I guess you could say, and I can't control them sometimes, and I say them out loud as a joke. So, sorry for making you feel uncomfortable… I won't say it out loud again."He said sheepishly.
Wait… so he's been having these urges too? I smiled and started laughing giddily.
"What?" Freddie asked, confused.
"I should be the one apologizing… I know that you were just joking around; I shouldn't have taken it so seriously. I get those urges too… so don't worry about it. We can't control our hormones." He looked relieved.
"Uhm… could those urges… possibly be about… me?" He mumbled.
I blushed. "…Maybe."
He smiled. "Well, my urges are about you too."
I felt pure happiness fill my body. Freddie liked me back! My crush liked me! I didn't waste these last two years of my life liking him!
Freddie kicked a science book with his sneaker. "So… there is one way that you can make this misunderstanding up to me."
I looked at him curiously. "How?"
"By taking me up on my offer." He pulled a condom out of his pocket and waggled his eyebrows seductively.
Thank you, health class.
A/N: Wow… I feel… dirty. I've never written anything like that before! I hope it was okay.
Some of you who are familiar with my stories may have noticed that I wrote this in a different style than I usually do. I don't really know what happened, but I hoped you liked it!
I know that Sam and Freddie seemed really OCC. It's just for the purpose of this story.
Also, if you think that this should be rated M instead of T, please tell me!
Let me know what you thought. :)