Hi everyone :)
So I've been thinking about writing about questioning sexuality ever since my supposed best friend of nearly 8 years said that she would not come to my wedding if I was gay as that would be equivalent to celebrating sinning. I've felt angry, betrayed, and upset ever since and I wanted to explore these feelings via a story. I wanted to write from Quinn's perspective as this is a prime example of a person who has grown up around such strong homophobic opinions for the majority of her life, and has still managed to overcome it. (Even if Faberry is not canon on the show, Quinn is still strong, and brave enough to overcome the oppressive opinions of Russell Fabray and that makes me love her character more than anything else). I hope you enjoy, and I hope that one day there will be no one in the world that questions and demoralises another person's experience of love.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee (if I did, Faberry would be canon, people would understand that Finn was far from a perfect person, and Rachel's talent would have been more appreciated)
Quinn and Rachel are lying side by side on her bed, with the generic romantic comedy playing on the TV on her dresser far from either of their minds. Quinn turns on her right side to face the brunette, and she sees the other girl turn on her left to do the same. The wide, brown eyes stare up at her with a look filled with so many emotions, it makes her shudder involuntarily.
Her father had ingrained in her brain that loving anyone other than the male gender was a sin. It was worse than theft, and greed, and idolatry and that the fallen humanity had led to such disgrace. Her feelings are considered sexual immorality. However, Quinn looks at the girl in front of her and feels sick at the thought that there is anything immoral about her or what she feels for her. She is just a person. Just because she doesn't have a penis or because she has breasts should not change how she is supposed to feel for that person. No, Quinn thought with a frown, she is not just a person. She is a magnificent, tiny human being with a heart bigger than she can describe. She forgives and she loves, opening her heart to anyone who lets her. The unspeakable things that Quinn had done to her in the past were all but forgotten, just because she had offered an olive branch in the form of 'friendship'. Her beauty runs far deeper than just her gorgeous eyes, her luscious hair and her never-ending, delicious legs. Her beauty is her soul. And she can hardly say the same about her father. If that man represents the Christian faith, then she wants no part of it. No, she thinks, he is an anomaly; not everyone in the Church is like Russell Fabray. Christianity is about loving people, and God is all-loving. If He doesn't love and approve of a beauty like Rachel Berry, and the love she knows the brunette has for her, then He is out of his mind. He would not be all-loving if He couldn't appreciate all of that golden star.
Quinn reaches out with her fingers and strokes a fallen lock of brown hair behind the brunette's ear. This causes Rachel's eyes to flutter closed and she sighs gently. The blonde smiles sweetly as she marvels in the simple but intimate moment. How on earth is this 'wrong'. According to many people, this is just as inappropriate as bestiality. What even?!
A ragged breath leaves her mouth and her hand stills on her girlfriend's cheek. The singer's eyes open and Quinn can read the concern in the brown irises, like a book. Instead of saying anything, she just cups the girl's cheek in her hand and smiles. When she sees Rachel bite her lower lip to stop satiating her curiosity, she knows she hasn't convinced the brunette that her mind is free from worry. She sighs again and actively stops herself from pulling away.
Her father did this to her. He made her hard and cold. He built her walls up to a height so high that she never thought anyone would break through. Oh, how she was wrong. Rachel had come into her life and penetrated all barricades to her heart. As cheesy and cliché as that sounds, it's true. Even though she is now able to love the beautiful woman in front her, she still has her moments of resistance. It was ingrained in her head for 16 years to hate who she is. That's not an easy thing to overcome. But she was trying; Rachel understood this and has been remarkably patient with her. Ever since she was kicked out of her childhood home 3 years ago, she has felt more free and safe and loved than ever before. And that has been because of the extraordinary Rachel Berry.
It is such a mundane thing to lie next to your love and watch a film. Such an ordinary act that should be just that. Ordinary. To Rachel, it is nothing strange or different or sinful. It never has been, for her. She has grown up in a family that understands and supports all different types of love and although she hasn't been naïve to the opinion of every bigot in this small-minded town, she has taken it in her stride and known that her family is just right. Quinn envied that. She was jealous of the fact that Rachel had always been able to love like she has; however, she was simultaneously grateful of the fact that the brunette had been able to open the blonde's heart to the reality that love is love, and that it comes in different forms. No form of love, categorised by gender, is better or worse than another. No love is unnatural. This is an ordinary act, but that's not to mean that her feelings and the girl lying next to her is anything less than extraordinary. She is talent, a breath of fresh air, and such a powerful spirit with whom Quinn wants to share her life.
"Rachel," Quinn says confidently, with no hesitancy, her eyes gazing intensely into those of the woman she loves, "I love you more than anything." The concern in the brunette's eyes faded slightly as her hand covered the paler one still gently cupping her cheek. Her mouth shaped into a wide grin and she leaned forward to softly kiss the blonde's lips.
"And I love you, Quinn. Forever."
Quinn closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of the other girl as the smaller girl wrapped her arms around the blonde's shoulders, understanding that she needed the comfort, and the confidence of the girl with whom she felt just right.
No. This is not wrong. This is not immoral. This is love.
Hey :) Let me know what you think