A/N: So this is my first Snarry fic and I hope you like it! This was kind of just an experimental one shot, trying out a Snarry and this point of view because I usually write in first person. Also, story is canon up to 5th year.
And oh yeah, it's a holiday fic! This was just kind of an idea I had for the holiday season. It's based on the song Last Christmas by Wham! and a bajillion other artists [lyrics below]. I tried to put some of the lyrics throughout the story (some rephrased.)
So I hope you enjoy, and if I get enough reviews, maybe I'll post a second part to this one shot that tells what exactly did happen that last Christmas! (no promises though ;])
Last Christmas (Lyrics):
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance,
But you still catch my eye.
Tell me baby,
Do you recognize me?
Well, it's been a year
It doesn't surprise me.
Happy Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you"
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special
A crowded room
Friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you
And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were
Someone to rely on
Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special
~*Last Christmas*~
The soft harmonies of music drifted out of the large open doors of the Minister of Magic's mansion where the minister's Christmas gathering was now in full swing. From outside in the cold wind and snow, cheers and laughs of the partygoers inside could be heard. Through the wide windows of the estate, the guests of many of society's most accomplished witches and wizards could be seen dancing and twirling about the grand ballroom or standing amongst groups of others, talking incessantly. Everyone seemed to be engaged in some type of social activity to help bring in the holiday cheer—all except one hooked nose man wearing all black and sulking solemnly in the corner of the room.
Outside in the darkened night, a light shower of snow was beginning to fall in the frosty Christmas Eve air. The atmosphere around the cozy mansion was as black as spilled ink, only the golden light stemming from the house and the moon's silver radiance illuminating the air.
Aside from the party music drifting its way to the world outdoors, no sound echoed in the evening ambiance—no animal calls, no whistling of the wind, no voices of the Muggle neighbors. It was a silent night; except…for the faint ring of jingle bells now making their way closer to the minister's estate.
In the distance, a new light appeared. An old, antique 18th century open carriage, pulled by a chestnut-colored thoroughbred, was moving closer, heading towards the mansion. It was the source of the jingle bells. A lantern sprouting orange light brightened the carriage's way, the beam becoming ever more vivid as it inched nearer. The horse's hooves clicked on the narrow road's pavement, the jingle bells ringing in time with every step. The soft, newly fallen snow was brushed aside by the rolling wooden wheels, leaving traces of patterns atop the frozen snow.
At last, the open topped carriage made it to the stone path ascending up to the minister's estate, the driver making the coach come to a full stop with a tug on the horse's reins and a shout of "Woah." Two heads from inside the carriage peeked out, smiling to one another as they admired the grand house they were now parked in front of. One man with wispy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, jumped down from the carriage. He was clad in a long, wool gray pea coat and a green plaid scarf, enough to protect his pale skin from the deathly chill. He reached into his sleeve to pull out a thin wand. With a quick flourish, a pair of golden steps appeared right beside the carriage, creating a safe way for the other male passenger to climb his way down.
The thin, blonde haired man stepped back to the side of the carriage, putting his hand out for the other man to take as he descended upon the stairs. The other man, dressed in similar accord with a wool, black pea coat and a festive red scarf, took it graciously. The short man's messy dark locks rustled in the wind. The boy looked up at his partner with a joyous smile, the green eyes behind the rounded glasses shining with a lover's passion, the expression brightening his face—the face that belonged to none other than the famous Harry Potter.
The young green-eyed man broke the adoring gaze he sent to the other man to look to the driver sitting atop the carriage. "Thank you Cornelius!" Harry called to him, a friendly smile plastered on his face.
"Anytime boys," the driver replied, beginning to gather up the horse's reins. "Have a happy Christmas!"
"You too!" both men down below called up, waving as the carriage began to drive away.
Harry turned from the dark street where the coach had now disappeared into the night to look at the other man's face. "Thank you for the carriage ride, Edmund. It was wonderful! How'd you think of it? How'd you know I always imagined a sleigh ride on a Christmas Eve night?"
The blonde man, Edmund, chuckled underneath Harry's words of astonishment and grateful thanks. "I know you too well, Harry."
"Yes, you do," agreed Harry. "You know me far too well. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know my own self."
"I wouldn't be surprised," Edmund teased, his blue eyes sparkling at Harry.
The man with messy dark hair stepped closer to the taller blonde haired man, settling his hands around the other's waist. "Thank you, Edmund," he mumbled sweetly, "I loved it."
"You're welcome Harry," Edmund responded back in the same silky tone, "You know I would do anything for you."
"I know." Harry grinned up at his current lover, feeling all the bliss and passion from their relationship warm his heart. He was in a happy place now. The Dark Lord had been defeated last June at the end of his seventh year, he was on his way to becoming an auror, he had wonderful friends and family whom he loved dearly, and he now had Edmund, someone just as important to him. Harry had never felt so peaceful or happy in his entire life. It was if everything was normal for once.
Edmund bent his down slightly to brush his lips over Harry's forehead, bestowing him a small kiss. "Come on," he muttered softly, "We best be getting inside. We don't want to keep the Minister waiting. Not to mention it's blooding freezing out here!"
Harry sighed reluctantly. "I suppose your right." He would have much rather stayed out in the freezing cold with his lover than in a room full of people, all eyes studying the famous "Chosen One."
The two men departed for the entrance of the huge estate, the taller man's hand entwined around the younger's. As they started on the steps, they were blasted by the loud music playing from inside the party. When they walked into the crowded room, they were immediately bombarded by several people, all throwing different greetings and questions at them. Everyone wanted to be the first to welcome the famous Harry Potter, the defeater of Voldemort, and his guest.
Finally, after an overwhelming amount of introductions and handshakes, the Minister himself broke through the crowd gathered around them. "Ah, Harry," he said, flashing a big toothy grin. "So glad you could make it."
"Thank you, Kinglsey," Harry replied, breaking through the crowd to get close to Kingsley Shacklebolt, the current Minister of Magic. "Sorry we're a bit late."
"Oh, it's no problem at all Harry. It's just good that you made it here." He waved his hand in the air as he talked, delegating that it did not bother him in the slightest that they arrived late. He turned towards Edmund, smiling the same wide grin, "It's good to see that you could take some time off from the Ministry to come as well Edmund. I heard it's been getting rather busy in that auror office."
"Yes, it has," Edmund replied in all friendliness, "But not busy enough to miss the holiday over." Edmund was only a few years older than Harry and already one of the top aurors of the Ministry. Harry had met him at the end of the summer, just when he was beginning his training at the Ministry to enter into the auror office.
Kingsley chuckled at Edmund's words. "I like your way of thinking. Say, there's some friends of mine from the Ministry that I'd like both of you to meet."
Harry had to suppress a groan. He admired Kingsley very much, but he did not have the slightest desire to go around meeting several Ministry employees. He wanted to spend the holiday with his close friends, avoiding others who would do anything to get a picture with him. Spotting the Weasleys across the way, he turned to Kingsely and said politely, "Well, we'd love to, but I think we're going to say hello to a few friends first."
"Oh, yes of course, Harry," he said apologetically, "I didn't mean to hold you up. I'll be seeing you both later then."
With quick mumbled words of goodbye towards Kinglsey, both Harry and Edmund set off to the other side of the grand ballroom to where Molly and Arthur Weasley stood. Harry admired the large tree they passed on their way, all tinsel trailing up the side of it, the ornaments reflecting the excitement of the party, and the lights twinkling, brightening the whole room. All the garland, ribbons, bows, and the magnificent tree made the room feel more festive and full of the holiday spirit.
"Happy Christmas Mr. and Mrs. Weasley," Harry cried in joy once he reached the ginger-haired couple that served as his adopted parents for so many years.
"Oh, Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, bringing him in for one of her comforting, maternal hugs. "Happy Christmas to you, too. How have you been?"
"I've been fine Mrs. Weasley, and you?"
"Oh, we've been fine, Harry dear. We've all been alright!" She pulled him in for another hug before placing a kiss on the top of his head.
"It's good to see you again, Harry," Mr. Weasley said, holding out his hand for Harry to shake, as soon as Mrs. Weasley had finished embracing Harry.
"You too, Mr. Weasley," Harry replied, shaking the hand eccentrically.
"And of course it's always lovely to see you as well Edmund," Mrs. Weasley called sweetly to Edmund, who still stood beside Harry's side. Mrs. Weasley, unable to resist herself, pulled him in for a gigantic hug as well which Edmund was only too happy to give.
"Are Ron and Hermoine here?" Harry asked curiously, turning towards Mr. Weasley.
"Oh, yes they should be somewhere about here. If I'm not mistaken, I believe I last saw them in a deep conversation with an employee from my department."
"Thanks," Harry replied, anxiously waiting to see his two best friends again, the friends he hadn't seen in so long. "I think I'll go and search for them now if you don't mind."
"No, not at all Harry! They'll be very happy to see you!" Mr. Weasley exclaimed cheerfully, before turning to look over at Edmund who had finally escaped Mrs. Weasley's arms. "In fact, Edmund, if you wouldn't mind, could you perhaps say hello to a few friends of mine? I know they would be delighted to make your acquaintance."
Harry was about to interrupt Mr. Weasely, saying that neither of them were interested in meeting anyone at the moment, but Edmund double-crossed him and said reassuringly, "It's alright Harry. It will only be a few moments. You go and catch up with Ron and Hermoine. I'll be along in a few minutes."
Harry sighed, wanting his lover to come along with him, but also glad that he would have a moment alone to Ron and Hermoine like old time's sake. Knowing Edmund, he knew that he had agreed to meet Mr. Weasley's friends for that reason. He was such a generous, kind man. A man that Harry thought he didn't deserve. "Alright," Harry muttered reluctantly to him, before turning to walk away to find Ron and Hermoine.
"We'll see you later Harry," Mrs. Weasley cooed, patting him on the back as he turned to walk away.
Harry began to make his way across the ballroom main floor, avoiding as many gazes as he could so as not to get trapped into the middle of more introductions, greetings, and talk of Ministry business. After a few minutes of wandering in search of his two best friends, he finally spotted them by the Christmas tree, both laughing with one another, secluded from the rest of the party, but not in private. Just the way Harry wanted it.
He started to make his way over to them when something flashed in the corner of his eye that made his heart beat speed up, his body freezing—a flash of sweeping long black robes, a hooked nose, chin length greasy black hair, and those dark penetrating eyes. It was him. Before Harry could even stop it, an unwanted memory swam to the surface of his mind:
Last Christmas; a few tender kisses, tasting his sweet candy lips, thin hands tracing the contours of his face…
Harry squinted his eyes, trying to shut out the memory. Feeling the adrenaline course through his veins, he turned, hoping to be mistaken for what he had seen. Unfortunately, he was not. For there stood, in the far corner of the room, hands clenched in fists at his side, the man wearing a strained expression that belonged to none other than himself. The man's dark eyes met Harry's green ones, and without a hesitation, another memory was flying back towards him:
Onyx eyes studying him in a heat of passion, clothes falling off quicker than they had gone on, delicious moans, embracing every square inch of naked, sweaty flesh in the darkness of his bedchamber, secrets spilling into the night…
Harry closed his eyes, drawing his face away from the sight he saw across the room, from seeing the man he had not seen in so many months. He turned away from the man who had caused him so much hurt. He turned away from Severus Snape. The man he had once hated, the man he had once loved.
The man's eyes had met his. Did he notice him? Did he see the hurt in his green eyes? Did he see the same pain etched in those eyes, the expression mirroring the one from a year ago? Did he remember what happened exactly a year ago? Did he remember that hot, passionate, vulnerable, lust filled night?
Harry had not forgotten, no matter how much he had wanted to. No matter what, those events of last Christmas would still be imprinted in his brain. He would always remember them. They had changed him in so many ways. They had taught him the inability to trust, the sting of following your heart, and the burn of unrequited love.
Still frozen in place on the ballroom floor, Harry decided it was time to make his way towards Hermoine and Ron, turning his back on Snape. Thankfully, he made it to their side steadily, although his face was now filled with shock and a faint blush brought on by the memories.
"Harry!" Hermoine shouted in glee, bounding towards him as soon as he was in sight. She threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek softly. "We've been looking all over for you!"
Harry tried to put on a good enough imitation of his excited smile for his friends, not wanting them to catch on to what was disturbing him so. "I just arrived here actually."
Ron came up behind Hermoine and gave Harry ones of his own hugs as well. "It's good to see you again, Mate," he said with a cheerful grin, "We hardly get to see you anymore."
"I know," Harry responded, "It almost feels strange seeing you guys after such a long time."
"Well, it hasn't been that long," Hermoine amended in her oh-so familiar tone that showed off her intelligent esteem.
"Hermoine," Ron groaned in annoyance, "He's our best friend! Of course it's going to feel like he's been gone longer than he actually was!"
They continued to bicker back and forth as they always did. One of the only couples Harry knew that could fight over anything and everything, but still care for each other deeper than the earth itself.
But, Harry was too distracted to listen to their bickers now. Instead, his eyes drifted over across the room to where that familiar man was striding, pacing back in forth at the far end of the hall. This time, his eyes did not meet Harry's though, and Harry felt a ping of relief mixed with heartbreak.
He tore his eyes away, feeling his cheeks begin to warm from the humiliation. He was beginning to feel like a fool again, thinking that the man actually cared for him. He was made a fool of last Christmas, believing all of the lies the man told him, believing that this man had actually cared for him, wanted him, loved him…
Well, Harry wouldn't fall for those lies again. He wouldn't will himself to believe that the man actually felt guilt at what he had done a year ago. He wouldn't will himself to believe that the man actually wanted him, that all those lies this year would become truths this year. No, he wouldn't be humiliated once more. No, this man would never fool him again.
"Harry, are you alright?" Hermoine's concerned questioning brought him out of his daze.
"Oh yes," he stumbled, "Fine. Why do you ask?"
"Well, you seemed a bit distracted for a moment is all," she responded, her voice still containing a hint of worry.
Harry was about to respond that he was more than fine, when another voice answered for him. "Harry? Distracted? Now, there's something you don't see every day."
Harry looked up into the sparkling blue eyes of Edmund. He felt all the tension that the sight of Snape brought ease as soon as Edmund's presence was beside him. Almost at once, he felt a smile begin to spring upon lips. Why was he wasting his time fretting over someone who had only threw his love back in his face last Christmas while he had someone as special as Edmund standing by his side?
"I'm fine, Edmund," Harry replied sweetly, pressing his body closer to the warmth resonating off of his partner, "Hermoine was just being overly concerned about nothing."
"If you say so, love," Edmund answered in his silky, smooth voice.
"Harry, did you see that over there," Ron interrupted, probably desperate to end Edmund's and Harry's focus on one another before they started cooing terms of endearment. Ron had come around to accepting Harry's sexual orientation after a few months of roughness, but it didn't mean he had become accustomed to public displays of affection between two men. "Look, it's Snape. Who would have thought the snarky ol' git actually had some Christmas spirit in him."
On impulse, Harry turned and looked behind him, to see his old Potions Master engaged in a conversation with Professor McGonagall and a few Ministry employees. He stood there watching his company talk, displaying an expression of boredom and indifference. He then turned his head slightly, catching the eyes of Harry once more. Immediately, Snape's expression turned to ultimate disdain, sending him a scorching look. Another memory shot through Harry's mind then, one of him from a year ago, wearing the exact same expression of disgust:
"Get out of here," Snape had shouted in rage the morning after Christmas Eve, "I do not care for you."
"But Severus—" Harry pleaded.
"NO!" he had screamed in retort, "I said get out! You were merely just a play thing for one night, and an unsatisfactory one at that; a toy to ease the boredom felt around this castle during the holidays. Last night was merely just a result of a few drinks gone too far."
"But you had said you cared for me!" Harry had said desperately. "You said you had wanted me for a long time, but were too afraid to do anything about it. You said you had begun to l-l-love—"
"Do not throw those idiotic, sentimental lies back in my face!" he thundered once more, fists clenched at his side and torso erupting in shakes, "I am Severus Snape. I love no one, and most assuredly, I do not love you!"
The memory was gone almost as soon as it had come. Once again, Harry was reminded of his own foolishness, humiliation, sorrow, and heartbreak that he had felt last year. He began to feel the same tears he spent all last Christmas day crying prick his eyes. He would not let those tears fall again this year, not when he finally achieved so much happiness in his life.
Harry turned back to face Ron, Hermoine, and Edmund. "Just because he's here doesn't mean he's found it in his heart to share the joys of Christmas with the rest of the world. He's still the same cold-hearted, brooding man he once was."
His friends just looked at him in puzzlement, not understanding where his cold words towards the man had stemmed from. They had never been aware of the infatuation Harry once held for his potions master. They were just as unaware of the Christmas Eve night he spent with him and the way he broke his heart the next morning.
Before they could say anything in response to his coldness, a lively holiday tune came on. Edmund turned to Harry and said cheerfully, a grin spread wide on his face, "Would you care to dance?"
Wanting nothing more than to get lost in the world with his lover, Harry replied back gleefully, "I'd be delighted to." He needed to forget Snape and what had happened last year. He needed to be in this year so as to save himself from a breakdown of tears that echoed last Christmas's. He would give his whole heart to Edmund.
They walked out onto the floor together hand-in-hand, Harry not even bothering a furtive glance back at the man clad in all black. Edmund spun him around on the dance floor. They twirled every which way, both losing themselves in the music and the arms of one another.
When the song ended and a slower, more peaceful one had come on, Edmund pulled Harry closer into him, tucking his torso against his own chest. The familiar embrace suddenly did not feel so warm, welcome, and comfortable anymore. Instead, the unwelcome thoughts of Snape drifted back to Harry.
He glanced around the room and saw Snape staring right at him, those onyx eyes bearing into his emerald ones. No matter how hard he tried, he could not get rid of the overwhelming presence of Snape, the man he loathed, but the man his heart still held onto. His body felt odd in Edmund's arms. He felt guilt stream through him at seeing Snape's eyes on the pair of them dancing. Harry felt as if he was betraying Snape, defying what they had shared last Christmas.
"Maybe Hermoune was right," mumbled Edmund in concern, pulling back a bit to glance down at Harry's tense face. "There is something wrong."
"No, Edmund," Harry tried to say reassuringly, but instead it came out a weak whisper, "I'm fine." Now, Harry felt as if he was betraying Edmund. How would Edmund react if he knew his lover was now having adoring thoughts of another man?
"Are you sure, love?" Edmund persisted.
Edmund's use of the word 'love' for Harry was enough to cause his head to spin in confusion. He didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know what to do. All he knew was he was feeling guilt and love for two men.
"Maybe I just need some fresh air," Harry mumbled quietly, stepping out of Edmund's embrace without waiting for a response and walking over to the far end of the ballroom. He stopped at the two doors there, the doors that led to a large balcony. He quietly opened the doors so as to slip through them secretly to not draw attention from any of the partygoers. The last thing he needed was for someone to follow him outside when all he wanted was a few minutes of solitude to get his head together. He slipped out onto the grand balcony, greeting the icy air in content.
Harry looked around the wide, circular balcony, glancing up to the stars shining bright above him. He walked over to the railing at the edge of the balcony, continuing to watch the darkness around him. The cold began to bite at his cheek, but it didn't bother him. His fingers trailed atop the railing, gliding over the smooth ice underneath. He sighed heavily, watching the fog his breath made. The chilled night seemed to clear his thoughts, making those of both Edmund and Snape disappear.
He heard the quiet creak as the door to the balcony was opened slowly and then shut. Harry didn't turn around. He simply continued to stare off into the open, waiting for his company to speak. He wasn't worried or fearful of who it was. Voldemort was gone along with a majority of the Death Eaters. He no longer had any real enemies who wanted him dead.
Slow, quiet footsteps echoed their way around the balcony, but Harry still didn't turn around. The visitor would have to speak eventually, and when they did, Harry would ask them to leave him alone in the night air.
Finally, when the footsteps were only a few feet away from him, the mysterious visitor spoke. "Harry," the hoarse voice whispered softly. Harry knew immediately who the voice belonged to. He felt his nerves clench and his stomach become anxious at the sound of it. He had heard that voice utter his name the same way it did last Christmas. Harry knew it was his old Potions Master lingering behind him, but he didn't turn around. Instead, he stayed frozen facing forward.
After a few moments of silence, Harry got the nerve to speak. "What do you want," he croaked, his voice more audible than was Snape's.
Snape did not answer. The world was completely silent. Harry would have thought that Snape had walked away, except he still felt those cold hard, black eyes on him. "Did you come to wish me a Happy Christmas? Did you come to see how I was fairing in life without you?"
"Harry, I—"
Harry interrupted before the soft voice could speak more. He did not want to hear Severus's excuses. "Did you come to try and lure me into your icy bed again, only to kick me out the next morning without a word of compassion?"
Again, Severus's whisper tried to interject. "Harry, I'm sorry, I never meant to—"
Harry turned around, fuming in fury. His now angry green eyes landed upon the black eyes which now pleaded with him. "You never meant to what?" he spat in response. "Tell me and show me how much you cared for me, but then to rip it away from me in the morning by saying it was all a bunch of lies?"
"It wasn't—"
"Do you feel guilty over it?" he chortled, "That's hard to believe. You didn't seem so guilty the next morning when you told me it was a lie."
Finally, Snape had had enough of Harry's interruptions and shouted loudly in fury, "It wasn't a lie!"
Harry only looked upon him indifference, unmoving as silence passed between them. "That's doubtful," he muttered coldly.
Snape studied him in awe, his mouth hanging wide from Harry's response. Once the shock was worn off, his temper began to quake. "You complete imbecile! If you had any sense of a brain, you would have seen that all I said to you that night was not a lie. No, the lies were the next morning when I told you to leave me be."
However, his fury did nothing to stir emotion in Harry. Instead, the messy haired boy only stared at him impassively. "It is irrelevant. It no longer matters. It was a year ago and we have not communicated sense. Even in class after, you ignored me, stabbing my heart each time. It no longer matters what was the truth and what was the lie. I have moved on."
"So I see," Snape said acidly, glaring at him in his own scorn. Envy was hidden in the depths of those black eyes. "I saw you with that man in there; following at your heels and flowering you with love and praise, standing in front of every high up Ministry official, hoping to attain his own fame because he's the partner of Harry bloody Potter."
"He does not!" Harry exclaimed indignantly, defending his current lover.
"Oh really?" replied Snape, his voice coated heavily in sarcasm as he raised his eyebrow. "And I suppose you think that he actually cares for you? That he won't toss you aside once another more superior suitor comes along."
Harry scowled, irritated with the way Snape was trying to perceive Edmund. "Yes, just because you didn't care for me doesn't mean that others don't," he started, sending the man scathing looks, "And he would never get rid of me like that. He's not you!"
"Oh yes, his shallowness is nothing but a slight imperfection," Snape sneered in reply, bearing his teeth as his lip curled, "You have nothing to worry about. You two will be married in a month's time."
"Stop it!" Harry screamed, wanting this monster in front of him to disappear, to stop tugging on his heart. "Why'd you come out here then? Was it really to just humiliate me further?"
"I do not wish to be the one contributing to your humiliation tonight," Snape drawled, his voice no longer rising in cynicism. "You will only disgrace yourself by staying with that egotistical man who's more concerned with his own vanity than with you."
"You don't know anything of me or of Edmund!"
"What a shame it is, how much you protect him," Snape said in sarcastic disapproval, ignoring Harry's words, "shielding him from the vulgarity and insults I devour him in. I would have liked to think that you once did the same for me."
"I did, once," Harry responded, a bit of sorrow tinged in his voice. "Once, before you trashed me like morning garbage, I would have protected you from anyone or anything."
Snape pondered over his words before saying calmly, "I see and does that feeling still stand?"
Harry faltered for a moment, before turning his back on Snape to look back off the balcony, unsure of what to do in this moment. Did he want to come clean to Snape? Did he want to put himself back in this vulnerable state? He could only mumble in upset, "What does it matter to you? Think you can use me again by exposing my vulnerabilities?"
"I refuse to let you continue on this nonsense of me using you," Snape said sternly, "I committed no such thing."
"Oh really?" Harry asked dubiously, whirling around to face Snape's frozen black eyes once again. "So am I to understand that you actually did want me just as you said, that you had wanted me for a very long time just as I had you."
"Yes," he said simply, never taking his eyes off Harry, "And you still feel the same way for me as well."
"I don't believe you," Harry snorted in disgust, "and how dare you put words in my mouth. How would you know?"
"Would you be wasting your time to prove me otherwise if you did not?" he replied in his stubborn manner. "Would you have left your greedy boyfriend in there if you were not reeling from the shock of seeing me again, from reliving those memories? I saw the way you looked at me Harry and believe me, it does not take someone of high intellect as myself to figure out you are far from not giving a damn about me."
Harry knew he couldn't deny Severus's accusations. The man saw right through him. Giving up, he groaned in frustration. "Alright, maybe I haven't gotten over it. Everything came back to me when I saw you. Every feeling, memory, conversation, everything! But I'm not about to let it hurt me again."
"Harry, please, I never meant to hurt you," Snape said calmly, but still being sincere. He was not one to whine or beg. "I am not one to often show emotion, to feel anything for anyone, but my feelings from last year have not changed. If you will only let me explain to you the truth behind my unkind words. Please Harry, don't deny my feelings for that man in there. He does not—"
"He's perfect for me," Harry interrupted, angrily shouting. He backed away from Snape, trying to protect his wounded heart. "He knows and understands me more than anyone else I've ever known, even myself. I should be in there, letting him treat me with the love and affection I deserve, and yet, here I am wasting my time wallowing over a selfish, coldhearted git like you!"
Snape only inched closer to him. Those cold words would not faze him. "Harry, it was cruel of me to hurt you like I did last year, but please forgive me."
"Would you?" Harry asked, mocking the man before him. "Would you forgive someone who did that to you? Last Christmas, I gave you my heart and all of my soul to be loved, but the very next day, you threw it away. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to spend tomorrow in tears." Harry could no longer hold himself back. He was lashing out at Snape with so much anger that it overwhelmed him. He turned back to face the night, hands gripping the railing to gain a bit of self control. Tears of hurt and anger began to well in his eyes, but they would not betray him by falling.
Snape stepped closer to the fuming Harry, tentatively touching his slender hand to the wrist lying atop the railing. Harry began to cringe away, but Snape kept his hand firmly atop the other smaller one. "Harry, I know it was cruel of me to say all those words, but it was just as hurtful for me to say them. I never meant them."
"What do you mean?" Harry whispered brokenly, his voice full of skepticism. He tried hard to not believe Snape, but knowing his heart desperately wanted to.
"I was confused Harry and I was terrified," Snape began to explain softly. "Indeed, I did care for you. My feelings had been budding since your 5th year, but I never intended to show them to you. I thought they would disappear with time. Only the amount of alcohol I had consumed at last year's Christmas Eve feast had caused me to finally admit them to you, to allow myself to be close to you. When I woke in the morning, I was angry I had given up all of my self control. I was angry that I had let you in. I was afraid that I would get too close to you and then it would all fall apart in the end. You see Harry, my heart had been broken once before and I did not wish it to happen again. My fears for my own heart coupled with the fear of the danger my job as Death Eater posed for you, prompted me to push you away. I had brainwashed my mind to think there was no other solution, but Harry, I never stopped wanting you, caring for you. I still do." After a few moments of silence, Harry turned to face Snape and gazed into his black eyes, filled with an ice that was starting to melt. "Please, forgive me Harry," Snape murmured at long last, stepping closer to Harry.
Harry could only peer into those eyes, seeing the regret and the sorrow etched into him. Harry knew he forgave him; he already had a long time ago. He cared for this man so much that forgiving him was as easy as breathing. He felt his heart warm in relief and his muscles lose all tension, his love for the man before him swelling. "Yes, Severus," he muttered quietly, "I forgive you."
Severus's lips twitched slightly, finally curling up into a small, faint smile that Harry had only seen once before—last Christmas. Severus placed his hand gently on the small of Harry's back, pulling his delicate body closer in the frigid air to his warm body. "Well then," he started sweetly, "Happy Christmas Harry."
Harry couldn't help but bend his own lips up into a smile at the warm contact between them and Severus's final admittance of love for him. All seemed right. "Happy Christmas, Severus," Harry cooed in sweetness, looking up into the now warm, passionate eyes of the man he still loved.
Severus raised his hand to stroke Harry's cheek, the other hand resting on the small of Harry's back was pulling him closer to his warm, thin body. Harry almost fainted from the contact. He had never felt so much heat and passion for one man, not even Edmund. He had forgotten what it was like to touch, to feel, to caress Severus. It had been a year.
Almost instantly, that smile had disappeared off of Severus's face and his thin, warm lips were descending upon Harry's, seeking familiarity with them, only a year later. Harry was all too happy to oblige. They touched mouths gently, before parting each other's to let their tongues glide over one another's lips, tasting the sweetness.
Was Harry fooling himself again? Harry didn't know, but his gut and mind were agreeing with his heart that Severus's feelings and actions were all genuine. He really did love Harry. But Harry didn't know if he could give him his heart again or if it was better to just turn around and go back to Edmund. He knew that would be the rational thing to do, to deny his heart so much hurt.
Harry didn't know what action he was going to take once this kiss ended. So, instead, he put all of his passions and love he felt for Severus into the kiss, focusing only on the man who stood before him. Harry couldn't help but feel his heart was exactly where it was supposed to be, with this man. All that Harry knew was that this Christmas would not be like the last one. No, this year, he would be bringing in the Christmas holiday spirit with the one he truly loved…
So, hope you liked it! I didn't know how to end it. I didn't have it in me to not be with Severus (as the song probably would suggest) or to make it a happy ending. So, it's all up to your imagination what you think happens!
Please leave me some reviews with your thoughts on this! It was kind of just an experiment. I'd appreciate some feedback, even if it's constructive criticism and critique.
Thanks so much for reading and have a Happy Holiday! :) xx
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