Overcast

When Kazemaru joined the Raimon soccer team, he had thought that soccer was pretty straight-forward. Twenty-two players on the field, eleven per team, and then some reserves on the bench, were needed to play. A coach (preferably one that didn't want you dead), a handful of managers (of which one kept trying to disband the soccer club), and a Megane were there for support, strategy and care of the team. To run with the ball, to pass the ball, to kick the ball, steal, slide, tackle, try not to get too hurt… It was all part of soccer.

It had been challenging at first, but at some point soccer had become like breathing. He was actually having fun.

Then, Aliea attacked.

It had been hard, seeing the team they had conquered the nationals with end up in the hospital as if all their training had been nothing. It hurt to leave them behind to go on some nationwide trip to create the ultimate team on Earth.

Part of him was glad it hadn't been him.

雪

They weren't strong enough. The Raimon Eleven were being beaten into the ground. One after another the original members dropped out. Gouenji, Someoka, Kurimatsu—no one was spared. Although, really, Someoka was more collateral to Kageyama than Aliea, but he was still put in the hospital. Kazemaru couldn't quickly forget the look of twisted delight on Fudou Akio's face when he had given Sakuma that damned third chance at Emperor Penguin No. 1.

And, as if Gemini Storm and Epsilon hadn't been strong enough, Genesis came by and thoroughly trashed them.

To these teams—these aliens—Kazemaru was nothing but a miserable insect. Something annoying buzzing around their heads. Something easily swatted away—utterly and undeniably squashed.

It hurt to find out there were even stronger teams, and Kazemaru just couldn't keep up. He had always thought he was fast, that if there was one thing he could contribute to the team, it was his speed. Now it turned out he just wasn't good enough.

While Endou evolved over and over again and new members settled in with abilities Kazemaru could only dream of, he felt like he hadn't improved at all. He couldn't see himself improving any further. He felt like he was no longer needed on the field. And the horrible thought that followed broke him down completely.

He was replaceable.

雪

He didn't even return to Inazuma Town after leaving. He didn't feel like showing his cowardly face to everyone back home, whose spots were taken unfairly because they got hurt. He had just run away.

He couldn't help the bitter thoughts plaguing his mind. The soft whisper of everything he couldn't do.

Weak, weak, weak, his mind chanted.

He wondered whether he should be in the hospital too.

雪

A solution was offered in the form of the Aliea meteorite.

The small purple stone shone innocently, not at all looking like the thing that drove people to commit so many crimes and destroy each other.

Kazemaru stared at it, transfixed. He didn't even hear the man—Kenzaki, was it?—talk about everything they could do with the power of the meteorite. What they could accomplish.

Honestly, Kenzaki hadn't needed to bother with the whole speech. The temptation of power was more than enough for Kazemaru. This way he could get rid of every weakness that plagued him.

雪

Life blurred together after he put on the necklace. He wasn't sure whether it was because of the Aliea meteorite or because the time he spent influenced by the necklace was just really, really short. Either way, Endou broke through the haze as if it was nothing. Then again, it was Endou. What had Kazemaru expected?

It was as if the whole ordeal hadn't happened. Kazemaru liked to pretend it hadn't. It was easier to pretend the dark thoughts weren't there if you pretended you had never had them in the first place.

Japan was rebuilding itself. Destroyed school were quickly pulled back up, so classes resumed as if they hadn't been on a hiatus.

Kazemaru was thankful for a change of pace, for the normalcy.

It took three months until he received a call from Hibiki that broke that normalcy into tiny little pieces.

雪

All things considered, it could have been worse.

The World Cup. After aliens, it was the world. Kazemaru wondered whether the Universe was doing it on purpose.

At least there wasn't a plot to destroy/take over the world.

Kazemaru just hoped he wouldn't get beaten up by soccer balls again.

Naturally, he had to be proven wrong.

Kazemaru had figured there would be trouble whenever Fudou Akio was finally allowed onto the field. What his stupidly optimistic mind (Kazemaru had taken on that farce somewhere in those three months) hadn't thought of was the possibility of bodily harm. He had hoped it had been a side-effect of the Aliea stone. Leave it up to Fudou to prove he really was an ass.

Then leave it up to Kidou and Endou to prove he actually wasn't that much of an ass. Honestly, Kazemaru should have figured, but all he could see was that smile from Shin Teikoku.

At least he wasn't all bark. (He was all snark though, Kazemaru mused).

Well, all things considered, Fudou wasn't that much of an issue. He really only cared to get under Kidou's skin and really, it wasn't Kazemaru's problem. As long as he wouldn't get beaten up anymore, Kazemaru was good.

雪

"You're getting sloppy."

Kazemaru shot Fudou a dirty look. His patience was already running thin with every failed attempt at simple passes, and Fudou's sneers weren't helping the situation.

Grimly Kazemaru wondered how he ended up in this situation as he returned to his starting position. Really, it wasn't that much of a head scratcher. Morning training, everyone paired up for some sort of special training, Kazemaru was left with King Antisocial, who dragged him off to some more secluded part as everyone dispersed, thus leading to the current situation of them attempting quick passes that either weren't on point or just too fast to even get to.

Kazemaru felt the well-hidden itch of ineptitude at the back of his mind with every scoff.

"Sorry I don't live up to your mighty standards," Kazemaru grumbled, more for personal satisfaction than for Fudou to hear. Too bad Fudou seemed to have excellent hearing when it came to thinly veiled insults.

Fudou narrowed his eyes, trapping the ball Kazemaru had so graciously passed towards him, but not moving to start their practice.

"I thought you were fast," he said.

"You should have known better."

A fleeting moment of confusion on Fudou's face, wiped off quickly by a sneer.

"These aren't even that fast. You got to them easily enough in the Fire Dragon match."

"You mean the ones you kicked into my face?"

Fudou scoffed, momentarily glancing off to the side. Kazemaru hoped he was doing some self-reflection. He was probably just thinking of a good way to insult him.

He was somewhat startled by the intensity of Fudou's gaze back on him.

"So what do you want, an apology?" Fudou asked.

"That'd be a start," Kazemaru said, feeling slightly petty, but he deserved a break from being nice all the time too.

Fudou ground his teeth and, for a moment, Kazemaru thought he'd be thoroughly chewed out, but was surprised when Fudou scuffed his shoes in the dirt, managed to dig some sort of apologetic look out of the pits of his emotions and took a deep breath.

"Sorry."

Kazemaru had to struggle to keep his mouth shut. He was torn between utter astonishment and mild anger. Astonishment because this was Fudou apologising. Anger because really, Someoka, Sakuma and Kidou deserved him grovelling on the ground.

"So then," Fudou continued, falling back in his usual state of being: disinterested asshole. "What's this thing I should have known better?"

Scratch that. Interested asshole.

"Nothing," Kazemaru said, too quickly. "Anyway, thanks for the apology. Let's get on with this." He gestured to the ball still trapped underneath Fudou's foot. Fudou didn't so much as twitch.

"Clearly not," Fudou said, curiosity dripping into his expression. "You aren't performing as well as you should be."

"Maybe lower your expectations."

"The old man supposedly called in players of the best calibre to play for Japan. You've been playing in most matches and Kudou hasn't sent your ass home yet. I've watched you play, so I figured my expectations were quite on point."

Fudou was searching him for something, his grey eyes too piercing even from a distance. Kazemaru looked away.

"Look, can we just not do this right now?" Kazemaru sighed.

Fudou opened his mouth, presumably to wheedle some more, but their practice was thankfully interrupted by Haruna shooting Fudou a glare and announcing that lunch was served.

Kazemaru couldn't have legged it faster. Ironic, seeing as speed had been lacking him earlier. He could almost hear Fudou roll his eyes where he left him standing.

That afternoon he made sure to drag off Hiroto for training and resolved not to notice Fudou's stare burning into the back of his head.

雪

He didn't know what possessed him to take over the roll of captain for the match. Maybe it was because he was pressured into it by the first years, or maybe it was the illusion of confidence instilled by Gouenji and Someoka. Either way, it wasn't as bad at he had anticipated.

The stress of a two point difference and no openings anywhere near the opponent's goal were as bad as anticipated. To stop a third goal from happening and spraining his leg in the process, just as bad as anticipated. The first years under Kurimatsu's leadership breaking down a stupendously tough Hissatsu Tactic, not anticipated and thus a very pleasant surprise.

He couldn't help but feel a little jealous of them. While he was resigned to the bench, the remainder of the team had learnt to move without Endou or Kidou. It was petty, he knew, but the bitterness was there. While the others actually found a way through and turn the match around, all Kazemaru had done was nearly break his leg.

Maybe he really still was pathetically weak.

雪

The skies had turned as grey as his mood.

Kazemaru knew he was being melodramatic, but having gotten the afternoon off after it had started pouring and not even Kudou had seen the use in drowning as some form of practice, he didn't really have anything better to do than lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling.

Well, it was a conscious choice to be alone, and it was fine with Kazemaru. He didn't quite feel like putting on a mask today. As much as he wanted to be happy, it was real fucking difficult every now and again.

The age-old itch of weakness wasn't helping either.

Some days it was worse than others. There had been some really bad days right after the Aliea incident where he had even craved the meteorite. The power that made every weakness disappear. Then, he'd blink, shudder and go out for some running to get his mind off of the dark thoughts. He would lock them tight in a box and stash it far, far away.

"Never pegged you to be the brooding type."

Kazemaru groaned. "Have you never learnt to knock?"

"The door was open," Fudou said.

Kazemaru sat up and frowned. "No, it wasn't."

Fudou shrugged and walked in, not bothering to wait for an actual invitation.

"What do you want?" Kazemaru continued, trying for a glare that Fudou easily ignored.

Fudou didn't answer. He looked around the room as if he was expecting it to be any different from his own (it wasn't) before his eyes settled on Kazemaru.

"I was bored," Fudou clarified, which it really didn't.

"So?"

"Figured I'd stop by and figure out your cryptic remark of back then."

Kazemaru groaned and rolled over. He really didn't want to discuss his insecurities with Fudou Akio of all people. Hell, he probably only wanted to exploit his weaknesses. No, Kazemaru was better off internalizing everything. He would deal with emotions after the whole World Cup ordeal was over. Maybe.

"Get out, Fudou."

Kazemaru closed his eyes, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Fudou would actually do as he was told. Of course, that was totally against Fudou's MO, so before Kazemaru even knew what was happening, he was lying on the floor. the thud of his body hitting it echoing dully in his mind.

"What—"

"Come with me," Fudou said as he let go of Kazemaru's ankle.

"You could have said so before—"

"Don't want to hear it. Get up and follow me." Fudou turned on his heel and Kazemaru was left a moment to consider his options. Turned out he didn't have any as Fudou stopped in the doorway and turned around to give him a very meaningful look, with meaningful being either do or die.

Kazemaru scrambled to his feet and was out in the hallway by the time Fudou was already halfway down the stairs. Glancing around, Kazemaru realised there was no one around to save him from what could be his possible demise, seeing as Fudou didn't really socialise with anyone without a really good reason, and even then it wasn't as much socialising as it was obligated interaction to get things done.

Realising that he didn't want to find out whether Fudou would kick him down the stairs if he didn't come down within allotted time, Kazemaru hurried down himself and nearly tripped over his own feet, only just managing to clutch onto the banister to keep from falling flat on his face again.

Glancing up to find Fudou's eyes on him, Kazemaru pulled out all the stops in putting on an 'I-meant-to-do-that' expression, but by the look of Fudou's slightly amused smirk, he wouldn't be living it down. Or would, as Fudou turned the corner and opened the back door without a comment.

Kazemaru scowled. It was pouring outside. The world blurred by the heavy rain pelting down and he immediately noticed the pool of mud at the doorstep.

Fudou was watching his face scrunch up, waiting for him to get a move on.

"There's no way," Kazemaru said.

"There are two ways actually," Fudou replied. "Either you do it yourself or I'll make you."

Kazemaru had no doubt Fudou would have him eat mud, but really, going outside in this weather… Fudou was insane.

"We'll get sick."

Fudou pointed out to a blurry outline somewhere further into the rain.

"If you run fast, you won't be too soaked by the time you reach the maintenance shed."

"I'm not going to a maintenance shed with you, Fudou."

"Would you rather discuss things in your room where Kabeyama could overhear?"

"I would rather not discuss things, period."

Fudou considered for a moment. Kazemaru could see the moment where Fudou's mind crossed the line of really not caring, but not in the way Kazemaru had hoped.

The rain was icy cold as he stumbled over the doorstep. He didn't have time to catch his step as Fudou continued to drag him out across the muddy yard and underneath the relatively sheltered overhang of the shed's roof. It really hadn't been a long run, but Kazemaru felt soaked to the bone.

"Goddammit, Fudou!" he snarled as he ripped his arm free from Fudou's grip.

"Told you I'd make you." Fudou sounded far too amused for Kazemaru's liking.

Taking his time to shake out his hair and make an attempt at wringing out his T-shirt, Kazemaru was aware of Fudou not bothering to do anything of the like. He just leant against the wall and stared out into the rain. He fiddled with his hands a bit before he noticed and shoved them into his trousers.

"This is a kidnapping, Fudou," Kazemaru said.

"It really isn't." Fudou snorted.

Kazemaru waited for Fudou to instigate whatever conversation he wanted to have, but Fudou seemed just fine with silence for now. Warily, Kazemaru slid down to the concrete floor and sat with his back against the wall.

He supposed it was rather nice out here. The rain drowned out most of the noise of the world and the air was nice and cool. It had a rather soothing sound, even if it felt like it was trying to cave in the roof of the shed. Closing his eyes, he could feel his shoulders relax and the tension drain out of him.

"Why?" Kazemaru mumbled. He kind of hoped the rain would drown him out.

"Because being cooped up in a room, alone, leads to the worst thoughts," Fudou said.

"And you're being considerate, why?"

"Sometimes I'd like to believe I'm not as much of a dick as everyone thinks."

"Ah."

They lapsed back into silence. Kazemaru really didn't know what to do with Fudou and his rather strange mood. On the one hand, they weren't talking about Kazemaru's crippling depression, on the other hand there was this strangely honest and non-sneering Fudou.

Oh well, Kazemaru wasn't going to poke a sleeping bear with a stick. So he sat back and allowed his mind to drift. For once not to his doubts and insecurities, but to a peaceful state of mind. Kazemaru couldn't remember the last time he had been this collected. Probably before Aliea. When he could pin everything bad happening on one man.

Come to think of it…

"Fudou?"

A grunt. Kazemaru took that as a cue to continue, although he was hesitant in voicing what he wanted to know.

"Do you ever miss the Aliea meteorite?"

Fudou inhaled sharply, startling Kazemaru by sliding down and sitting on the ground next to him. Leaning his head back against the wall, Fudou considered his answer, or so Kazemaru assumed. He fully expected Fudou to blank him, but Fudou seemed full of surprises today.

"Not, like, 'miss' miss. I know I don't need it, but sometimes I still want it," he said.

"Like an addiction."

"Yeah." Fudou frowned then and turned to Kazemaru. "That wasn't a question."

"What?"

Fudou was staring at him, searching. Kazemaru was really confused now. It quickly turned to horror with Fudou's next words.

"You wore the necklace."

Kazemaru just knew that his feelings were written on his face, and he wanted nothing more than to escape. He really didn't want this discussion with Fudou. Fudou, who said he didn't need the stone anymore, wouldn't understand.

Before he could even shift his weight, Fudou grabbed his shoulder and stopped him from leaving.

"What did you mean with 'you should have known better?'"

Kazemaru flinched away from Fudou's gaze. There were so many thoughts and words running through his mind, but nothing would actually make its way to his mouth. He didn't even know whether he wanted to evade the question any longer or just own up to it. Honestly, he was really craving his bed to curl up and hide underneath his duvet until he was hungry.

Fudou ground his teeth and his grip slackened slightly after the silence dredged on. Kazemaru took the opportunity to break free from his hold and scoot away. Taking it upon himself to stare at the mud accumulating near the edge of the concrete and evade any other attempt at conversation, Kazemaru settled on clearing his head.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Kazemaru tried to focus on the sound of the rain again. He doubted he could go back to the peace from before he asked that stupid question, but he could at least try to calm down.

He probably should have said something, but he really didn't want the guy who's job was to find and utilise the opposing team's weaknesses to find and utilise Kazemaru's weaknesses. Although, knowing Fudou, he probably already had by now.

"I've always felt powerless."

It was just barely audible above the rain, and Kazemaru looked back over at Fudou, who had curled in on himself. Hugging his legs to his chest, Fudou was talking to his shoes. It was rather unsettling to see Fudou like that.

"I tried everything to stomp the feeling; did a lot of stupid stuff too, but it never really left. When I was offered that stone, offered to become powerful next to Kageyama, I thought I would finally feel accomplished, but after it all died down, my mind caught up and I realised just how badly I fucked up.

"Then, somehow, miraculously, Hibiki finds me skulking in the back alleys. He offers the try-out for Inazuma Japan, and I just know Kidou will be there, but it's just too good a chance. Now I'm here, and most of the time I'm on the bench figuring out the things Kidou doesn't. Makes me wonder why I'm here, because clearly Kidou-kun is the better tactician."

Kazemaru couldn't help but stare. He didn't know what to say to that, nor what to do with the information. For Fudou to share his insecurities with him, Kazemaru almost expected himself to wake up. This really felt like some fever dream.

"I feel like I'm never good enough," Kazemaru heard himself say. The words just spilled out.

"It's not that surprising. Not really. I didn't even play soccer until Endou convinced me to. I always thought I was pretty speedy, but time and time again I was proven wrong. When I was offered the Aliea meteorite, I hardly hesitated. I wanted—no, needed—to get stronger. I wanted to be useful."

Kazemaru took a deep breath. So many feelings were bubbling to the surface. He wasn't sure how to deal with them, so he just continued talking.

"I have always wanted to compete against people internationally, but honestly, I really don't think I'm good enough. Like, I see everyone evolving around me, but I just seem to be stuck. Every day I'm afraid Kudou will tell me to go home and that that will be it.

"Sometimes, I almost wish I was back in the Track Club, because there I didn't have to force a smile and pretend I was totally fine," he added softly.

He didn't dare look at Fudou. Whether it was because of fear or reluctance, Kazemaru wasn't sure. He just continued to stare at the mud pooling in front of his shoes.

Nothing was said after that. They just let the words swirl between them before they seemed to dissipate in the rain.

It was slightly liberating, he had to admit. To finally speak some of it out loud, it was as if some of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Breathing seemed a lot easier all of a sudden.

By the time the sun had started to set, the downpour seemed to lessen until Kazemaru could actually see the lodge again.

"Well," Fudou said, startling Kazemaru.

Turning towards him, Kazemaru found him stretching his arms and rolling his shoulders. Fudou gave him a quick glance..

"We'd better get back inside," he continued. "You know, before the rumour starts that I kidnapped you."

Kazemaru hummed. "Yeah. Wouldn't want that."

They got up. Kazemaru took the time to dust off his clothes; Fudou cricked his neck.

Clearing his throat, Kazemaru figured he should say something about what had just transpired, but Fudou beat him to the punch.

"Next time," he started, then considered. He narrowed his eyes and scuffed his feet against the concrete, mulling over his words. A myriad of emotions flitted across his face, but they all crossed too fast for Kazemaru to pinpoint.

"Being alone leads to the worst thoughts," Kazemaru said, going for a slightly crooked smile as he repeated Fudou's words from before. Fudou gave him a look, but didn't call him out.

"Right," he said.

"The same goes for you, you know," Kazemaru continued.

"Duly noted."

They sprinted back towards the lodge. The rain had lessened enough that Kazemaru didn't feel drenched by the time they stepped through the doorway. He did feel like taking a shower simply because his shoes did feel mud-soaked.

"Thanks," he mumbled quietly. Not waiting around for whatever answer Fudou might have in store for him, he quickly took off. He did hear a scoff just as he started climbing the stairs.

He felt the corners of his mouth lifting in a small smile.

Had a mood for depressive Kazemaru after playing a bit of the second game and fukaze day was around the corner, so this happened? Really, it's just an excuse to have these boys share some feelings.

There might be a chapter 2 someday, but that really depends on university/time/inspiration.

Anyway, I'll go back into the void now, g'bye