A/N: I'm back ;3

Now that my Exile in AP Testing is finished, with final exams a safe two weeks away, I'll get back to updating consistently again for a little while. Am I meandering project to project? Yes. Is it infuriating? Probably, but switching things up keeps my creative energy- which does run down occasionally- circulating, because I'd rather put something off and write it correctly when I'm feeling in the mood rather than slam it out by force. I tried that with Metas vs Ornstein- it was a major fuckup on my part and I hope to avoid a repeat.

As you can probably tell, this is an opinion piece- a break from my usual, serious critical thinking and language. Basically, this will be a synapsis of what I like and don't like about the Souls games in a convenient "Top Ten" format.

Thus, it will be riddled with grotesque humor and swearing of the most blatant and informal kind, furthermore, I personally won't give a fuck what other's think in writing this- it's MY opinion, you can feel free to agree or disagree. Or, if you feel I've missed something or have a suggestion/debate, send a PM or post a review for a classic "my opinion is better than your opinion" debate.

I do forget things upon occasion and I may have overlooked a great boss/weapon/level/misc. in my writing. Lists will be subject to change if I decide to reshuffle it based on new suggestions (hooray, indecisiveness). I'm typing this at 11:15pm so this likely gunna' be full of errors, typos, and raging.

You were warned :3

Top Ten Worst Bosses of DkS2: Let's face it, the idea's department was running low- and the quality suffered for it. Let's take a look at the biggest offenders and where they went wrong:

10). Duke's Dear Freja: While there's nothing especially game breaking about this boss, I found her to be a pretty easy kill for an "Old One", found her very unoriginal since she is basically a copy pasted armor spider just without the flames, and- of course- Troll Soft had to give her oodles of completely unnecessary spirderlings just to piss you off… until you summon the ashen knight who rapes them all with his estoc while you distract the actual boss and evade its painfully telegraphed stomping attacks.

Really, the boss is more a nuisance than a threat- until it instakills you with its fucking OP laser beam, forcing you to start this fight all over again.

9). Nashandra: This boss wasn't so bad, I really don't have too much to say, accept that this fight was way too fucking easy. I mean, this is the FINAL boss- this is the final assessment of your skills and abilities after getting this far. At the same time, It is also the source of your ultimate satisfaction- the one that sees you off to the end credits to thank you for playing.

I've fought many, many, great final bosses. From Virgil from DMC3 being one of the most impossibly difficult to kill bosses of any game I've played, to Kessler from Infamous, whose fight was so awe-inspiring with its atmosphere and combat it's gained a special place in my gaming experience, even the Tyrannosaurus from Dino Crisis was memorable because it's the boss that's been making your life hell through the whole fucking game and now not only do you get to kill him, but you get to see how your choices effect his demise.

I'm sorry to say, but Nashandra was not on the list of great final bosses- all you need to do is hover outside the field of cursing clouds, evade the stupidly easy to spot laser beam, and shoot her repeatedly with the dragonrider bow whist she crawls towards you at pitifully low speeds. I left feeling very unsatisfied in my victory, though beating the game was nice.

8). Throne Watcher and Throne Defender: No problems here, none at all… but WHY!? This double boss fight serves literally no purpose but to delay your fight with the final boss. Seriously, that is it- you even fight them in the fucking final boss room but no, Troll Soft just has to delay the end of the game yet again with a pointless boss that could've been just as good anywhere else.

7). Royal Rat Authority: Again, no particular problems with the boss itself, I'm just off-put by how stunningly unoriginal he is. Yeah, I get it, it's a giant dog- he hits you with his head and claws and- barfs acid. Comparing him to Great grey Wolf Sif- yeah- completely unoriginal and lacking any memorable trait- save two.

One is the rats that toxin you to death before you get the privilege of fighting the boss because "fuck you, that's why", the other is his nasty habit of reaching around your shield with his paw and murdering you with the broken hitbox. Neither Add prestige to this boss, especially when you can learn to avoid the broken hitbox.

I've beaten him four times in a row the first try… without healing.

6). The Prowling Magus and Congregation: My complaints on difficulty are pretty wishy washy because I consider so many types and aspects of difficulty, as well as the dominating question did it feel too easy or too hard? This definitely fell in the former party. I murdered them effortlessly- summon, no summon, large weapon, small weapon, it didn't matter- I was literally awestruck by how fast the lifebars vanished before my very eyes whist all opposition fell before me with no opposition whatsoever.

It's a shame since their aesthetic and concept were actually really good.

5). Covetous Demon: Give me an a-r-t-i-f-i-c-i-a-l, what does that spell? Artificial difficulty! Big, slow, easy to evade, easy to predict, not to mention it looks like the bastard father of Jabba the Hut to the point of copyright infringement. That alone earns it a sin, but what really pisses me off is this guy's grab attack, which is surprisingly hard to avoid if you stop paying attention a moment.

How do you think it felt the first time- the first time I was hacking away at this fat ass tub of lard, only to get swept off my feet by his tongue, banging the bumper buttons, gasping in surprise at the miniscule amount of damage his bite attack made as he spat me out, the relief turning to shock as I see Lady Shuffles' naked ass flopping in the breeze with only her fists, only to get raped by the easiest boss in the fucking game next to Prowling Magus. Not good!

4). Demon of Song: Ah, the infamous demon of song. There's not much to say you don't already know: his moveset is painfully simplistic, his one real advantage is the ever cheap invulnerability-until-weakspot-appears cliché and his stupidly OP melee, and worst of all, cheaping him out is easy beyond belief because he's so slow and predictable. It all made for very dull, boring, and uninteresting fight.

But, even if he's the worst fight, there are still three more bosses- bosses that drove me to the edge of my sanity, bosses that left a permanent scar on the fabric of my gaming experience- that drove me to the very edge of ragequit…

3). Lava lake with an irritating asshole to toss you into it: This boss was painful, it really was- from the ridiculously heavy handed devil imagery to the serious shortfall of my expectation this would be a great, powerful ironclad warrior. Seeing him for the first time didn't evoke a sense of terror or awe- just confusion, like "really, that's it?" But what made this so unholy frustrating was the ridiculously cheap and irritating lava related deaths. Seriously- never once did I die to claws or fire damage, not once, however- I did get trapped for five hours getting punched into the magma, bumping a plume of firebreath and getting knocked in the magma, walking off the ledge into the magma. Or, my personal favorite, trying to escape behind a wall only to get shot in the ass with a fiery laser beam and- guess what?- Getting knocked into the fucking magma again!

2). Mytha, the Baneful Queen: Worse than old Iron King, this boss resulted in eight hours of lost time getting poisoned to death over, and over, and over, and over again. And when it wasn't poison, it was this bosses regeneration and high speed stabbing and spells. But then- oh then- I met with the ultimate insult to injury. All you have to do is burn the windmill down, and the poison will drain.

That's it. She's rendered nigh unkillable by poison, but if you burn the windmill, she becomes one of the easiest bosses in the game because aside from her constricting grab attack, her spear and magic attacks do little to no damage with a shield up.

Now, Troll Soft, I have a quick question: "how in the bloody fuck was I supposed to know that!?" It gives you no indication or clue whatsoever, I just expects you figure it out by standing by the windmill with a torch and seeing the option to light it up. To be fair, the machinery powered by the windmill, that so happens to run the pumps, is a bit of a clue but again, "how was I supposed to know that!?"

1). NG+ Lost sinner: Now, I'm specifying NG+ lost sinner because NG Lost Sinner was actually pretty good. But- this isn't that Lost sinner. This is NG+ Lost Sinner.

This is the boss that ate up eighteen hours of gameplay trying to get past- that made me so angry I couldn't play the game for a week due to death after agonizing death with no prayer of victory.

Lost Sinner was, I can very safely say, the hardest boss in the game. No- the fucking cheap ass environmental bosses don't count. It took a lot of time and practice before I was finally able to fight her on equal footing in NG, and I knew better than to expect any mercy in NG+.

So, I ventured into the fog, and begun the battle of the century- I got her down to 80% health pretty quickly, and I only got scathed by a few attacks since I had significantly better dodging skills, life, and armor than the first go around. And then, oh then, they came.

Not one, but two black phantom pyromancers with flameswath, forbidden sun, and chaos fireball, circling the area throwing everything they had at me while it took 100% of my attention just to keep in step with the Lost Sinner. And then, I died.

And died. And died. And fucking died for two full days strait! Those fucking black phantoms made the hardest non-cheap fight in the game completely impossible. And unlike most bosses, there is no cheesing this boss, there is no special something to do to lower the difficulty, you are well truly, and absolutely fucked without reprieve.

This is the one and only fight in all of souls that caused more pain and rage for me than the bed of chaos. The bed. Of chaos.

I had to leave long enough to regain my composure, research possible strategies to fight her with, and come back equipped with equipment completely alien to me- die about fifteen more times- then finally- finally- the music stopped, and she disintegrated.

But, at that point- I was so frustrated I hardly felt the sweet taste of victory- more like the reserved satisfaction it was finally over with.

This is not good. Victory should feel like a great accomplishment well worth the effort, and since this boss was completely and utterly devoid of that, I can safely call NG+ Lost Sinner the worst boss of Dks2

0). Those fucking prickhole exploding mummies!: Hear that? that collective moan of absolute despair? That's from the people that remember the things, even if they don't count as bosses! The fuckers gang up on you, then just explode, knocking you across the room, leaving you no ability to defend yourself and lining you up to get hit over and over again. And, if you're not into petrification, there's the pyro that will likely one shot you, and an acid one that will destroy all your shit.

I once got caught up against an acid one, who literally bellyflopped the instant i stood resulting in an unending loop. I lost three of my five armor pieces, my weapon, and two rings before i finally escaped the fucker- and don't get me started on the fucking zerg rush of pyros at the entrance to the Gutter!

Not bosses, but nonetheless, they win the coveted trophy for most infuriating sacks of shit in the goddamn game.

Thanks for watching, more raging as it develops :3