This is the product of a friend´s and my imagination combined together during a free hour at school. First attempt at humor, hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don´t own any Naruto character, they are from Kishimoto something, I only own the craziness reflected in this fic.
After the Shinobi Life
Ever wondered what other talents our favorite Ninja have besides being ninjas? Each one found another way to get the money needed for food and shelter without having to endanger their lives. Mostly.
Let's start with the former members of Team 7.
After getting tired of being a Shinobi, Konoha's Number One Unpredictable ex-Ninja became a…
Football Coach!
Wondering why would he be a coach? Well, Naruto discovered that football players win an absurdly high amount of money. Blondie boy here also discovered that he had the sufficient chakra, stamina and lack of brain to do anything else, so, he formed a whole football team of Naruto clones!
After a little bit of practice, a couple of henges, and some threats to the right people; he became coach of Konoha's national league. His team plays in representation of Konoha against the other four great countries. He claims he "coaches" the players so he can later claim the salary of eleven football players, including his own salary as coach.
Clever, greedy little bastard.
Also he has had the luck that his "players" have never been hit hard enough to make them poof away. That definitely wouldn't end well
Next week Team Ramen will be playing against Stone Team from Iwagakure. Let´s wish fox boy good luck.
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Pink girl, Sakura, has two jobs. Her first job is to be a passive doctor in Konoha's hospital. Where she heals, injects, sews, cuts, slices, patches, threats, scares, scars, maims, and sees many sexy shirtless male shinobi and many non sexy shirtless men too, which represent the majority of the patients. Poor Sakura.
After months of tedious, bloody work, Sakura started to feel the need to hit something, anything or better yet; someone. Her first target was Naruto, however he was training his team for the finals and incapacitating him before the game wouldn't be good for her well being. Konoha is full of football ninja fans. Full of dangerous weapon-clad Ninja, obsessed with football. So she did the clever decision to look for another, safer target.
This was the reason why every patient in the hospital was in imminent danger. Luckily for them she found illumination in a rectangular device full of circuits with a screen included, also known as television, after all what better source of answers to all daily life problems than the television exist? Thanks to the television trustful advice Sakura became a
Female Boxer!!
Yup, forehead girl learned to channel her violent streaks into a more productive use. She is now the current champion of the female league for the third time in a row.
Even if she is the number one boxer of Konoha, her performance in the hospital has never decayed. Her patients are as safe as a patient can be when their doctor suddenly starts punching their pillow mercilessly and nonstop when they asked for it to be fluffed as practice for the next battle.
That maybe explains the rise in the number of patients with symptoms of paranoia and stress at the hospital. Maybe.
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Now we pass to emo-boy, Uchiha Sasuke.
After he finally returned to Konoha, he only had one thing in mind; Uchiha babies! His clan needed to be restored after all. But before he could start the mass production of babies, he had to marry a woman.
Darn it!
When he made this little discovery he spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of how he could get a wife and wondering why humans couldn't reproduce asexually. That would made things easier. For him.
He came with the perfect idea, after hours of staring at the nothing without blinking, of how he could get woman attention and pay the rent of his new apartment at the same time. He was labeled as a genius afterall. After signing some contracts Sasuke was later known as:
Uchiha Sasuke, Konoha´s underwear supermodel!
Thanks to this job, getting dates was very easy; however, he couldn't find a particular woman that wasn't completely obsessed with him, to the point of being a tiny bit disturbing.
Beside that small detail, you could say he had the perfect life. Sadly, he didn't think of the consequences that this particular job would carry.
One day Sasuke mysteriously disappeared.
Anbu went to investigate to his apartment and were surprised to find it in ruins. It looked like a fight had taken place in there. There were many burnt things indicating that Sasuke had used many Katon jutsus and even Chidori Nagashi more than once. Still this didn't stop the attacker from taking him.
After tedious investigation, the only clues the Anbu found were:
A lipstick
Chakra Strings
And a shirt that had " We Love Sasuke" imprinted in it.
This confirmed it.
Uchiha Sasuke, ex- Konoha Shinobi, ex-missing nin, ex-Konoha shinobi once again, currently the village´s underwear Supermodel was kidnapped by no other than…
OROCHIMARU!
After all, who else was powerful enough to resist Sasuke´s attacks, kidnap him and leave Lipstick behind?
Tsunade sent many squads to rescue Sasuke before Orochimaru could traumatize him more with his peculiar "cough" pedophile "cough cough" ideas. The Konoha shinobi did nothing more than destroy Orochimaru´s newest secret hideout to get to him, oh and they did find him. They just had the perfect timing to reach him when he was wearing his favorite electric pink spandex.
OH THE HORROR!
The remaining Shinobi who weren't paralyze or knocked out by the horrifying view, including Lee and Gai who stated that the pink youthful outfit would look great in green, fought bravely against him, but the pale long tongued snake never revealed the young Uchiha´s location, claiming he had not taken Sasuke this time.
No one noticed that most of Konoha´s female population had disappeared at the same time Sasuke did.
Poor Sasuke was never seen again.
Too be continued…
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So what do you think? Is it good, bad, acceptable or simply horrible?
Please make this author happy with your opinions in reviews.
Next Time: Team 8