Number Play: The Freelancers stand patiently waiting for their new rankings and Maine can't help but let his more masculine side show, even if it gets him punched in the throat. Maine/South. One-shot. S10.
Disclaimer: If only, if only, the plot bunny sings.
Image: The Meta by suicidal-zombie.
Proofreader: Kira Kyuu.
Rating: Teen.
…
Beware the numbers, beware their game.
1 will claim to need no one,
2 will walk away.
3 and 4 are a complete snore,
5 and 6 need their kicks.
And 7 ate 9 … or was it 8?
Eh, either way she tastes great.
…
"Hey, boys and girls, time for the new rankings," mocked York after another training exercise, Texas nowhere to be seen as usual. It had been stressful lately, but a trying training exercise had been good for all of them. He doubted that it had changed anyone's rating though.
"Alright, drum roll please," said Washington, trying to keep the rating in good humor though all of them were all but aware of some of their team members nasty disposition towards the rating, especially one South Dakota. She had been in a nasty mood ever since the AIs had started to appear. Though that could have just been her natural state: the bitch state.
Wyoming, Maine, North, Carolina, Wash, York and South all turned their heads just in time to see the leader board flicker into action, some names surprisingly rising and falling, a new order bestowed:
1: Texas
2: Carolina
3: New York
4: Wyoming
5: North Dakota
6: Washington
7: Maine
8: South Dakota
Most of the listing really wasn't surprising, not really, thought after about three seconds a deep chuckle escaped Wyoming as he elbowed Maine slightly to get the silent giant's attention, "Well, old chap, it looks like you are right on top of South Dakota. I don't know if that's a good or bad place to be. She might bite … then again you might be into that."
The white armored man then chuckled deeply, stalling in his laughter when he finally noticed that Maine was still staring at him silently as if confused … along with everyone else, North especially.
"What? No one else thought that was funny?" asked Wyoming, his accent echoing over the nearly silent room.
North, shaking his head slightly, murmured, "Some of us aren't in fourth place, Wyoming. Try to be a little more sensitive about other people's ranking."
For a moment, the white agent stood there, as confused as everyone else before he suddenly got it, "Oh, I get it. Everyone's a little off the ball today, hmm. Well, no, I wasn't poking at anyone's lack of skills; I was merely making a sexual innuendo. You know: knocking boots, the horizontal mombo, the jolly trolly, a man pole in a baby hole."
The whole room seemed to erupt at once, everyone reacting in their own way.
"Uh, gross, I think I threw up in my mouth a little."
"York, what's a man pole?"
"Theta, I believe he is referring to the act of pro-"
"Don't you dare tell him another word, Delta. I'm not ready for that conversation!"
"God, I'm surrounded by idiots."
"Pffff … she'd probably eat his head once they were done."
"I-I think I just went a little blind with that mental imagine."
"South Dakota's a woman? I always thought she was half shark, half puma."
Maine, meanwhile, had started chuckling as well as he could with his damaged throat, deciding to join in on the chaos as he started making hip thrusting motions in South's direction. She, merely rolled her eyes at this, barking, "Oh please, like you would even have a chance."
Maine merely shrugged his shoulders, shifting his head back to the board, making come-hither motions towards his lower regions. South merely continued to lean against the wall, her frown obvious though she seemed to lack any true actions of hostility. After Maine did a slight sexy jig, drawing ever closer to the female agent as half of the rest of the room laughed hysterically or tried to hide the obvious truth from young Theta, did South react.
With slow, almost bored reflexes, she pushed herself off the wall and started towards the mocking Maine. And then, when he was all but boring down on her, his helmet mere inches from her face, did she react. A quick knee to the groin ended whatever cocky grin had obviously been under the other's helmet, and then before anyone could even blink, the badass femme was performing a road-house kick to the white agent's face. There was barely time for any of the other men folk to groan in sympathy before Maine was flying through the air and through a pair of doors, coming to a long and squealing halt outside of the room and into the hall, spread out like a pain angel on his back.
The sound of heavy military boots soon followed after, a frowning South coming into his field of vision. Maine tightened up automatically, expecting a kick to the face or something.
Instead, next thing he knew, the dangerous agent was suddenly sitting on top of him, grabbing him by the top of his chest armor as she leaned forward, her whisper oh so threatening and yet strangely erotic, "Just so you know … I'm always on top. I'm nobody's bottom bitch."
Then, as quickly as the close contact had come, it was gone, the smell of lime and gunpowder strangely lingering in the air. Maine, for the first time in a long time, found himself stunned, so much so that he barely even noticed that Wyoming was now standing over him, chucking as he offered a hand up.
Maine, still a little stunned, gladly accepted the hand up, still trying to comprehend what exactly South had just said.
"Oh, old boy, don't look so perplexed. It's not every day a woman beats you up and crawls on top of you. It's still not as bad as having to have the sex talk with Theta. I'm certain that is going to be delightful for North. He might even be too busy to punch you in the face for hitting on his sister."
Maine merely huffed, not the least bit afraid of an old softy like North. And yet, there was a spring in his step, when he thought of being above the other man's sister. It might get him killed in the end, but he liked his girls a little dangerous anyway. Being half shark didn't hurt her chances either.
XXX
Paw07: Yeah, I got this idea from Season 10, episodes 11's ranking list and a perverted comment made by my fellow Red Vs Blue fans. Yep … I kind of love this pairing now and my proofreader thinks I'm a terrible person for this. XD