A/N

Heyoo, this is my first EreRiren story ever.. so I hope you'll like it ^~^

I also wanna say thanks to my awesome beta reader; BCat13 and you should go check out her account both here and on wattpad~

((X TRIGGER WARNINGS X))
Blood, Self-Harm, Yaoi, Teacher x Student, Lemons, Smut in later chapters.

Thank you for reading and please review if you like the story~

Eren sat in the bathroom with blood covering his thighs, a towel in his hands and he looked at the nonstop bleeding cuts that criss-crossed on them. He was biting his lips at the much appreciate pain, and also at the fact that he had to leave and it was still bleeding.

'Shit… I can't stop the bleeding...' he thought, pressing the towel to the cuts harder, trying to make the blood flow stop. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door, and a familiar voice which made him freeze and panic. He didn't want her out of everyone to know.

"Eren, you're going to be late for the meeting!" Mikasa, his adopted sister, said loudly, blissfully unaware of the crimson liquid spilling on the tiled floor on the other side of the door. "What are you even doing in there? You've been in there for more than an hour."

Eren bit his lip nervously, thinking about what he should say. 'Just another lie... Come on Eren, lies can be useful to protect those you love.' He thought.

"I-I was just cleaning myself up, I smelled really bad. I'll be right there!" he answered as calmly as he could, wrapping bandages around his thighs and a fresh towel, the crimson colored one under the faucet of warm water making the blood drain away. He hoped the bleeding would stop soon, it would be horrible if someone ended up finding out...

Ever since his mother's and father's death, but a few years ago, he started hurting himself; he wanted to feel again. The numbness scared him. When he saw their lifeless bodies he didn't even cry, he didn't feel anything. He just stood here, right in front of their bodies with an expressionless face, staring at the crimson painting on the ground and the corpses. The same crimson he came to crave of himself. He wasn't sad, he wasn't hurt or anything. He shook his head; he didn't want to think about that time ever again. And yet, it was always there, at the back of his mind, haunting him like a ghost of the past, filled with rage and guilt. He felt numb again not much after, sitting in his room. That's when he started, when he decided that he wanted to try hurting himself for the first time. The first drop was what hooked him. The crimson liquid in his satisfied the emptiness, the ghost left him alone while it dropped. And so he tried, craving for more. He cut, burned, ripped, bit and did a lot of other things to hurt himself. He wanted this, and unlike his feelings, it was easy to get. To be sad, hurt, loved… he forgot how it felt, the numbness taking it all away. He just wanted to feel something now, like before everything.

He stood up, taking the cloths he had put to the side. He put on a pair of black sweatpants carefully, his legs paining him slightly, and a green hoodie with black and white wings in the back, one his mother had bought for him, his favorite now. Taking a brush, he passed it through his brown hair slowly, looking carefully that there wasn't a single drop of blood on himself. When he had combed his hair and was satisfied with his somewhat clean appearance, he walked out of the bathroom, making sure one last time that nothing he had used would – or could - be seen. The scissors had been cleaned and put away in a bag, the bloody towel hidden underneath all his dirty cloths, the bandages put back in his secret stash and the knife tucked away in his hoodie pocket. All was clear. He walked down the stairs slowly, his leg slowing him slightly, and saw Mikasa standing at the front door, waiting for him with the keys of the car in her hand and an annoyed look on her face.

"You're really late so hurry up. Why did you clean yourself for that long either ways…" she sighed and walked out the door, going to start the car.

'I feel really bad for lying to her... she's my only family but she would totally make me see a therapist or something... I don't need that. No one would understand.' he thought to himself as he tied his shoes, a task he found more difficult then usual. He then took an apple and his keys, taking a bite out of the fleshy fruit. He went out with his breakfast, and locked the door, walking to the car as slowly as ever.

After 30 minutes in the silent car, the only sound being Eren eating his apple, they finally got to the most dreaded place; school. The meeting with the teacher was something he hated. They always tried to make you open up, thinking they understood you. Most of the time their breath smelled of coffee and smoke, making Eren want to gag. Needless to say he skipped more then a few over the years, a pain for his legal guardian, Mikasa. Eren sighed deeply, staring at the building of old stones and hours of boredom to come, before getting out slowly as to not reopen his wounds, which he didn't even feel as much pain from as before.

"I'll be back in a while, I'll call you. You can drive around or whatever you want to do" he said to his sister quietly, slamming the car door shut with a bit too much force, not waiting for an answer. Since he didn't have a license, he was only 16 in a month, Mikasa, who turned 18 last year, had to drive him to places he needed to be. He was grateful, but he didn't want to tell her that. Telling her would be the same as opening up. If he did, there was more chances of her finding out. He didn't want anyone to find out, especially not her. It would make him feel weak, compared to her.

He went in through the double doors of the prison for teenagers and looked around, trying to find where his teacher would be this year. He knew there was a new teacher in the corp, old Mr. Shadis having left last year. He didn't hear much from him tho, only that he was really strict and there was no fooling around with him. So there would be no difference really. He was surprised to see he was placed with the new one. Mr. Ackerman the sign said. Since he was the only one in the hallway, he waited for his teacher to come and talk to him, sitting one one of the chairs placed there for students to wait. He snoozed off after a while of waiting, tired.

After a good 7 minutes of snoozing, he heard a door open to the hallway he was sitting in, making him jump slightly and hit his head against the wall. He opened his eyes, holding his head and biting his lips at the pain both in his head and in his thigh, before looking up at the short person standing in front of him. He did not recognizing him as one of the teachers, so he guessed he was Mr. Ackerman.

"Eren Jaeger?" The man asked, narrowing his eyes.